412 | What Parenting and Leadership Have in Common

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

leaders, people, experiencing, nurturing, business, parents, lead, solve, struggle, conflict, team member, problem, responsibility, teach, leadership, teaching, kids, team, helping, situation

SPEAKERS

Joel Fortner, Chris LoCurto

 

Chris LoCurto  00:00

On today's show, we're going to answer the question, "What do parenting and leadership have in common?" That, is coming up next.

 

Chris LoCurto  00:17

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show, where we discuss leadership and life, and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks. Hope you're having a fabulous day, wherever you are. We are enjoying some better weather where we are, some nice temperatures that we've experienced. Hope you guys are having some great weather as well, or are enjoying the sunshine, it's been nice to just get out and get a little sun, get a little color. You know, it's just nice to feel vitamin D, to experience, you know, some energy from being out and about. So today, I have a question for you. And I'm gonna speak to all of you parents out there. How many of you, or those of you that are expecting to be parents someday, how many of you were ever issued an owner's manual, when you took your child's home the first night from the hospital? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Nope. Of course, not. None of us were. We've struggled as parents and there are times when you just don't feel like you know what you're doing. We all understand that it's the same thing in leadership, right? No one is prepared in advance to handle every single situation that comes along. How could you possibly be? The same is true when it comes to leadership. Many leaders haven't ever been trained how to lead their teams well. This is something that we see a lot of, especially as we are helping leaders get into a place of killing the leadership crazy cycle. One of the big fears is, "Well, what do I do once I'm done? I don't know what to do after I've killed the leadership crazy cycle, because I don't know how to lead people well." Well we train you on that part too. That's an important thing to know, why? And why is that a big struggle? Because many people haven't had a leader or leaders that have taught them how to lead people well. So those leaders spend years struggling just trying to get by in difficult situations, right? Or worse, avoiding difficult situations. I know there are a lot of people that are listening, that can relate to this, the number of times that we have had leaders keep somebody in a bad position a toxic person in a bad position, because they didn't want to face the conflict, or they didn't want to experience the fallout or whatever, right? Those are things that those things exist because a leader has not been trained how to do that. So, we've done our best to help with that deficit in training by creating, The Leadership Success Path. Now that was an episode number 402. So for you to go back and listen to that, that's something that we dig a lot deeper into on that success path. But today, I'm talking to both leaders and parents, we're gonna look at some principles that can apply to both roles. We teach people how to lead others to success, one of our core principles around here. And that teaching has plenty of application at home and in the office. So we will dive into our first principle when we come back right after this.

 

Chris LoCurto  03:28

Hey, leaders, what is this past year taught you? For many of you, the events in 2020 opened your eyes to core challenges and struggles that are deep within your business. I'm sure we can all agree that business as usual, just won't cut it this year. But as a leader and a business owner, you may not know where to go from here. So I'm here to tell you that it's time to make a change. As a leader, it's time to pour into your business and your team, by learning and implementing new core skills, that will make an immediate impact. It's time to sign up for the Next Level Leadership Live event this April. This event is tailor made for small business owners and leaders just like you, helping you to move forward even in a climate of fear and uncertainty. This is not a positive thinking session, but a strategic thinking workshop chock-full of insightful teaching and impactful learnings, that's going to equip you to return to your business and your team ready to implement and immediately impact their growth and stability. Go to chrislocurto.com/liveevent, or text "liveevent" one word, to the number 44222 for more information and to get your tickets. Again, that's chrislocurto.com/liveevent. It's time to change your business and your leadership for the better. Don't miss it.

 

Chris LoCurto  04:56

Many parents have never been taught how to lead their family well. Now, as we say that, there's some of you who have, right? Some of you have actually come from amazing parents that you come from a teaching environment inside of the home. And listen, I'm huge on teaching environments. Why?

 

Chris LoCurto  05:17

Because we spend so much of our time not getting taught quality stuff. So for me, I think the home should be a teaching environment, a consistent teaching environment, helping your kids to understand every aspect of what, in my world, God wants them to know. I do believe that as a parent, it's our responsibility to God, to not raise children, but to raise adults, I believe it is our responsibility to God, to make sure that we raise adults that have great quality relationships with God, well, how's that going to happen if you leave it up to them, right? So a lot of folks have never actually been trained how to lead their families well. How have they been trained? Well, a lot of folks have been trained how to lead their families not so well. Right? How do we learn, if we're not in a teaching environment? We learn by example, right? So we tend to struggle with the same root system issues as our parents or our grandparents or, you know, those around us. And so that's an important thing for us to understand, as we walk through this episode, that the things that we've been taught, if we did not come out of a phenomenal teaching environment, then chances are, like most of us, we've all came out of that lead by example, environment, right? Making the same mistakes as those before us. Not really having great instruction or understanding. So leaders get promoted to a position over other people. And they end up doing the same things, as the leaders before them. How many times have you heard, or you may have been the person that says, "Oh, I'm not going to be like my parents. I'm going to be completely different than my parents." Or "I'm not going to lead the same way my parents did, I'm not gonna parent the same way my parents did." And then you know, 10, 20 years later, you're like, "Oh, my gosh, I have become my parent." Well, a lot of leaders have that same belief system, "I am not going to lead the same way as the leaders before me." But without revelation on how to lead people well, what's going to change? What's gonna make it different? Nothing. Right? Uou will try, you will do everything you can, but until you get phenomenal leading on how to lead people well, whether it's people on your team, or whether it's the people in your household, then you continue to do a lot of the same things that you learned from the examples before you. So, we have three major areas that we're going to hit as we go through this process. The first one I want you to focus on is changing your mindset, whether you're a parent or leader, once again, as we go through this, this is going to apply to both situations, why? As a parent, you are a leader, at least you're supposed to be, to the extent that you're leading with quality, and characteristic, then great, you're being a leader. To the extent that you're not, you're not leading very well, right? So change in mindset is one of the most important things. So whether you're a parent or leader, here's the first thing I want you to focus under changing your mindset. You have to have, and I'm going to speak really to the parents, right now, leaders, I want you to focus on, you know, peer leaders, or if you're the leader of the business, if you're the owner, I want you to focus on your leaders having a same standard to point to. Now as a parent, I truly believe the most important thing you can do, is have the standard that God set before us to be the thing that you point to. However, why is that an issue in parenting? Because so many times, and the same thing with leadership, so many times, we're not on the same page. Two spouses don't see things the same way. You know, one might try to turn to the Bible and one tries to turn to another whatever it is, we don't have that same standard. We don't have that same process. We don't point to the same exact way of solving a problem, right? We see this whenever we see two parents arguing over how to give a child consequences, or whether or not you allow them to get away with the thing that they just got away with right? Whenever you see that struggle, what do you training your kids to know? "Oh, wow, this actually works out really well. If I can just get mom and dad put it against each other, I actually get the attention taken off of me, and now they're struggling." You've got to have a place or you point to how are we going to handle these situations. What are we going to do about it? What's going to be our standard? What is going to be our-you know, if we're going to use the Bible and God's moral code as how we are going to raise our kids, then we have to agree on this time and time again. Or even if what we say is, here's one thing that we know that we're going to stick to. If we disagree, we don't continue to disagree in front of the children. We leave that situation, we get on the same page, and then we come back as a united front. Why is that important? Because it's like I just pointed out, when you're not united, when you're not on the same page, when you're not operating from the same standard, then you're communicating something to those you're leading. Whether it is your kids or your team members. If you don't have the same standard, then what you communicate to them is, I'm wishy washy on this, or we are wishy washy on this, or we don't really know exactly how we want to handle this, or we don't have a set way of doing this, so believe it or not, if the wind blows the opposite direction on a Tuesday afternoon, we might change our minds. That is terrible communication. It does not allow your kids or your team, to anticipate your leadership. Why do they need to anticipate your leadership? They need to know, it helps them in their choices in their decision making process, to know how the leader is going to handle the situation. And, it is way better when you're a child, when it's a team member, that they understand that all the parents, whether it's the parents at home, or all the leaders at work, are actually going to use the same standard. One of the best compliments I had from a team member one day, as we were in a staff meeting, a couple of leaders were talking through and explaining things. And this team member goes, "Thanks, Chris." And we all stopped and looked at her and we're like, "What do you mean?" She goes, "It's just great to be in a place where all the leaders sound the same. Y'all say the same thing. I don't ever have to worry that one of you is not going to operate the same way." So you've got to start looking at what is going to be that standard, right? That standard that you're going to point to. What is your mission statement? For me a mission statement is the purpose for existence. So whether it's your business's purpose for existence, your marriages, you know, purpose for existence, your career, your spiritual walk, whatever it is, have something to point to to say, this is how we're going to do this. The next point under changing your mindset is making your family successful requires a focus on nurturing and leading. What am I talking about there? A lot of guys out here hear that term nurturing, and you guys are like, "Oh, crud, now you've lost me, Chris. I don't even know what you're talking about, man. I'm a man's man, I don't nurture." Well, that's the problem, right? That's the struggle. When you take a look at what nurturing means, if we look at it through the lens of, I don't know, farming, right? If you're gonna cause a plant or plants to grow, there is a process where you have to care for it, care for it, care for it, care for it, care for it, until it can operate on its own, until it can grow on its own. Guess what? It's the same thing with people. I know you think to yourself, "Oh, they should be able to just operate on their own." Well, think about what you're trying to create here. The key word and what I said is making your family successful. Can your family operate without you nurturing? Sure. Absolutely. We see them in Next Level Life all the time. That was really funny in my head. Yes, absolutely they can. But here's the deal. What happens when you actually take the time to nurture your kids to success? What happens when you actually care about nurturing them in how they grow, and how they experience other kids, and how they treat parents, and how they respond to situations in helping them to remove victim mentality, and helping them to understand, you know, the very standard that you are putting in place. How do you nurture them into that process of having respect for that, right? Of having respect for their parents, and treating their parents, and honoring them, and not dishonouring them, like God tells us we're not supposed to do, right? What does that look like? How do you focus on that nurturing process? What does it mean to actually instead of just tell people what to do, actually get in, and care?

 

Chris LoCurto  14:59

Now, as somebody who does this a lot, I can tell you, it's also a very frustrating process. Nurturing is not easy. And why do I say that?

 

Chris LoCurto  15:11

Many times people want to be able to be independent. Many times your kids want to be able to do things on their own. Many times they want to have their own answers. A part of nurturing is helping them to go ahead and make decisions, and helping them to understand the consequences of their decisions. So if it is not a fatal error, then sometimes you got to allow them to make the decision that's going to bring some pain, believe it or not, that's part of this process. If you're going to make your family successful, your team successful, then part of it is that caring, I'm going to jump in, I'm going to I'm going to help foster you into being a better version of yourself, I'm going to nurture this process, I'm going to feed you, water you, give you sunshine, you know, do these things that are going to help you become a better version. And I'm going to lead you to a better destination. Or destination that I feel like you need to get to, as a leader, I'm definitely going to lead you to the destination I need you to be in, to be successful in your role. Next piece of change in mindset is, hey, parent or leader, stop solving everything. Listen, I'm gonna give you a gut punch right now. If you're the person who solves everything for your kids, for your team members, for your spouse, then that's all about you. When you do nothing but solve everything that comes up, if you get your worth, if you get your identity from being the person who's able to solve stuff, that's all about you. That's not about them. "Well Chris that can't be, I'm solving things, I'm helping them." Yes, but you're giving them a fish instead of teaching them how to fish. If you have to solve everything, how can you lead anything? Think about that again. So here's what I'm saying. If you're going to solve every single thing that your team members come to you with, what's going to make them grow? What's going to make them think for themselves? If you're going to solve every problem that your kids have, what's going to cause them to be able to make really good decisions when they leave the house? Right? So here's the thing you have to do, you have to change your mindset to solve the things that they can't solve, you know, or super important things, that we don't have time to waste, we've got to get it done. As much as you can on everything else, ask for them to solve it. Ask for them to give input, ask for them, what do you think you should do here? What could this look like? You know, even when they start to give answers, if it's not the best answer, because you happen to know the better answer, then ask them for more perspective, lead, guide, help them to get to the actual discovery of the answer. Why is that important? Because when you solve everything, something very typical happens, people will come to you with everything that they can't figure out, they will come to you, they will dump that on your desk, and now you are the solver of everything in your business, or the one who solves everything in the family. Now, instead of them thinking for themselves, you are having to do everything. Here's another big problem with that. You're now not duplicating yourself in the process. So if you're a leader, and everybody has to come through you to get answers, because you can't help them to think for themselves, well, then you're paying people to bring stuff to you for you to solve. Hey, go ahead and let them go and you just do everything. Right? It's a waste of time. Not only is a waste of time, but it's a waste of talent and people. Instead, if you will help people to learn, if you will help people to think for themselves. If you will help people to process, if you will help people to come up with ideas, then a great thing happens. They start solving things on their own. You've now effectively duplicated yourself. Now you can do more. Now you can be more productive. Now help them to train somebody else to think for themselves. Right? This is what leadership is guys. This is what parenting is. You don't tell your kids every answer, you don't tell them everything that they need to think, you don't tell them everything how they need to live their lives. You don't tell them everything. And many people do. Many of you listening to this. I'm speaking directly to you, right? Stop telling your kids everything, stop giving your opinions and making your statements and every stinking situation that you experience. Instead, care more, nurture more, by doing things like asking quality questions, perspective gathering questions, and help them to come to the answers. The sooner they start to think for themselves, the sooner they will be able to make really good decisions. Trust me, they're still gonna come to you with a really super tough stuff. But here's what my team understands. When you come to me with something, especially if you're a leader in this business, you better have an answer that comes with it. I don't care if it's wrong, it's fine if it's not, right, if it's not the best answer. I want to know that you're thinking, that you're processing, that you're working on this, right? If you come to me, and you're like, I don't know what to do here, then you already know what's gonna happen. My team already knows, I'm just gonna ask you questions. "Well, what could you do? What are the options? Have you thought about anything else? Is there anything else we can do? And it will frustrate the daylights out of the person who's not thinking for themselves, until they recognize that they actually are smart enough to come up with a bunch of those answers. Even if it's not the best one, it changes the way that they look in themselves at themselves, and then they start to come up with better answers. So number two, that was number one.

 

Chris LoCurto  21:24

Number two, critical beliefs of leaders and parents. First thing under critical beliefs is, leadership is the key to any family's or business's success. What am I saying here? Leadership is not having the title of, "parent", so that you can tell your kids what to do. Leadership is not having the title of a "leader" in a business, so that you can dictate to people. Leaders help people get someplace that they wouldn't normally get to. Now, you hear me said all the time, it's your job as a leader to make your team successful, not the other way around. So, if you are not helping them be better, if you're not helping them to be great. What are you doing? If your answer is, well, they just suck. Then why are they there?

 

Chris LoCurto  22:27

Right? If you're going to make people successful, you have to understand that you have to lead them to success, you have to get them to what success looks like. Right? You have to paint the picture, you have to paint the vision, here's where I want you to be, or here's where I want this role to be. Or here's where I want this business to be. Let's go this direction, guys, I'm going to show you how to get there. I'm going to walk by example, I'm going to lead by example, I'm going to help pull you along, I'm going to help train, you nurture, you all of these pieces, but the thing that you have to know as a leader or a parent, is that leading is what's going to get your family to success. Leading is what's going to get your business to success. Next thing is, take personal responsibility. I take personal responsibility for everything that happens on my team. Now, it does not mean that I become a victim and take on everything that happens. I will definitely push responsibility into my team. But at the end of the day, if there's anything that's going on negative, if there's anything that's not working correctly, if there's anything that's a struggle, in my mind, while I might be working with somebody to solve the problem, work through the problem, get to great solution. I am immediately telling myself, "Dude, that's your fault. That's on you." Somehow you didn't train somebody right. Yeah, unless it's something that is, you know, the unknown. There's always going to be the unknown. And then even in the unknown, I'm gonna ask myself, "How could I have known that that would have happened? How could I have seen that?" You have to take personal responsibility as a leader, that has to become a critical belief. I am ultimately responsible for what happens on my team. Even bad, negative, immoral things, right? There's been times there's a lot of you leaders out there that have experienced something and you knew you should have said something. You knew you should have responded some way. I've experienced that. I've had people because I've pushed in areas, leave my team because they didn't want to be able to be found out on something that they were experiencing, right? Here's the deal. Even in the worst situations. If you are not willing to take responsibility, then you don't belong in that seat as a leader. I'm sorry, yes, I did just say that. You have to be able to say, that happened on my watch. What do I do about it? How do I fix that? How do I make sure that doesn't happen again? Take personal responsibility. It doesn't mean that you beat the crap out of yourself because it happened, it just means that you don't look at that situation and go, "I had nothing to do with that. I had nothing to do with that. So I take no responsibility, I'm just gonna keep moving on, and then it's gonna happen 17 more times." The sooner you take personal responsibility, guess what you're gonna do? You're gonna fix it, you're going to put things in place, you're going to care about the people and the process, you're going to do something to make sure that hopefully this never happens again, or at least at the very minimum, your senses will be heightened, to be able to pay attention to stuff that's going on. So if you see somebody treating a team member badly, if you see somebody treating a client badly, if you see somebody responding in a way that goes against your culture; take responsibility. Solve the problem. But take responsibility. "I'm responsible for that happening. What am I going to do about this?" Listen, a lot of you S's and C's, a lot of times, especially C's, let me speak to you C's, there's a lot of times you go, "I have no responsibility on that. That's not mine, that is somebody else's." And yet, it is your responsibility. S's and C's, you look at it as a lot of times as conflict, "I'm not gonna deal with that situation, I don't want to deal with that situation." That doesn't make you a better leader, it doesn't make you a better parent. It doesn't mean that you have to be the one to blame for everything. It just means that responsibility is saying that you step up into the area, into the process into the situation, and you solve. You do something about it, even if it's already done. Even if it's already on the other side, what are you going to do to make sure that doesn't happen again? Another piece of critical belief that you must have as a leader or parent, is that your worth does not come from people's opinions of you, or your performance. Now listen, one of the things I say all the time to my team, your worth here is not in what we think of you, your worth to the business is how you perform for the business, right? But that is not your ultimate worth. Your worth is in what God says about you, your worth is in what God says you are to him, your worth is in how God sees you. That's what your true worth is. Your worth doesn't come from the opinions of other people. Your worth does not come from the opinions of your performance. Why is that so incredibly important for parents and leaders to understand?

 

Chris LoCurto  27:47

Because if it does come from opinions of people, and from your performance, then every single thing you do, is going to be emotionally handcuffed to the potential outcome of somebody's opinions. Think about that. If your worth comes from what I think of you, if your worth comes from my opinion of your performance, then everything you do or don't do, because another thing that happens is people don't take risks, because they don't want bad opinions, everything you do or do not do will be tied to my opinion of you. This is a terrible way to operate as a leader or a parent. All of you parents that cannot fail in front of your kids, that cannot take responsibility for screwing up in front of your kids; guess what? You're teaching them to not do the same thing. If you listen to the pause and reflect show, with the coaches where we were talking about personal failures, you got to hear Joel talk about, you know, a struggle that he experienced with his daughter, where he came back, took responsibility, apologized, found out what the actual situation was, and then took responsibility for his response. The great thing was is he made an assumption, and after he apologized and said he shouldn't have done this and he shouldn't have responded this way. The great thing is, is his daughter's response was, "I guess we all can work on our assumptions." What a six year old girl-my God daughter, I love her to death-what a fantastic response. From a six year old. How does a six year old know to have that type of response? Because she's seeing her father be vulnerable. She's seeing her parent be okay with failure. Guess what it teaches her? It's okay to fail, just jump in there and take responsibility. Your worth doesn't come from people's opinions. Which takes me to the next point of critical beliefs. I'm going to fail. If you are following a thought leader, and there are plenty out there right now that are screaming from the top of the mountains, "Failure is not an option" if that is the message you are hearing-and yes, I get the concept, what it means is you got to keep going, you got to keep going, you got to you can't fail. That is such a ridiculous concept. Why? Because failure is inevitable. The only way you're not going to fail is if you do not do absolutely anything whatsoever and then that, you're going to fail. Because you're failing to live life. Failure is inevitable. You're gonna fail. Here's the key, here's the critical belief that you need to learn. I'm going to fail, and I will learn from it. It's okay, learn to fail better. That's what I want you to think. That's what I want you to know. That's what I want you to believe. Failure is going to happen. You are smart enough to learn from failure, you can be vulnerable enough to learn from failure. It's okay to fail. Zig Ziglar said failure is not a person. It's an it's a situation. Right? I know I always screw up Zig Ziglar quotes. I love Zig. But you get the point. Failure is not a person, it's a situation. So when you fail, do not lose a ton of worth in this, don't lose any worth. Right? don't struggle on this. Instead, have the focus on, "Okay. I just failed at that. Now what? Now how do I learn from it? What can I learn from it? What can I do about it? And is it okay that I failed?" Yes, it's okay. Right? Now, learn how to fail better. What does that mean? Instead of allowing that to ever happen again, fix the problem. Fix it, solve it, move on. Alright, we're gonna be back with our third principle right after this.

 

Joel Fortner  32:12

Hey, it's Joel Fortner here. I'm the Vice President of leadership development on Chris's team, and I oversee our Next Level Mastermind business coaching program. Most business owners and leaders lack a clear path to succeed in business. They question whether they're making the right decisions, if they're focusing on the right things to really grow their business. If this is you, you need a coach in your life. Coaches help you make better decisions, navigate uncertainty, lead more effectively, and grow your business without sacrificing your life and your family. In their first year, our clients typically see an average of 67% increase in gross revenue, and an average of 138% increase in net profit, and regained hours of time. Our clients stay in the program for over three and a half years, simply because of the results they get. So if you're ready to run your business at the next level, and see the growth you've been wanting, then visit chrislocurto.com/mastermind. Again, chrislocurto.com/mastermind today.

 

Chris LoCurto  33:14

Okay, we're back. And we're talking about the third key principle if you're going to be successful at leading, if you're going to be successful at parenting. And again, what is the theme of this episode, what parenting and leadership have in common. So there's a third key that you must know, understand and operate in. And I said it a little bit earlier. It's your job to make your team-let me also insert here, your family successful, not the other way around. So, whether you are a leader, or a parent, or both, here's what I want you to understand. It's your job to make them successful. Husbands, it's your job to make your family not only successful, but for those of us that are believers, it's your job to make sure your family has, family all, spouse included, has a great relationship with God. This isn't something that gets done by telling them to do it. This gets done by humbly, vulnerably, living that out in teaching and training. Leaders, it's your job to take a look at your team and go, "How do I make them the best they can possibly be?" So here are some pieces that I want you to focus on. First thing is look for, or if you don't see them, create opportunities for you to teach and lead, ready? Your mission, your vision, your core values. "Why those three? Why are those important?" Because here's what you need to understand when it comes to a team member; and parenting, same concept. So for me, I'm going to give you definitions, for mission. And by the way, there's a bajillion definitions for mission and vision. So we're just going to use mine. Let's just stick to this because it will make the most sense as we go through this. Mission; is your purpose for existence. So if it's your business, what is the purpose for your business to exist? Our mission statement here is: Worshiping God by loving people, and guiding individuals and organizations to a greater perspective. All the time we hear, "You changed my life, you changed my business, you changed my family tree." And our pushback is, we didn't change it. We gave you all the information, you actually made the changes. We guided you to the greatest information, we helped you, we lead you, we, we taught you, but you could have walked out the door not done anything. You're the one who took all the information, we can't go and lead your family, you have to go do it. We can't go and lead your business, you have to go and do it. So you take that information, and you go make it happen. So what is our goal here? How do we get you to the greatest perspective? Why am I teaching this stuff that I'm teaching you today? Because I want you to be successful at parenting. Because I want you to be successful at leading your team. So mission is your purpose for existence. What is the mission for your marriage? Do you have one? What is the mission for your family? Do you have one of those? What's the purpose of your family's existence? What's the purpose of your marriage? What's the purpose of your spiritual walk? What's the purpose of your your physical being? What is the purpose of your social life? Right? What is the purpose? You should have a mission that you're pointing people to. In a believing family, the mission should be pointing people to God. Very first and foremost, right?

 

Chris LoCurto  37:02

Then vision, what is vision? Vision is a destination. You should have one mission in an area, you can have 700 destinations, right? You should always be changing your vision, right? Once you get to the actual vision. So for me, what I always teach is we've all been to the beach, or the mountains, you know what it's like, if you go to the beach, and you've been there before, you know what the ocean looks like, you know what the sand looks like, you know what the restaurants are like, you know what you're going to do when you get there, you know that you're going to throw frisbee back and forth, or whatever that is. That's the destination. Help your family help your team to see where we're headed. Help them to see the purpose of showing up every day. And core values on top of this. Help them to understand what we value more than anything else inside of the business. Not the 37 values of a business. What are the core things, all of these three pieces, believe it or not, guide your team to great decision making. If they do not know the purpose for showing up every day, if they do not have a vision of where they're headed to, if they do not understand the core values of the business, then they are showing up day in, day out, for a paycheck. Yep. You have people who are showing up for a j-o-b. And I will tell you this, I have no desire to run a business where people show up for j-o-b. I want people who are passionate, I want people who want to change lives, I want people who want to come in bust their butts, leave with a pat on the back and feel really good about themselves because of the effort that they put out. I want people who want to focus on others. So if you're going to do this, you have to create opportunities for you to teach them. You have to teach the purpose, you have to teach the destination, or the destinations or you know where are we going next. You need to teach those core values. A great place to do this is from staff meetings. Listen, you can do it from the staff meeting to the dinner table. Take a look at every opportunity you've got, to drop these in. I'm not saying that you teach the same stuff 24/7. What I'm saying is, look for opportunities, look at conversations, look at things that are being discussed. Teach it. Help people to experience. Another piece of making your team or your family successful is, discover the problems that individuals or teams are experiencing. Man oh man oh man. This is an area that we can suck out loud. Many times when we feel like we are not good enough, as a parent or not good enough as As a leader, we close our eyes to the problems that people are experiencing. Now, I'm not talking about those of you that are trying to help people through problems, and they are struggling with it and can't see it themselves. I'm talking about you. Are you discovering where people are struggling? Are you discovering pain points that your kids are experiencing? Are you discovering areas that you could help people actually solve problems in their life? "Well Chris, I hear you say that. But man, the struggle is I don't know how to do this." Well, here's what you do. For me, and making people successful, I have to spend time asking them, what are they struggling with? How's this working? how's this going? What could be better? What do you find as a problem? Where do you find it difficult? What questions do you have? What do you feel like is a brick wall that you're running into? Yeah, I go and gain as much perspective as I possibly can, to find out what they're experiencing. The crazy thing is, you could do the same exact thing when it comes to your family. When you're talking with your kids, when you're talking through problems, I'll never forget having our our granddaughter in the airport, we have many o' grandchildren, and I remember we had two weeks that she stayed with us. And she loves her papa. And as we were leaving, she had a little meltdown. And it was a meltdown over a coloring book in the airport. And when I say a meltdown, I think every one of you knows what I'm talking about.

 

Chris LoCurto  41:47

And I pulled her out of the little airport store. And I dropped down on her level, I got down on my knees, and I looked at her in her eyes. And I said, "Baby, we do not have a meltdown over coloring book. It's a coloring book. This is not something that we have meltdowns over. Now. If the struggle is, that you're going home, and we're not going to be together anymore, because we'd spent two phenomenal weeks together. I said, that's a different story, but we need to talk through this." And she was seven at the time. And it was enough discussion to help her to go, "The coloring book really isn't my problem." Now, could she solve all of that in her brain? No, she could not. Did it solve everything by me having that discussion? It didn't solve everything, but it sure solved the meltdown. Why? Because I helped my granddaughter have perspective that the problem that she was experiencing was actually not the coloring book. It was that she was sad that we were going to be separated again. And she didn't want to experience that. But I gave light to what was being the problem in the moment, which allowed her to go, "That's an irrational response." Yes, a seven year old can get this. Yes, they can. So remember, as soon as you will get in and discover the problems that your kids are experiencing, that your team members are experiencing, that your leaders are experiencing. As soon as you will get in and find out what the real problem is, now you can help out. Now you can lead. Now you can guide. Now you can direct. Another point on making your team or your family successful is, get any and all conflict resolved as soon as you can. Do not, do not, do not procrastinate. I know a lot of you out there. A large number of our listeners just had a big huge exhale. "Oh, gosh, but Chris I hate conflict." I know. So do I. Hey, listen, I'm a very high S myself. I don't like conflict either. Right? I have a business that pushes people to be better. Right? And it's conflict. It's not easy. It's tough. But here's the deal. And you know what I'm about to say is true. The longer you leave conflict, the bigger it festers. The longer you leave conflict, the more issues it creates. The longer you leave conflict, the less people focus on good things, productive things, moving things forward. The more conflict that is not resolved, the less people work together. If you have just two members that are struggling with conflict, here's what I can tell you. They are not spending time working well together. It is the same with your children, husbands and wives, it is the same in your marriage. Get your butt in and resolve the conflict as soon as possible. "But I'm right." Okay, well, you just stick with that. Get in and resolve the conflict, take responsibility, apologize for your actions, do the things necessary to resolve the conflict. An amazing thing happens when that happens. It actually settles down the relationship. Now, what most people think is, "Oh if I go take responsibility, or solve this, or remove the conflict, and that's just going to give the other person power over me." Nobody has power over you. Now you're not giving away power, you're not a victim, you're resolving a problem. It doesn't mean that you take responsibility for things that you're not at fault for. It means you take responsibility for actions, it means you can actually look at a situation and say, "This battle is not worth it. So I'd like to move past it, how do we move past it? I don't care who's right. I don't care who's wrong. This is a colossal waste of time. How do we fix the problem?" Right? And then how do we have better communication? And how do we care for each other better. The longer it takes, the more you procrastinate, the more you're just going to pile up conflict after conflict after conflict, until it becomes something huge. High S's, let me speak to you because you know this is you: the longer you experience conflict without resolving it, the closer you're getting to exploding.

 

Chris LoCurto  46:47

That's one of the things that people don't understand about a high S, the more that they are push, push, push, push, push or experience conflict, conflict conflict, then eventually they explode. Last piece of making your family or team successful is, recognize the strengths of your team, and how to maximize them. Oh my gosh, listen, we're talking about a bunch of stuff that you've got to get in and teach on, a bunch of stuff that you've got to solve, a bunch of stuff where you've got to lead people, here's something you need need need to do. Make sure that you're recognizing the strengths that they do have. If you cannot look at your team and say, "Hey, this is where so-and- so strong, hey, this is where my kid is strong, hey, this is where my spouse is strong." If you cannot say that, then there's no way you're going to be helpful in making them stronger. There's no way you're going to be helpful in pulling those strengths out. You've got to actually be proactive at looking at every family member, every team member and asking yourself the question, what are their strengths? And then how do I maximize those strengths? Now, I will tell you, you have to be careful which things you consider to be strengths. Right? You know, one of the things we teach here for years, forever, what I've taught adults is; do not lose worth in your looks. Ladies, your worth is not in how attractive you are. Your worth is not in whether or not you're turning heads, definitely your worth is not in how many likes are on your, your Instagram or your Facebook or whatever else. That is not where your worth is. And at the same time, as I'm teaching adults this, I'm so crazy about kids. I love kids, that I'll turn to a kid and go I'll look at how cute you look. You're so beautiful. I love your little dress. It's so beautiful. Your little, your little tie in your vest. Oh, that's so handsome. You look so handsome. And I remember I was talking with Meg Meeker years ago, and we were talking about the things to compliment when it comes to your kids. And she was talking about the characteristics and the qualities, I went, "Oh my gosh, Meg. I literally teach adults not to lose worth in their looks, and yet I turn around and affirm with a little one that they're attractive. Right? Not thinking not tying that together." And ever since she goes, "Yeah, no. compliment them on the characteristics you want them to have. You know, the characteristics you see in Jesus, those are the things you should be complementing." Like, that is so crazy, ridiculous that I can teach that to adults and I'm not thinking about it when it comes to a little one. Hey, if you want to have a successful family or a successful team, start recognizing the great qualities, the great characteristics that you want them to have. Right? Recognize the ones that they already do have, and focus on, how do I maximize that in them? So if I have somebody who is a phenomenal encourager on my team, how do I maximize that? If I have somebody who's incredible with communication. How do I maximize that? If I have somebody who's an incredible servant, how do I maximize that? What do I do? How do I find those opportunities? How do I promote that right? Not putting them on a pedestal, looking at the strengths and say, this is something you're really good at, how do I make it better? If you will do that, if you will do all three of these pieces that we're talking about, then you will be amazed at how well you'll be doing in leading your family, or leading your team to success. So with all of this, I want you to remember one vitally important piece: unity. You must be unified. If parents and leaders are not unified, they're not going to be leading or parenting well, at all. It's a broken system. Let me say it again, if you're not unified in your parenting, if you're not unified in your leadership, you're operating in a broken system. If leaders and parents aren't solving issues with the same process, then they're never going to get on the same page and solve things together. You've heard us say this a ton of times, when we look at problems, when we just look at problem solving, there's five steps that we do that will solve probably 98% of problems. What happened? How did it happen? Why did it happen? How do we fix it? How do we make sure it never happens again?

 

Chris LoCurto  51:45

Put things in place that cause you to be unified. The sooner you become unified, the more powerful, the more productive, the more fun It will be, to show up every day in parent or lead. And by the way, leaders if you haven't figured this out yet, you're parents. That's what leadership is. Well, folks, we have run out of time for today. I hope this has helped you well. As always, we want you to take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.

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