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Chris LoCurto

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February 20, 2013

Everybody’s Got A Wound

February 20, 2013 | By | 56 Comments">56 Comments

As I was working last night, I saw that someone followed me on Pinterest. As I clicked on the email that announced the follow, it showed some recent posts that she had made.

Need You Now by Plumb

One of them jumped out at me. The picture above seemed to say, “Chris, there are so many hurting in ways that most don’t know about.” It was as if God was asking me to remind people that there are those around you who are hurting.

(If you click the link, and then the pic inside of Pinterest, it goes to a pretty powerful song.)

In fact, it may just be you. Every single person has a wound of some sort. And if they don’t, it’s only a matter of time before they do. I have heard some boast that they’ve never fallen on hard times, only to fall shortly there after.

Growing up it was cool to act like you had everything together. Now, more than ever, I understand that so many hurt in so many ways. That none of us are alone. We all have wounds that may not have healed yet.

As a leader, it didn’t take me long to understand that there isn’t a “drop your wounds here” box outside of every office building. My team, if they were hurting, brought those pains to work.

If they were here to comment, I think, I hope, they would tell you that I focused on helping them heal those wounds. Why? Because at the end of the day, I would rather be guilty of focusing on God’s children, instead of my sales.

As a leader, you have to understand that your team members are human. They make mistakes, and they feel with everything in them. And sometimes…sometimes it’s up to you to help them.

The most profound thing I think I ever learned came from my Pastor’s wife. The incredibly sweet Montel Hardwick put her arm around me once and said, “Chris, be there when they’re hurting.”

Question: If we’re being honest, how many times in life did you wish someone came along side you and helped you heal from your wounds? 

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  • Jaselyn

    Quote from Eleanor Roosevelt… It seemed pertinent:

    “A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.”

  • http://twitter.com/2ndLeicester Kathy Leicester

    Our people need us, desperately. They miss their moms, they wish their dads had paid more attention to them when they were 13 and needed to know they were beautiful, they’re 40 and unmarried and thickening around the middle and wondering what the heck? I never thought it would be this way.

    They need us to value them. To challenge them. To help them heal, through the work, through the shared mission, through the love of something greater than themselves. Christ.

    Yep, everybody’s got a fried egg. Some wear them on the outside; some wear them on the inside. (Ancient Bette Midler reference, her introduction to John Prine’s song “Hello In There.”) Youtube link to Prine singing it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ85Hep0kD0

  • http://CorporateCultureRevolution.com/ Bob Winchester

    If I’m being honest with myself, the only times I’ve really been alone were the times that I shut others out. That’s almost always been a mistake, by the way.

  • http://www.mattmcwilliams.com/ Matt McWilliams

    Chris,

    What is 33 1/2 years times 365 days?

    You ask “how many times in life did you wish someone came along side you and helped you heal from your wounds?”

    The answer to that math problem is the approximate answer to your question.

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      12227.5

      • http://jonahenry.com/ Jon Henry

        +8 for leap years?

  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    Honestly Chris, it’s more times than I can recount. From horrible breakups to job loss to struggling with personal demons. My heart has cried out for someone to walk alongside me.

    That’s why I want to be there for others when they’re struggling. I want to be able to show them someone cares.

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      Wow Joe. This is so powerful.

      • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

        Thanks Lily. One of the darkest periods had to be a breakup that had me cutting ties with many people I looked up to and related with. And it seemed there was no one reaching out, in fact, it seemed others were pushing away. That’s the hard part!

  • http://twitter.com/marriageculture Married Dude

    I don’t remember who said it, but I once read this quote: “The greatest sin we commit is underestimating the pain
    hiding behind the smiles of the people around us.”

    • Laura Johnson

      Good quote

    • http://www.mattmcwilliams.com/ Matt McWilliams

      Wow Dude. So true.

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      Very true. Before we judge someone we can remember that everyone has a story and all of them include struggles.

    • http://CorporateCultureRevolution.com/ Bob Winchester

      Wishing there was a like button here…

  • http://www.janabotkin.net/ Jana Botkin

    As the facilitator of a women’s Bible study, I have to remember this every week. The study is designed to take 8 weeks, and we are in week 7 but only on lesson 4. Why? Sickness, death, pain, family difficulties. . . among the 8 of us, 6 are dealing with HUGE problems. So, each time we meet, I re-evaluate what we need to be doing. Relationships trump religion, needs trump schedules. At the same time, I have to make sure we aren’t becoming a faux group therapy session.

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      Love this Jana!! Relationships is what it’s all about. I’m teaching married couples on how to be IN relationship with God in their marriage. Powerful stuff.

  • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

    This is “goose-bumpy”. This is the song that was playing this morning when I turned the radio on. Cool!!

  • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

    Oh man, Chris, tons of times. Here’s the challenge, I think alot of times we act like we have it together because we don’t want to come across as a whiner or needy.
    Another reason I think we act like it’s all together is most of us probably don’t have a lot of people around us who will truly listen and truly care. We have “fair weather” friends. And so sharing our hurt not only doesn’t help, many times it’s made worse by those who don’t care or want to care.
    Great post Chris, we definitely need to be more in tune with others and be mindful of when they may be hurting. Even a smile, or just a random text to say “hey, thought of you, how you doing?” can be HUGE when someone’s hurting!

    • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

      So true about the random text. It’s one thing to ask when you see someone, but it means so much when you haven’t even seen them lately, and you contact them with caring in mind.

      • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

        Just make sure you actually know the person before you send it :0)

        • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

          Ha! Definitely!

    • Laura Johnson

      Or, people don’t share because they’re protecting others, or are afraid of receiving negative feedback.
      I like the reasons you gave, Mark :)

      • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

        good stuff..

  • http://www.livebeyondawesome.com/ Jen McDonough “The Iron Jen”

    Chris
    Powerful post!! I did a talk last night to a group of women about overcoming adversity. It was incredible when I started pulling stats for the talk to demonstrate we all have painful times in our life when difficulties come our way and that many times several areas in our life are affected.
    It is amazing when people open up ti discover how many of us have wounds that are not visible on the outside. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, what initial are behind your name or hat your life looks like on the outside – we all have struggles.
    I will be saving this post as a reminder to have empathy versus impatience.
    Many thanks!
    Live beyond awesome.
    Jen
    Twitter: @TheIronJen

  • Brian

    Thanks for sharing Chris. I love Plumb

  • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

    This post made me think of that other one about a year ago “The Power of Pain”. Here is what I wrote then, and I’m being lazy and reposting it right now because it still applies. It’s about healing your wounds through a forgiveness prayer. A forgiving leader will pass this on to those around him/her. Being vulnerable is very scary, but so is being hurt and alone.

    Here’s my one-year-ago post:

    “In Jesus’ name, I set you free. You do not owe me anything, any more.”

    God has loved whoever has hurt you since they were in the womb and He has seen what others did to them to hurt them. This person you have to forgive may be your 15-year-old self. Don’t allow others to sin against you. Set boundaries with those who are negative and drain you. Choose the relationships, situations, friendships that give you life. You are very loved and He has called you by name and there is nothing that can take that away from you.

  • http://twitter.com/T60Productions T60 Productions

    Hi Chris… you’re post actually spurred another thought for me as well because I was recently reminded there’s a flip side to that as well. I think it’s important to stop and recognize the joyous moments as well.

    I was reminded of this last week. My business is launching a new website, one we hope is going to help our sales via improved SEO… much improved SEO! Anyway, needless to say we’re anxious to launch, but the night before it was supposed to go live our web developer came to us wanting to delay the launch by a week or two.

    He was writing the email while his wife was in labor.

    Even though I was really excited about the launch, I told him to put it out of his mind… not to worry about it… and go enjoy the experience with his wife.

    It stinks having to wait, but I genuinely want him to cherish that moment.

    Reading your post today makes me think the same thing is important to consider as a leader. To come along side your team members in helping them celebrate truly important moments in their lives.

    –Tony Gnau

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      Wow Tony, great story!!! I think the guy deserves a bonus on commitment to the job. I’m not sure the wife loved him emailing while she was in labor though ;0)

  • http://jonahenry.com/ Jon Henry

    Fortunately we introverts don’t have feelings, so we never get hurt. Oh, wait.

    • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

      haha, no, you’re just the ones that the rest of us never know are hurting ;) (truth be told, I probably lean more introverted than extroverted…)

  • Jaselyn

    This is an interesting post because as a perfectionist, I have a tendency to hide whatever wounds I experience, because I assume that a) it will cause me to lose credibility and respect, and b) it’s my problem to deal with and the fact that I’m not means I’m not where I “should” be (should is a dirty word, but I still use it, unfortunately: http://southwesternadvantage.blogspot.com/2012/08/dont-be-should-head.html) in my growth and development.

    As a result, the people around me that I work with try to hide their wounds, probably for the same reasons! And then I get frustrated and can’t figure out why they won’t open up to me. No one wants to be treated by a doctor who doesn’t know what it’s like to be sick, and even though I know that intellectually, it’s really hard to live it out practically.

    • http://www.joshuarivers.net/ Joshua Rivers

      I think I’m a recovering perfectionist. Growing up, I tried to never show I was hurting. Never cried. Granted, I had feelings – just never let them show.

      • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

        Sounds way too familiar…

      • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

        Thats the great thing about not being real good at anything…you’re never a perfectionist ;)

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Funny how the faults we see in others are often the faults we, ourselves, have.

  • Laura Johnson

    That is the exact song that popped into my head when I saw the picture! LOVE that song!!

    You have written about something that is close to my heart. I have written on it a few times in my blog, most recently (though from a different angle): http://specializingintheimpossible.wordpress.com/2013/02/07/dont-do-it/

    I have been through a number of wounding situations that, unfortunately, at the time I could share with only a select few. And some stayed that way even after the “storm” was over. I know how much I WISHED I could have someone there to figuratively hold me. So my heart breaks for those who go through trials, especially trials they feel they cannot share.

    Here’s a quote:
    “Our life is full of brokenness-broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.”
    -Henri Nouwen

    The world is FULL of brokenness. but….GOD IS GOOD!
    So let’s go out there and be “Jesus with skin on” for those who need to heal….
    Love this post–Thanks, Chris.

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      What a beautiful insight on this Laura. Thank you too for your wisdom!

    • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

      Wow, Laura, that really is a wonderful way to look at it. Love the idea of being “Jesus with skin on” Thank you.

  • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

    One of the coolest things about working at a Christian nonprofit is how people do help care about each other, pray for each other, and help each other through the tough times. I rarely found that in my two corporate jobs.

    I think that is a big part of why this tribe is so incredible too. Chris, you lead the way, and we are all here to learn and excel as leaders, and yet we all pray and support each other through the wounds. Means a lot, and helps us be better people.

    • Laura Johnson

      DITTO! …on the second part :)

      • http://www.ChrisLoCurto.com Chris LoCurto

        You guys are amazing!

      • http://www.joshuarivers.net/ Joshua Rivers

        DITTO! (working on that parroting technique from last week) Awesome and supportive tribe.

    • http://www.ChrisLoCurto.com Chris LoCurto

      Wow!! I don’t know what to say. Which is not common. :-) Thank you Carol!

      • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

        not common at all…. ;)

    • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

      So true Carol! How many times have we asked for eachother’s thoughts, prayers, encouragement? It’s been huge in my life for sure!

      • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

        I know – I am not usually comfortable asking for prayers or help, but everyone here makes it seem natural. And I love knowing what people are struggling with that I can pray for. Hope your son is better, by the way.

        • http://www.hardandsimple.blogspot.com/ Mark Sieverkropp

          I don’t typically ask either, but you’re right, its easy with these folks. And Cash is doing alright. About the same so far. Bad cough, bit of a temperature, not sleeping a whole lot. We’re almost through what the Dr. said the worst of it should be though. Thanks for your concern :)

          • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

            Great to hear that Mark. Give him lots of love.

    • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

      Bob Goff says that when we are broken, God has more pieces to work with. I agree. And definitely so thankful for the courage, wisdom, prayers and encouragement I receive here daily.

      • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

        I like that Lily. I have GOT to read that book!

        • http://CorporateCultureRevolution.com/ Bob Winchester

          Why is it that my “books to read” list keeps growing every time I read the comments here?? I can’t keep up!!!

      • Laura Johnson

        Lily, you just reminded me of one of the connections I made through counseling. There is a verse in the Bible about us being like jars of clay… I realized that if we are broken, but have God in us, His light shines all the more through the cracks–the brokenness in our lives. God can use the most broken pieces of our lives to show his glory and to reach others!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Sounds like a terrific position Carol! What made you switch from the corporate to the nonprofit?

      • http://caroldublin.com/ Carol Dublin

        It was actually a God thing – was in a very toxic situation and just felt pulled to this ministry through a notice in my church bulletin. Looking back, I realize I was meant to be there at just that time. God’s timing for sure.

  • http://jonstolpe.com/ Jon Stolpe

    I went through a significant time of pain a few years ago when my wife was hospitalized. I’m so thankful for friends and family who came around me and my family. They definitely helped us through the healing process.

    • http://www.joshuarivers.net/ Joshua Rivers

      Amen!