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Chris LoCurto


July 23, 2014

10 Signs You’re Not Emotionally Strong

July 23, 2014 | By | 7 Comments">7 Comments

What does it mean to be emotionally strong?

It means other peoples actions can’t tear you down, impact you negatively, or stress you out.

It means you don’t have problems making decisions and you’re content with life.

It means you’re happy and everything in your world is going well.

Even if there are struggles or problems, you’re able to get through decision-making processes and be strong.

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Here are 10 Signs That You’re Not Emotionally Strong.

  • If you’re believing the lies people tell you or have told you. If you’re acknowledging the voices that tell you you’re not good enough, whether internal or external, your emotional strength is being attacked. God loves you exactly where you are, He just doesn’t want to keep you there, he wants to make you better. If you’re in the worst time of your life, God loves you, and you’re good enough. Check out this past podcast that dives into the lies we believe –
  • If you’re self-sabotaging. Self-sabotage not only interferes with your goals but makes you your own worst enemy. Sometimes it occurs because of a lack of self-worth or because you’re believing the lies you’re telling yourself or have been told.
  • If you’re codependent. Codependency happens when you’re relying on another relationship and that relationship becomes more important than you as an individual. If you’re focusing on taking care of someone in a way that puts you second, you’re codependent. Low self-esteem makes you believe you’re not good enough so you focus on someone else to make them great. They may not even want that attention. In some instances, it becomes manipulation from the person receiving your attention.
  • If stress is destroying you emotionally, physically, or spiritually. If you’re down or not creative or not wanting to move forward, you’ve got to get to the root of the stress. What’s causing you to not sleep or feel overwhelmed?
  • If you’re not living life and doing what you want. When you’re struggling with emotional strength, your life is not your own. You don’t take trips or take risks. You’re not living life to the fullest. What’s holding you back? What’s keeping you from living your life?
  • If you always have to be right. If you’re the type of person who can’t take constructive criticism and insists on being right (even when you’re wrong), this is a place where you’re lacking emotional strength. When someone is leading or guiding you and you’re reply to their advice is “I’ve already done that, tried that, I already know that, etc”, start listening. Evaluate what they’re telling you and ask yourself if they’re trying to help or hurt you with the advice or criticism. If their goal is to tear you down, get them out of your life. If their goal is to help you, listen. Don’t get defensive because you’re struggling or have fear.
  • If you’re in denial. If you’re not able to look at yourself and see the areas you’re struggling in, you’re probably in denial. What are you doing wrong? When I realized I wasn’t giving quality communication, I had to be honest with myself and admit it was an area I struggle in. Be honest with YOU!
  • If you’re always wanting attention. If you’re always needing to capture someones attention or promising more than you can deliver, you’re probably struggling with proving your value to others. If your focus is getting attention because it means you are important, stop.
  • If you’re being a victim. Victim thinking comes in a few forms – either the world is against you or you truly believe everything is your fault. Either side is a sign that emotionally you’re not healthy. You need to be truthful about situations. Being a victim does nothing but destroy you.
  • If you’re unable to love or be loved. When you’re unable to love others because people have hurt you, you’re living in fear. You’re unable to put in solid and healthy, emotional boundaries. You have to have boundaries, not walls, that keep people who take advantage of you at a distance. Walls isolate you. Boundaries is a great book (one that I talk about all the time) that goes very in-depth on this issue. When you can’t love yourself and take care of you, no matter what, God never stops loving you. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, it’s called grace. 

If you’re struggling with any of these, it doesn’t have to be that way. I encourage you to check out Next-Level Life, and contact us today to get more information about this life-changing process.

Question: What do you think of this type of content?

  • It sounds as if emotional strength is what used to be referred to as maturity. It is hard to tell what is true about oneself. Am I unselfish or codependent? Is this stress eating me up because it would do the same to anyone, or am I immature? Am I truly right, or am I delusional? Am I seeking attention because I am insecure or do I need to seek it because that is part of promoting an art business?

    It is tricky to decide these things when working alone. . .

    It might take honest and painful conversations with those who know us best to figure out the truth.

    Thanks for the really interesting podcasts, Chris.

  • Janelle Merrell

    Chris, this type of information is vital! Please continue to share this encouragement so that we can grow into the leaders that God wants us to be in our families, jobs, and communities.

  • Chris,

    I want to specifically note the “If you always have to be right” section.

    I think many leaders forget what it’s like to be led themselves. It becomes a pride issue and sadly leads to a “my way or the highway” mentality. Pride from the leader will kill any team. Humility and servant leadership is what we really need. Pride in your team is one thing that can be extremely beneficial and create a cohesive unit. Pride in yourself is something that is damaging and will inevitably lead to loss of respect from those who follow you.

  • JJasonLWilson

    Awesome podcast, as you wrapped the last 5 and I reflected on the 10 signs I have realized that more than half of these have resignated with me and I will be contacting you about doing a life plan. Please keep stuff like this coming.

    • Keith Cook

      That’s awesome @JJasonLWilson:disqus !

  • Chris

    I have definitely enjoyed the content, but I have some concerns/questions from last week’s to this weeks. I apologize for the length of this question. It’s easier for me to understand if I have a concrete example (I’m a high C/D, sue me.)

    I have been reading Good to Great, and after reading Entreleadership plus following you through that podcast you and DR definitely utilize and recommend many of the characteristics and principles detailed there.

    My question comes in the victim mentality. I have personally struggled with this, but in G2G, Collins talks about level 5 leaders and the mirror vs the window mentality (Good leaders point outside when things are good and in the mirror when things are bad). While I am just a team member, I try to look in to the mirror to evaluate poor performance or sub-par results. How do you balance victimization (all my fault) and responsibility (what did I do wrong, what if it was all my fault?)?

    Last blog post I pointed out that I got caught in an issue with the gossip machine.
    The summary issue is things I said in a meeting(s) got misconstrued about a department and found its way back to that manager, who didn’t want to address it directly. This resulted in more gossip. This situation affected me in three ways: 1) it reminded me of lies in my past that I am not an inspirational, not a good communicator, loyal friends don’t truly exist, etc. 2) it stressed me out because it was conflict with someone higher in the organization than me and I could not see where or how it will affect my growth potential within this company, and 3) I felt I was a victim, because it was all my fault. I try to own my actions and evaluate where I made a mistake, learn from it, and move on. However, in this case, I don’t think I would have done anything different.

    So again, where do you draw the line between positive and negative self evaluation to avoid victimization?

  • Dale Powers

    Good content, and you’re right–there are plenty of folks who need to understand this information. A little dicey about how to GIVE the information to them in a way they can hear it. After all, the ones who need it most are the most fragile! I might try to reformat this into 10 positive signs of emotional health and let people self-assess from there…turn it into the what you want to strive for and which one do you need the most work on TODAY scenario. But definitely good content. After all, we’re all human! It’s about being the best human–and, therefore, the best entrepreneur–I can be; for me, for my family, for my clients and certainly, before God.