Today’s episode is part 2 of “Personal Responsibility in the Age of Entitlement”.
We’re going over how to change your inner dialog, complain less, and move towards taking responsibility for everything that we have control over in our lives!
So while you listen today, think about what Jordan Peterson says, “Treat yourself like someone you’re responsible for helping.”
Chris LoCurto 00:00
How you can start changing your inner dialogue from entitlement to responsibility, that is coming up next.
Chris LoCurto 00:17
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show, where we discuss leadership and life, and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks. Hope you're having a fabulous day, wherever you are. Well, we've been talking about personal responsibility in the age of entitlement. And I want to encourage you to go back and listen to part one first, if you're just joining us. So Episode 444, is on personal responsibility in the age of entitlement part one. This is where we looked at a historical perspective of how we created a "me" centered generation and talked about how destructive an entitlement mentality can be. Before we get to the part about changing our inner dialogue, I want to rehearse something we said last time, and it really bears repeating; the person with a sense of entitlement believes everything that happens should somehow benefit them. Anything unfavorable or unfortunate that happens in life is happening to them. These are the victims, they blame others, they feel that they're owed. That is victim mentality. The person with a sense of responsibility believes it's their duty to deal with whatever comes up, to be accountable, and to accept all the consequences of their own actions. "Well, well, well, if it ain't the consequences of my own actions." That's such a great sign, I love that. These folks are not victims. Blame is irrelevant. No one is owed anything. Their focus is personal responsibility. When we come back, the narratives that hold us back in the proper perspectives that will propel us forward.
Speaker 2 02:04
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Speaker 2 02:06
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Speaker 2 02:08
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Speaker 2 02:19
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Speaker 2 02:25
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Speaker 2 02:31
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Chris LoCurto 02:39
I want you to ask yourself a question. Could you hear the sense of hope and freedom in their voices just then? I want you to know, that could be you. Look, it's easy to get trapped in old habits, negative thought patterns, and unhealthy relationships, it's gonna take some work, but yes, there is hope for you. If you want to experience the same kind of life transformation, the same kind of self-awareness and freedom that they have or maybe you're just curious what the process would look like for you, then head on over to chrislocurto.com/nextlevellife.
Chris LoCurto 03:17
Changing the inner dialogue, instead of feeding ourselves the narrative, that we're not being treated fairly, that we're always getting a raw deal, that someone else owes us, our circumstances are unfortunate, or everyone is better off than we are. We should stop. We should stop the narrative, we should stop telling ourselves that very thing and start telling ourselves the exact opposite. Now if you listen to-I don't know if you can listen to Marcus Aurelius, since there was no recording devices back then, but if you hear what Marcus Aurelius says, he says, "No, it's fortunate that this has happened and I've remained unharmed by it." What a powerful thing to think. But what does victim mentality say? "No, every bit of this disarming me, everything is harming me. Everything is about thing." Folks, we don't have to be shattered by the present circumstances. Yes, you may be going through something painful. Yes, you may be harmed by some situation. But guess what? There's things that you can do about it to keep you from being a victim. It's crazy that we get disappointed when things don't go as planned. Especially for believers. Right? If we trust in a God who does take part in our every day, in our walk, well, then maybe there's things he doesn't want to go the way that we planned them, right? The other terrible thing we've got to stop doing is being frightened about the future. When you are worried about-now I'm not saying don't be smart. There are lots of things that we do planning for the future, setting ourselves up for success for the future. But to be in fear, to be frightened about it is going to keep us in this horribly negative space. When you freak, you freeze, when you become fearful, you self-protect. When you become fearful, you focus on taking care of you. What's the problem with being fearful about the future? We don't know what's going to happen yet. Not on everything, right? So fearing something that doesn't currently exist, what does that mean? It means that you're wasting your time. Focus on the things that you do know, focus on the things you can take care of, set yourself up for success and go from there. But what happens is, is our inner dialog tells us that we need to be concerned, we need to be fearful, we need to be disappointed that things aren't going our way, that we are shattered by our present circumstances. Well, if you're shattered by your present circumstances, you're probably no longer in existence. Right? Not saying you're not going through a difficult time, I've been through some horrid times in my life, some very traumatic times in my life, I know exactly what it's like to go through some pretty crappy and difficult situations. But I'm here, and what am I doing about it? I'm choosing a better path. I'm choosing to change the dialogue. So listen, we can accept life as it is. And we can take responsibility for everything that we have control over. But what about the things that we can't control? Well, that's where we need to go to God. And when there are things that we cannot change, when there's things that we cannot do anything about. When we've done everything we can, when we've taken our personal responsibility and things are not changing, that's where we need to go to God. We need to get godly perspective, we need to get biblical perspective. Some of you may remember the Serenity Prayer. Now I'm not telling you the Serenity Prayer is going to change everything in your life. But it's a good example for us to think about-God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, right? Once again, that prayer is not going to change your life. But it is a fantastic reminder. There are things that can't change, what do I do about them? Accept it. If I can't change it, being a victim isn't going to change it either. blaming somebody else isn't going to change it either. When do you ever find blaming somebody for all of your problems actually makes life phenomenal for you? It doesn't, right? When has it? I'd love the examples of that. Help me to see those. What we can't ask for, is courage.
Chris LoCurto 08:10
Lord, help me to change the things I can, help me to have personal responsibility. Help me to have wisdom, give me wisdom to see the things that I can change. Give me wisdom to see the things I can't. Give me solutions. How would you handle this Lord? What is your Word say about this? What do I do to make this better? What do I do to set myself up for success? Or we can sit in out of control victim mentality thinking, and believe that we have no opportunities. If we do that, then we're gonna keep getting the same thing that we've been getting, we have got to change the inner dialogue. When we come back, how to get free and stay free from entitlement mentality.
Chris LoCurto 09:01
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Chris LoCurto 09:59
So, just because some things are beyond our control does not mean that circumstances aren't important. It does not mean that we shouldn't take action, or try and gain some sort of advantage in the situation, it doesn't mean that we're powerless against the very things that are happening, right? If it's beyond our control, it doesn't mean that we have zero options. freedom comes from realizing what we can and what we can't control. When you understand the things you can control, you can do something about it, you can be proactive, you can make changes. Instead of sitting there telling yourself how horrible life is, you can actually step up, and do something about it. I can't tell you how many times I've worked with folks that have a super heavy victim mentality, that all they do instead, whenever you're trying to help them; "Hey, here's something you can do. Here's something you should understand. Here's some personal responsibility. Here's this, here's that." All they do is get pissed off. I've had folks so upset at me, because they want me to affirm that they're victims, they want me to say that they're victims. They want somebody to go, "Yes, your life is so terrible, because your parents didn't buy you, you know, the Betty Crocker baking oven when you're a little kid, I don't even know if that was correct. You didn't get your little plastic remote control car that you can sit in, and drive, I guess that wouldn't be remote control. You didn't get the right bike, you didn't get the right skateboard. You know, you had to stay at home while your parents were working. You had to-Oh my gosh. Oh, for the love. It's crazy to me. How many people have this immense victim mentality. And when you look at the things that they complain about, those things aren't that bad. You know who the real victim is? Those that have been abused, physically, sexually, mentally abused, those that were beaten, those that you know, had to deal with just the worst possible situations. Those are victims. Those that have gone through something actually traumatic, not getting a BMW when you were 16 years old is not trauma. One sibling getting a better car than you when they turn 16 is not trauma. You're not a victim to this folks. What you have to do is recognize the things you can control the things you can't, right? When we run up against things that are beyond our control, we don't have to feel out of control, we can choose to let those things go. Things that are within our control are worthy of our attention, they are worth taking responsibility for.
Chris LoCurto 13:10
But here's something else that I want to point out. If you are going to get free from an entitlement mentality, there's one massive piece you need to plug in right now. And that is gratitude. You have to start being grateful for all the things that you do have in life, for all the things that you can control in life. To sit there and complain and whine, and be depressed about how you're not getting your way is actually not helping you. It's not proactive, it's reactive. And it's keeping you from being grateful for the things that you do have. "Chris, you just don't understand my situation." I know I've heard that 17 billion times. I've heard so many times that I don't understand somebody's situation only for them to find out, yes, I absolutely do. We're not talking about you being a actual victim to something that is horrible and tramatic. We're talking about having a mindset that says, "I have nothing to be thankful for. I have nothing to be grateful for. I'm going to complain about everything. I'm going to whine about everything." When you have an attitude of gratitude it is virtually impossible, virtually impossible, to have victim mentality. Think about this. If you're a parent and you're looking at your kids and they just keep complaining and whining about stuff all the time, ask yourself the question. What's your responsibility in that? What are you doing about it? How are you setting them up for success? Are you teaching them? Are you correcting them? "Oh gosh, I could not correct my children, all the amazing parents out there who are doing the same thing and having their kids run all over the place and you know terrorize them and are totally entitled, keep telling me that I can't tell my kids 'No.'" Maybe change the people you're listening to. Maybe change the way you're looking at parenting. "Well, people make me feel so guilty because I don't do it their way." Maybe put some healthy boundaries in place. And don't allow them to speak into your life. I have great people that I love that keep listening to unhealthy people tell them and judge them and tell them how bad they are at doing things because they're not doing it their way. And no matter how many times I say, "Hey, put some distance in there." "Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah." Listen, if you're going to change things, you have to make right decisions, you have to take personal responsibility. If you're going to get out of an entitlement mentality, if you're gonna change your kids from having an entitled mentality, if you're going to help people from having an entitled mentality, you have to start by being grateful for what you do have. What do you have? If you're listening to this in America, you're in a country that has the greatest opportunities to make things happen. The insanity of the stuff that's being taught about how horrible this country is, and it's full of victims, and all of this crap is just beyond ridiculous. I grew up poor. There was one time we had money. And then it was gone. I grew up poor. And thank you to a mom who pushed work ethic, busted my butt to try and make something of myself, working multiple jobs. I remember a time that I think it's like two o'clock in the morning, when I was really young, I'd go work at UPS throwing boxes, sorry, handling boxes gently. And I would do that for hours. And then I would go to my full time job. And then after my full time job, I would go to school at night to try and learn more things to try and get myself in a better position. What does the victim say? "Oh, no, no, I'm working too many hours with my 10 hours that I work this week and nothing's going my way and everything's a problem and and and and and and and I couldn't possibly do all that. That's ridiculous." Well, I guess that's why I'm here. Right? I choose to be grateful. Was I working at a young age? Yeah. Do you hear me complaining about it? Nope.
Chris LoCurto 18:11
You hear me thankful. I appreciate that about my life. There's so many great things that were tough when I was younger, there's so many difficult things in my adulthood that I look at and I I praise God for. I praise God for the traumatic situations that I've gone through that are my responsibility, right? Many of them are. Some of them aren't. But I still took responsibility and lead my way out of them. I should say he carried me out of them. And I'm grateful for that, too. I'm grateful for the fact that I have this opportunity to help people discover and learn things about themselves about their family members about their kids, and try and make changes in their lives. I'm grateful. I'm thankful. There's days, folks that I don't want to get up and do 12 hour days for the next five days. I can tell you, there's some things that we do that is also focused on helping people, and sometimes I'm tired. But I praise God that He allows us to do them. That he allows us to help people. I praise God that He has shown us the information that changes people's lives. So if I were a victim, I don't think I'd be sitting here right now. I don't think- I know. I have to choose personal responsibility. I have to choose gratitude. Is life fair? Nope. For us believers, did God ever say life was going to be fair? Gosh no he said the opposite. He said, we're gonna have to deal with somebody who's constantly trying to destroy us. There's going to be problems, but he tells us how to handle it. He tells us how to walk through it. We may not be responsible for the cards were dealt, but I can tell you what we do have a choice on how we play those cards. We do have a choice on which cards we discard and getting some new cards in our hand. We can choose to complain about the cards themselves, or we can choose to play them to the best of our abilities. I like what Jordan Peterson says, "Treat yourself like someone you're responsible for helping." Treat yourself like you're someone that you are responsible for helping. It's not entitlement. It's not making you more important than anybody else. And you know, making other people not important. It's taking a hard look at you and asking yourself the question, how should you treat you? Folks, happiness is your responsibility. Don't let others decide how you feel, or where you are today. Happiness is a choice. It is a choice. That thing doesn't make me happy. That thing can't make you happy. You must choose to be happy. Success is your responsibility. Don't let your circumstances determine how successful you can be. Where are you allowing that today? Your current circumstances do not have to define your success in life. Change them, do something about it. Cut that off. Your health is your responsibility. Don't let the habits of those around you influence your personal health. What are you doing about that today? You're not a victim to the crap that you put in your body. "Well, all I could do was go eat that fast food." Oh, my gosh, I remember a time that we would-if we went on a trip somewhere we would pack food. We made our own stuff because there wasn't places to stop and get food like there is today. Right? You had to really find someplace to go get some food or now it's on every corner. You're not a victim to the things that you put in your body. You're not a victim to your lack of exercise. You're not a victim to anything when it comes to your health. Right? You can do things about it. So if you are going to overcome entitlement mentality and you are going to operate with personal responsibility. It starts with choosing. Choose. Choose to be responsible. Choose responsibility. Choose to make a difference in your life. Choose to not look at yourself as a victim. Choose to make changes. Choose happiness, choose success. Choose health. Probably the most important piece: choose gratitude. Choose to be thankful for what you do have. Ultimately, if you will do these things. You'll be able to get rid of entitlement mentality, you'll be able to get rid of victim mentality, and then you will be operating with personal responsibility. Well, folks, hopefully this has helped you today. As always, take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and help to change the lives around you. And join us on the next episode.