Why do we get stuck in life? What leads us there?
Here is the thing about being stuck: none of us plan for it, none of us quite know what to do with it…here’s the truth: we can discover why we get stuck, and take actions to get out of the rut and living the life we desire.
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Why did we get stuck in life and how do we get unstuck? More on that coming up next. Take the right steps in business more on that coming up next.
Welcome to the Chris Locurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.
Welcome to the show folks. Today we are talking about the three causes to feeling stuck. Now there’s plenty of causes of feeling stuck, but we’re going to hit on three major things today. So I want you to think about this. Remember running around as a kid, you know like after a really good rain and stepping in deep mud. What happened? You actually get your feet stuck. You remember that feeling? Where like, you’re trying to pull your foot out of the mud and there’s just, it’s not happening or you’ve got a boot on and your foot maybe comes out easily, but the boot, you cannot get out. You’re stuck in it and no matter, no matter how much normal amount of power you do, nothing actually happens. Your feet just stay stuck in the mud. Here’s the thing about being stuck. None of us planned for it.
None of us quite know what to do with it when it does happen. But here’s the great thing about it and we’re going to talk about this later on in the show. It’s never impossible to overcome and get moving again. So here’s the question. Why do we get stuck in life? What leads us there? So the three causes to feeling stuck or, or three that I want to focus on today. Let me say that way. Now, these are not the only three, but these are three big causes to feeling stuck. Number one is lack of vision for yourself. I want to ask you this question. I want you to really, really think about this before you answer this because a lot of folks will immediately answer, oh, of course. Oh Yeah, oh, of course, I’ve got a vision. Do you really have a vision for your life?
Not just what you’re doing for business, not just what you’re doing to make money, not just in paying off bills. Do you know where you want to be in six months from now? Do you know where you want to be a year from now, five years from now, 15 years from now? Do you know where you want your family to be, your kids, to be your spouse, to be? Do you know where you want your retirement money to be? Do you know where you want your physical being to be? I don’t just mean your career, family, all seven areas of the wheel of life, career, financial, physical, social, personal, family, and God. Do you know each one of those places are going to be in just six months or a year or five years or 30 years? Is it a vague idea of flooding around or or is it something you can truly envision and take action toward?
Are you taking action to accomplish those things? Do have a plan or at least milestones to aim towards that take you in the right direction? The key is when we don’t have vision, and by the way, every single thing that I just mentioned, every single one of those areas, it is possible for you to have not just vision in but great vision and vision that you’re accomplishing. Envision that you’re aiming toward, right. When we do not have vision we can start to stagnate and even ask ourselves what’s the point when we don’t have vision, how do we know where to go or what we’re looking forward to? Now we’re going to answer that question and we’re going to dig into how to get unstuck. Right after I tell you about one of our services that helps our clients get their lives moving again. Next level life is our two day personal discovery experience.
It’s a one on one personalized event where we guide you through a process to help you discover your root system, to get unstuck in life and to discover what’s holding you back from freedom and peace. Imagine this, what if you could wake up every morning with a clear purpose? What would it look like to have healthier relationships with less conflict? Where would you be in a few months, a year, five years if you had clarity, purpose and peace. Probably a big difference from where you stand today. Now I know it’s possible because I’ve been where you are asking myself is there more? There is and there is a better way and it starts with next level life. You can go to chrislocurto.com/discover to take the next step. Now, if you’re struggling with this contentment, regret, or not feeling good enough, which most of you are, if you’re filled with anxiety or your relationships are lacking, don’t keep going through the same motions every single day.
Learn how to move past the things, robbing you of peace. Go to chrislocurto.com/discover and take the next step. Welcome back folks. Let’s hop back into what can cause us to get stuck with number two. And some of you, the moment I say this, it’s gonna. It’s gonna hit home because you’ve experienced this. You may be in it. And that is a toxic environment. When we are in a toxic environment, no matter what it is, whether it’s at home, whether it’s at work, no matter where it is, whether it’s friends, relationships that we have, when we are in a toxic environment, it can make us feel powerless or trapped. And when I say that, I mean being powerless or trapped, that can have a strong effect on our mental health. Yes, it can be that powerful for a lot of folks. Now, some of you listening to this might be thinking, well, that’s not me.
That’s all right. I’ll hit you with one of these three, but some folks are coming from a very toxic environment when we choose to stay in a toxic place or situation, we may be submitting our power and authority to other people. I say, we may be because I want you to hear it that way, but I’m going to tell you you are. When we are stuck in toxic environments, the fact that we are stuck there, the fact that we are in it, the fact that we are choosing to be there, even though sometimes we don’t think that we are, that means that we are submitting ourselves, our power, and our authority to that toxic environment, to other people. We may even be telling ourselves that it doesn’t matter if we’re surrounded by toxicity or we’re experiencing hurt or pain. When you’re in that mindset, you’re not showing yourself enough value and worth folks.
When do you become worth it to not be stuck in a toxic environment? When do you become valuable enough to get yourself out of that situation? So many times we are unwilling to even stick up for ourselves. And the reason why breaks my heart, it’s the same thing we experience. Whenever I hear somebody say that they don’t deserve to be at one of our events or going through one of our programs, it breaks my heart because somehow in their minds, they’re not worth it. They’re not worth it. “Oh well that’s good for other people, but not for me.” That absolutely kills me. And what can be even more common though is experiencing toxicity and being in denial about it, not recognizing it when it’s right in front of us. Now, this is another tough thing that we deal with all the time, and I can tell you one of the biggest places.
So if you’ve ever heard somebody in your family or in relationships make a comment like this, then I want you to start to question it. Whenever you hear somebody repeatedly say something like, you know, blood is thicker than water, family’s the most important thing. The amazing thing is in healthy families that understand that ,they don’t state it in healthy relationships that understand that the relationship or the friendship is super important, doesn’t have to continuously state that it is. So if you ever been in a situation where somebody has to constantly say, hey, blood is thicker than water, there’s a reason behind that. And what you may not realize is you may be in a situation where it is toxic, but it doesn’t appear to be, or you know that it is and you’re denying it. So here’s some ways to help you find out if you’re in a toxic environment.
First of all, if there is any kind of physical, sexual or verbal abuse, any kind that’s toxic, a lot of abuse victims are unable to see it for what it really is, keeps them trapped and feeling powerless. People have an amazing capacity to justify the actions of others or paint a better picture in their mind of what is actually there. But if you think there is any chance you’re an abusive relationship, you need to talk to somebody about it. You really need to err on the side of being safe and here’s something I want you to know. If you have a belief, if you are in one of these situations, if you’re in a in an abusive situation and there is anything in your brain telling you that you will not be better getting away from it or you will not be able to support yourself or you will not be smart enough or nobody will want you and nobody will love you or or, or, or, or if there is any of that crap that is happening in your brain, that negative self talk, those lies two things I want you to know.
First off, total bull, absolute bull. That is not truth. It just isn’t true. You can take care of yourself. One of the top reasons why women who are being physically abused do not leave is because they believe that they will never be able to support themselves. Another one of those top reasons is that they believe that nobody will ever want them, that they’re not worth it. Total crap. So if you are hearing any of that negative self talk, the first thing I want you to understand is it’s totable. The second thing I want you to understand is, and what you really think about this, who’s been telling you that? Who’s been telling you that stuff? Because most likely it may be coming from the person who is abusing. So if you are hearing that from somebody, that should be a massive red flag. Uh, I’ll never forget when I was a kid, my mom used to work with domestic violence, um, uh, with the sheriff’s department, uh, where I grew up.
And you could see and hear the crap that would come from these abusive people. And the crazy thing is it worked. One of the things that a police are supposed to do, the moment they get on the scene, is to separate the two people before they even start asking questions. And there is, I’ve literally seen this happen. I’ve watched somebody shut somebody else down by a look. If you’re in that, you need to get out. You need to err on the side of being safe and understand that that is toxic. Also, are there folks around you who are telling you this is toxic, this is bad, this is not a good place for you to be. If you have those people around you and you’ve been denying it, that should also be a pretty big red flag that you’re stuck in an abusive relationship. Now I hit the abusive side, but let’s take a look at signs that you know are still toxic but aren’t abusive.
Do you have, do you have people around you who tend to speak encouraging and uplifting words or are they constantly being nitpicky? You know, putting you or others down? Is there gossip behind people’s backs? Uh, does your environment have a reputation of running over people instead of caring for them? These are toxic people and toxic situations. So no matter what it is, whenever you look at that environment, if you, if you can not look at your environment and say, yeah, I’m growing in a healthy way here, then you have to start asking the question, are you growing in a toxic way? If you can look around and see this kind of junk going on and maybe folks just maybe for some of you it may be you, you may be part of that. You may be playing into that. Um, you may, um, have a root system that says, um, this is your training and this is the only way you know how to live.
Then I can tell you this, there are ways for you to overcome that. We’re going to talk about that in a little bit. Number three, and this is a terrible toxic place. And the crazy thing is, is that people understand this when you talk to them about it, but most of the time it is not recognized until you’re talking with somebody about it. Number three is isolation. Now feeling stuck often creates apathy, loneliness, frustration. When those things are happening, it typically means we are finding comfort in isolation instead of choosing company and isolation is a breeding ground for all the emotions that lead you to feeling stuck. I say this all the time, Isolation is the worst place you can be because who’s there just you and your negative self talk, just you in the crap that you’re saying in your head, just you and the lies that you’re believing.
There’s no way that that’s a healthy place and so often we go through experiences in life and because the experience is bad or we need to self-protect um, or we need to build a wall, we do it, we build that wall and then we keep everybody out, even the healthy people and we are stuck in this place of dealing with our emotions that aren’t in a great place dealing with the lies that we’re telling ourselves that we are convincing ourselves of and totally believing and beating the crap out of ourselves with the negative self talk, it’s all self-destructive. It’s all self protection in our brains but it’s all self. People are made for community and connection. That is how God made us. We are supposed to be in community, not toxic community. We’re not supposed to be hanging out there, right? We’re supposed to be in good, healthy community.
When we lack meaningful relationships, we will always drift towards feeling stuck. Now, this I believe, is the primary leading cause for feeling stuck. Think about how this can apply at home and at work or in friendships, right? If you don’t have good, healthy folks to share your life with, if you don’t have good, healthy people speaking into your life, if you’re not able to speak healthy words into somebody else’s life, is it surprising that you end up feeling stuck? I can tell you when I look back on my life, I have a fantastic community now and I’ve had for a very long time, but I can look back in those earlier days in my younger life that the times that I felt the most stuck is when I had no community or I didn’t have a healthy one. Let me say that, and it may not have been that the community was, was toxic.
It just wasn’t healthy. You know, I you have some of those friends that are constantly either always speaking negatively or always having you know, bad words to say about somebody or always telling you all the things that you need to do that you’re doing wrong and other things you need to do right, all that kind of stuff. When you don’t have a quality community that really can speak life into you, then it’s not surprising at all that we can absolutely drift towards the feeling of being stuck and it is always possible to get unstuck, but I can promise you this, it never happens alone. So before we get to the action steps of getting unstuck, I want to share with you about a phenomenal community that happens to be one of the services that we provide here and that is our next level mastermind.
Hey Joe Fortner here. I’m the Vice President of Leadership Development on Chris’s team and I oversee our next level mastermind program. Next level mastermind lays out a clear path to success for you in your business. It shows you how to make the right decisions, solve complex problems and lead more effectively. This is why collectively our clients saw on average a 46% increase in net profit over the last 12 months. I know business is tough and we build a system around you and give you the tools to help you win. To learn more, visit us at chrislocurto.com/mastermind again, that is chrislocurto.com/mastermind
Okay. Now for the action steps, the first action step, this is a must and guys, I want you to start practicing this right now. I want you to identify your patterns. Do you even know your patterns, do you know how you start to spiral down to a place of being stuck, right? The truth is we all are very aware. If we’re going to walk through mud, we’re getting stuck. We know it, we’ve known it, we’ve experienced it, we’ve been there and there are many times we can not even see that that’s exactly where we’re heading. We don’t even know that we’re walking in it. Are Your habits, are your actions, or your beliefs that are accompanying you, are they the slope down towards staying stuck? So thinking you’re a failure, not taking care of your health, blaming others, not investing in what brings you joy. These are all things that if those are your patterns, then guess what?
It’s not surprising where you end up all the time. What indicators are there to let you know that you’re starting to isolate? Identify your patterns after you’re done listening to this stop for just a moment and just think about what are some of the patterns that you experienced in life. Number two, know what is life giving to you and fill your life with them? So think about this. Two questions here. What brings you joy and what fills you up? Now I can tell you for me, those can be the same things and they can be two completely different things. There are a lot of things that bring me joy, great conversations bring me joy. Kids. Anybody who knows me, knows that kids bring me absolute joy. Uh, my team, working with the people I work with, our clients, uh, every time they come into our building, these are things that bring me joy.
What fills me up? Changing people’s lives, helping people to get incredible perspective. Going back home where I grew up in the mountains that absolutely fills me up. Watching people succeed in their family relationships absolutely fills me up. So there are things that bring me joy. There are things that fill me up. The more I understand those things and I actually put them in place in my life, the more that I begin to move away from being stuck. And here’s the funny thing as I’m thinking through this, if you think about the things I just mentioned, a lot of those have to do with people they have to do with community. They have to do with being healthy, surprise, surprise that those are the things that bring me joy and fill me up. Do you know what steps to take on a regular basis to keep yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy?
If you don’t, how are we going to get those things in place? What are the things that we need to do to make sure that those are all staying in check? Also, who are the people in your life that lift you up? Now, listen, I am in no way suggesting that you be a victim and be surrounded by people who are, you know, are your saviors. You know, the the savior mentality. I’m talking about healthy people who lift you up and also hold you accountable. At the same time I’m talking about somebody who comes along and who knows your capacity, who knows your abilities, who knows how special you are, who knows what you can accomplish, who knows how to help you get out of the junk and how to get unstuck. So you’ve got to know what is life giving to you and you’ve got to fill your life with those things.
And again, community is a big part of that. The third thing, let go of the things that are no longer life giving. Now, uh, our director of marketing, Matt Svobada, but it would be super happy if I inserted a thing about Marie Kondo right now, but that’s not what I’m talking about. But seriously, along those lines, let’s take a look at letting go. The things that are no longer life giving now life is full of necessary endings. A quote from Henry Cloud in his book necessary endings. “Getting to the next level always requires ending something. Leaving it behind and moving on. Growth itself demands that we move on without the ability to end things. People stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be. Never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them. Things are going to end”. Now. I’m not telling you to go out and do something stupid, so please do not take that the wrong way.
But there may be situations in your life. Maybe you’ve got a, a friendship that is just toxic and there’s no way you’re fixing that. There’s no way you’re turning that around. Uh, there’s going to be one caveat in this and that’s going to be, I’m not going to tell you to jump in and, and ruin your marriage, so just understand that caveat. You’re not going to hear that from you. Okay? But there may be other types of things, like maybe it’s a job. Maybe you’re working somewhere that is absolutely toxic and it is not bringing you life. Yeah, but Chris, it makes me money. Listen, you have a God that can provide you a better job. You have a God that can provide you money, so don’t stay somewhere that’s toxic because of something that is, you know, worthy to man, which is money. Go someplace that’s life-giving.
Try to find someplace that actually brings you life when you work there, when you show up everyday, it’s not a job that it’s not, you know, it’s not a toxic environment that you’re just getting a paycheck out of, but try and find a place that you can contribute to and it contributes to you as well. I love that about our environment here. We are constantly working to help other people change their lives and yet we are constantly working on us to change our lives, right? It’s a very healthy environment, so I’m not in any way, shape or form telling you to go cut off your nose, right? Despite your face. Don’t go quit a job three seconds after you finish hearing this and then you’re in trouble. What I’m saying is get to work, get to work. Start looking for something that’s a healthier alternative for you.
You know, do things, make smart decisions on how can you go put yourself in a place that is life-giving. Um, and again, you’re going to have to take a look at those relationships around you. Now again, my caveat is always going to be your marriage. You fight your butt off for that. You do whatever it takes to make that happen, right? Um, don’t make that mistake, fight, fight, fight. But, uh, it doesn’t mean that you don’t put in a healthy boundaries or better boundaries, right? We teach people all the time how to put in healthy boundaries. So take a hard look at all of your relationships and ask the question, where do I need healthy boundaries? Now, boundaries are the things that we put in place that we think are gonna hold unhealthy people back, but they don’t because they’re not that strong. Walls are the things that we feel like we have to wall up immediately to keep people out from hurting us.
And we end up walling out all the healthy people, healthy boundaries of the things we put in place that says to the toxic person, you don’t get past this point, but all the other healthier people can. And sometimes that boundaries close and sometimes out boundaries far off. What relationships do you need to put better, healthy boundaries in and for some of you, healthy boundaries for the first time. So folks, those are action steps that you can do right now. First, start by identifying your patterns. What do those look like? Then take a hard look at relationships and ask the question, where do I need healthy boundaries and where can I put those in? All right folks. There you have it. So these are the action steps you can do right now. First, identify your patterns. Make sure that you know you. What are the patterns that are getting you stuck?
What are the things that are leading you to being stuck? Second, know what is life giving to you and fill your life with them. Find those things that fill you up, including the healthy community. Makes sure that you’re surrounding yourself with healthy people, not toxic people. Put those things in life that fill you up and bring you joy and get you out of that being stuck. Third thing is take a hard look at relationships and ask the question, where do I need healthy boundaries and where am I going to put those in place? If you can do those three things starting right now, you can start moving yourself away from being stuck. Well, folks, hopefully this has helped you today. Thank you for joining me. I hope it has served you well. I encourage you to subscribe, rate, and share the podcast to help more people join our community
and as always, take this information, change your leadership, Change Your Business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.