423 | Limiting Belief Systems: Lies Leaders Tell Themselves

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, leader, life, lie, business, struggle, control, beliefs, feel, worth, answer, recognize, limiting belief, solve, chris, parent, folks, limiting, leadership, event

SPEAKERS

Joel Fortner, Chris LoCurto, Brian  Alex

 

Chris LoCurto  00:00

The lies you may be telling yourself and how they are limiting your leadership; that is up next.

 

Chris LoCurto  00:16

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show, where we discuss leadership and life, and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.

 

Chris LoCurto  00:28

Welcome to the show, folks. Hope you're having a great day, wherever you are. As you know, around here, we deal a lot with the idea that we get in our own way. In other words, that we hold ourselves back more than any other factor, right? Now, the world is not saying that. The world is moving in a direction of saying that you are a colossal victim to everything, everything is happening to you. We do not believe that. Right? What we teach around here is we help you to get to a place of understanding that you have the ability to control the situations around you. That you have the ability to control the things that you tell yourself. You even have the ability to push back and put healthy boundaries in place with people who might be telling you things that are lies or trying to set your reality, or trying to convince you that you know, their problems are your problems, whatever it is, we're always trying to help people to get to the greatest perspective to have the healthiest life. Things that we do here is we target lies, we will go after discovering the lies that people tell themselves. It's a big thing-actually most people recognize that they tell themselves lies. But every now and then we'll have some folks that struggle with that concept. "Chris, how can I lie to myself?" Very simple. Very simple. If you're telling yourself, "Nobody loves you, nobody can love you, you're not good enough." If you tell yourself that you're not attractive enough, you don't make enough money, you're never gonna marry anybody good enough, because you're not good enough. All these things that we tell ourselves, right? Those are lies. Now not everything is a lie. If I'm being rude in a situation, and I recognize it, and I tell myself, "You're being rude." Hey there you go, take responsibility. But what we go after is all those things that is self-sabotaging to ourselves, you know? Those lies that we just destroy yourselves with and what we do is, we help people to battle with the truth. The truth is rarely the opposite of the lie, it's usually having to discover why you're telling yourself that lie, and then discovering the truth to that, which is a fantastic process. And one done, you know, on a consistent basis, it takes practice, it's not something that you get overnight. It's amazing how much healthier you can be and how much you can make more healthy decisions. We also refuse to be victims, we push hard around here of not making people monsters, and not making people victims, and not making ourselves victims, right? The truth is, I can only physically control you, if I can, if I can even do that. But I cannot make you believe something and I cannot make you feel something. If you choose to do that, you're not a victim I make strongly suggest it to you. Right? I know a lot of you out there have people in your lives that strongly suggest that you're not good enough, that you suck, that you aren't going to be anything special. And usually it's because of all of the worth struggles they are dealing with. Right? So instead, we refuse to be victims, we choose to be healthy. We choose to make healthy decisions. We teach people how to be healthy around here. We've done over 400 Next Level Life's. And I will tell you, it has had phenomenal results in not just individuals lives, but families as well. We also take responsibility, we take responsibility for our thoughts, our actions, the things that we do quite often. We have to take a look at what we are doing that's impacting other people in a negative way. And then take responsibility. We have a ton of parents that have come through and recognize that they're perpetuating stuff into their own kids lives, and that they need to back up take responsibility. "I am so sorry. I have learned that I have been doing something bad and I am changing that right now. I'm doing what I can, but I'm taking responsibility for what I have done and letting you know that we're going to change things." So that's that's another thing that we do as we take responsibility. When it comes to limiting beliefs, limiting beliefs are untrue thoughts, they are opinions. They are ideas that people believe in, they rehearse to themselves. It's the thing that they say over and over and over. It's like that record player in your mind right? You just keep hearing that tape, if you will. What are they? Beliefs that keep us from achieving true goals and desires, beliefs that keep us from being as productive as we possibly can in a situation or with family members or with friends, or whatever it is right? Psychologist Robert M. Williams says this, "Beliefs are like filters on a camera. What the camera sees, is a function of the filters through which it is viewing its subject." In other words, how we see the world is a function of our beliefs and profoundly influences personality. As a result of our beliefs, we define ourselves as worthy, or worthless; powerful, or powerless; competent, or incompetent; trusting, or suspicious; belonging, or outcasts; self reliant or dependent; flexible or judgmental; fairly treated or victimized; loved or hated. So incredibly well put by Robert M. Williams, folks, the very way that you believe your life is, the very way that you believe you are, is how you are going to define your worth.

 

Chris LoCurto  06:30

If you struggle with believing that you are worthy, take a look at the things you're saying to yourself. Take a look at the beliefs you have. And keep in mind-what we teach all the time around here is your worth does not come from man. A small portion? Sure. Where should it come from? Well, for those of us that are believers, and we have believers and non-believers that follow us, we love everybody. We love you all for joining us in this process and allowing us to speak into your life. And if you would like to know more about our Lord and Savior, send us an email podcast@chrislocurto.com, we would love to be able to talk through that. For those of us that are believers, we have to get to a place of actually seeing in God's word how much he loves us. So many people just ride a pew, you listening to somebody, you know, use three scripture verses and talk about all kinds of fun stories and, you know, preach a good sermon, instead of actually teaching us how to understand what God's word says. When you get in there, when you dig in there, when you study, when you spend time understanding the culture, the concepts, all that stuff. It makes it almost impossible to not see God's love for you. And your worth to him. From the beginning of the book to the back of the book, there's a common theme and that is our redemption. A common theme is God's love, a common principle is, he's going to redeem those who love and seek Him. So some of us have limiting beliefs, because of the parents that we have, that were not godly or claimed to be godly, but their actions didn't align. And so a lot of folks will actually assign to God, the same things that they saw in a parent. Guys, I'm telling you, you cannot do that. God is not a reflection of humans. Okay, so if you have jacked up parents, we completely understand that, we help you to get healthy in that area. But you can't put that on God. So we are going to get to a lot of different limiting beliefs that are affecting your leadership when we come back right after this.

 

Chris LoCurto  09:02

Hey, folks, if you're feeling stuck, anxious, not good enough or held back in life, then you need to go through our Next Level Life. That's why we created this two day event process. The power of Next Level Life is that it helps you discover your specific root system, why you believe what you do, how you make decisions, and why you are where you are in life. You'll learn the things that are holding you back in life, and how to overcome them. You'll come away having found healing and ready to start living with purpose and authenticity. So if you're ready to stop struggling, if you're ready to find greater peace, then head over to chrislocurto.com/nextlevellife, the next level life is waiting for you. That's chrislocurto.com/nextlevellife, today.

 

Chris LoCurto  09:54

Alright folks, we are focusing on the lies leaders believe. The limiting beliefs, the lies that we tell ourselves, and joining me on the show, is an expert liar to himself.

 

Brian  Alex  10:08

I've told you too much about myself. That is not for public consumption.

 

Chris LoCurto  10:14

Brian Alex is joining us on the show. And that was just fun for me. But we've actually had a great discussion. And you had a great question that you you wanted to bring to the show, why don't you hit that.

 

Brian  Alex  10:29

Yeah, you know, this whole month of June, we're talking about belief systems. And we're going to finish out quarter two here, with the coaches coming together, sharing stories about belief systems, but something you said just a few minutes ago, really stuck. And I want to just flesh it out a little bit. tease out how this works in practical scenarios, because I know for me, there are times where I'm completely oblivious to the fact that I'm lying to myself, or I'm believing something that's not true. And it's not cognitive, you know, it's not something that I'm conscious of. But when somebody points it out, just like you said, when somebody points that out, a light goes on, and so what I'm hoping that we do in this episode is, we're going to hit some of these allies from different angles. And hopefully if we say it in a funny way, or a sober, serious way, it's going to connect, but I know for me, I need that, I need that smack upside the head, not physically or literally, just FYI. But I need that jarring event or moment or word from a friend. That helps me recognize, "Oh, wow, I'm not telling myself the truth here. And I'm doing myself a disservice."

 

Chris LoCurto  11:57

Yeah. So let's do this. Let me just spring this on you right here. Do not share anything you don't want to share.

 

Brian  Alex  12:05

Never, but you feel free.

 

Chris LoCurto  12:08

But I will. Absolutely. Tell me something that is a consistent negative thing that you think about yourself. That you feel like you can share.

 

Brian  Alex  12:19

Do you do you know something about me? Or what would you say?

 

Chris LoCurto  12:24

Well, one of the things that I would say is I believe that inside there is times when you struggle with thinking that you can pull something off to a level of excellence or you're going to end up with the right outcome. Does that does that make sense what I'm saying?

 

Brian  Alex  12:46

Okay, yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  12:47

So I think there's times where you really do grab the bull by the horn, you're like, this is what needs to be done. This is the direction I'm going in. And there's times where I feel like you're like, "Maybe I don't know what to do. Maybe you don't know the direction or maybe I don't have the right answer."

 

Brian  Alex  13:02

Yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  13:02

 Or maybe it is, and this is your both a high C and D. Maybe it is the, "I don't want to sound stupid or look stupid. And if I do this, I think I'm going to look or sound stupid." So let's just go there. Yeah, is that a lie you tell yourself is that there's times you're like, "I'm probably gonna sound stupid if I do this, or if I even commit to an answer, then I may look stupid by committing to the answer."

 

Brian  Alex  13:28

Yeah, that could definitely be part of it. I don't know that that script with those words necessarily runs through my head. But I do feel that stuck-ness. And I do feel that toggle between the D and the C and I go into processing mode. Why I go into processing mode could very well be, "Well, I don't want to give a wrong answer. I don't know if it's accurate enough."

 

Chris LoCurto  13:52

Because what if you're not accurate?

 

Brian  Alex  13:54

Yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  13:54

No, really. What if you're not?

 

Chris LoCurto  13:56

Right. Yeah, that that terrifies me. That is the lie.

 

Chris LoCurto  13:59

So this is something-so many people just connected with the word, "terrifies you." I don't. Right? I get it. I understand it. I do this for a living. But there's not a time that I'm terrified by giving a wrong answer even in something simple, right?

 

Brian  Alex  14:19

Let's pull the audience, all your 99 C's out there. Raise your hands. I see that hand. Thank you. I see that hand. Okay.

 

Chris LoCurto  14:25

Because it is a reality of a high C. Not a mid C, not even a decently high C, well decently high C. But the higher C you are, it goes from, "I really don't want to; to, as you just said, terrifying."

 

Brian  Alex  14:41

It's paralyzing. That fear is paralyzing. And sometimes I can get myself out of that rut and and kind of reset, reorient, come back over. Okay, well, I'm also this monster high D, and if I can shift gears a little bit and say, "Okay, quit thinking in those terms. think in these terms over here." And I can make that shift. But honestly, that's been rare. And I'm learning to do that. And certainly what we do here has been helping me shift.

 

Brian  Alex  14:50

Oh gosh yeah, I think you've come a long way.

 

Brian  Alex  15:12

Yeah, but that is a place that I still frequently get stuck.

 

Chris LoCurto  15:15

So here's the question that I'm going to ask you and I'm really asking this for everybody who's listening.

 

Brian  Alex  15:19

Well I'm gonna bear my soul for everybody else.

 

Chris LoCurto  15:22

You're the guinea pig. Man. We thought this was gonna be you asking me questions and look at this!

 

Brian  Alex  15:27

"So Brian, why do run away?"

 

Chris LoCurto  15:29

Hey, why don't you lay back? Just like down on the floor?

 

Brian  Alex  15:33

"This is gonna hurt you more than it's gonna hurt me.." Okay go ahead.

 

Chris LoCurto  15:36

 Exactly. What happens if you're wrong?

 

Brian  Alex  15:39

Yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  15:40

No, seriously? So the terror that steps in and says, "Don't answer this. Don't commit to this. You can't be wrong."

 

Brian  Alex  15:48

It even keeps me back from guessing.

 

Chris LoCurto  15:51

Exactly. Right. Because taking the chance, taking the risk. What if you are wrong?

 

Brian  Alex  15:57

Because in my head, in that C mode, I've got to play all my cards, right, there can't be mistakes. And this you know, goes back to root system.

 

Chris LoCurto  16:06

Totally.

 

Brian  Alex  16:06

How I grew up, punishment, and all this kind of thing factors into why that habit that tape play, you know, for those of you old enough to remember cassette tapes. Yeah, that tape that plays or that audio, that mp3 file that runs, that's what's in my head.

 

Chris LoCurto  16:23

So you just squeaked out a little piece there that kind of gave us some insight that being wrong when you were younger had a consequence?

 

Brian  Alex  16:32

Yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  16:33

What's the consequence now?

 

Brian  Alex  16:36

Yeah. It could be fear of man, what people think of me, my worth goes down.

 

Chris LoCurto  16:41

But that's a self-inflicted consequence. Right?

 

Chris LoCurto  16:44

Key important thing. So much of what we do in Next Level Life-and, again, we're talking leadership stuff today. But guess what, folks? When we do Stratplan, the owner or the president, whoever's the one leading the business has to come Next Level Life first, for a reason. We bring all this stuff to our business. So before we're going to rip the business apart, we need to actually take a look at what we're bringing every single day. Right? I say that to say, as we're talking through leadership lies, where it's not a leadership lie. It's a personal life. It's something that we experienced personally have struggles in our business. There are times you struggle with not wanting to sound stupid, not wanting to be wrong. And as we see, still to this day, I mean, you're a young 29 year old man.

 

Brian  Alex  16:44

Yeah. Yeah, those are consequences that I'm experiencing internally. It doesn't mean that happens in reality.

 

Brian  Alex  17:42

And I look it.

 

Chris LoCurto  17:44

You actually do look 29. But they're still to this day, decades later, let me just say that, that there is this fear of a consequence that you knew from decades ago back in your root system.

 

Brian  Alex  18:01

Knee jerk reaction? Yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  18:02

Yeah. And so the key is, is how do we overcome that, and one of the big things is, is we have to start by recognizing the negativity that's happening, the fear you know, we talk about, especially when it comes to the and other episodes, we've talked about, like the the need to argue the need to fight the need to defend all those things that you have incredible internal warning signs, your heart rate, the adrenaline pumping, you know, all of these things that are happening, your mouth is getting dry, you struggle to speak clearly. These are all things that are telling you, you're struggling right now. Recognize it and do something about it. That fear that comes up is the best indicator.

 

Brian  Alex  18:45

And sometimes I don't even want to admit that. Sometimes it's difficult even to say, "Oh, I guess I am struggling." Because again, it goes back to that deeper root level of well, then what does that imply about me? I'm not perfect, I have flaws. There may be some kind of consequence, or my worth gets devalued. And all of this kind of stuff is rolled into that knee jerk reaction.

 

Chris LoCurto  19:09

Right? And what if you weren't perfect?

 

Brian  Alex  19:11

Yeah. Would you still love me?

 

Chris LoCurto  19:13

I would still love you. Because I'm pretty darn sure you're not even close to perfect. And I still love you anyways.

 

Brian  Alex  19:19

Well I guess I can let my guard doen finally.

 

Chris LoCurto  19:22

But isn't that a funny thing that especially with that high C, I mean, I've actually watched high C's, you know, as I've walked through a process and said, "Hey, you know, you're not perfect." And you watch the response in their eyes of just like, they can't receive that what I just said is truth. "No, no, no, I must be, my family told me that I am. Everything that everybody tells me. I have to be perfect because that's what my worth is in is being perfect." Oh my gosh, if we were perfect we would never screw anything up. We wouldn't have any problems. We're not we wouldn't need a savior. We wouldn't, you know, none of that stuff. So the key is to recognize from the root system that there is a response that's happening because of a consequence, or consequences that you experienced for being wrong in the past. The key is to get over man's opinion, that fear of what is men going to think? Because the truth is, you're not worried about you looking stupid to you. You're worried about you looking stupid to other people. So the fear is actually judgment of man. And this is the funny part. Because people will really struggle with this. "Well, they'll say well, no, I'm judging myself." Oh, stop, stop. Even if you are judging yourself, you're not afraid of you judging you. Because you're judging you in the moment when you say to yourself, "Don't be stupid and answer this right, and you're gonna be stupid if you screw this up." There's already judgment there. So by answering it, you can't rejudge you in the process, right? So people want to say, "No, it's all about..." No, it's not. It's about other people. It's about that fear of man's judgement. And the crazy thing is, is what happens if you're wrong? Have you been wrong here?

 

Brian  Alex  21:12

Why do you set me up like that? You know I don't want to answer. I'm sure I have, Chris.

 

Chris LoCurto  21:18

I can't think of a single time...

 

Brian  Alex  21:21

Nothing that comes into mind.

 

Chris LoCurto  21:22

But surely...  of course, you've been wrong here.

 

Brian  Alex  21:25

Dozens and dozens of times every hour.

 

Chris LoCurto  21:27

And what's happened? Anybody lop your head off? Anybody judge the crap out of you? Anybody tell you that they don't like you anymore?

 

Brian  Alex  21:35

I've been met with minimal judgment.

 

Chris LoCurto  21:37

Minimal judgment. Right?

 

Brian  Alex  21:40

No. zero. zero.

 

Chris LoCurto  21:41

Yeah. So here's what we have to recognize is that we are going through life, continuing to have the same force of habit response, you know, as what Robert M Williams was saying, is that as a result of our beliefs, we define ourselves as worthy or worthless. So if you believe that you are worthless, if you answer incorrectly. Then, you're not gonna answer. If you believe you are worthless, if you commit to an answer, even though you don't have all the information, then you're already worthless, it doesn't even matter, you already worthless, right? Because you can't be worthy by not answering. Because if you don't have the answer, you don't have the answer doesn't matter, right? It doesn't make you worthy by not answering. But what we do is we believe that if we do this thing, then our worth tanks.

 

Brian  Alex  22:35

We wrongly associate that performance, let's say with that sense of worth, and it's so tough. I mean, I love that we're talking about this, because, you know, we've had this discussion before, where, you know, I've been out of this business for a while and coming back in, I had to get accustomed again to some of the terminology that we have here. And when when we talk to high C's, about, "Are you feeling out of control?" We've had that discussion, where sometimes that doesn't compute to to us high C's.

 

Chris LoCurto  23:08

Right the definition.

 

Brian  Alex  23:09

And so we had to change some of the terminology, "Well, are you feeling X, Y and  Z?" "Well, yeah." Well, then that's what we mean, you're struggling, you know. And I think even when we talk about lies that leaders believe, I love that we're fleshing this out before we get into these, to say, this could be a, you know, a surface level response, some kind of habitual thought process and reaction to things that are wrong associations. We're associating like that performance with that sense of worth and value.

 

Chris LoCurto  23:44

With the current situation is not to say, like you said, there may have been a time in your life where there was a legit consequence that came with being wrong. But we carry that over for the rest of our lives, because it becomes that force of habit. The fear, "I don't want to ever end up like I did back then."

 

Chris LoCurto  24:04

Yeah, right. So much baggage I've been carrying for years.

 

Chris LoCurto  24:06

oh, Harry, and free riders. And every single every person listening to this right is experienced the same thing. Same with me, the guy who teaches this for a living the guys, the people here, you know, all of our coaches that teach this stuff for a living, we all have carried the same stuff. The difference is, is getting the tools to be able to battle it as fast as you possibly can. And be able to recognize I'm struggling and for me, one of the biggest things we talked about on the the front part of the episode, is that taking responsibility of recognizing that I'm struggling, that I am making bad decisions that I'm holding myself back. It's funny to me. I think I always under think God, I never think big enough for the plans that He has. I always tried to take control-I shouldn't say always. For a long time I've done this, I do, geez, considerably better now. But there's times in my past that I could see that God's telling me to do something or moving me in a direction on something. And it's taking a big step or a big risk, or, or, or, and so I think I'm doing a huge job, and I'm going in at something that if God's gonna do the thing that He's saying he's going to do, I'm not limiting Him by my choices. Does that make sense?

 

Brian  Alex  25:30

Yeah, absolutely.

 

Chris LoCurto  25:30

I remember when we started looking for buildings, you know, I was looking at teeny tiny offices that I would actually purchase, I obviously don't do debt, that I would purchase something. And just think, wow, this is all I need. And praise God. Tony, check, a buddy of mine, went with me one day, and he goes, "Chris, this just isn't enough." And it was like, oh, wow, I am limiting myself believing that my start is going to be you know, starting back at zero, which come to find out I didn't, but my start is going to be small, slow. And God's pointing me in a direction in my limiting belief that because I'm, in my mind, I was going back to zero did not realize I had so many people that were following me for such a long time that I was going to limit God, because my belief was well, it's just not going to happen that well, that fast that whatever, right? So it's important for us to recognize after having done that a handful of times in my life, and having somebody sit there and say, "Hey, you know, you're holding this back." And going, Oh, my gosh, I actually am holding back. Not because of a fear of a consequence, not because of a- well, actually, I guess I could say a fear of a consequence of, I don't want to go spend a whole ton of money on something that I'm not going to need, right? Even in that situation. I was lacking an abundance mindset, where so many places, I have an abundance mindset. But looking at that going well, it's probably not going to go the way you think it is. Right? That was a limiting belief. Now, I'm constantly going, shoot, I think this is too small, you know, we're looking at building a new building. And I mean, we're, we're blowing it up. And you know, making it as big as we can and you know, that we can actually again afford in the process. And I'm still wondering, is it too small? Is it not enough? Am I limiting myself? So I've actually stretched it beyond what I thought by 50%, believe it or not, I've grown it by 50% more than I thought, and we'll see. We'll see what God does. But that limiting belief has held me back so much that now that I recognize it, when I recognize, I'm holding me back, then I can put the tools in place and go stop, man, you're doing it again. Why are you doing this? What is your fear? What's your struggle? Why are you thinking this way? How fast do we get out of this? How, what are the what are the facts, not the feelings? You know, we talk a lot about feelings versus facts are what are the facts? This is what's happened. Here's what your growth has been this, this this this? Here's what God keeps doing in your life? All right, make a good decision based on that. Does all that makes sense?

 

Brian  Alex  28:26

Yeah, absolutely. And we've touched on that a couple times. And and I love that we're we're diving a little bit deeper here with that. But even in a previous episode on Confrontation, Conflict Control,  and we did another one called Disciplined Inner Dialogue. All of this is kind of, I don't know, circling around, "How do we get unstuck?" And and now we're going to dive into some particular beliefs that hold leaders back. And I'm so excited because I think the way we're going to approach this today, a little from left field-

 

Chris LoCurto  29:06

A little tongue in cheek here.

 

Brian  Alex  29:08

-but hopefully it will connect in a deeper way. And you know, there's some people out there, they're going to feel some freedom today.

 

Chris LoCurto  29:15

Absolutely. All right. So we are going to do that when we come back right after this.

 

Joel Fortner  29:22

Hey, it's Joel Fortner here. I'm the Vice President of leadership development on Chris's team, and I oversee our Next Level Mastermind business coaching program. Most business owners and leaders lack a clear path to succeed in business. They question whether they're making the right decisions, if they're focusing on the right things to really grow their business. If this is you, you need a coach in your life. Coaches help you make better decisions, navigate uncertainty, lead more effectively, and grow your business without sacrificing your life and your family. In their first year, our clients typically see an average of 67% increase in gross revenue, and an average of 138% increase in net profit, and regained hours of time. Our clients stay in the program for three and a half years simply because of the results they get. So if you're ready to run your business at the next level, and see the growth you've been wanting, then visit chrislocurto.com/mastermind. Again, chrislocurto.com/mastermind, today.

 

Chris LoCurto  30:24

Okay, we're talking about the lies that leaders believe Brian, take it away.

 

Brian  Alex  30:28

Well, okay, so you know, as we're walking through some of this, I'm reminded of one of my business leader heroes. Not Peter Drucker, he's like, number two. Number one on that list is Michael Scott.

 

Chris LoCurto  30:46

Oh, absolutely.

 

Brian  Alex  30:47

Best Selling Author of the hit business book, 1 billion sold, more than the Bible, entitled, "Somehow I manage." And he has a great quote-

 

Chris LoCurto  31:00

Is there literally on the show? Did he sell a book?

 

Brian  Alex  31:02

Oh, yeah.

 

Chris LoCurto  31:02

Are you serious? That's awesome.

 

Brian  Alex  31:03

No, no. He he he alludes to a book that he entitles in his mind, "Somehow I manage." And he manages to get the first line out, which is, "1 billion sold more than the Bible." And I think he says something to the effect of "Well, you know, that's no surprise there."

 

Chris LoCurto  31:22

Well, of course, of course. And what we're referring to for those of you if you have not ever watched the show, this is the the TV series, The Office.

 

Brian  Alex  31:30

Yeah, the American version. So success guru, Michael Scott from The Office TV series, he says this, "Would I rather be feared or loved? Uhm, easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

 

Chris LoCurto  31:38

That is so fantastic. And amazingly arrogant. At the same time. It's like I love it. And wow.

 

Brian  Alex  31:57

Okay, so what itch are we trying to scratch with this one? What are we digging down to get to? You know, what this made me think of was how even myself, not in a leadership role here, but just as a as an individual, there are times that I feel valued, I feel worth when people like and appreciate me.

 

Chris LoCurto  32:23

Yeah.

 

Brian  Alex  32:23

And I think Michael Scott is an excellent example of that all throughout all nine seasons. You can see that he rides that when-I mean, yeah, it's evident that there are some major insecurities, identity issues, all of that goes back to his childhood, which brilliant how they pull that out. But would I rather be feared or loved? Both I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. He needs, needs that affirmation from people. So take it back, Chris, how does this flesh out on a practical level?

 

Chris LoCurto  32:56

Well, so again, if we're looking at the amazing comedy of Steve Carell now I've only watched like a couple of episodes of The Office I for some, I just didn't get into it when it was there. But the things that I've seen have just blown me away funny. Just hilarious. And Steve Carell is insane with his acting. So let's take a look at the character that he puts together. You know, the picture that you have, for us, is him holding up his cup that says World's Best Boss, and his eyebrows of like, right?

 

Brian  Alex  33:36

Incidentally, he bought himself that mug.

 

Chris LoCurto  33:40

So if we are to analyze it and pull it a part, what are we seeing? Michael Scott is struggling heavily with pride. What is pride? People confuse this a lot. Pride is, "I'm not good enough to myself. And I don't think I'm good enough to other people. So I must puff myself up to make myself as good as I think I either am or as good as I think I should be."

 

Brian  Alex  34:04

I've been there a few times.

 

Chris LoCurto  34:06

Well, yeah. Everybody has been there, right? Obviously, Steve Carell's goal was to make this more than you see pretty much anywhere, right? But what are we seeing? The thing that we're bringing up in this lie that leaders believe is that, "I'm valued when people like me. I'm valued when people appreciate me." So we have to take a hard look at what is your value and what is your worth? Your value to a business is different than your worth as a human being. And people screw this up all the time. People look at their value to a business and think to themselves that, "My worth as a human being is what I'm doing in this business." You know, so as Michael says, "I want them to be afraid of how much they love me." Obviously, as a boss, but really what he's saying is, as a human being. As long as I look at my worth, my value, and I base it on how people appreciate me, then I will never, ever, ever be good enough. Why? Because not every single person, or almost anybody is spending their time trying to reaffirm my worth and value. People are not spending their time coming along saying how much they appreciate me. But when they do, and I'm pulling my worth from that, all of a sudden, I have an increase in my worth. "Oh look, this person appreciates me, this person likes me, this person is, you know, making me feel really good about myself." All of these things that they're telling themselves is total bunk. Why? It's okay if somebody appreciate you, but they appreciate you for the thing that happened, or they appreciate you for the thing that you said, or they appreciate you, because you're being generous, or whatever it is, right?But that doesn't mean that they're sitting around thinking you're so worthy because of what you've done.

 

Chris LoCurto  34:16

But it can be such a drug.

 

Chris LoCurto  36:18

It is.

 

Brian  Alex  36:18

When when I feel that from another human being. And it depends on on my state of mind, where I'm at, mood, hormone, all that kind of stuff, energy level, it can be such a drug, and you can see how this character in that series is fed by that drug. And when he feels that, he's on top of the world, or he's on the bottom of the barrel if he doesn't feel it.

 

Chris LoCurto  36:42

Yeah. So what does that mean for us? We have to recognize that this is a lie, my worth to this business is what I produce. It is not the same as my worth as a child of God. It just isn't, right? Being a business owner is one of the things that's an aspect of me, right? There's so many other aspects that I have. So if I believe this lie, then how am I going to live my life? Or at least my life at work? What is that going to look like? I'm going to spend all of my time trying to get people to like me, I'm going to spend all of my time trying to do something that causes somebody to appreciate me, I'm going to spend my time setting things up to get people to respond to me, instead of focusing on the thing that I get paid for, or me as a business owner, if I'm a business owner doing this, focusing on the things that make my team members get paid, right? That is my job. Is to make sure you guys get paid, right? So if I believe that lie, then it will change my focus on everything. And I can become emotionally handcuffed to that lie in believing that right? That belief. And when that happens, I hold every bit of me back, I won't take risks. I won't put my head on the chopping block, I won't go out of my way to do things where I might fail, I'm going to avoid failure at all costs. Everything is going to be focused on, how do I get people to like me? That is this lie that so many people believe that so many leaders believe, I'm appreciated or valued 'when'. You got to get that, "If, then..." if I do this, then people will like me, right? You got to get that out of your mind because that is a lie.

 

Brian  Alex  38:41

So tough to recognize, too. And you know, we need an exaggerated version of this character like like this. You know, just to hit this from a few different angles. Let let me at least read one of these, "I equate my position in the company with my value as a person." That's hard to see sometimes. Here's another, "When my colleagues affirm me, then I feel loved, valued or accepted." Wow, I'm feeling that one. "When my worth ebbs and flows, I can see that it's connected with how others see me or how they treat me." And you know, I love that, you know, for you and Joel, when you're leading people through Next Level Life, you say this all the time, you've got to get to a point to be able to lead people well, you got to get to a point that you take you out of the equation, so that you can focus on that other person. And this is going to hold this lie is going to hold leaders back from being able to do that.

 

Chris LoCurto  39:43

Yeah, I can't be a great leader. I can be a good leader if I'm still somewhat focused on myself, but I can't be a great leader if I am. I think Iacocca is a fantastic example of this. You know Jim Collins did a study on Chrysler back in the day, and Iacocca had done so much for it. This is not to say that Iacocca it wasn't a great businessman, but everything depended on him. So when he left the company tanked. They asked him back, he did his own huge fanfare. Look at me, they need me again, here I come. And the company did well, and then you know, with him leaving again, the company depended upon him. That's not great leadership. That's not even really a whole heck of a lot of leadership. Right?

 

Brian  Alex  40:35

It's not built to last.

 

Chris LoCurto  40:36

It's not built to last, but that is how the mighty fall, though.

 

Brian  Alex  40:41

Well layed. Jim Collin jokes.

 

Chris LoCurto  40:45

There you go. So the key is, if I'm going to be a great leader, what do we always say around here? It's my job as leader to make my team successful, not the other way around. I've got to make people great. If I'm focused on me, I can't make people great. If I'm focused on me, I surely can't lead somebody to understanding their own struggles and help them in an event, and help them to see the lies that they tell themselves, right?

 

Brian  Alex  41:08

And then they're not going to grow, right? And what are you stuck with, you're stuck with yourself the way you are, as a leader, you're stuck with people around you that aren't growing, and you're stagnant.

 

Chris LoCurto  41:16

Yeah, it is been the most difficult hire for me to hire. Because it's such a difficult and painful process to get rid of you, right? We have levels coming into this business, right? At every level, you come into this business, there's going to be some level of us trying to get you to remove some self, by understanding your worth is not in those areas, right? And if you ratch it up to a leader, it gets heavier. By far, the Next Level Life facilitator role is the toughest, because you know, people are putting their lives into our hands by saying, "Help me. I'm ready for help. I'm ready for change." And again, some folks have absolutely nothing bad going on, never experienced anything really bad, all the way. And we have that, you know, all the way down to the really horrible stuff, right? Our job has to be, how do I help this person become better? No matter what it is, if it's just to make better decisions in life, or if it's to overcome, you know, difficult situations, or if it's to overcome really horrid stuff in their lives. You have to get rid of self. So hey, listen, anybody out there who is believes that you can do that, send us an email, we would love to have here, if you want to move to Tennessee, we're excited about that. So as long as I think like, if I thought this way, in Next Level Life, then that event would become all about me. It would become about me people pleasing, I would never push people on the need to be pushed, I would never back off when I need to back off. You know, there's these great ebbs and flows, where you're helping somebody gets stronger, and they start making stronger decisions. And it's great because you can help them get there. But sometimes it takes a little bit of push, right? If they're high D, it takes a big push. It takes a two by four. So it's usually hid behind the door. You know, which is obviously not the same with a high S or a high C, right? Or high I. It's all about how you help the person get to success. If it's about me, then I don't care. I only care about are they gonna leave and like me? And that's just not an option for what we do.

 

Brian  Alex  43:31

Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Should we go to number two?

 

Chris LoCurto  43:34

I think so.

 

Brian  Alex  43:34

Alright. Yeah, this is a little bit of a nerd side here, where I've been a bit of a Trekkie in the past. And this scene came to mind for this second line here, where just to set this up. This is the 2009 Star Trek movie. JJ Abrams did a fantastic job here. And you've got this great chemistry between James T. Kirk, Chris Pines playing this character. And then Zachary Quinto as Spock. And what's great about Spock is that, you know, as half Vulcan, half human, he tries to-

 

Chris LoCurto  44:15

As so many of us are.

 

Brian  Alex  44:16

Just like that. He's a high C, he tries to be on that, you know, logic side detail, side process, but it there's this tug of war in this tension in this first movie where, you know, James Kirk, he's pushing Spock to feel out of control and he knows that human side is there and so he's been just ripping them, you know, this way and that Well, finally, there's a moment where you see that even Vulcans, half-Vulcans can feel out of control. And so when he's asked by his girlfriend, what he needed after learning that his planet and it has been destroyed, Vulcan has been destroyed. Spock says this: "Everyone to continue performing admirably." And it's interesting. I mean, that just hit me because I mean, how many times have we been in some kind of circumstances- I mean, think back leaders to last year when COVID hit? How did you feel? There were circumstances that were going off the rails around you, what did you feel like you needed? You know that the tendency is to white knuckle things, get a more firm grip, have everything else, everyone else, do an act and say and behave in a way that keeps the boat from rocking any further. I know, at least for me, that's how I feel. Don't have anybody else speak into this or any other circumstances go awry. I need control. I need to feel that. And so what are we scratching here? What's the itch that we're trying to scratch? Here it is, I need my team to act or behave well in order to feel at ease. And so I wonder, does that connect with leaders out there, are there times when things go off the rails or you don't know how you're gonna fix a situation, and you need everybody to calm down, do their job and do it perfectly, or we start barking at them, and trying to you know, manipulate, micromanage and super control the situation.

 

Chris LoCurto  46:30

 Yeah. This is a leadership killer. Because at the very base of this, is the concept that I am in control of my team, I'm in control of what's happening, I'm in control of the circumstances.

 

Brian  Alex  46:48

It's beautiful illusion.

 

Chris LoCurto  46:49

It's an incredible illusion, right? And the reason why it's a leadership killer is because you become the absolute stopping point for your team. You won't allow your team to get out of control, you won't allow your team to take risks, you won't allow your team to grow beyond you, you won't hire people who cause you to feel out of control, you will make all of your decisions based on whether or not you feel in control. What a terrible way to lead people. And then as you shared the moment things start to get out of control. Now, my planet has never blown up, obviously, because I'm still here. I don't understand the stress that Spock felt in the moment. But it's so amazing how it is a great example of that person of just going, if everybody will just do the thing that they need to do everything can be okay.

 

Brian  Alex  47:46

I felt that is a father with little kids, why is the house so messy? Why is their room not picked up? Why are they crying or acting this way or that, if they would just x then I could feel more at peace or more calm or in control.

 

Chris LoCurto  48:00

And who is that about?

 

Brian  Alex  48:01

Oh, it's about me.

 

Chris LoCurto  48:02

So when you are a leader, and you're feeling this way, what you're saying is I must be in control for everything to be in control. Do you see how that kills leadership? Because it has nothing to do with leading. It has to do with now forcing things back into control. It has to do with trying to drive things back into control. If it's about leadership, then we have opportunities. The house is a mess with the kids, now every parent goes through this. Usually you know it, there's a fantastic change on the backside of Next Level Life. Right? But coming in everybody experiences the same thing. The house is a wreck. The kids are now in trouble. Why are the kids in trouble? Because I feel out of control. Why do I feel out of control? Because the situation is out of control. It's clothes and toys on a floor. "Oh, Chris, you don't understand. It's like this 47 times a day." "Aha. And why is it?" "Because my kids are just out of control."

 

Chris LoCurto  49:13

"Aha. And why are your kids, your children-adult parent who I'm speaking to-why are your kids out of control?" "They're just out of control." "Aha. They came out of the womb, out of control their own way of doing stuff. There's nothing they've ever been taught or trained?" "Yep, they just do this all stuff on their own." Right. So what's the big key that we have to understand? What is our position of authority? Right? If I'm a parent and my kids are little monsters, it's because I've allowed it. It's because I haven't been taught. I haven't been given the tools. I haven't gotten the tools. Let me say it that way-to actually solve this problem, because there's much easier ways to solve the kids leaving everything out. Right? There's all kinds of ways you can solve this out of control situation. But what do we do, we have to do the same things that our parents taught us, or we do the pendulum swing, we go to the opposite side, and we do something the same thing from a different direction. "Oh, I'm not going to, you know, be as strict with my kids, because my parents were strict." And now you have these incredibly enabled kids that you can control. Hey, fantastic, well done. Great job. When you're a leader and things get out of control, you have the opportunity to lead, just like the parent has the opportunity to either parent, or become a victim, you as a leader have the opportunity to lead. Yes, things are out of control. What are you gonna do about it? So many times we help people will be coaching in situations and somebody says, "Man, this person was doing this. And it was just like, No, no, no, you need to do this over here." And then we'll push back and go, "Actually, what you need to do don't solve the problem for them. Don't give them the solution." "What do you mean? Don't we want the solution?" "No, we want the solution. But go to the the surface level response that they're struggling with. Why are they doing the thing that they're doing? Why are they not solving the thing that they should be solving? Hit that piece. And ask them 'Hey, why is this a struggle? Why is this out of control? Hey, why is this like this? Hey, kids, how come? There's toys all over the house?' 'I don't know.' 'Okay? Well, until you can come up with an answer. Let's just take those toys away.' You know, help them to see that they're choosing to do something that is out of control, lead, and then teach them how to not be out of control." But if you're struggling with that control issue, there's no way you can do it. Why? Because you're going to have to go through and force everything to get back into your nice little, you know, picture frame, match the picture that you painted. And by doing so you're cutting off your leadership, you are probably alienating people or showing people that you don't really care or, or, or, just so you can get in control.

 

Brian  Alex  49:13

Hello, victim.

 

Brian  Alex  52:14

It's so self focused. Yeah. So let me slice it and dice it, just like we did before a couple different ways. See if you can hear one of these that connect to where you are. "I feel out of control when things or people around me are chaotic. My team's performance is a direct reflection of my own abilities." And the last one, "When performance is lacking, or people fail, then I get nervous or I get angry." Wow.

 

Chris LoCurto  52:47

Yeah, a great thing to point out. We just had the Next Level Leadership Live Event at the end of April. And as we do every single event, we have a debrief afterwards, we talk about all the great things, we pat people on the back, you know, we promote what's happened. And then we shift gears and then we go into, okay, what went wrong? How do we fix it? How do we make sure it doesn't happen again? Talk through this. And one of the big keys is we mentioned, you know, we have newer people on the team where they've not seen this before, hey, this isn't a time to throw people under the bus. This isn't a time to be defensive. This is a time for us to go this happened. How do we fix it? What happened? How did it happen? Why did it happen? How do we fix it? How do we make sure it never happens? Again, four hours of this process, right? We actually set up a four hour block, we actually went four and a half hours on this one. Because we had some newer folks, new people always, there's more explaining going on in that process or teaching in that process. So we always block a four hour block of time after the next level leadership live event to go through all of this stuff. Good stuff, and bad stuff, right? It's both. Even something so simple as... I don't know, where we put the post it notes on the table? Right? It's what if if something is off, we go after fixing it. How do we fix that? How do we what do we catch? You know, if somebody struggled with something, how do we fix it? Whatever it is, when you need to be in control, that is a blood bath of a meeting. Now we've never had that. But I'm saying if somebody was having to be in control, either the meeting wouldn't happen or it'd be a bloodbath.

 

Brian  Alex  54:37

And I think just to interject, the important thing here that I'm seeing right now just you know in this episode is trying to associate control with self focus is super helpful to shine a light on it.

 

Chris LoCurto  54:51

Totally. So when you can be in a place where you don't worry about that. Then you let risk happen, you let people take risks, you allow failure to happen. You know, I say all the time failure is the best teacher for the person who's willing to learn from it, right? We don't have a problem failing around here, we just don't want to have fatal failures. And we don't want we don't want to keep repeating the same failures. We want to get things moving and take chances. Because when we do that we can affect people. You know, we can worship God in that process as well. All right, we're gonna get to the final one right after this.

 

Chris LoCurto  55:31

Hey folks, a couple years ago I was visiting with a client, and the CEO said to me, "Chris, we're not going to hit our goal." I asked him what he meant. And he said, "We're going to miss our three year revenue goal coming out of Stratplan by a few months, I didn't realize it at first, that he was having a little fun with me by saying they were about to triple their company in less than three years. How freaking awesome is that? Folks, these are the kinds of results that businesses get by coming through our four day Stratplan event. On average, we find $2.1 million worth of revenue in the next 12 months that the company was not planning on. And this event is for all sized businesses. If you're small, medium, or large, it works for every single business, because it's not industry specific. It's about gaining all the information about all the things inside of your business that are holding you back from success, and then giving you a plan and a process on how to walk that out and be successful in your business. By discovering the things that are holding you back, it helps you get to all of those goals that you've been planning on for a long time. So if you're ready to get the perspective you need to solve what's holding you and your business back, so you can grow faster, then you need Stratplan. To learn more, go to chrislocurto.com/stratplan. That's chrislocurto.com/stratplan.

 

Chris LoCurto  57:08

Alright, we are back and we are hitting the last lie that leaders believe not the last lie.

 

Brian  Alex  57:15

The last one, that they come up with.

 

Chris LoCurto  57:16

This is it, only three lies, that's it.

 

Brian  Alex  57:19

Only three that we'll deal with today. So to pivot a little bit on the first lie, which was based on an office character, some of the same writers spoke into Parks and Rec and Leslie Knope. If you know her character from this show is in some ways, in some ways is an alter ego for the Michael Scott. She definitely has more humility and knows more about herself, which makes this statement so much funnier. She says, "I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself."

 

Chris LoCurto  57:59

 No pride at all.

 

Brian  Alex  58:01

Knope.

 

Chris LoCurto  58:02

Knope.

 

Brian  Alex  58:04

I love that. And so what's the itch that we're trying to scratch here? "I have to have all the right answers, I have to know what to do." And again, you know, in all of these, the common recurring theme, the thread throughout is that ego that self-focus, and then it manifests in performance and perfection and all these other things. And we're learning here to identify lies based on that self-focus. And right here we have it. I love her modesty and humility at the same time as she's got monster pride. "I'm big enough to admit that I'm often inspired by myself." So where do we as leaders feel like we have to have all of the right answers, I have to know what to do, i's all riding on my shoulders, and how is that holding me back?

 

Chris LoCurto  58:57

This is again, another big thing that impacts leaders. If I have to have all the right answers, I don't need you. I don't need the rest of the team. What I need is robots just to do the things that you know, I want done. For me, I am big on hiring people who are smarter than you in the role that they're going to be pulling off, right? If I'm smarter than the person in the role about the role, then I didn't hire big enough, right? Now, obviously, there are some exceptions to the rule. If it's a you know, just a simple admin job, because there's tons of those out there. But like, you know, there was at one point back in the day years ago, we had to fulfill paper tickets to events. That was a job that we just needed somebody to sit down and fulfill the paper tickets, but I can tell you this. It's not a job that I can do. I can do anything. I can sit down and you know, do paper tickets and envelopes. But after about a couple of hours, I would be like, "I'm so done with this, I need something, I need something else." Where there are folks 99 C's, that are like, "No, I love the consistency, I love being able to sit down-I will do tickets all day long." And we found one and hired well actually do over time, that just loved being able to sit down and do that because the consistency of the job. So what is important here? That there are some times it's not important to hire smarter than you, you can just hire somebody to do the actual task. But if I'm focused on having all the right answers, I'm definitely not going to hire somebody who's going to cause me to feel again, out of control, who's going to cause me, you know, and again, I'm using the term, 'caused me to feel', and nobody can do that. I'm going to keep things in control. So people have to come to me. I'm going to keep things in a way that people have to get answers from me. That is now keeping you from duplicating yourself, which is keeping you from growing, which is keeping team members from growing. By doing that you have a tendency to create a situation where team members believe they can't get the answers, they can't come up with answers or they're afraid to even try because you're going to shoot down everything because you've got all the right answers, right? By doing that, it forces everybody to have to come to you as the leader to get the information. You know, you've experienced the frustration of how sometimes I just will not answer, "I'm going to try and guide you to the answer." Many of the team members here, it's like it's so funny, one of the stories we share is, we were out at lunch one day, and Heather brought something up and Joel looks at her and goes, "You know what he's going to ask next, just to answer the question, what do you think you should do about this?" Right? Because if I answer everything, how do I possibly make you grow? We had a great, I'll use a story of another left hand turn, you're not expecting. There was a situation where you came to me like, "Hey, this event that we put together, it kind of did not go very well. I want to know how you want this thing to look." And I started asking you questions, and you're immediately frustrated, like, 'But I want to know what you think.' And I'm like, 'Well, what would you do here? And how would you do this? And what would that look like here?' And by the time we got done, we had this event laid out, and I go, 'What do you think?' And you go 'Well, it's great, but I still don't know what you think.' And I go, 'Yeah, you do.' You're like, 'How's that?; I'm like, 'Because I guided you through the questions, you have the answers. And if an answer didn't go the direction that I think it should, I just guided you to another answer.' And I remember you just sitting there going, 'I have to process through that.' But what's the key? If I don't do my job, in leading you to be better, what's the point? You know, you will just come to me, all the team members will just come to me, and go, what's the answer? Right?

 

Brian  Alex  1:03:02

I love that you push on us, in a good way, in a healthy way all the time. In fact, we were just having a meeting about an event and in processing through that, I remember that I had, you know, valiantly being the hero jumped up and solve the problem. But it didn't occur to me at the time to get myself out of that problem, resolve the problem so that I could go on to do something else. And so I stayed in a role at that event, doing something over and over, instead of zooming out a little bit, looking at the big picture and say, "Okay, but how do we solve this problem so that we don't experience this in another hour or two, and then I have to jump back in and rescue again?" And I love that there is that culture here where we can expand and we can grow. And we can think outside of just that role. And that is what great leaders do. They help lead their people to that next level. That's why we have 'next level' in just about everything we do here. That's really what we're doing. We're raising up leaders, we're growing people. And we have to have this mindset as leaders, even as parents, that that is part of our everyday business, we take our focus off of ourselves, put it on other people and say, how do we get them to the next level?

 

Chris LoCurto  1:04:23

And I think that the thing that leaders need to hear is, you are in situations where you have the opportunity to fix things. You didn't have to go ask a question, you saw that something needed to be solved, and you solved it. And the push back, wouldn't even say push back, the additional teaching is "Hey, that's great in the future, solve the root cause there so you don't have to keep solving the thing." Which is not the, "Brian, you did that wrong. Well, thanks for solving that. But you could have done better." It is the "Man that's great. That's fantastic. Here's something you can do in the future, fix the root. So you don't have to keep coming back." That's leading. Where the person who has to have all the right answers, "Well, I wouldn't have done it that way. I would have done this. I would have just done fix this piece over here." That struggle that people have, that is that place of, you just solved something, you just did something that caused other people to not have to fix it. Great job. That's fantastic. Celebrate.

 

Brian  Alex  1:04:25

But at the same time I can see now in retrospect, where I was, I was still limiting my ability to serve.

 

Chris LoCurto  1:05:35

Yes. But the key is, is that you're in an environment that you feel free to go solve a problem. You don't have to go get an answer. You felt free, "Hey, there's a problem? Go solve it." Right? Could it have had a better, you know, solution that got you to not have to do it over and over again? Sure.

 

Brian  Alex  1:05:54

And it only makes sense now looking back.

 

Chris LoCurto  1:05:56

But that's not even the point. The point is, you're not in a place where you go, "Well, I have to go find out how so-and-so wants this done." Or one of the things I absolutely hate. I despise. Is when people look at the problem and go, "Let me go get somebody else to do this." Ugh. You know, for multiple reasons. One, you're not serving, you're not solving the problem. You're not serving the people. You're not taking care of things. But number two, you are absolutely holding yourself back from going, "Can I solve this? Can I figure this out?" Take the risk. What if you solve it the wrong way? As long as nobody dies, I think we're doing alright, right? But take the risk to expand you to be a better version of yourself, try to solve it, try to think through it, right? And so that's one of the things that we beat down all the time is we don't want that focus on, "I have all the right answers." There's plenty of times I've got what I believe is the right answer. And I still not answer it for team members. I mean, it's actually probably the bulk of the time, right? Because if I do that, I'm not growing the team or not allowing the team member in my culture to actually become better. The other piece is, as a leader, if I am forcing people to come to me for the answers, then I am actually paying myself way too much money. Right? Because I'm doing the work that I'm paying somebody else to do. Leaders, your worth is not in having the answer. Your worth is not in being the one who knows everything. You're worth to the business, not as a human being, to the business, is to duplicate yourself, is to make people great, that's you're worth. If you force everybody to come to you, then the company's paying you too much money even if you're the business owner.

 

Brian  Alex  1:07:52

So Alright, let's let's chop it up again, and see if we can hit this on a different level that makes sense to different people, my performance, or we can say that perfectionism really, were dovetailing back into where we began this episode today. Talking about well, what's the consequence, if people see that there is failure-nobody fails in a vacuum. Right? There's always going to be people around. So how do we take ourselves out of that-"My performance is the real proof of my life's worth or value." Big lie. "If I show people my ignorance, they will lose respect for me." And that's one thing we have to learn ignorance is not a bad word, something you don't know yet. And being able to admit that is humility. And the last one, "I'm the only one who can do this." Leaders, do you tell yourself that? "I'm the only one who can do this? And it all depends on me." That is a limiting belief.

 

Chris LoCurto  1:08:48

Yeah. So here's the deal, as we wrap all of this up, and thank you for joining me again, on another fantastic episode. As we wrap this up, there's things that we have to understand. If your identity is tied to your role, then you're going to sacrifice people for profits. Why? Because your identity is going to be in the success of the role itself. What is a measurement of that success? How much profit we're making, right? If your identity is there, right? If your worth and value is tied to your role, you won't pour into others, Why? You're going to keep control of how much you do pour into others. Because the last thing you can do is set yourself up to have your worth tank. So you will be very cautious on how you pour into others. If your success as a leader is tied to your role, then you're just not living well. How do we know that? But Chris, it's all about the success as a leader. No, it means that you are going to be very cautious and not take risks as a leader to allow yourself to fail, to allow your team members to fail, any of that instead, you're going to do everything you can to make you look good as a leader, by people doing the right things or you know, not not teaching them, not training them. So if any of these things are tied to your role, then unfortunately you're not doing your job. If you can identify with any of the lies that we've talked about today, then you're already on your way to getting unstuck in these situations. Self-awareness is the first step towards health and self-improvement. So start there, be aware of the lies that we talked about and how they may be a part of your life, your leadership, and then start putting the tools in place to get those fixed. Don't allow yourself to limit you as a leader. Well, folks on next week's episode number 424, our coaches sit down to pause and reflect on the relationship between internal belief and external success, so do not miss it. Well, we hope this was helpful to you today. As always, we want you to take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.

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