Have you ever played the “victim-card”? I’m sure that we all have at one time or another. Why? We’ve all been duped into believing some of the Lies Victims Tell Themselves.
Here’s the deal, we all struggle with untrue recorded memos in our heads, whether about ourselves or other people, and those recordings are often set to repeat on endless loops.
These untruths, or lies, that we tell ourselves usually manifest in two distinct ways: encouraging us to act as innocent victims or evil villains. Acting out, in either way, can be really unhealthy!
On today’s episode, we’re going to take some time to examine our lives and make sure that we’re living authentically by learning to interrupt these distorted thought patterns.
So, what’s the first step? We’ve got to recognize the lies holding us back from embracing the good life we’re meant to live! I’m sure you’re acquainted with at least a few of these:
- I’m not good enough
- I’ll never measure up
- Everyone’s against me
- It’s not (ever) my fault!
- My life is just a mess
- Life is out of control
Do any of those sound familiar? The “victim-mentality” lens colors everything we see, every event and interaction, as something that’s happening “to us” – and not for our good.
But, what happens when we wake up from victimhood? What happens when we discover that we are actually in control of our own thoughts, feelings, words and actions?
Find out on today’s episode!
Chris LoCurto 0:00
examining our lives to find the lies, we tell ourselves that is coming up next.
Chris LoCurto 0:16
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks, I hope you're having a fabulous day, wherever you are. Today we are talking about examining our lives. And as we look back on a trial that happened in 399 BCE, and shortly before being sentenced to death, the famous philosopher Socrates or Sokrates, for some of you who get that is recorded as saying, The unexamined life is not worth living. And I gotta tell you, I completely agree with that statement. Now, what kind of life are you living in? I don't mean, you know, are you examining to find out? Do you have enough stuff? Do you make enough money? Is everything going your way? What I mean, is, are you living life? Well, let me say that again? Are you living life? Well, while there's all kinds of traps that we fall into that prevent us from living our I hate to say the phrase, but best life? You know, I don't have a better way saying is that living the fullest life we possibly can? Right? We talked about that in episode 467. What does your best life look like? But it takes a little courage to look inside yourself and determine what's really actually going on. So today, I'm going to invite you to examine your life to make sure that it's worth living. Now, I'm not saying that you're gonna find that life isn't worth living, I'm saying, let's take a hard look at it and ask ourselves, is this the life I want to be living? Can I change it? Should I do something different right? Now, obviously, not living is not an option. So we need to examine what needs to be enhanced. We need to, we need to see what needs to be edited out. And this can be an incredible boost to personal growth, that can be an incredible boost to longevity, fantastic booth to health. If we discover the great things that we need to change, right now, here's the deal. without examining our lives, our thoughts, our actions, we tend to get stuck in harmful and distorted thinking patterns. I know you there's a bunch of you that heard me just say that in what Yep, I've been there about 1000 times before.
So there are lies that we are going around believing things that we're telling ourselves, and sometimes it's even things that other people tell us as well that we are believing. But most of the time, hear me on this, most of the time, they are left, unverified. They're left unexamined. We've all struggled with untrue recorded memos in our head and often set a loop and repeat, and just allow that sucker to run over and over and over again, write about ourselves about other people, about our potential about our problems about our current circumstances about past circumstances that we should have handled differently, whatever it is, but rehearsing a lie over and over doesn't actually make it true. It just gives it more power over you. Let me say that again. rehearsing the lie doesn't make it actually true. It just makes it more powerful over you, it gives it more power over you and set on repeat, lies get embedded in our thinking, which makes it become part of our inner dialogue. And even sometimes, that lie becomes part of our character. Ouch, that sentence right? There should be scary. How many times does a lie that I allowed to run around in my head actually become part of my character? If you have not checked out episode 47 on why character counts? And make sure you do so that you gain more perspective. Now what do we come back, gaining perspective and getting power over the lies of victim mentality? Folks, if you've been listening to me for any length of time, then you know the number one issue when it comes to business, when it comes to family, when it comes to friendships, is having a lack of high quality communication, to make sure that you are absolutely winning in every aspect of your life. It all starts with having great communication. The best way to get that communication is to understand your personality style and to understand the personality style of the folks that you're spending the most time with, whether it be at work whether it be at home, the The best way to do that is to go to Chris ducker.com/store. And get your personality profile and personality profiles for your team to day, get it for your family members. Today, as you go through that profile, you will begin to see the greatest ways to communicate, go to Chris ducker.com/store Today
Chris LoCurto 5:24
Okay, so right now, it's society, it is very fashionable, to be a victim. victim mentality is very trendy, it's very fashionable right now it can, it can gain you big points when it comes to other people. Points, like, you get a lot of attention from people or people feel like they owe you something because you're a victim or it gives you a platform, right to share your victimhood. Now, it's an interesting thing, as I say, that victim mentality is trendy right now. It's it's very fashionable. It is. It's crazy. I can remember there was a time that if somebody had victim mentality, it was that one person, right? You could go, oh, gosh, I know who that one person is. And they stood out like a sore thumb. You actually kind of stand out. Now, if you don't have victim mentality, and you're not expressing it everywhere on every social platform or every conversation, where you're complaining about how horrible things aren't how much of a victim you are, if you just turn on the TV, everything from the nightly news to reality TV shows, they're all rated by who the biggest victim is, and who deserves something in return. Look at what's happening politically. It is ridiculous to see the platforms that are being taken to claim how much victimhood there is in our country. Right. It's like, every day, there's some new thing coming out that somebody's a victim somewhere and what the government needs to go and fight for this victimhood right.
Now, I'm not talking about legitimate victims, I'm talking about victim mentality, where you're going to find a way to make something a problem where you're going to be a victim to something in life, and some of it is just beyond disgusting and evil. I will man there's no, I'm not going to share some of the things I've heard lately, right now, because that's not the direction I want to go in. But I can tell you, the victim mentality is getting incredibly evil and incredibly disgusting in many areas. So anyways, moving on, it's important for us to distinguish between the victims of abuse or crime, and we'll talk more about that shortly. And those who believe they are entitled, or do something. So as I go through this, if you are hearing me say, nobody's a victim, then you're probably struggling with victim mentality right now. Because that's not what I'm saying. Like I just said, I'm not talking about the legitimate situations where somebody actually is victimized, I'm talking about the situations where people make themselves victims, and there's about 14 billion different ways that people do that now, maybe because of their mental processing of life events or trauma or, you know, trauma with a small t like not actually legitimate trauma, what other people say or do on and on and on, that they feel like life and others as well owe them something. Right. So it is amazing to me, where there was a time where something like PTSD was something that was assigned to people who legitimately experienced incredibly traumatic situations. Now, if somebody cuts you off on the freeway, you have PTSD of driving on the on the freeway, geez, knock that crap off. I mean, come on. This is this is amazing what's happening, right? But somehow, people are processing their life and choosing that they are victims, like to an extent to a great extent, right? So here's what I want you to hear. First. victim mentality is an acquired personality characteristic. victim mentality is an acquired personality characteristic. It's something that's becoming part of your character. let that scare you. If you're somebody who struggles with victim mentality, and let me tell you, we all have had our bouts of victim mentality, right? Every single one of us has at some point, you know, hopefully we've all I discovered it quickly and got over it quickly. But we've all experienced it. But if you're somebody who's consistently struggling with victim mentality, it's now part of your character.
Chris LoCurto 10:10
That shouldn't be something that you really spend some time thinking about. So it's a state of mind when a person thinks that the entire world is against them, or a group of people is against them, or, you know, everything is happening to them, and they have no power, they have no control over it, right? They can't do anything about it, right? This is what we want to acquire. Because it's ultimately toxic both to you into those around you, folks, listen, victim mentality isn't just toxic to you. It affects those around you as well, right? And leaders, guess what, if you got a lot of victim mentality inside of your business, it's not just the person who's being a victim that's being affected by it, but those around them who are having to hear about it, or maybe those that are partaking in it. So we want to combat it, and then we want to get rid of it. Once we get rid of it, then we can find and really start examining our lives and see what needs to change and what we can do and whether or not this is worth living the way that we are living. Alright, let's dig into where this victim mentality typically comes from. Now, these untrue memos get buried in our, our mind, this negative self talk, a lot of it comes from our root system.
It typically crops up and in two distinct ways encouraging us to either act out as victims, or sometimes once in a great while, it causes us to act out as a villain, or believe it or not, we, it could be both. We've even talked about that recently. That's why we're talking so much about self awareness on the show self awareness is the ability to observe yourself objectively, and determine how your thoughts actions and emotions do or do not align with your internal standards. So why is self awareness, so important? Because it creates an ongoing self examination of one's own life. If you are self aware, you're self examining. If you're not self aware, you're not self examining. Well, how do I know if I'm there? Or not? How do I know if I'm self examining, or if I'm self aware, if you're not aware of how you act react, if you're not aware of how situations or circumstances trigger specific responses, if you're not aware of whether or not those responses are healthy, or unhealthy, you know, toxic or, you know, not toxic, then you're not very self aware. If you're somebody who's struggling with victim mentality, and you're not recognizing how toxic It is to your life, then you're not very self aware, which means that you're not examining yourself very well. We've talked about it before, so much of our misery, and suffering is self inflicted, and it makes for a terrible life. Now, unless you are that person who you know, Misery loves company, unless you are that person who just loves living in misery, then, you know, you're probably feeling like there's a lot of things you're experiencing, that aren't worth experiencing that you want to do something about you want to change it. So our first step towards solving a problem is identifying and acknowledging that the problem actually exists. So to address or to fix the problem, you must be able to see it. If you can't see that you have a problem. How can you fix it?
Chris LoCurto 13:57
And listen, hear me on this. If you can't see that you have a problem. You can't possibly know that you have victim mentality. Super important how we're going to get victim mentality out, we have to be very aware that it actually exists in the first place not to see the problem exists. You've got to bring your attention to the problem. To bring attention to it. You must gain greater perspective on you on yourself. This is why we lead people to greater perspective and offer tools to find growth in healing. And speaking of greater perspective, growth and healing, which is what this show is largely about let me pause and mention that we are coming up on our 500th episode of the Chris liccardo Show, which is crazy exciting. It's over nine years just on the Chris liccardo Show is over nine years of helping people to get unstuck. Life to get unstuck in business to make smarter decisions to create greater relationships. So to celebrate the fact that we keep growing, we keep helping people. And we keep seeing them embrace the life and leadership that they really want. We're giving away free stuff. I mean, why wouldn't we right? It's a celebration, we need free stuff. So for the month of November, you can go to Chris a crypto.com 500, that's 500, and answer a few questions that will help us bring you even more amazing content, and sign you up for a chance to win some really great prizes. So to do that, go to Chris a kernel.com 500.
Today, do that today, fill that out, get a chance to win some stuff. So as we dive in, and I said this a little bit earlier, I'll state it again, to make sure that this is very clear. When we dive into victim mentality, I don't want you to hear that there aren't legitimate victims out there. Of course there are there's victims of abuse crimes, tragedy, accidents, even even war. I know that some of you have been through hell on earth. How do I know that because we've experienced a lot of folks that have come through next level life that have been legitimate victims that have experienced pretty crappy things. But we've also had people come through that haven't been through that had victim mentality, and they were super glad to discover it, see it and be able to stomp it out pretty quickly. It's very rare that a person recognizes that they are stuck in victim mentality. And when they do and they can see it. Very rarely does anybody not want to change that? I mean, the folks that have come through next level life that have discovered that had been like, I want this gone. You know, I've always thought I knew who the victim was, I never thought it could ever be me. I want this gone. I want this fixed helped me to fix this. So here's the point, victim mentality is a choice. It's propped up by the lies that we are telling ourselves. So when we come back, uncovering the lies that you may be telling yourself about your own victimhood.
Speaker 2 17:06
Freedom, it's so powerful, I felt rejuvenated, almost renewed, I just felt so welcomed and loved and accepted for who I am, and not an ounce of judgment. So I was very comfortable there, that had a really big impact on me, that's going to be worth it. It's gonna be hard, but it's going to be even better. On the other side. For me, it was just, it was just very refreshing. And I'm gonna say lifegiving. For me, it really was, you know, I would go to your next level life again, and probably again, and probably again, because it's so powerful.
Chris LoCurto 17:42
If you want to experience the same kind of life transformation, the same kind of self awareness and freedom that they have. Or maybe you're just curious what the process would look like for you, then head on over to Chris liccardo.com/next level life.
Chris LoCurto 18:01
Okay, we're talking about our tendency as humans to not take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, and instead trying to make everything the fault and, or the responsibility of someone else. So here's the truth, and I hope you're ready for it. You do have control over your life. You have control over your thoughts, you have control over your responses, you're willing actions, your habits and behaviors, you got control. You can choose to control every bit of that. But a very real reality is lies will tell you that you are not in control. And this is the victim mentality that we are all have to battle. Right. I can hear some of you already thinking but Chris, you don't know what I've been through. You don't know what they've done to me. You don't know how hard I've tried and I failed. I hear you. I literally do. But I want you to hear me press into that a little bit. To get to the core of what's going on. We'll have to do some self examination. The person who's teaching this right now has experienced victim mentality. There have been times that I've looked at a situation and saying to myself, this is happening to me, I can't do anything about it. The great thing praise God, is that God's allowed me and you if you will choose it the ability to examine quickly. Am I actually a victim? If not, let me stop that layout as fast as I possibly can. So let's deal with the trap of victimhood and how we can actually recognize it. So at its core, victim mentality is based on an unhealthy self preoccupation. Yes. unhealthy self preoccupation in place of the healthy self awareness, which is what we promote around our place, right? What we promote on the show. So what's the difference? Well, being preoccupied with oneself, you know, an unhealthy view of oneself, tends to make you feel unworthy,
Chris LoCurto 20:19
powerless, and ultimately tries to shift responsibility to someone else. That's unhealthy. What's self preoccupation? While it's just being absorbed in preoccupied with one's self? As I'm saying this many of you are probably going, that's never me, Chris, I don't ever do that. Well, stick with me. Because we all experience it. There's nobody who doesn't. So just stick with me. So these things take top spot in our thinking, my own worries, doubts, fears, needs, wants, desires, my worth, my value, my appearance, am I approved? Am I accepted? These are things that take the top spot in our thinking. So why do we focus on things like that? Well, it could be in an effort to deflect pain to deflect guilt, fear, anger, shame. Those are always things that are going to cause us to focus on us and, you know, look at inner pain or inner experience or things that are happening to us, it can be distorted thinking patterns that fool us about ourselves that maybe we've had since we were kids. Maybe that's happened since a situation or circumstance that's created a pattern of thought, as well as it can be distorted thinking patterns that fool us about other people. Quite often, I mean, look at what's happening all around the world, if you just take a look at, however you receive information, whether it's news, or social media, or whatever. Take a look at how often people are being lifted up as victims while other people are being blamed as villains. Now, here's the deal. I don't believe you can be a victim, unless there's a villain. Why? Because you have to be a victim to a situation that has somebody behind it. Right?
So for many people, they keep hearing this preaching that they're a victim or somebody else is a victim. And here's the big, bad, evil people that are making them victims. And it creates this pattern, that we're always looking for somebody to be a villain. Now this is very different from having a healthy self awareness, where we're objectively aware of what's going on around us, and how our behavior is affecting other people. So here's what I'm going to do. We've dug into a lot, we're not going to make it in one episode. So let's wrap up this part one of lies victims tell themselves, we've been doing a lot of uncovering. But let's conclude today by looking back back to Adam and Eve in the garden. Let's look closely for clues where victim mentality ultimately began. Now, when confronted with their sin, violating the obvious command that God had given them, or go, don't eat from the specific tree of knowledge of good and evil. They told God that it was someone else's fault. If you're reading Genesis three, the man says to God, I heard you approaching and I was afraid. Yep. There's the fear right there. Right. Adam, here's God approaching, and he becomes incredibly fearful. Now, some versions may dig deeper and say, you know, and I was ashamed. concept is you still see this response. The man continues with God and says, the woman that you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it. So in one sentence, what does Adam do? blames two people of a woman first blame that you gave me. Twice. In one sentence, he blames two different people. For the situation that he is currently in. He shifts the blame to the woman, and also to God as well indirectly, but still directly to God in just one blow so smart move, right? Well, maybe not. Eve is in the same boat. Watch this. Then the Lord God said to the woman. What is this? You have done? The woman said, The serpent deceived me and I ate that is again. What were they both doing? They were both self protecting. There was a loss of work due to fear due to shame. And so they tried to excuse and exonerate themselves through victim mentality.
Chris LoCurto 24:59
And now We're just getting to the good stuff, folks. We're just getting to the good stuff. So, before I go any further, do not miss the next episode. Well, folks, that's all the time we've got for today. I hope this has been helpful. Join us next week as we dig deeper into this. So take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.