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Chris LoCurto

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January 7, 2014

It’s Okay to be Selfish [Podcast]

January 7, 2014 | By | 23 Comments

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During LifePlan, the topic of being selfish comes up all the time and it’s always an assumed no-no. Healthy selfishness is a vital piece of living a healthy life with boundaries. If you don’t have healthy boundaries in your life, a boundary that says “stop here” or “this is my limit,” you’ll get walked all over.

If you haven’t read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, buy a copy today!

When you begin to start setting healthy boundaries at home and at work, it changes your life. Be selfish and get rid of junk so you can be the best version of yourself. Take time to unpack your past and get healthy. If you don’t get rid of the baggage in your life, you’ll continue to carry it around and pick up more along the way.

Take time to get healthy. Take time to get coached on how to do that. If you’re interested in LifePlan, check out the Work With Me page above for additional information.

Dillanos Coffee

We tasted the Sumatra blend from Dillanos Coffee Roasters today. On the next episode, we’ll be tasting the Rwanda blend. Get 15% off your coffee order by using the code “CLoTribe”

Question: What’s the most selfish thing you’ve done that’s helped you to be better?

 

  • T.J.

    I moved away from home to pursue my career in music. I’m currently not doing music but have grown much more than I would have had I stayed home.

  • Phil Bates

    For those like me who don’t like the word “selfish” try “self-care”. I look at self-care as the balance between selfish and self-less. Last year I spent two months in a treatment center to treat severe depression and anxiety. That was the best thing I could have done for myself. For me it was the ultimate self-care.

  • http://lancecashion.com/ Lance Cashion

    I understand what you are getting at but I can’t agree its ever okay to be ‘selfish’. We’ve managed to redefine the word (like countless others). Today, we spend our time qualifying the words we use b/c we’ve allowed word to be redefined. 100 years ago or 2000 years ago, If you said it’s okay to be selfish, people understood the true meaning of the word. Today, I say “It’s okay to be selfish… but, I mean the ‘good’ kind of selfish.”

    Historically, ‘selfish’ has always carried negative connotations. Only in recently in the post-modern era has selfish been redefined to include a ‘positive’ characteristic. Self-preservation and self-discipline are not positive forms of selfishness. Selfish always carries a destructive component.

    Biblically, there is not an instance of selfish being anything than a negative.

    Setting boundaries is not selfish, its actually a form of self-discipline. “A Selfish person does not consider others and engages
    in self-serving and self-seeking behavior. In fact, by definition
    selfish excludes everyone but one’s self and ones own interests.”

    That said, I continue to find myself being the bad kind of selfish… there is nothing ‘okay’ with that ;)

  • http://www.WesleyWiley.com/ Wesley Wiley

    Great question. Definitely just saying “No” more frequently. I loved the podcast with Rory where the light bulb went off that every yes to one person is possibly a “no” to many others. Simple but true.

  • http://www.jonstallings.com/ Jon Stallings

    For me it is learning to say no. No can be very hard for a Pastor. We are hard wired to help. So on occasion I have to say no to people who need help. It was such a relief to admit that I really can’t do it all and in the long run it better for all involved if my answer is “no.”

  • @dhensleigh

    Most selfish thing I do? Spend time with myself so I can hear myself think and figure out what is most important to me. Sometimes, it means not spending time with other people. But regular alone time is in my schedule and on my priority list.

  • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

    I love how Michael Hyatt explains that “self-care is not being selfish”. I struggle as many women do with differentiating between self-care and selfishness because we are so wired to care for our husband and children. The most selfish thing I did this past year was attending EntreLeadership and Launch Conference and going on vacation with my husband without the kids :)

    • http://www.ChrisLoCurto.com Chris LoCurto

      You are absolutely right Lily! I am always trying to convince women that it’s OK!! I have many women CEOs that still do their own laundry and grocery shopping. Which is fine if you WANT to do that stuff. But it’s also ok if you hire someone so you can have that time back.

      • http://www.lilykreitinger.com/ Lily Kreitinger

        I can’t wait to be a CEO so I can hire someone to do my laundry :)

        • lucrecer

          I am all about having someone do the laundry. LOL

  • lucrecer

    The most selfish thing I have done is get rid of vampires disguised as friends. Those relationships sucked the life out of me and added nothing positive to my life. The more I rid myself of negative people and conversations, the better.

    • http://www.ChrisLoCurto.com Chris LoCurto

      AAAAAMEN!! That is something I’ve had to do many times in my life. Sometimes I’ll get rid of them only to get comfortable and let others in. Great advice!

      • lucrecer

        I have done the same thing with getting comfortable. I am trying to be mindful of this in the future.

    • http://www.mattham.com/ Matt Ham

      Fantastic advice – a GREAT example of being selfish!

      • lucrecer

        It is a complete necessary in my life. Honestly wish I had been selfish like this sooner.

  • http://JonDHarrison.com/ Jon D Harrison

    I started waking up at 5am – this gives me some much needed “me time” that I can’t seem to find at any other time (Husband, father of a toddler, full time employee, blogger, consultant, friend, network board member, etc…)

  • http://www.mattham.com/ Matt Ham

    Chris this is an interesting one as I’ve been battling some bullying lately from ‘friends’ saying that my pursuit of writing/speaking/blogging seems selfish. It hit home as I traditionally am a pleaser. Are there any tips to try and discern bullying from criticism?

    Ordered my first batch of Dillanos this week – YUM!

    • http://www.ChrisLoCurto.com Chris LoCurto

      Yes, if the people giving you feedback are straight up negative, remove them from your list of influencers! I don’t mind you taking withdrawals from bank if you’ve put enough deposits in and I trust you.

      Does that make sense Matt? I’m still waiting for the coffee to kick in. :)

      • http://www.mattham.com/ Matt Ham

        Thanks brother – makes a ton of sense. I appreciate your leadership and your words. Need to get with Joel about tasting some of that pizza ;)

        • http://www.getservekeep.com/ Joel Fortner

          I may or may not share the pizza. Just a warning.

          • http://www.mattham.com/ Matt Ham

            Listen – I know this is a podcast on being selfish, but if I’ve got the location, you’ve got the pizza ;) Tell CLo he’s welcome, but only if he cooks

    • http://www.mattmcwilliams.com/ Matt McWilliams

      Seems to be a theme lately. When you grow, you will leave some people behind.

      Jon Acuff: http://acuff.me/2014/01/hardest-lesson-learned-2013/

      Me: http://www.mattmcwilliams.com/personal-growth-means-tough-decisions/

      It’s not that you are mean, but growing. It’s one thing if they criticize you for watching too much sports or something else unhealthy. It’s another when they call you a health nut, criticize you for saving money, or call you selfish for blogging.

      • http://www.mattham.com/ Matt Ham

        Thanks Matt – I’ll check out those reads!