Chris LoCurto Finding The Life & Business You Really Want Tue, 13 Oct 2015 12:56:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Mastering Habits with Gretchen Rubin Tue, 13 Oct 2015 10:00:40 +0000 Mastering Habits with Gretchen Rubin

Do you have any bad habits? Do you wonder why so many successful Entrepreneurs are able to create habits that contribute to their success while others can’t seem to get them to stick? Well then you are in for a treat on today’s podcast.

The crazy, incredibly talented Gretchen Rubin in on to talk about that very thing! There was so much good information that our post today is the actual transcription from the show. I didn’t want you to miss a thing!

Today is a very exciting day. We have the very talented Gretchen Rubin on board. She’s going to be talking to us about changing habits, about understanding habits, about having a better life because of habits.

She’s so fantastic that she has allowed us to give you guys something very special, and that is a checklist for habit change. If you’re going to be successful, one of the first things you need to do is make sure that you’ve got a great checklist on how to do this.


Gretchen is the author of several books including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Better Than Before, The Happiness Project, and Happier At Home. Not only is she changing lives through her enormous readership, but she also is doing it on her popular weekly podcast Happier With Gretchen Rubin.

Gretchen, you are talking about stuff that is so near and dear to our hearts, which is how we can have a healthier happier life and doing it through the habit process.

I think there’s probably a lot of people that are currently listening thinking, “Okay, I’m really excited about this,” and probably some folks that are going, “Oh gosh. This is probably going to scare me a little bit,” because of bad habits.

Before we do that, I understand that you have a habit of self-medicating with the Harry Potter series.

That’s right. One of the things that I argue is that it’s really helpful to know yourself when you’re changing your habits, and for life generally, it’s really important to know yourself. One of the things that I noticed about myself is that I have a tell.

Just like in poker, I have a tell where you can tell if I’m really stressed out because I start reading children’s books because it calms me. When I realized that about myself, then I realized, if I need to calm myself if I’m doing something really stressful, I can go out and read children’s book medicinally.

I had a very stressful work period, so I allowed myself to re-read the entire Harry Potter series as a method of cultivating serenity.

That is a pretty fantastic habit. Is it because it gets your mind off of you?

Yeah. I think probably it’s that I’ve already read these books so I’m not anxious, like I know how it’s all going to turn out. I love them so it makes me happy and they’re very absorbing.

One of the things with happiness and habits, is to manage your own mind, to really think about the mood that you’re in or the way that you’re feeling and think about, “What can I do to fix this?

With my conscious thoughts and actions, how can I intervene?” Because we aren’t just these kites blowing in the wind. There’s things that we can do that can affect the way we feel.

Right. Today, we’re talking about Better Than Before. Tell us about the background, how you got into writing, and why you wrote this book.

I got into the subject of habits because I’ve been reading and writing and talking to people for years about happiness and I noticed a very striking pattern, which is that when I talk to people about habit, about a happiness challenge that they were facing, they very often pointed to something that, at its core, had to do with a habit.

Some people would say, “Well, my problem is I’m exhausted all the time.” That’s the habit of getting enough sleep. Or they’d say something like, “Well, I’ve been wanting to write a novel in my free time but I haven’t done anything on it in a year.”

It’s like, well, that’s about the habit of being able to make consistent progress. I’ve became increasingly intrigued by the role that habits could play in allowing us to have a happier, healthier, more productive lives.

You didn’t start out as a writer though. You had a successful career as a lawyer.

Yes. I went to Yale law school.  I was clerking for Sandra Day O’Connor when I finally decided that I wanted to be a writer. That was many books ago. I think I’ve written … I needed to count. I think I’ve written seven or eight books now. I had to start all over from zero after having put all that time and energy and money into becoming a lawyer.

Did people think you were nuts for making a left-hand turn?

No, they didn’t. I think I’m really lucky that the people who are around me were very supportive. Nobody really said I was nuts. I think some people are like, “Well, good luck with that.”

Certainly my parents and my husband were very … My husband switched out of law the same time as I did, so that was great because we both just … We moved from Washington to New York and we’re like, “Okay, we’re not lawyers anymore.” You’re always a lawyer at heart.

When you take a look at those people that are closest to you, if they are not supportive, then making a change like that is not going to happen.

No. I was so lucky. I really was very fortunate and that they were very supportive. I think sometimes the people who are closest to us, out of deep love, they don’t want to see us fail. They don’t want us to risk rejection or failure. They want us to be safe.

Out of love, they try to scare us at a particular direction, but in the end, there is no safety. I think if there’s anything in that last ten years has shown it’s like, “There’s no one safe place to be.” Then a lot of times, people burn out or they circle back to what they would have done in the first place.

I’ve talked to a lot of people who, eight, ten years later are like, “You know what, actually I’m going to go back to my first idea.” You’re like, “Yeah, okay. Well, you went to grad school,” or whatever in the meantime. I think it can be hard if people around you are really trying to get you to do something. Even if their intentions are good, they’re not helpful.

All right, so jumping in to habits. The first thing I want to ask you because there’s something that so many of us have heard forever, and that is that it takes twenty-one days to create a habit. What I would love to know is what your thoughts are on that and what are some of the biggest myths about habits?

Well, unfortunately that is one of the biggest myths about habits, which I expect you knew. Mere repetition is not enough to make something a habit, and we all know that from everyday life because there’s things that you can do hundreds of times and it never really quite becomes a habit, and there are things that you do three times and then it’s a habit that seems to lock in with iron strength.

Yeah, mere repetition won’t do it. I think the biggest myth and that’s sort of one face of it, the biggest myth is that there’s one magic solution. There’s a one size fits all solution, and if we could only identify what it was, then everybody’s habits would be fixed. Do it first thing in the morning.

Works for you, works for me, works for everybody. Just get up early and do that first thing, that thing that’s your priority to do it first thing, then all your troubles will be over.

Well, that works sometimes for some people. It doesn’t work all the time for everyone. Like night people, there really are night people. Night people, they’re more creative and productive later in the day. For them to say, “Oh, I’m going to wake up early and go for a run.

I’m going to get up early and write that novel,” that is not going to set themselves up for success because they’re night people, so the morning is not a good time for them to be doing anything that requires self-command.

Just over and over, I see with habits, I’ve talked to people and even people who are very discouraged about a habit that they’ve tried and failed to make or they feel unable to change. A lot of times, I think you really haven not given this a shot that reflects what’s true about you.

I think if you think about yourself and what you need to have a habit work, I think you’re going to have a much better life ahead of success. Fortunately, I’ve talked to many people as I’ve gone out with these ideas, and many people were like, “Oh man, now that I know XYZ, I’m able to quit sugar.

I’m able to go to bed on time.” It’s usually not some big thing. It’s some little thing but it’s the right thing for them. That’s the thing, it has to be the right thing for each of us because if it worked for Steve Jobs, if it worked for my sister-in-law, that doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me.

That is the biggest myth is that there’s a right habit that everyone should follow and it will work for everyone.

How do you go about, and I want to get in to the four different personality styles that you talked about, but how do you go about discovering what that right thing is? Because it’s so funny, as you’re saying this, I’m thinking of a conversation that I had a couple of days ago. I’m talking with a friend.

I’m exercising at night and work sometimes just cuts into it. It just doesn’t happen, so I’m looking at, okay, I’m going to go back to putting it in the morning. I’m not excited about exercising in the morning.

I just know that I can do it, but as I was talking to a friend, my friend’s just like shaking their head, “Yes, it’s the absolute best time for you to be doing this.” I catch myself thinking, “That’s exactly what Gretchen is talking about.”

Like, “Oh, that’s the best time for you to be working out.” Well, that’s the best time for you to be working out, I would prefer doing it later on if I didn’t have such a crazy schedule. What are your thoughts on how do you find the right way to go about doing your habit?

I tried to pose a million different questions that will help shed a light on different aspects of people’s personalities so that they get a sense of how to think about what kind of habits will work for them, what approach?

The example that you just gave is an excellent example of one of the best questions that you can ask yourself is, when have I succeeded in the past? When have I done this well?

Because if you look back and you’re like, “Well you know what, I’m not that excited about exercising early in the morning, but when I’ve done it in the past, I’ve been really much, much more consistent.”

It’s like, “Well then that seems to be the habit that works for you.” Maybe part of the reason that you like exercising in the afternoon is that you let yourself up to hook a lot more. You bring in the loophole, I have a whole chapter on loopholes.

Or you might say to yourself, “Look, if I look at it, I might think that I’m missing a lot of exercise but actually I’m more consistent doing it in the afternoon when I feel more into it, when I feel more energetic.

I actually do a better job in the afternoon than I do in the morning, even though it seems like the morning makes more sense, for me I actually do a better job.” Really think about when have you done it in the past?

A lot of people are like, “I have this roommate in college and we did XYZ.” Okay, well, what was different about it then? Or, “Before my kid went to school, I did XYZ.” Okay, well, what was different then?

Because there’s a lot of clues in there about you specifically when you think about your own past because as circumstances change, maybe it’s that your gym used to be right across the street from your office so it was so much more convenient and that’s what made you go.

Maybe you went with a friend and that sense of accountability or that fun made you go. Maybe you went to a huge gym that had tons of options and so you never got bored and you always felt like you could choose what you wanted to go and that helped you go.

There’s all different factors that could influence whether someone found it easier or harder to keep their habit of exercise. An important clue is, when have you succeeded and when have you failed?

Yeah. That was definitely the deciding factor for me was knowing I have done this successfully. I didn’t care for it, but I’ve been successful at it and that’s what’s worked out.

The morning works better for you. Usually morning is good for people because it’s more regular, it’s more predictable, and things haven’t had a time to crop up, but just because it works for most people doesn’t mean it’s going to work for everybody.

Absolutely. It is the smartest choice for me, because of the way things happen in a day. I mean it could be a fantastic day and I definitely want to go out exercise. It could be a horrible day and it’s the last thing I can even think about. Talk about the four different personality styles or different styles. I absolutely know which one I am.

Excellent! I’ll describe them and then I want to hear about you. I love hearing about people talking about their tendencies. These are the four tendencies. I’m going to describe them where most people can get it just off of the brief description, but there is a quiz on my site for people who want to quiz which will tell you an answer.

I developed this framework because as I was studying habits, I was very struck by the unspoken assumption in just about everything I read that we all have the same aptitude for forming habits and we all have the same attitude towards habits. That just seemed to me obviously incorrect.

It’s clear that some people find it easier or harder to form habits than most people. Some people love habits, some people hate habits. Then there’s also a few in between.

How do you measure people against each other? How do you create a framework for understanding the patterns that we see? This thing almost melted my brain, it was so hard to grasp. I realized that when it comes to habits, people fell into four very striking patterns. I divided all of humanity into four.

It has to do with how you meet and you respond to the idea of an expectation. We all have outer expectations that’s like a work deadline or request from a spouse coming from the outside. Then we also have inner expectations, our own desire to keep a New Year’s resolution, our own desire to start playing guitar again. It’s an inner expectation.

There are upholders, questioners, obligers, and rebels.

Upholders readily meet outer and inner expectation alike. They meet a work deadline, they keep a New Year’s resolution without much fuss. They want to know what’s expected of them and to make that expectation, but their expectation for themselves is just as important as the expectations of others.

Then our questioners. Questioners question all expectations. They’ll do something if they think it makes sense. They hate anything arbitrary or irrational or inefficient. They want to know, “Why am I listening to you anyway while you get to tell me what to do?”

Once they decide that they’ve accepted an expectation then they have no trouble following through with it. In a way, they make everything an inner expectation because they have to endorse it before they meet it.

Then obligers. Obligers readily meet outer expectations, but they struggle to meet inner expectations. My insight into this came from a friend who said to me at lunch one day, “You know I’d be happier if I exercise and I can’t.

The weird thing is when I was in high school, I was on the track team and I never miss track practice, so why can’t I go running now?” I thought, “Well why not? Same person, same behavior. At one time it’s effortless, now she can’t do it. Look at her past. What’s different?” I realized she’s an obliger.

When she had a coach and a team waiting for her or a like a boss or a deadline or a trainer or some form of external accountability, when she had an outer expectation, no trouble. But when it’s only her own inner expectation, then she struggles.

Then the final category are rebel. Rebels resist all expectation, outer and inner alike. They want to do what they want do in their own way. If you ask or tell them to do something, they’re very likely to resist. They don’t even like to tell themselves what to do.

Like if they think, “I’m going to take … I always wanted to learn how to woodwork, I’ll take a woodworking class at 2:00 on Saturday.” Then they’ll be like, “I’m not going to woodworking class at 2:00 on Saturday. I’m not going to buy-in myself.

No one can tell me what to do.” They don’t even want to tell themselves what to do. These are the four tendencies. Now, come on Chris, what are you?

No doubt I’m a questioner.

You are?


Why did that ring through?

See, here’s one thing. We deal a lot of personality styles and we deal a lot with values as well. Something about me is I’m what’s called a high economic. I am huge about having a return on my investment.

For me, I question things consistently of, what’s the value here? I will absolutely pour my life out to change somebody’s life in our of our events or in something or just a conversation with somebody who’s going through something painful, but if I’m talking to somebody who is not going to do anything with the information, I’m done, I don’t want to do this. I do that. I question stuff all that time.

There’s so many things I could be doing with my energy and that’s right now and it’s slam time, is this something I should be doing? What I do know, oh absolutely, okay, go. I have no problem whatsoever.

But I feel like I’m also a quasi obliger to an extent. I feel like I’m definitely a questioner but also an obliger in some aspects, from the external, meaning the outer expectations. As I read through that, I was laughing at myself going, “Yup, that is definitely me.”

It’s true that we all have a little bit of questioner because nobody likes to do something that’s totally irrational or that’s arbitrary. We all want to be mindful of our energy and our time and everything.

Also, we all have this phenomenon called reactants which is if people, if we feel too controlled, if we like people are telling us too much what to do, then we push back. All of us, most people, external accountability is something that people feel aware of and that makes it, you know, is an influence on their behavior.

The tendencies really are like, what is your impulse? What’s your first instinct? What’s your default? Why do you do what you do? Because we can’t look at somebody from the outside and know what their tendency is in manners because you can have people do the same thing from all four different tendencies framework but their thinking about it would be wildly different.

Let’s say are you actually a questioner or are you actually an obliger? This matters for habits because for a questioner, if a questioner needs to stick to habits, usually the thing that they need is more justification.

They need to really accept the fact that this is the thing that’s going to make the difference. I’m listening to you because I trust your judgment and I respect your authority. I’m doing it this way because this is the right way, this is the efficient way. I’ve done my research. I’ve read up on it.

Now, if I’m taking a drug, I’m taking it at this dosage at this time and it’s this brand and I’m listening to this doctor. The obliger, very different thing needs to be plugged in. For an obliger, the key if they have an inner expectation that they’re having trouble meeting, the key isn’t more information the way it is for questioners.

The key is external accountability. Obligers needs external accountability in order to meet an inner expectation.

In my case no, I’m not.

Yeah. That’s the crucial thing. If you feel like, “Oh, I can meet other …” Like a very obliger thing to say, “Promises to other people can’t be broken, but promises to yourself can be broken.” I was like, “That’s an obliger way of thinking about things.”

The secret is make a promise to someone else for something that’s our own inner expectation. It’s been hilarious to hear the brilliant ingenious strategies that obligers come up with to give themselves outer accountability for inner expectations. They’re ingenious and it works and then they have no trouble meeting it.

Do you have an example off the top of your head?

Oh, I’ve got a million. One of my favorites, I thought this was hilarious. This was a woman who lived alone and wanted to get up at 8:15 in the morning. You think, how can you create an outer accountability for getting up in the morning when you are by yourself?

What she did is she used Hootsuite to make a really embarrassing Facebook post. Then, that post everyday automatically at 8:15 unless she gets up in advance and disables it. That’s really ingenious.

I talked to two people, they were two friends at work and they both had been commiserating about the fact that they’ve just ate fast food for lunch everyday and they kept vowing to start bringing in a healthy lunch pack at home and they would save money and be healthier but then they never did.

They just never could do it, never could do it. They decided what they would do is they would do a salad swap. Half the days, one would cook and half the days the other friend would cook. When they would do it, one would have to cook or the other wouldn’t have anything to eat.

When the other friend cooked, the other had to eat because her friend had gone to all this trouble to make lunch. The obliger said, “The thing is, I could never justify shopping and looking up healthy recipes,” and all this one, it was just for me because I’m like, “Oh no, I’ll just pick up something at work tomorrow.”

But when they knew that someone is expecting me to bring lunch, then they felt completely justified and looking through recipes and going to buy the right ingredients and it’s actually fun but I could just never get myself to do it. That again is, by using outer expectations. A lot of times people use coaches, right? 

All kinds of coaches, because coaches hold you accountable and that is a great thing. Now, sometimes people don’t want to pay for a coach or they want to do something different. What you can do is use an accountability group.

There’s a starter kit on my site to give you ideas for how to start a group. The people in the group don’t have to be holding each other accountable to the same aim. It’s like, you don’t all have to be trying to exercise. It’s the accountability.

Everybody could be working on different stuff but the idea is we’re going to get together and hold each other accountable. A lot of times, people form accountability partners. The only problem with this is if one person loses interest or wanders off or gets distracted, then the other person is left hanging.

Many obligers who’ve tried this have said to me, “I get really frustrated because over and over, I get into it and then the person lets me down and I then I just crash to a halt.” If you have a group, there’s more energy and consistency to a group.

If a couple people wander off, we may be able to get a couple of people to join and it’s fun to be part of a group. There’s just an energy and you get ideas from being part of a group. People do this on Facebook. You can meet face to face. There’s all different ways to do it. It’s just this idea that someone’s looking over your shoulder.

With the different types, are there some that are better? I assume yours is because I believe if I remember correctly, you’re an upholder. Are there some that are better at creating habits?

Well, it’s interesting. It definitely is the case that upholders. They tend to have very positive associations with habits. They really love habits and they do find it pretty easy to form habits. It comes pretty easily to them.

The other tendencies, it can also be easy depending on if they go about it in the way that takes advantage of the strength of their tendency because all these tendencies have strengths and weaknesses. So, the challenge for each of us is to take advantage of the strengths and counterbalance the weaknesses so we can get ourselves to the place we would want to be.

A questioner can have no trouble forming habits but they have to get themselves into that place like you described of inner buy-in. They have to really power buy-in to it and then they’ve had to problem, so then they would find it easy to form a habit once they’re convinced.

Obligers, once they have that external accountability, similarly, they are incredibly consistent. Rebels can also form habits but they have to do it in the rebel spirit which means tying it to their identity and their sense of authenticity and also the sense of themselves choosing to do something.

I find that for me, if it has to do with muscle memory, I can do it in a heartbeat. If it’s something that I can very quickly go, “Oh, if I create this habit, I don’t have to think about that thing,” done. That is super easy. I don’t even have to do a ton of research on that.

But it is so funny because there are so many things that I will spend hours researching, is this the absolute best thing depending upon the value of it in my life, then create that habit going forward.

In fact, you’re pointing out something that is often questioners find to be an issue that they have to grapple with which is sometimes they can drain themselves or drain other people by doing too much research.

One questioner said, “Well, I get analysis paralysis where I want perfect information,” but often the world doesn’t give us perfect information or it’s just too much time to be devoting to something.

If you’re a questioner or you’re managing a questioner your round one, it can help to say something like, “We need to make a decision by the end of the week,” or “You can interview five people but not ten people,” or “This is what works for that team, we’re going to do that.

We’re not going to question it any further because they’ve had a good experience with it is as much research as we need.” Because it can be draining, too much questioning.

Both for the questioners themselves and also for the people around who sometimes are like, “Man, we made this decision. It is time to move on.” The questioner’s like, “Wait a minute. There’s lots that we haven’t considered.”

We’ve got a ton of leaders. We got about forty percent of our audience is entrepreneurs, about forty percent are leaders. Leading people in the different types, in leadership, obviously, you have to set expectations.

If you’re going to have incredible communication, one of the greatest things you have to do is set clear expectations. How do you know? Like, do you set the expectations for your team members differently? How would you do that?

This is a very important question because let’s say you’re managing a rebel. They often like a challenge and they like having something like, “You Chris, you’ve got the chops to do this. Show me what you can do. You’ve got six months, blow me away.” Then they can do it in their own way.

The more you try to micromanage them, the more you ignite their spirit of resistance. A lot of times, rebels need something, like they need the energy of having something to push against. “You’re telling me to do this?

Well, I’m going to tell you what, I’m going to do it my own way and it’s going to be better and I’m going to ignore all your instructions, but here I’m going to go off and do it.” That’s one with rebels.

Now, I should note that rebel is by far the smallest tendency. Very, very few people are rebels. Obliger is the largest tendency. Most people are obligers. Questioners close behind. Those are the two. Rebels and upholders are like the extreme wings. They’re very small number of people in there.

Obliger, it’s very important for managers to understand this. There is a pattern among obligers of obliger rebellion, where obligers will meet, meet, meet, meet, meet expectations and then all of a sudden it’s like they snap and they will put their foot down and almost arbitrarily refuse to do something.

This can be real problem in the workplace because sometimes it’s small and funny, but sometimes it can be very, very destructive.The thing about obligers is they feel like other people take advantage of them, and they are correct. In fact, the other two tendencies definitely exploit obligers.

Everybody does. Because if you want somebody to do something for you, you’re going to go to the person who’s going to most likely to say yes. An upholder’s going to be like, “I’m sorry I can’t help you out. I got my own deadline.”

The questioner’s like, “Why should I help you?” The rebel’s like, “I don’t feel like doing that.” The obligers, they’re amazing team members. They’re amazing bosses. They’re the rock of the world.

I know somebody who was managing an obliger and he said everybody wanted this woman on their team because she made everything look good. He said at her annual review, he said, “You’re doing too much work too well, and I mean that as a sincere criticism.”

What can happen with obligers is they can get to the point of rebellion and then you get this extreme resentment. You get burn out. You’re going to get destructive behaviors like people just often quitting, people just dropping the ball. Like, “I can’t do anything.

I can’t do it, so instead of dealing with the fact that I have too much work, I’m just going to let something completely slide, and maybe not tell you about it because I feel bad about the fact that I’m not meeting an expectation, so I’m just going to drop this ball.”

When are we going to figure out the consequences of that? 

The exact wrong time.

Exactly. If you manage an obliger or you are an obliger, you want to look for burnout. You want to look for resentment. You want to look for people taking advantage of them, and build in safety measures. “I know how many vacation days you’re taking and I expect you to take all of them.

I see that somebody’s added you to their team, that is their problem, not your problem. You got your own problems. I don’t want to see you helping these people. Everybody’s going to do their copy on this report.” Whatever it is to help them build in those limitations so that they can do their great work.

You really would, as a manager or as a leader, want to be thinking about how to speak in the language. Probably you have a little bit of everything.

If you want to get people on board, you need to provide ample justification and take the time to answer questions. Sometimes that can feel like someone’s undermining your authority or questioning your judgment, but a questioner just needs to have those reasons in order to get on board.

The obliger needs external accountability. Now, I have to say as an upholder, I was just talking to an upholder leader and a problem with being an upholder leader is that we don’t like to have to hold other people accountable.

We feel like everybody should be like us and just do what’s expected of them without any really reminders or supervision. That’s not very realistic, by the way, upholders. Most people are not like that.

He said that it was very hard for him to manage people who were not like him. Very few people are like him. He’s managing mostly people who are not like him and so even though it went against his nature to have things like deadlines and supervisory meetings and check-ins and all those kind of thing, it was important because that’s what he needed to do in order to lead his team and to get the best work out of that team.

Now, if it was rebel, that kind of stuff could backfire. You really do have to know what you’re dealing with.

Makes sense. I can totally see that. As an upholder, do you believe that rules are made for a reason and they should be followed?

That is my instinct. My instinct is to accept a rule and my instinct is to follow it. That is one of the great weaknesses of upholders is they too readily follow the rules and meet expectations.

That can get us into trouble in a lot of different ways. With age and wisdom, hopefully all of us can counterbalance the negatives with tendency.

I’m married to a questioner. My husband’s a questioner. That’s been really helpful for me because it’s just a model of like even if my impulse is to do it, I can stop myself and say … I have to take a step.

It doesn’t happen automatically but I have to take a step and say, “Wait a minute. I don’t have to do that. I’m a grown-up. I can choose what I do. Do I want to do that or not?” For you, that’s probably the first thing you think. That’s just flying out of your head.

I have to remind myself to take that step. I’ve learned the hard way that I need to do it or else I’d spend a lot of time meeting expectations that I don’t need to or in the end I wish I hadn’t bothered to.

Right. All right. So much on good habits, so much on bad habits, that I would love to ask. I guess the question to jump in that direction is, is there a more important way to go about it? Is it more important to create good habits or more important to change bad habits?

That’s interesting. In my book, I identified twenty-one strategies that we can use to master our habits. We use the same twenty-one strategies whether we’re making them or breaking them, because usually with a habit, you could put it either way.

You can say, “Well, I’m going to quit sugar,” or “I’m going to start eating more healthily.” “I’m going to stop staying up late,” or “I’m going to go to bed early.” That’s one of the distinctions that I draw that it can help people to know, do you gravitate more to something where you’re going to get a benefit?

We’re you framing it as a positive? Or do you gravitate more to it, does it have more power for you if you think about how you’re all setting a potential negative because people respond differently.

I don’t think the making or the breaking is the key thing, but I think it’s what it is, is to have very clearly in your mind what exactly it is that you want to change? What are you expecting of yourself?

Then go through all the twenty-one strategies and think, how can I use every possible strategy to help me make this important change? Because sometimes with habits, people would say things like, “I want to get rid of the habit being so stressed out.” What does that even mean?

I mean, they can get stressed out because they have conflict with their boss. They can be stressed out because they can’t pay their bills. They can be stressed out because they have a horrible work community. They can be stressed out because their refrigerator’s on the blink.

They can be stressed out because they are having a fight with a friend. They can be stressed out because … There’s a million reasons you could be stressed out, but just saying you’re stressed out doesn’t suggest a solution.

If you say to yourself, “I’m stressed out because I really know that I need to switch careers and I just haven’t taken any steps.” Okay, that’s something that can be addressed like behavior. We can work on that. What would the habits be that will help you switch careers? “I want the habit of networking.

I want the habit of doing consistent research even though it makes me anxious to do this.” Use the habit of scheduling. Use the habit of monitoring. Use the strategy of other people. There are strategies that you can use.

It’s really about knowing exactly what you want to change and then thinking about strategies that can help you do that because I think for a lot of people, there’s a lot of stuff … It’s not rocket science, like you read it and you’re like, “Oh man, I totally know about that.” It just hadn’t occurred to you to use it.

You’ve described the strategies, is there a best time to begin creating or changing?

The best time to begin is now. Yes. I mean, you don’t want to pick a bad time, like when you got the flu. Most times when we think, “Well, you know I’m going to start in the fall because then everybody will be back on schedule. I’m going to start in the summer because everything’s going to come down.

I’m going to start after the holidays.” I mean, you can do this all year long for decade after decade. That’s tomorrow logic which is to think that for some reason, it’s going to be easier tomorrow. Tomorrow Chris. Tomorrow Gretchen. They are going to have an easy time with this.

But tomorrow, as little orphan Annie says, “Tomorrow is always a day away,” so really, you want to begin now.

We experienced two New Years. I’m assuming you experienced that as well. There’s always the January 1st as a New Year. Everybody’s changing. Everybody’s trying to create habits. I think eighty percent are dropped within the first couple of weeks or something like that.

We see that a ton. We like to say it’s after Labor Day, but once your kids get into school, you have let go during the summer. You’ve done whatever and now it’s, “All right. I’m going to get back on track.” It’s so funny because it’s like if you were doing the habit in the first place, there wouldn’t be another New Year.

There wouldn’t be New Years, it would just be a process as you go along. That’s one of those things that is always so apparent in our business but it’s something that I try to battle in my own life. Don’t get stuck to the same way that everybody else does it.

Keep your habits going forward so that you don’t have to solve a health problem because you’ve destroyed yourself through Christmas. What if habits of other people affect you in a negative way? What do you there?

That’s a hugely important topic. One of the strategies of the twenty-one strategies is called the strategy of other people, because as your question rightly points out, other people have enormous influence on our habits and we have enormous influence on other people’s habits.

Even sometimes with the drive-by comment. I was very struck when I talked about my own habits and talked to people about their habits. Sometimes people would just make an offhand comment or be like, “Oh yeah, I read this is interesting book.” People will just pick it up and run with it.

This stuff is coming to you all the time and of course you are very much influenced by the habits of the people around you. It’s hard when they’re not helpful.

Sometimes they’re not helpful because they’re not being helpful. Sometimes they’re actually undermining, because your new good habit could cause other people to feel uneasy. It could make them feel judged because you’ve changed what you’re doing.

You’re doing something different from them. It might make them feel guilty because they know they should make that change but they haven’t, and so they feel bad. It makes them feel bad to think about what you’re doing. It might be inconvenient for them.

They’re like, “You know, now that you’re getting up and going for a run at 9 a.m. on Saturday, I got to get breakfast for the kids. I actually prefer to sleep in so I don’t want you to exercise in the morning.” You know what I mean? All these things come into play.

I think the best response is a different strategy which is the strategy of clarity. The strategy of clarity comes back to this idea that the more clearly we know what we’re asking for results and why, the easier it is when other people aren’t supportive. It still matters.

It’s still hard and you really want to be very aware of what people are doing and how that could be influencing you, but you want to be very clear. Then there’s the strategy of safeguards which is thinking about failure.

What happens if you slip up? How are you going to get back in the saddle? How are you going to avoid slipping up? What’s you’re if-then planning?

Let’s say you know you’re going to work and you don’t want to eat sugar anymore, and you have a co-worker who you know is just like, my sister calls this the evil doughnut bringer. The person who’s constantly bringing in treats and trying to get people to eat them.

What are you going to say to that person? You might say to that person, “Oh you know that looks great but not right now. It’s not that I never eat, I’m just not going to have one right now.” The person says, “Oh come on, you lost so much weight.

Life’s too short not to eat a cupcake. What? You’re scared to eat one cupcake?” What are you going to say? Have a plan in your mind, like what are you going to say to that person? What’s your response going to be?

When you have that plan in your head, then you’re much better able to figure out what to do in the heat of the moment. A lot of the things that people say or do, it’s predictable. Like, we know how Aunt Sally is going to behave. We know how our husband or wife, what they’re going to do.

We can think about it in advanced, how can I take that into account? How can I have a plan?

I love it. That was something that was a difficult thing for me when I was in the much larger corporate workplace, some people bringing in stuff and it’s like, “Please stop. I don’t want this.” Then it’s that one time that you actually do want it, they’re like, “Oh, you haven’t wanted it up till now.”

Yeah. It’s funny because you mentioned I have a podcast now, Happier With Gretchen Rubin, and I deal with my sister who’s a TV writer. TV writers, I mean, oh my gosh you cannot believe the food. Like it’s in their contract.

I think they have this giant store of goodies and you just get anything you want, plus people are bringing stuff in all the time. My sister is a Type I diabetic so for her this stuff really matters. She said, like she just has to say to people like, “I’m not going to eat it. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want you to bring it in. You’re not doing me any favors. Don’t kid yourself.”

The thing about the podcast is a lot of people responded saying, “Oh my gosh that’s so mean. You’re so selfish.” Like, “I bring in those doughnuts and everybody loves it.” It’s just like, “Do you really think that you’re …” I mean, you think you’re making people happier because they’re all crowding around and getting excited and eating the cupcakes, but in the longer, is that making them happier and healthier?

In the long run, is that really what they want? Sometimes a happier, healthier, more productive life means that we have to say no to ourselves in the moment or deny ourselves something. I mean, that is just the fact.

The people in the organization and of course the organization itself, the rules of the organizations can have tremendous influence on your habits because of the kind of stuff that they put in place. That’s the strategy of convenience and inconvenience too.

We’re much more likely to do something that’s convenient. We’re much less likely to do something that’s inconvenient. If your office puts in a gym, that’s good. If they put in a giant candy dispenser where you can go up anytime of the day or night and help pour yourself a giant bag of candy without even measuring it, that’s not good.

All these decisions, they’re all acting on you all day long.

It’s so difficult when so many people get validation or get self-worth by, you know, “Let me include you in this,” and “Oh, you enjoyed it? You liked it?” The person who’s saying no is a bad person.

If you were to go back to a young Gretchen, what is the one thing that you would tell her?

Well, I have twelve personal commandments. My first commandment is to be Gretchen. That’s what I would tell my younger self because we can build a happy life only on the foundation of our own nature, our own interest, our own temperament, our own values.

When I think back, it’s when I know most what I want, what’s true for me, what’s true for Gretchen. Not my fantasy self. Not what other people wish I were like. Not what I assume is true or what I actually know is true about me and for me. That’s when I’ve made the decisions that made me happiest.

Absolutely. I love it. We have barely scratched into this thing and gotten some pretty phenomenal information. It’s such great stuff. How can people get more of you? How can they get the book? How can they get more of you?

On my site,, you can find out more about habits and happiness than you would ever want to know. I have links to buy my books, to my podcast, Happy With Gretchen Rubin. I’ve got all kinds of resources for discussion guides and checklist and how to start a group and all these things and more.

Then I post there almost everyday something about my adventures and happiness habits and human nature. I’m on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and YouTube and LinkedIn, all that, under my name Gretchen Rubin.

There’s way more than anybody would ever want to see. I love to hear from people. I love to hear your own experiences, your habits, what’s worked for you, what’s not worked for you, your challenges, what you’ve done for your happiness. I love hearing from people.

Thank you so much for doing this. It is such a pleasure to have you on and it is so great getting information to help people that are out there trying to lead their lives, lead their teams, and obviously lead the businesses as well.

Thanks for coming and doing this!

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Life After LifePlan – Part 2 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 12:01:02 +0000

If you listened to part 1 of our Life After LifePlan podcast episode, then you are in for a treat on today’s podcast! Don’t worry if you haven’t had a chance to listen to it. You can always go back and listen to it here.

If you have listened to me long enough, then you have probably heard me talk about Marybeth a gajillion times. For those of you who don’t know, Marybeth was my personal assistant for six years. And when I say personal assistant, I mean she pretty much ran my life!

Marybeth recently went through her LifePlan, and had some amazing revelations that we wanted to share with you guys.

It’s taken a while to get in here for the LifePlan. Why did it take so long to come in?

Well, there were a couple reasons. First was just baby land, which is where I lived.I have been busy. Our youngest is now  almost 18 months. 

The other reason really kind of went away, because I was getting to the point where I’m like I just really want to come in and do this. After Joel did his LifePlan, and we talked so much about some of the stuff.

I was just, I don’t know if intimidated is the right word, but it’s you, we have this relationship. We’ve had this great relationship, great friendship for 11 years now. You are an incredibly safe person for me to be around, and I can share anything with you, but there are still these things about me and those deep dark places…

To have a really good LifePlan, you have to be willing to be vulnerable and open up and share things. That’s still hard to do, or at least I imagined it was going to be hard to do.

Amazingly when life plan came around, it was not nearly so, but I was ready for the tears, ready for the, “this is going to be so dramatic”. It wasn’t. I was hesitant because I had these things inside that I just didn’t want to talk about and I didn’t want to be vulnerable about.

This is the toughest thing for me because I’ve had close friends that have come through. It’s tough because of two things: one, I know you so well. There’s very little hiding, because I know a person so well, but the great thing about that is there is no judgment, it’s a free place to be.

It’s all about how great do I want my life to be on the other side of this as opposed to what can I hold back on. I’ve had a lot of close friends that have come through that it’s been tough, because I know more about them.

I’m able to get to those places that are a little bit more painful that also turn out to be insanely freeing. I also have to shift into I can’t be friend mode. I have to be here to walk you through this process and guide you through it. It’s difficult.

Going into it, like you just shared, probably the thing that held you back, other than the schedule was having to be vulnerable. Once you got in here, what was that like? What did that turn into?

It was easy. It really was. You ease into it, and so even though I think I was coming in with my guard up a little bit, I was like, “I really do want to do this, and I just need to just put my guard down”.

At the same time there’s this discomfort. Then we’re just talking and we ease into LifePlan. It’s not a big deal, and as long as I’m willing to be honest with you, we are able to talk about some things that were challenging.

Let’s dig into a little bit of that if you’re ready to get vulnerable again, for all the people that are listening. There are so many people going through what you’ve gone through and experiencing this and thinking, “Gosh, I want to change my life, I need change in my life but I’m afraid to go get change.”

As you’ve gone through the process, obviously we always say the first day is the emotional day. We’re not going to lay you down on the couch and talk to you like a psychiatrist. We do go through very intense, emotional stuff, but our goal is not to sit there and live in it.

Our goal is to get to the information, pull it forward and not show the “what”. That’s where so many people focus is they focus on is the “what”. We blow past the what to the why.

We go heavy into the root system and find out the “why”. Why did that happen. Why did these people do this. Why did I experience this in life. Why have I felt this way forever?

Let me ask you, what was the greatest revelation that you’ve received going through LifePlan?

Without a doubt, it was the truths and the lies, and really I would say the lies. I had a belief system filled with a lot of lies. I would say probably my biggest one that overarched everything was that perfection, or at least very near perfection, was where I needed to be.

If I didn’t make it then I was a complete failure. There was no middle ground. There was no grace. It was just I’m either perfect or I’m a failure, and if I’m a failure, I’m therefore not lovable, I’m not valuable, I’m not worthy.

I filtered so much information through those lies and it ended up taking over my life in a sense.

Did that lead to freedom by knowing that?

Yeah, it’s crazy! I’m not a failure.

There were certain aspects that you looked at and said, “This is happening, I’m a failure,” or, “Because I’m feeling this, I’m a failure.”

I would say overall that was just how I viewed anything. In things with my relationship with Joel, it would be like if I did something or said something, or I didn’t meet these expectations I had in my head of like, “Well, Joel’s coming home and dinner should be ready and the house should be clean,” like I’m a ’50s housewife or something.

Seriously, I had these expectations in my head, and I would feel frustrated and then it would turn from frustration into failure pretty quickly.

Especially if it was like okay, that was the day that some business stuff didn’t go well with piano, and that was the day that the kids were just crazy, but they were probably kind of crazy because I was trying to focus on some piano stuff.

Then the house didn’t get done, and it’s like everything would compound, and then at the end of the day I would be like, “Oh for the love of all that is good and right.” I would just become such a frustrated person, and it was all because my perspective was just jacked up.

I think the craziest thing, now, is I think I judged myself more than anybody else judged me, but I would just assume other people were judging me.

It’s funny, we were actually talking earlier, Joel would make these comments from time to time. For example, and I can share this, I know, but we were having breakfast the other morning and he chose not to have a waffle because he just didn’t want the calories, so he says.

Meanwhile, I had just eaten a waffle, and so pre‐LifePlan, when he would make a comment like that, I would be like, “My husband thinks I’m fat. He thinks I make bad choices about food, he thinks he’s so much better.” All Joel was thinking is, “I think I’d rather have eggs this morning.”

It has nothing to do with me, but because I have all these lies that I’m filtering what is said through these lies. I would take it completely different than how it was meant.

Is it also possible because somewhere back in your past is somebody who would judge you or somebody who would tell you things about yourself? You line that up, you get this training in your brain and these things that are lies from somebody else, it becomes a broken belief system, and you’re stuck with it.

How freeing is that on the other side to realize, and what’s the process? When you hear that now, what’s the process that you go through in your brain?

It’s funny, because it came up because he made a comment like that after LifePlan, and I just started laughing. I think he was confused for a minute maybe, but I was like, “Okay, so pre-­‐LifePlan,” and I love that he’s gone through this and that the facilitates this, because he totally understands.

I’m like, “Pre-­‐LifePlan, when you would say things like this, and this is what I would hear. You, I did not like in those moments.” It was so funny, because he’s like, “Wow, I was just talking about this about me,” he’s like, “I had no idea.”

It’s so difficult until you know, and Joel is phenomenal at doing this, and he does an incredible job of walking people through this, but until you pull that out, even a guy who lives and breathes this stuff, until you know it doesn’t matter.

I tell spouses all the time when they come through, like if a spouse sits in on somebody else’s LifePlan. I say, “I don’t care how many times you tell them,” because they’ll say to me, “I told them that a thousand times,” I’m like, “Did it work?” No, of course not, because you’re telling them the what.

It doesn’t matter how many times you tell them the what, if they still don’t understand the why, it doesn’t matter. It’s so difficult to go, “How come I can’t guide this person to freedom”? It’s because we’re only focusing on the what.

Now that you’ve dug down and you discovered the why, it changes everything. With that, let me ask you this, what is the most empowering thing that you learned through LifePlan?

Gaining perspective on what has caused me to become this way and what influences have been in my life and how I’ve gotten to this point of believing the things that I do.

With that perspective, I can say, “okay, well I’m not this horrible person for believing these things; this is just how I was trained to be.” Now going forward, I know this and I can choose to view things differently. You can’t just choose to see things differently when you don’t know. 

I needed LifePlan; I needed to really dig down to the why, to my root system to get that perspective.

The important thing to understand is, people say, “Well why can’t you just change?” I hear that all the time. “Why do you need to understand your root system, why can’t you just change your decision? You can make any decision you want.” You literally make your decisions based on what you know.

Based on training, based on information, based on influence. Here’s what I see almost every single time. I see people, and since you’re a music teacher, I see people grow up one way, have influence one way, and do a pendulum swing to the other side and say I am not going to be that way, and go all the way to the other side and do the same exact thing from a different direction.

If they have a controlling parent they become incredibly lenient, if they have a submissive parent, they become incredibly controlling. Those are just examples, there’s a ton of stuff, a ton of decision-­‐making processes, but it basically still comes down to the same thing.

As long as you don’t understand why those things happen in your life, why those influencers did what they did, why they taught you, why they said, why they lied to you, whatever, it still is virtually impossible to make great decisions on things in your life.

Now that you’ve been through this process, you’ve discovered a lot, you discovered perspective, you discovered the influences in your life, you discovered how to make greater decisions with greater perspective, and you’ve unlocked all of these pieces.

How does it change the way, you’re a mom of two tiny kids, how does it change your perspective, how does it change the way you view your kids, motherhood, all of that?

Freeing, oh my word. I love my kids, I wanted them to feel loved, and it stressed me out to ever feel like what if I’m doing something and they don’t feel loved? That controlled my parenting. Now, I’m just like okay, I do love my kids and I show them that I love them, but it helps me to not be controlled by them.

My darling Josiah, he was already learning how to manipulate mom, but, and it was frustrating because I wanted to make sure that he felt loved but when he would get fussy then it was challenging for me.

I was like, he’s whining, he’s fussy, this isn’t acceptable, but at the same time, I don’t know how to respond to him in a loving, kind way and resolve the situation. Whereas now, I’m just like, bust it out baby.

If that’s the choice you want to make, that’s the choice you can make, but you’re not getting away with what you’re fussing about. Now I’m like okay, you can make your choices and those are your choices and here are those consequences. You can’t control mom any more.

Instead now, you give him options. There are consequences for good, and there are consequences for bad. You can choose, but instead of getting your self worth from parenting, your confidence from parenting, instead you’re looking at more of I need to raise adults instead of kids.

We’ve had a lot of women that have come through the process. Some still had reservations about sharing this information with a guy? What is it going to be like to talk in front of a guy about some of these things?

First of all, there’s no judgment, so I think that’s a huge thing. I think that also I think when you’re willing to be vulnerable and open up and know that you’re not going to be judged, it really, I don’t want to say it doesn’t matter.

I know that hearing that, somebody’s going to be like, yes it does, but in seriousness, it’s going to be so freeing. It’s going to be so worth it to just talk about that, open up, be vulnerable and get through that. There is freedom on the other side.

That, for me, I have been through so much crap in my life, and I’ve experienced so much in life, which is obviously why I do what I do, that judgment is pointless for me in these situations. I always tell people coming in, if I’m getting my needs met by you, I shouldn’t be doing this.

My goal is to help you get all of your needs met and discovery and perspective and all that. I think that’s the thing that I do want everybody to know is that there is no judgment in this process.

There isn’t anything that I’ve heard, and the funny thing is I’ve had people that have tried to, it’s not that they tried to shock me, it’s that they thought, “Okay, I’m going to share this right now, and you’re going to be shocked.” I’ve even had people say that, and it’s like nope, no shock here.

The reason why is every single person has gone through something, some level of something. Some have just gone through so much more, so that there’s no point in judging. The judging is what people do, I say focusing on that surface level, the what. You focus on the what, you judge on the what.

The what is not the problem, the what is the outward expression or inward expression of the struggles from not knowing the why.

What would you say to anyone out there who is sitting there, thinking, “Is this something I should do? Is this something I should experience? Can I feel safe going and doing this and can I trust in the outcome?”

Yes, you can do it. Yes, you should do it! The freedom on the other side of it is so worth it. Not everybody’s going to have the same experiences that I’ve had, and so for me, my freedom was huge and freedom from judgment and a lot of that was even just self-­‐judgment.

That was probably one of the biggest things in my life plan that I gained freedom, and I’m able to go forward and have a better life and make better decisions. I think other people are going to have other things that they’re going to have freedom from, but it is worth it.

Do it!

Folks, hopefully that helps. That is something that we want you to hear, we want you to understand that our goal is to change your life, our goal is to help you find freedom, our goal is to help you live without the lies, live without the judgment.

Stop telling yourself so many lies, and that I think is something that we discover in so many people’s LifePlans, and Marybeth’s as well, is that so many of the lies are ones that come from you. Living without that, living, not telling yourself that junk, is complete freedom.

If you would like more information on  LifePlan, click here and signup today to get more information. All you have to do is fill out the information and Joel Fortner will be the one contacting you.

He will contact you, he will tell you anything you need to hear, give you all the information you need to make a decision to come and do this right now, but make the choice to do it now.

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5 Essential Leadership Questions Wed, 30 Sep 2015 00:55:34 +0000 PODCAST GRAPHICS

We just wrapped up our Next-Level LIVE Event for our Coaching and Mastermind clients (we open some seats to the public and they go quickly!) and it was AWESOME! We have three events scheduled for next year.

This is where our clients come together with like-minded individuals to grow their leadership, their business, their team, and strengthen their community!

While the teaching is always powerful, (eh-hem…duh!) the greatest comments are usually about how wonderful it is to get out of their businesses and usual circle of influencers to spend time with people who are experiencing EXACTLY what they are in business!

For me, the greatest thing is watching leaders and business owners experience growth in a way that they don’t get to back home.

I love it so much that I wanted to bring it to you! This episode is about the 5 Essential Leadership Questions you MUST be asking yourself to find out if you are primed for your greatest growth.

Listen and I would love for you to answer the question below.

Question: What’s keeping YOU from your greatest growth?

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The Power To Grow Tue, 22 Sep 2015 05:01:24 +0000 the-power-to-grow-podcast

If you’re not growing, you’re dying. I’d wager some big money that you’re someone who wants to grow. The fact you’re reading this tells me that!

Growth in business is something that everyone in our coaching program, or our mastermind groups is focused on. Growing themselves. Growing their revenue. Growing their leadership.

Focusing on growth is so powerful, and we’ve now been doing this with our clients for years. And the results have been staggering at times!

A key to their success is the fact they’re not alone in what they’re doing.

As I was thinking about that recently, I said to myself, “‘I need to be able to share with people the power of growing through a community.'”

Below are 3 keys to look for in a great mastermind or accountability group. 

We’ve also got a phenomenal FREE download detailing 10 things to look for with an accountability group. This is coming straight out of our groups. The things that are making our clients absolutely successful! accountability-group

We’ve talked about masterminds on The Chris LoCurto Show before, about how powerful they are, but there are some new things I want to share with you.

Network Of Challenging Minds

First off, you may be wondering what that is! Well, here you go!

A network of challenging minds is:

Like-minded individuals who are focused on pushing each other to grow themselves and others in the process in the same area (i.e. Entrepreneur, leadership, small business).

If you are not surrounded by people who are like-minded, by people who are aiming for the same goal, than how in the world are you growing you?

There Is incredible Power In Community

There are 2 aspects to community. Having it; having people around you to keep you from being isolated in your own thoughts. It’s also a community of people that are sharing the same experience.

When you have that community of people sharing the same experience, growth happens. Jim Rohn said a long time ago that, “You are the sum of the five people you hang out with the most.”

If you have 5 people that you spend most of your time with, whatever that is, whether it be work influence, whether it be family influence, whatever those influences are, the top 5 people that you hang out with, that’s your influence.

Having that community is incredibly powerful when it comes to your growth, assuming those people are healthy for you.

So why is community so important? Well first off, when you’re not surrounded by folks who are going through the same struggles you are and who are taking the same walk you are, what happens is you become isolated.

This tends to happen even if you have friends and family you spend time with because they’re not experiencing a lot of the same stuff that you are.

This means they have difficulty relating to your day-to-day issues, stressors, problems, and even successes. You can’t talk through growth, leadership challenges, goal setting, work-life balance, and all of the stuff that comes with being your own boss.

And when that happens, you become isolated, and with isolation comes being left alone to your own thoughts.

When we are left to our own thoughts, we get ourselves in trouble. You need to have folks who are walking the same path as you. It also lends to accountability.


People willing to take on the responsibility to hold others accountable to their own expectations. How they accomplish this is by not filling their own needs but by helping others to achieve theirs.  

Accountability is incredibly vital to growth.

It starts with you and asking questions like these:

“What are my expectations?” What are my goals?” What are the initiatives that will move me toward accomplishing those goals”

Once you have your expectations down, it’s time to build people into your life to help you get there.

If you get the right group, it’s nearly impossible to not achieve and grow.

As you experience life with others who are experiencing the same thing with you, it is amazing how much you grow. I can’t tell you how greatly my leadership blossomed when I started spending much more time with smart, healthy people.

A lot of the people you may have heard on the show are people I experience life with. We do things outside of business. We talk a lot of business, we share a lot of stuff on that level, but we also go to dinner together, and some of us go on vacations together.

As you share life together with folks who have a growth mindset, who are willing to hold you accountable, who have challenging minds, an amazing thing happens, you grow. And you grow exponentially.

Again, when it comes to business, if you are not growing, you are dying. Period! Every long-term, successful business succeeds by having a continuous growth mindset. Therefore, it is important to have like-minded people around you.

So these are just 3 things. Again, grab the FREE download to get all 10 things to look for when you’re pulling together an accountability group – a group of people that will help you grow. accountability-group

These are the things we do to help our clients be absolutely successful and grow like crazy.

Question: What do you suggest people look for in a mastermind or accountability group? 

Read The Transcript

You can download a complete, word-for-word transcript of this episode here.

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Life After LifePlan – Success Stories Part 1 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 05:01:58 +0000

We hear a lot about people saying, “We’d like to hear from more people who have experienced some of our events, LifePlan, StratPlan.” We have somebody who has been through both on today’s show.

Brent Van Haren is joining us today to talk about the impact that LifePlan and StratPlan has had on his family and business.

I wanted to talk a lot about LifePlan, but since Brent went through StratPlan as well, I wanted to know  what the experience was like for StratPlan. So I asked.

“That’s a good question. StratPlan was pretty powerful for us in our business. I think I told you afterwards in the first couple of months afterwards that it was by far the most impactful thing that I’ve been a part of in the business.

I’ve been there about 8 years. It has helped change our direction, changed our understanding of who we are. It’s really allowed us to focus on what we need to rather than just what we thought we should.”

Your dad had just gone through LifePlan. What did you experience going through that event? Obviously, the event itself was big and intense. Here you’ve got your dad that’s just a couple of days out of LifePlan. What did you see? What did you experience? What did you notice?

“I think the first thing, my dad’s a high D and raised by a Dutch farmer. Emotions aren’t really worn on the sleeve at any point. The first thing I noticed is just how open, and vulnerable, and then emotional in a really healthy way that he was for the first couple days.

That was really powerful. There was only 72 hours between the LifePlan and the StratPlan. He was still riding high on the LifePlan wave. It was intense, but immediately I realized how much I wanted to attend the LifePlan.”

You came down and did your LifePlan. What was that experience like for you?

“What was it like? It was probably, other than the birth of my daughter, as far as a 48 hour period goes, it was the most powerful 48 hours that I have had in my life. It was just so eye-opening and beneficial for me.

To be honest, it’s been about 10 months, and the longer I am away from it, the more impact it has had. It allowed me to really start to put into place some of the things that I learned.”

What would you say was the most profound thing that you learned in that process?

“There are a lot of things I learned in that process. For me, the thing that was hardest, that we spent 2 hours of you drilling into my head one morning was that I’m not responsible for other people’s well-being.

That was a hard one for me to get my head wrapped around. That took a while. My number one talent that we identified is a happiness transfer agent, conducting people on the happiness train. :-) I was able to acknowledge that that’s a real strength. I had never really looked at it that way.”

A strength because you are talented at it. It’s something that you do great! Pre-LifePlan, would you say that’s where you got self-worth?

“Yeah, it was very much a burden that I put on myself. I felt I had to make other people happy, or bringing them forward, or that it was my responsibility. It’s shaped a lot of areas in my life.”

Are you still able to use that talent now in a different way?

“I get to embrace it for what it is and not feel that it’s my responsibility. I have a brother in the business. I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to make him happy, or to make him feel a different way. I have an impact on that, but it’s not my responsibility.”

What would happen pre-LifePlan when you were trying to make people happy, or make a person happy and it just wasn’t working? How would you feel and what would tell yourself?

“I don’t have a lot of negatives when you look at the things that put the brakes on, but that would be one of them. I felt like I had to bring someone out. Number 1, sometimes they just don’t want to be.

Number 2, it’s just not healthy how much energy I invest in trying to do that. I can’t say it was a conscious thing, but it was something that would really weigh on me. It created a lot of stress in my life.”

What other things were profound for you in the process?

“I always knew I didn’t have physical boundaries. I didn’t know that I didn’t have emotional boundaries. It ties in with that responsibility, that sense of responsibility that I had for other people’s well-being.  

I had zero boundaries in my life, and it also created a lot of stress. I’m a high D/I personality. My wife is a 99 S/C, polar opposites. My need to just do things that other people ask to make other people happy and to do whatever, created a lot of stress in our relationship.

The understanding and the ability for me to process and say, “Do I want to do something? How is that going to impact my real goals, which are, my family and my spirituality, and the other things in my life? Is this something I have to say yes to?”

It brought stress to your marriage, your relationship because would you say that you were a people-pleaser?

“I had to say, “Yes” to everything. I still struggle with it. It’s something that I’m still working on. I’m able to acknowledge it very quickly if I’ve over-committed and if we have created that stress. I know where it’s coming from. I’m able to fix it quickly.”

As an individual, would you sum it up as health? The greatest change has been your healthier emotionally? Healthier in where you get your self-worth, your self-esteem?

“Absolutely! I feel comfortable with where I get those things. I know quickly now if I’m out of line, if I just need to re-adjust.”

I think that is one of the most powerful things on the other side of LifePlan!

You have the tools to be able to go, “Ah, there it is. All right, back off of that and move forward.” I love that freedom of being able to know what it is and see what it is. Did you come in with reservations?

“There were definitely reservations. I was working myself up the day before and the morning of.  I was praying for honesty, openness, vulnerability, just wanting to make sure that I was just in the right place, that I was honest with myself. I was worried I would dodge some of the harder things if I could.”

What made it safe for you not to do that?

“You say it a lot, but I don’t think people really realize it until they get to know you that there is just zero judgement in the process. There is nothing but openness, and engagement, and sincerity. That made it easy, knowing who you are. Also, the value that I knew would come of it.”

You plugged these things into your life, but you also go back to a business that has recently gone through. Dad’s gone through LifePlan. He’s got big changes in his life.

The company has just gone through a huge event, StratPlan, big changes in the company. How do you see the business coming out of your LifePlan? How do you see it now? How has that helped?

 “It’s a lot easier for me to embrace what I do well and not get trapped in the things that I don’t do well, which has been the previous years, the last 4 years before StratPlan and LifePlan.

I didn’t really realize how much of my role was things that just aren’t natural to me. I wasn’t very effective at them and wasn’t the leader that I wanted to be. The LifePlan really helped me understand what I’m good at; allowed me to embrace it.

It allowed me to focus on more of my strengths rather than some of the things that just don’t come easily to me. Personally, that’s definitely impacted me. As a leader, I meet with all of the people that I lead, 1 on 1 every other week.

They’re like mini 1 1/2 hours sessions of LifePlan now instead of before it was just focus, how are we doing. Now it’s all about the individual because I understand so much clearer now.

It doesn’t really matter what is happening and how they execute the job if there’s some stuff underneath that we just need to understand and talk about and be open with. It’s really changed how I engage with my team.”

You’re really experiencing how people bring their root system to work every single day?

“It’s amazing once the curtain’s pulled back on that! We really dig a lot deeper with my team members and understand each other.

I am able to share what I struggle with so much easier because I know. That makes a big difference in how open we can be with each other and where we can get as a team.

We have a phenomenal team here. It has had a huge impact. We’ve been focusing on culture as of StratPlan. That was a big thing that came out, is how we communicate, what our culture is. This has really helped be a catalyst for that even more that it would have been.”

Your Dad went through. You went through. Your brother went through. You guys have sent 3 other leaders through. Why and what are you seeing there?

“There’s a different understanding now of each other, a different patience, not just with each other who have been through LifePlan, but just with people. It’s so much easier for me to look past the behaviors because I understand that they come from someplace else.

We’re able to really just engage with each other as people rather than as business acquaintances, or whatever. We just really engage as people. It’s really shaping our company to be a pretty phenomenal place to work.”

Power in team members, and leaders going through. It’s not just one person who’s realized this and is trying to change a culture, but now you have a team of people that are in it together, working to change the culture. Does it make it easier for you to lead?

“The big thing that I think it helps me as a leader is so much of it comes back to understanding myself. It’s so important for me and for really anyone to understand who they are. I am able to engage with others.

It’s changed every aspect of how I lead. There’s just this openness and comfort with me and with others that is just so different than before.”

I want to step back again just a little bit. We’ve talked about you. We’ve talked about the business. We’ve touched a little bit on what it’s like coming home. What’s the experience like now as a husband?

What is the experience like for you? What is life like now for you? How do you see your daughter? What adjustments have you made as a husband? What do you see as a husband? What adjustments and what do you see as a father?

“I was talking to Stacy, my wife, about how I’m trying to be deliberate with Addie, our daughter. I understand I’m not going to do everything right. I’m at least trying to be deliberate in what of my natural behaviors I push on to her, or I encourage or don’t encourage within her.

One of the things that you really helped me see is that I get self-worth by being productive in any given moment, so trying to make sure that at some point I instill a good work ethic in Addie.

The ability to choose and find her self-worth from the right places, from her spirituality and other things, not just from what she thinks other people want to see.”

For anyone who’s out there, there’s a lot of people listening, business owners, leaders, individuals, stay at home moms, that have not gotten around to doing LifePlan. “I’ll get it. I need to, yeah, I need to do that. Ah, I’ll get to it.”

That is one of the things that we hear a lot is people saying, “You know, I know I’ve needed to do this for 2 years.” What would you say to them about getting in?

“My dad has been through LifePlan, my brother. I have been through LifePlan. It changes generations. It’s going to change Addie. She’s going to have more awareness for her children, or the people that are close to her in her life. It has a long lasting impact. I would never have realized these.

There’s just nothing else in my life I ever would have encountered that would’ve helped me see that. To have that big of an impact, is pretty amazing. That’s where some people do have a lot of anxiety, or concern about the experience, about the 2 days that LifePlan is.

I just try to really look at the big picture, 2 days of discomfort, I’ll say, is worth a lifetime of better choices, and better understanding, and better decisions. For me, it’s a no brainer to invest the time, and the money, and the effort, and the discomfort to come out on the other side so different and so aware. It’s amazing.”

Last question. If you could go back to a young Brent Van Haren, what would you tell him?

“I made a lot of decisions when I was young for other people. Still working on that today. I wouldn’t change any of the trajectory of my life because of my amazing wife and daughter.

There are plenty of decisions that I look back on and don’t understand myself. There are just a lot of things that I would’ve changed about me and my need to please others rather than just a passion that isn’t a need to make others happy. A lot stems from that for me.”

That’s one of the best things that you can learn coming through LifePlan, is that the thing that you’ve done that unfortunately you got self-worth from remains the thing that you get to do most likely. It’s from a completely different direction, different purpose.

QUESTION: What is holding you back from LifePlan?


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Will You Miss Out Or Finish Strong? Tue, 08 Sep 2015 05:01:55 +0000 Will You Miss Out Or Finish Strong “Oh my gosh, Christmas is actually not that far away.” We are now getting close to the fourth quarter. We’re getting close to the fourth quarter of the year. Kids are back in school, people have finished their summer vacations, and while we want to get our brains plugged back in, we don’t think about what’s about to come our way. It is the holiday season.

We’ve got a goals worksheet so it is going to be based on all the things that we’re talking about today so you can take a look at this and say what do I need to focus on? What areas do I need to set goals for?

finish strong goal setting worksheet

We’re going to be talking about that today from the aspect of the wheel of life. What things do you need to be doing? What areas do you need to be covering? The physical, the career, the financial goals, the family, the spiritual, the intellectual, all of these things that we need to be focusing on to make sure that we don’t let this quarter throw us off track.



Make sure that you actually have a plan on how you’re not going to spend everyday shoving a ton of junk in your body. This is the time that everyone crashes. I’m just going to say three little words pumpkin spice latte!

There’s a ton of shopping that’s goes on. Then there’s parties that we go to which are going to have a ton of junk as well. There’s a lot of running around that happens that tends to cause us to stop eating healthy. We really have to think through the things that we’re putting in our body.

Here’s the deal, sugar is in my world legalized cocaine. It is terrible for you! In fact, they’ve done studies where they have taken cocaine addicted rats and given them the option of cocaine or sugar. Guess which one they chose?

The sugar every single time! They have taken scans of your brain when you put sugar in your body. It does the same exact thing. It has the same response as cocaine. The reward receptors in your brain respond, “This is really, really good. Do more of this.”


The days are getting shorter so we’re going to be spending less time outside. You’ve got to be getting outside even if only for ten minutes a day. Make sure that you do this so that you get some vitamin D in your body thus decreases your chance of getting sick.


I’m not going to tell you that you need to go ballistic with this. In fact, all I want you to do is think about being active at least 30 minutes a day. you release dopamine and endorphins in your brain. These are the happy drugs. These are the things that you want going on in your brain, not the sugar junk.

These are the things that make you happy; this helps you to have emotional well-being. This supports your brain and your nervous system.

Here are some things that you can do to just be active for 30 minutes. I would love it if you are doing burst training by the way. If you’re doing that, that would be great. That’s probably the best thing you could possibly do. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.

If you’re going grocery shopping, carry the groceries out if you can instead of using the cart. If your kids are playing soccer then walk around the field. Climb the bleachers, dance in your kitchen. I don’t care. Do it while you’re making dinner. I may have been known to dance in my kitchen quite often by myself but hey at least I’m doing it and I’m getting some exercise.


Make sure that you have a plan to get some sleep. This is the crazy time of year and unfortunately we keep jacking up our sleep while we’re going to parties, and going shopping late, and doing all this stuff, and drinking coffee late in the afternoon. Make sure that you’re actually getting enough sleep.

Stop your electronics at least 30 minutes before you go to bed. Pick up a book and read, that will help you on your intellectual goals. If you’re reading the word then that will help you on your spiritual goals. But stop, stop all the electronics. Pick something up, read.



For me, I am a very growth minded kind of guy. I truly believe that the most successful businesses are growth minded as well. Ask yourself the following questions. Make sure that you’re writing down those steps and What it’s going to take to get there.


  • With the remainder of this year, what is it that would take me to the next level?
  • Where do it see myself by the end of the year?
  • Are there things that I can do to get myself to the next level?
  • Are there things that are holding me back? What are those?
  • What are those things that you could be doing right now to enhance, to grow, to push you along?



Folks, we have a few months left before Christmas destroys your checkbook and you know it’s going to happen if you’ve not been planning. Be sure that you’re budgeting.

Make sure if you’re married, that you’re talking to your spouse about the things to expect. What’s coming up? Look at the remainder of the year and ask yourself the question. What things do we need to save for?

Whatever that is, make sure that you’re putting this in your budget. Make sure that you’re walking through your financial goals and your financial plan so that you don’t get jacked up along the way. Because way too many people do that and unfortunately they jump in the next year and they are already behind.

What things do you need to be budgeting for? What things do you need to plan for? How much money are you going to spend at Christmas? How much money are you going to spend at Thanksgiving when you go see family? Whatever it is, make sure that you’re asking yourself those questions when it comes to budgets.



Now that kids are back to school, what is the balance and structure of your life look like? It gets a little bit more hectic. Make sure that you’re scheduling your time wisely so you’re not missing things or having to run to things or getting frustrated because everything is stacked on top of each other. Make sure that you’re bringing balance and structure for you, for your spouse, and for your kids.


Make sure that you’re talking with your spouse and finding out what things are happening, what are you going to do, what am I going to do, how do we make sure that everything meshes so everybody is happy.

Remember, when it comes to family, this time of year is crazy commercialized. Make sure that you’re resetting the expectations of your kids. This is a great time for you to be leading them and understanding what’s going on.

Understanding what this time is really about. What each holiday is really about as opposed to all the pumpkin spice lattes and the toy aisles and all that junk. Make sure that you’re spending time resetting expectations of them so that you’re not getting entitled children.


Make sure that you’re spending quality time together. Turn off the TV and the electronics. Have dinners together. Have conversations together. Have them put their cellphones down or put them away so that you can actually have quality conversations and can do things.

What are you going to do? List those things out. Look up a ton of activities that you guys can do together and then put them on the calendar. If you want to have board game nights, then put them on the calendar. You can even think of conversation nights. Things that we want to talk about. List those out. Once a week put them on the calendar but understand that the electronics have got to go away.


I want you to think through and process through this time of year. What happens this time of year so that you can think through what healthy boundaries are needed. List them out. If you’ve got the same uncle who treats you like crap at Christmas time or Thanksgiving or if your parents always treat you horribly during that time, think through it. Process through it.

List out what healthy boundaries are needed. What do you need to put in place? If the problem is that you spend too much time at some places well maybe limit your time. Maybe don’t sit there and get beat up for a whole week, instead drop your time down.

Get the accountability if it’s all possible. Get somebody who understands what you’re going through. Find somebody that you can trust,  so that you can walk through this season and not be completely stressed out.

Do these things so that you can be happy, so that you can be healthy and so that you can get further along. Don’t allow this end of the year to stress you out. If you will do all of these things it will radically change what is the normal fourth quarter of the year for you, the end of the year.

QUESTION: How are you going to end this year strong?

Click here to download today’s show notes.

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How To Worry No More with Bruce Van Horn Tue, 01 Sep 2015 05:01:11 +0000 worry no more podcast graphic

Joining us on the show today, we have Bruce Van Horn, who is just a phenomenal, phenomenal guy. Bruce and I go back a ways. I’ve got to tell you that one of the things I love about Bruce is just his incredible happiness and positivity.

He has written the book, Worry No More, which is The 4 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living, and as a gift to our listeners and readers, he is giving away the first 4 chapters to the book!

worrynomoreThe opening of the book is a dedication to his boys. It reads:

“Because you deserve the best of me that I seek to become the fullest expression of who I was created to be. I love you, Dad.”

Bruce has had lots and lots of cause to worry in his life. February 17th of 2014, 9:22 in the morning, he put his youngest on school bus and had just started to eat breakfast.

“I was expecting my doctor to call me with the biopsy results, but he assured me that everything was just going to be fine. The phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and in that instant; I knew exactly what he was going to tell me.

I knew that eating breakfast that morning was going to be the last normal thing I would do for a very long time. Sure enough he called and he said, “Bruce, I just have no idea how to tell you this. It all came back bad. You’ve got stage 4 prostate cancer.” Then the wheels just start rolling and life didn’t assume normalcy for a long time after that”.

I’ll never forget the day that Bruce texted me. He had just found out. Knowing what he went through, the terrible pain and process that he had to go through, and yet his faith remained so very strong. His story is powerful and encouraging, so let’s dive in to some of the questions that I asked him.


Worry is using your imagination to create images of what you do not want to see, and/or events that you do not want to occur. It becomes paralyzing. It is like watching a movie. You’re creating, scripting, directing, and casting a movie in which you’re a victim.


There are so many things we worry about that we have absolutely no control over. There are certain things though that we worry about that we do have control over.

Stressing over it keeps you focused on the negative outcome and it paralyzes you from taking the action that you can take.

When you freak, you freeze and your brain stops functioning. You stop thinking about reality. You stop thinking about what are my options. You stop thinking of ways to get out of it

WHAT IS E + R = O?

There’s the event. Usually, we have no control over the event. We’re stuck in traffic. The outcome is going to be when I ultimately do get to work. Am I going to be all stressed out and angry or am I going to be happy and peaceful?

The difference between stuck in traffic and what happens at work is my response to it, the story that I tell myself. I had been telling myself a story in which I was a victim which left me powerless.

When I learned that I was not only capable of crafting a response, a story that I tell myself but that the response is 100 percent my responsibility not anybody else’s, WOW, empowering!

I can’t point the finger anywhere other than at me. That’s E + R = O.


Step one is literally watch a different movie. Many of us just live our lives unaware that we can indeed control our thoughts.

You have that 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day, and researchers have discovered that approximately 75 percent of those are negative.


Packing up our belongings and moving a couple hundred miles away might remove us from the source of what we think is some of our worry. That’s not the moving to a different state that I mean. I’m talking about physical and mental state management.

Our bodies have control over our emotions. When we’re happy, our bodies move in a certain way. We are expansive. We take up more space.

If you will move your body the way you would be moving your body, if you were happy, amazingly, you start to become happy.


When we’re worried, we are thinking about the future. When we’re thinking about the future, we are not living in the present.

The only thing that is absolutely guaranteed in this life is that God only gives us right now, this very second. The only time in which you have any power to do anything about the future is right now.

Practicing mindfulness. Living in the moment. Catching yourself thinking about the future and reminding yourself.

This is why scripture says, “Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.” Live today.

Step 4: REST IN P’S

The P’s are perspective, plan, purpose, perfection, and peace. Ultimately, if we can understand that the life that we are experiencing right now we are only able to experience within our own thought process, then we can realize that there may be another perspective, another way.

This idea of perspective and the fact that our lives follow a plan and that plan has a purpose. There’s meaning to the things that happened in our lives.

I don’t believe there any coincidences because if things can happen randomly and outside of God’s control, then that leaves God being pretty weak. Where does omnipotent go?

Trusting that there is a plan and that there’s a purpose and that the creator of this plan and purpose is perfect means whatever is happening in your life is perfect. It doesn’t mean it’s pleasant.

If you can wrap your brain around perspective, plan, purpose and perfection, it can’t help but bring peace into your life and that’s ultimately what we want from our worry is peace.


We live in this paradox and trying to find peace in that paradox. We are 100 percent responsible for our lives as far as the decisions we make, the thoughts we think, and the way we respond to certain event in our lives.

We do not usually get to choose the path we get to walk down, but we get to choose how we walk it.

The concept of “it’s your imagination”, we don’t go there. We don’t think, I’m imagining something that has not happened yet. I’m imagining something that could be negative that I don’t want to see in the future; worry equals imagination.

Again, click the link below to get the first 4 chapters of the book “Worry No More”.


Question: What things are you imagining that are causing you to worry?

Click here to download the transcript.

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Busting The Poverty Mindset Mon, 24 Aug 2015 05:01:21 +0000

Flipping through my Facebook feed, I saw a video of somebody talking about how poor people are kept poor, are held down and forced to remain poor. This frustrated me because my story is one of growing up not having money.

I’ll share my personal story, what it takes to bust out of poverty, and help you see if this mindset is effecting your workplace. Plus my top 10 books to a wealth mindset.

As soon as I could swing an ax, I was chopping wood. We’d go out into the forest in Lake Tahoe. The forestry division would have certain trees that were dying marked. We’d go and drop those trees, buck them, and cut them into huge rounds. We would bring them home and split them by hand so that we could sell the firewood, and have firewood for ourselves.

At 14, I was working in a restaurant so that we could have money. Later on, I worked at North American Van Lines moving people. I was a cook, and at one point, I remember getting up at 2:00 in the morning to go work at UPS loading trucks, and then go to work at my full-time job. I would finish that, and then go to night classes so I could try and figure out how to make more money.

Folks, I did not come from wealth. I was on the ground floor of E*Trade. There was a time I was working 50 hours of overtime a week!! I was busting it, loving it, and getting a paycheck that reflected that. I’ve been busting it.

When I came on at Dave’s, Dave offered me an opportunity. If you are willing to come and bust it for me, I will share with you.

I’ve got to tell you, those early days, there wasn’t a whole lot of money. I took a decent pay cut to go and grab a hold of an opportunity. If I could make it happen, if I was willing to bust it like crazy, if I was willing to work my tail off, then I had an opportunity in front of me.

I can tell you, I worked every single day until about nine or 10:00 at night. I worked Saturdays. I worked Sunday afternoons. I worked like crazy. I had to actually get out there, and put some things in place.

I didn’t even know that there was a system to hold people down. Why? Because there’s not a system to hold people down. What I learned was if I would go ballistic, then I could make money.

In fact, if you go back and look over all of the jobs I just talked about, every bit of my life has been serving people and busting my tail so that I could get to a place where I didn’t have to worry about money. A place that I don’t have to ever think about a poor mindset. That’s not a place I ever want to be again.

We found so many businesses and leaders that have been struggling with this. I want to help you get to a place of leading your team members, maybe even helping yourself. Maybe this is you if you are a leader or struggling with this.

So let’s BUST this myth:


Let them know that there is an opportunity for them to absolutely hustle and win with money. You have to show them, and be willing to pay someone who does. You’ve got to start there. What are you willing to give to them if they will go bust it? Bring money in, I’ll share it with you, period! That’s it.


Are they just in an administrative role, or are they supporting an area that is creating more revenue? They are actually part of that process. How do you share with them? Obviously, pay them a great salary, but could you give them part of profit sharing? What do you do? You have think through and allow them to see that they have an opportunity as well.

Personality styles side note, understand that if they are a high C or a high S, usually, money is not their greatest motivator. Having consistent money is really important to them, and having you come along and tell them that they’re doing a great job is an important part of it as well.

There are a lot of people that still have C and D or S and I that might be in a role that you can show them, “Hey, here’s still greater opportunity, and also, I’m willing to pay you profit sharing.” For folks that aren’t money-motivated by commission, they will be very happy to see profits in their paycheck, I can promise you that!


My team is well aware that I am willing to spend money on them becoming better. I will pay for it. I will spend money on my team members to become better so that they can make even more money. I’m all about that.


Like I said, almost every single job that I have ever had in some way, shape, or form served people. It took care of people. It helped people. Serve people. Help them to get what they need, you will never worry about having enough, period.

As we talked with Rabbi Lapin, you have to become obsessively preoccupied with the needs of others. As you serve well, and do well, money comes your way. People want to pay to have their lives changed, to have their businesses changed. That’s common sense.  We don’t have to seek the money. Instead, we serve people. They take care of us in the process.

When you discover this key to wealth, when you discover this key of serving, working hard, busting it, hustling, and taking care of people, you tend to do it more.

You realize that it’s very difficult to feel entitled when you’re taking care of other people. When you are helping other people get their needs met, it’s really difficult for you to go, “I need my handout.”

There are champions out there who want it. They want the opportunity!

Do those things and you will have a team that’s focused on serving. You will have a team that’s focused on gaining wealth. You will have a team that is focused on growing your business.

It is all about changing your mindset, not only yours but that of your teams. If you can have a team that has this kind of mindset, there is nothing you can’t accomplish.

I have list of books that I have read and used in the past that have helped me to keep my mindset focused on growth, on growing me, on growing my business, on growing my wealth, on not having a poor mindset, not having an entitled mindset. Books that helped me to get to a place of constantly knowing what to do next, how to go forward, and how to focus on serving God’s kids. Click the link below to get the free download.

Did you enjoy the post? How have you kept from having a poverty mindset?

Click here to download the transcript.

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Savannah Flynn on Social Media Marketing Tue, 18 Aug 2015 05:01:25 +0000  

Savannah Flynn on Social Media Marketing

Did  you know that Facebook has 1.5 billion people actively on it? There are already 30 million business pages on Facebook. Is yours one of them? Did you know that it has the most evenly distributed demographic?  Which means you’re going to find almost as many 50-year olds on Facebook as you are 20-year olds.

Social media is networking online!  So what if your business could get .1% of those people interested in what you are doing, you have increased your reach in your customer base by a thousand times!!

Today, on the show, we are talking all about social media. We walk through the importance of social media in your business, how to use it, and why you should be using it. PLUS, get Savannah’s SOCIAL MEDIA SWIPE FILE! It is a “power” tool FULL of proven tips and tricks that we use here in our business right at your fingertips!

Some Questions I Asked:

  • Why is an editorial calendar important?
  • What should be posted on a business platform?  
  • What is an avatar, and why do businesses need to know what their avatar is?
  • Can you explain vanity numbers?
  • How do you know what your demographic is?
  • What is a swipe file and how do you use it?

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • How to discover who your avatar is.
  • How to build loyalty through engagement on social media
  • What native posting is and how is applies to different social platforms
  • The importance of having a strategy for each platform
  • How to measure your engagement on each platform
  • Tools, Tips & tricks that we use
  • PLUS, so much more good stuff!!!

Links mentioned in this episode:

 Did you enjoy the podcast?

We barely scraped the surface of all the ways to market using social media. In what ways are you using social media? Comment below and share, it helps others to grow.

Click here to download the transcript.

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Business Secrets from the Bible with Rabbi Daniel Lapin Tue, 11 Aug 2015 05:01:14 +0000  


Nearly every year 100 Jewish people are included in the Forbes 400 Wealthiest Americans.  By demographic proportion, there shouldn’t be more than 8 or 9.

How are they consistently wealthier than the rest of the population? That is exactly what we discuss on today’s episode!

For those of you that have been with me for a long time, you’ve heard the interviews that I’ve had with Rabbi. He’s just not only one of my favorite people to interview, but also a huge influence in my life.

And while there is SO much information that we discussed, I actually had to delete a bunch of questions to not make the show a week long!! There are 40 secrets in the book and we hit on some crazy powerful life changing information! 

Some Questions I Asked:

  • How does secret #1 give businesses such an incredible advantage?
  • What is the power of specialization and exchange? 
  • How much greater advantage do businesses have by becoming interdependent on people?
  • Why is it that we don’t treat the person that signs our paycheck the same way we treat the customers of the business?
  • Can you explain to us God’s offering to us?
  • Why is the community aspect so powerful in the Jewish community?

“You must become obsessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”
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In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • The strategies, tips, tools, and techniques derived from ancient Jewish wisdom
  • Why secret number #1 is a mantra in our office
  • How Bill Gates faired against Mother Teresa
  • The power of specialization and exchange
  • How connecting with other people is vital to your business
  • The potential dangers for subjectivity
  • How money is a certificate of good performance
  • Plus much more… 

Did you enjoy the podcast?

Rabbi Lapin is phenomenal. His book Business Secrets From The Bible is a powerful, powerful book. I loved his analogy of a rental car. What are your thoughts on this analogy?

Click here to download the transcript.

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