On today’s show, How To Care Less About What Others Think, we’re taking a departure from our normal format in order to tackle a few practical topics in a brand new mini-series of “How To” episodes.
This time, we’re dealing with approval seeking, worth finding, and people-pleasing. For many people, getting free from the fear of other people’s opinions is a real struggle.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t surround ourselves with wise and caring people who can breathe positive influence into our lives, offering us the counsel that we need to hear.
But we need to be aware of the fact that constant people-pleasing can develop self-destructive habits that are really tough to break! Have you ever found yourself there?
In today’s How To episode, we’ll take a quick plunge into the depths of Caring Less about what others think of you.
Have you ever found yourself here?
- Always saying “yes”, no matter the cost
- Constantly wondering what others think of you
- Making sure everyone else is happy – at your expense
- Agreeing to things you don’t want to do, just to keep the peace
- Needing others to approve and accept everything that you say or do
I hope that today’s brief talk spurs your ideation and directs your attention to what really matters in life and where you’re currently getting your worth from.
Grace and peace,
Brian A 0:00
All right, what is it about what other people think that ties us up in knots that's on today's show.
Chris LoCurto 0:16
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day, wherever you are. I can tell you I am having a fabulous day in Tennessee. And joining me from Sicily again on the show is Brian Alex.
Brian A 0:42
Why does that sound so bad?
Chris LoCurto 0:44
Because that's really the focus. What I meant was again from Sicily because obviously you live in Sicily. And I don't think we share that enough. I don't think people know that you're when we do these you're actually in Sicily. So excited again. On the better.
Brian A 1:05
I feel it feeling over here. Your high is coming all the way through. nourishing my see.
Chris LoCurto 1:17
Brian, why in the world? Are you joining me again?
Brian A 1:20
You know how I received that, Chris? Oh, absolutely. Well, we'll make that the subject of a different show, though.
Chris LoCurto 1:29
Okay, you got questions like this?
Brian A 1:33
No, you know, we have a lot of fun here about personality styles, but know what we're doing today. Okay, so we let me back up as Chris would say. As you know, we've been we've been experimenting a little bit, doing some fun things we we've been doing a new little series called three rules for dot, dot, dot, and you can go back and you can see those here. recently over the last month. We've got some new rules, this kind of thing. But before we get into today's format, it's a little bit different. This is a how to format and you know, Chris, I know that once upon a time and you're gonna have to kind of roll back here to 20 What 1314 You did quite a little stint of coffee with Chris Yes, remind remind us what was that? Like? What was the format because this is nothing like that. But I want to I want to I want to anchor in that for a second what what was that?
Chris LoCurto 2:36
Well, we did a bunch of great like five to 10 minute episodes, and they all had on the front side. brand spanking new Delano those coffees are different versions. I shouldn't say brand spanking new. A bunch of you know, the different flavors because Delano is puts out these, David Morris's is a friend of mine out in in Washington, who has this very large company that roast coffee, sends it all over whitelists stuff, all that and they're great, we've I've loved them. And so we actually would go through each, you know, they'd send us a bunch of different bags of coffee. And man, I was wired for sound because I'm always tasting these coffees, given some input and then talking through switching over and talking through like a five minute piece on, you know, a leadership piece or a life piece or, you know, personality or something like that a just a quick teaching on that subject, and run it on from there. And we call it coffee with Chris.
Brian A 3:34
Yeah, bite sized episodes. And this is nothing like that. Except that bite size. It's bite sized.
Chris LoCurto 3:42
That's fine. And I knew that both of us have already had our coffee.
Brian A 3:46
We're kind of already the metaphors already breaking down, because we're talking about bite size and coffee. But the point is, yeah, we're going to do a little bit of a series here on some how tos. And so where is this coming from? So we've got questions that come in. We've got of course, a slew of clients that ask things from time to time, we've got our own comments and things that are generated online through social media. And all of that is kind of converging here to give us a little bit of a series of how tos. And so today, what we're talking about is how to care less about what other people think. I mean, and so there's a little tongue in cheek
Chris LoCurto 4:31
A little pause in there after less how to care less. That's it. That's what that's that's, that's the episode right there.
Brian A 4:38
Chris LoCurto 4:40
Maybe about what other people think is the second episode.
Brian A 4:45
But you know, our culture both values and shames us for appreciating what other people think about us. You know, think about it. It's really extreme social media drives us to seek approval and yet On on these people approval platforms, people talk about how they could care less about what other people think. And so, you know, we want to find some balance
Chris LoCurto 5:12
Which contradicts the fact that you're on the people approving platform and saying that you could care less what people think.
Brian A 5:18
Exactly, exactly. It's just Yeah, well, we won't get into the how much of a soapbox that is for nonsense. But we need to have people around us, we need to have people speaking into our lives, who can give us feedback, perspective, sound advice, good counsel, at cetera, et cetera. However, we can't be swayed by every careless opinion that comes out of someone's mouth. And we have to shield against that negativity, and abuse. So we're going to cut to a quick break. Up next, what does it look like to get free from the chains of other people's opinions right after this.
Chris LoCurto 6:00
Folks, if you've been listening to me for any length of time, then you know, the number one issue when it comes to business, when it comes to family, when it comes to friendships, is having a lack of high quality communication, to make sure that you are absolutely winning in every aspect of your life, it all starts with having great communication, the best way to get that communication is to understand your personality style, and to understand the personality style of the folks that you're spending the most time with, whether it be at work, whether it be at home, the best way to do that is to go to Chrislocurto.com/store. And get your personality profile and personality profiles for your team to day, get it for your family members. Today. As you go through that profile, you will begin to see the greatest ways to communicate, go to Chrislocurto.com/store today.
Brian A 6:58
All right, welcome back. So Chris, we've set up the context. And so now let's get right to the question, how can people truly care less than they do or that is right or balanced about what other people think?
Chris LoCurto 7:14
And you want it this bite size?
Brian A 7:17
Bite size. You can just condense this to less than 10 minutes, that would be awesome. Because you just have to you're gonna have to edit.
Chris LoCurto 7:26
You just have to just choose. That's it. We're done. We out. This is one of the most difficult things for people to understand and get to, especially based on personality style. Now, all of the high Ds listening out there right now just said, Oh, that's not true. Chris, I don't care about what anybody thinks. Wink wink, I'm sure you don't. Yes, you do. Of course you do. Right every person does. And sometimes depending upon our personality style, if you are that high D, you convince yourself that you no longer care, you just you know, it's like the same thing of not dealing with something that's happened in your past. I've completely dealt with that. No, you literally just tried to block it out of your mind. But it still exists. And it's something that still affects you from from time to time. So it doesn't matter what personality style you are. You have to understand that it's not something so simple as making a decision to stop caring less now that is a major part of it. But here's the problem. The people pleasing side of us the the the approval side, the need for significance side of us is an addiction. It is something that lives it is its breathing. It is something that is there when we wake up but it's something that is there when we go to bed because we live in a world that says Your worth is based on what people think of you even there we go, even Christians, Christians who say Oh, I know my worth comes from God. When we dig down inside you if we go through next level if we dig down inside what we discover is they're not even aware that they don't really understand that they believe they have it they believe they know it but then all of a sudden they see a whole bunch of stuff and they're like oh my gosh, I'm so dependent on what people think I'm so dependent on people's opinions. So as we broach this subject I mean we literally could be doing a three part series of hour long episodes talking about this.
Brian A 9:31
So we do we go deeper we literally do the Next-Level Life is a lot about this and the approval and the work that people get.
Chris LoCurto 9:40
Yeah, absolutely. So to try in, not make this you know, a weekend long episode. You have to first understand no ifs ands or buts about it. You gain a ton of worse from what man thinks of you, you gain and by man I mean people you gain a ton of We think about it this way, if it wasn't true, all of the canceled culture would not exist. All of the booking for the the, you know, there is no genders there is no all of that stuff wouldn't exist, right? Because as these people started screaming and shouting, their opinions, their views, and you could say it on the opposite side, too, right? As people started shouting their opinions in their views, if nobody really cared what they thought or said or didn't receive, and this is the big piece, if they didn't receive the judgment, the accusation, then those things would fizzle out very quickly. Right? The the concept of coming along and highly suggesting that somebody is a bigot, or somebody is racist, or somebody is, because you're basing it on something that has absolutely no perspective of the person is ridiculous. If you can see the things in the person, then you have a foundation to have some sort of accusation which you shouldn't be running along, accusing people anyways, right, you should actually get a life. But if the point that I'm making is is that by doing so the problem is, people pleasers receive it. people pleasers, I cannot tell you how many people that have responded to some of the ridiculous accusations from people screaming from the you know that at the top of their lungs of all these things about them. And they're like, I didn't even know I was this. I didn't know I had this problem. I didn't know this existed. I mean, it's like, does it? Well, I didn't think so. But so and so tells me that it does. So it must, what are you doing? You're worse. Your value is based in what humans think of you? Where is it not based in something that is eternal? Something that is concrete, something that is? Perfect. God, right. So even if you're listening to this, and you're not a believer, you still need to understand what I'm saying is accurate. What I'm saying is truth. There is a whole world of people who keep looking at other people to set their reality to set their value to set their worth. And the problem with that is is the moment we receive so give this away. And so people figure this stuff out when they come in to Next-Level Life. Brian, why are you wearing that? That black V-neck shirt, man that's that's just ugly. That's just stupid. Why don't even know why you would wear something like that?
Brian A 12:40
Why I thought you're talking about my hoodie, which I was gonna say the hoodie
Unknown Speaker 12:43
because that's the Chris LoCurto hoodie. So I had to go pass that through swag.
Brian A 12:47
Yeah. So you happen to like really hard the bar underneath the service? Oh, I can see as I go, I like black V-neck. Does it not please you?!
Chris LoCurto 12:58
But it's stupid, man. It's ugly. I don't know why you would wear that. Rude. So here's the funny thing. I will do that in next level life or in certain situations and certain conversations and you kind of watch the person immediately. And I don't do it. Like they don't see it coming. I just hit it. And then you can see, oh, my gosh, what's wrong with my shirt. And instead of going, Hey, I totally didn't come to you for your fashion advice. Their first response is well, but I mean, I just it's the shirt I chose this morning. It's just and they all of a sudden start justifying their shirt.
Brian A 13:34
Still on the defensive. And they go on the defensive.
Chris LoCurto 13:37
And the truth is, I can't even see your shirt, I just see that it's a V-neck, right. And so the key is, they immediately receive that this thing that I highly suggested that they are a bad person because of a shirt that they chose. So now let's just take that to a day to day situation. If I can get somebody within five seconds to question their worth about a shirt they chose, then take a look at how inundated people are by living in social media, by living on the news by living in crappy media like music and movies and things that are just guiding and directing them in the wrong ways. Right? So all of that is pointing them to their worth is based in man's opinion, what do we see scripture telling us? Do not seek your worth your value in man's opinion, seek your worth and God. He's the one who holds your eternal life. You're the decision of what's going to happen to you next is in his hands. It doesn't matter what man thinks. Interestingly, Evo, almost every single prophet was killed for the message that they brought, right. Every Prophet did not want to be a prophet. We can see how difficult it was. And the reason is simple. And this is a big slap in the face to all the Facebook prophets out there the self proclaiming prophets that say that that, you know, God's speaking to them to tell everybody on, you know, Facebook that Trump's gonna be back in office again, all of these people who are self proclaimed prophets, the prophets of Scripture, the prophets of God did not deliver a message of, Oh, I know who's going to be the next president, they delivered a message of, you're going the wrong direction, and people hated them for it. You're not living the way that God wants you to, and people hated them for it. Right? Our own Lord and Savior was hated, for his message of follow my ways, do what I'm telling you to do. That is where our faith our concern should be is in that not in what man thinks. So I point that out to say, if even the prophets called by God, we're concerned about man's opinions, it shouldn't be very difficult for us to understand that we are as well. Does that make sense?
Brian A 16:01
Yeah, yeah. So just to sum up and kind of close this out if, if people really want to be free, if people really want to free themselves from caring too much about what other people think, then they've got to deal with the fear of man, and they've got to resolve that threat to their self worth. Somehow, they've got to resolve that and move past it. Well, folks, I hope this has helped you today. As always take this information, change your leadership, change your business and change your life and join us on the next episode.