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Chris LoCurto

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March 2, 2011

I’m Fine, Really.

We are extremely blessed here at Dave Ramsey‘s organization to have world-class speakers/teachers/preachers do our devotionals each week. We recently had the incredible author of The Search for God and Guinness, Stephen Mansfield, talk to us about some research he’s done. He shared how he’s been called in to help with situations where high-profile athletes, pastors and artists have “crashed” by having a meltdown, an affair, etc. He discovered that in every situation, there were 10 warning signs. I just wanted to share my notes from his talk with you:

Cover of "The Search for God and Guinness...

Cover via Amazon

10 Warning Signs of a Crash

1. Isolation

The person isolated himself from his usual “band of brothers.” You need an accountability group who will walk closely with you – people who love you but are not impressed by you. People who will tell you you’re being stupid and then go grab coffee with you. Reasons for isolation:

  • View of authority – The person thought he was above others.
  • “I’m better!” – Their exceptional talent leads to pride.
  • Guilt – The person felt bad about something they were doing – porn, bad marriage, etc.

2. Crisis Of Friendship

There were no friends who could speak truth into their life. They cleared the decks by pushing their friends away and caused problems so their friends would back away. Again, you need strong friends. Your spouse and employees aren’t enough. You need people willing to chew you out!

3. “Mechanical” Relationship With The Lord

Everything that was sweet and exciting about the person’s relationship with God became something he had to do. He developed a phone-in relationship with Jesus.

4. Stopped Nurturing the Poetry of His Work

If you can’t get up in the morning excited about what you do, you are moving toward burnout. Always ask yourself: “Am I staying connected to the poetry?”

5. Casting Out the “Demon” of Fun

The person didn’t allow himself planned distractions – fun and exciting things in his life. A man needs to have fun, blow something up, have outrageous sex with his wife, or pee in the sink. In other words, find a way to be rowdy! If you are not on the hunt for excitement in a healthy way, you’ll look for it elsewhere, like in an affair. The secrecy and the hunt of an affair will make up for the lack of excitement in other areas of life. Nobody needs to be overly domesticated!

6. The Schedule Is The Tyrant

The person became bitter about his schedule because it wasn’t workable.

7. Roles Were Reversed

In aptitude tests, women score above men in all areas except abstract thought and aggression. A woman who doesn’t have a strong man in her life will be tempted to look for an affair. If she has to be the decisive one all the time, she’ll look for a man who takes control. Women don’t want the responsibility for everything. Men often abdicate their responsibility and become passive, and that can come out in other ways of perversion. Weak men make angry women. You end up with passive, feminine men who are drawn to cranky women who take control.

8. Home As Opposition

The person began to see his home as a place of opposition, where all his flaws and shortcomings were magnified. Instead of being a warm place of beauty and rest, his home became a place he did not want to go to.

9. Defining Episodes Of Bitterness

All of us have had episodes, but how we move forward and deal with them matters to whether or not we can be successful. The soul has a memory like an elephant, so this bitterness leads to a feeling of entitlement. For example, a husband may turn to porn to get back at his wife after she points out his shortcomings.

10. Covering Up The Dysfunctions

The person felt he had to protect the “image” at all costs. He had to keep things looking good.

All of these sign are things you should be watching out for. Not only for yourself, but for those you love. But the deal is, you have to be strong enough to chew on them about it, as well as love them out of it!

I would love to see some discussion on this so please comment. What do you think of these 10 signs? Would you add anything to the list?

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  • Anonymous

    Dissillusionment about the reality of life. It does not always meet our expectations. People look outside of their daily realm to find the magic that will match the dream. Maybe it is just around the next corner… the next affair, the next pill, something to cure the “Is this all there is?” syndrome. Living life in the fast lane to avoid facing reality with all its dailyness and boredom.