Are you afraid of other peoples opinions of you? Do you always seem to attract folks who need rescuing?
Well… you just might be a people pleaser.
Quite a few people who come through Next-Level Life struggle with being a people pleaser and finding their worth in the acceptance of other people. It can control them.
When your life always revolves around being a people pleaser, you actually end up losing life. It robs you of your authentic self, and it all comes from a person’s Root System.
The way to think about Root System is that we’re all the sum of what’s happened in the past, and the influence we’ve allowed in, and that’s from where we make every decision…like people pleasing.
In this episode of The Chris LoCurto Show, I discuss 10 signs you may be a people pleaser.
Here’s a breakdown of the 10 signs:
1. You end up doing things for others in hopes that they will do things for you.
2. You become frustrated when people don’t love you back.
3. You’re guarded and you don’t let people in so that you don’t get hurt.
4. You’re always afraid of other people’s opinions of you.
5. You feel you are worth less than other people.
6. You attract takers and people who always need to be rescued.
7. You always apologize for things that you do. You blame yourself.
8. You become a victim of constructive criticism.
9. You neglect you.
10. You let opportunities and life pass you by.
If that list sounds a lot like you and you found yourself saying, “That’s me!”, I encourage you to learn more about Next-Level Life.
Your worth is not dependent on someone else’s opinion of you. It’s dependent on God, and what He thinks of you matters most.
Find your significance in Him! He’s crazy about you!
23 thoughts on “68 | 10 Signs You’re a People Pleaser”
Is this similar to not speaking up, afraid you are wrong or sound stupid?
Absolutely Mary. Many people pleasers won’t speak up because they are afraid of being judged and being looked down upon. So many times they will hold their opinions so they don’t feel “less than”.
I knew this was me, just reading the title and I fit several of the signs! Thanks for the info, will be looking at this more closely.
Absolutely Mary! Let us know if we can help.
I know several people who are people pleasers. Overcoming the walls is/are? the hardest to do.
Do you mean putting them up, or engaging someone who has them?
Engaging. Getting to a deeper level of trust and intimacy.
Oh absolutely. When they have put up walls, there are no options.
Living life as a people pleaser feels like having never left high school. Stuck in a perpetual loop of worrying about how pretty you are, are your clothes cool enough, does he/she like me, what if you are not invited to the party.
Getting past it is so freeing. The ability to make decisions purely on their merit without worrying about how it will make somebody feel is revolutionary.
High I’s (me raises hand) and High S’s don’t ever seem to fully escape this behavior. The minute we stop paying attention we slip right back into the same pattern of trying to make everybody happy. I envy the ease of those who get past this naturally.
haha….you are so right William! However, I haven’t experienced “naturally” ever happening. Lol. It’s s difficult process of gaining a ton of perspective, and telling yourself 24/7 that you are worth more than what other people think of you. It’s so vital, and yet so few people ever get there. That’s why we do what we do.
I love the high school analogy!
Gosh, I would guess we’re all people pleasers if even only in small ways. (I love making my Dad proud of me!) But my friend Mary is the ultimate people pleaser. She is always doing things (beautifully and well) for others, but she is also always looking for accolades, titles (and power) and name-dropping. And she constantly grouses about how unappreciated she is, being very specific as to who is undervaluing her. Love her dearly, but there is a definite BOUNDARY where she’s concerned so that I’m not drug down in her wallowing. (There’s a Southern word for you!)
I’m just glad you used grouses Dale. 🙂
Number 10. You let opportunities and life pass you by, has been a big one for me for years. Not so much anymore now that the Lord has delivered me from that.
I see a lot of these signs in myself, but 4 & 5 hit painfully close to home. I agree with you when you say to “find your significance in God”.
I have been on a search to reconnect, or maybe I should say to connect with God for the first time. I was involved with a denomonation for a long time that turned me off of organized religion, but I have never stopped believing in God.
I know its a little off topic, but I would like to throw this question out for discussion: with so many different doctrines all claiming to be true, how does one choose a place of worship?
That is actually a fantastic question! If you’ve followed me for a bit, you probably already know that I hate religion! I love Jesus, just not so much man’s interpretation that has created separation. Therefore, my focus on a church is never on religiosity, but instead on their ability to bring me closer to God through wisdom and education, and my ability to “gather with the saints” so I can be stronger in self by community. Church will NEVER be the relationship, just a place to grow, be fed, and give.
I see a need to not feel “selfish” in friends that are chronic people pleasers. Is it looked at as being selfish if you aren’t a “people pleaser.” Or maybe it means you have developed decent boundaries?
By definition, being a people pleaser is selfish since it’s an attempt to gain self-worth and self-esteem. My purpose in life is to help people get and make better lives. However, I have great boundaries since my self-worth comes from God….mostly. 🙂
This is so liberating. I always understood it the wrong way around what Paul writes in Gal 1:10. It is actually the most liberating thing you can think of. God is after your freedom and liberty and doesn’t want to put more demands on your life.
Do you agree with this Chis? Thanks for this, what would you say are some first steps to take if you want to break free from a mentality of bondage?
I believe that Paul is specifically speaking on not serving self by not preaching the Gospel. But I do agree that there is IMMENSE freedom and liberation in realizing that people pleasing IS bondage, and focusing on God relieves that.
i am that guy, any suggestion to change my atiitude?
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