Do you like saying No to something that you want to do?
Very few people like to hear that word. And a lot of people don’t like telling other people “no”, especially when they want to make those people happy.
Why? Because this tiny word packs a powerful punch! To make matters worse, we usually think of it as a negative word, something to be avoided entirely.
However, the truth about the word “no” is actually really freeing, for those who choose to embrace it. It can become a tool used to protect and empower.
Think about it. It takes real courage to decline an opportunity or shut the door on a relationship.
But, this could be the very thing that frees you up, empowers you to move on to more important things, and protects you from being taken advantage of.
Someone once said it’s the setting of limits that introduces us to liberty.
Ironically, it’s the setting up of boundaries, whether for ourselves or for others, that creates the very space of freedom and liberty that we’re inwardly craving.
On today’s podcast, we’re talking about how freedom begins and ends with this little word.
No one is an island. We live in a world surrounded by other people. Saying “no” is a choice we can make that will create new space, new freedom, and new opportunities.
Remember: saying no to one thing is saying yes to something else.
499 | The Positive Benefits of Saying No
Chris LoCurto 0:00
Learning to use the word know as a healthy way to find more freedom, more joy and more peace in your life that is coming up next.
Chris LoCurto 0:20
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are. Today joining me back in the studio from the Point Main studios in Sicily.
Brian A 0:43
It sounds so global. Wow. Look at us.
Chris LoCurto 0:48
Which also happens to be Brian's house.
Brian A 0:53
My lowly apartment.
Chris LoCurto 0:56
We're gonna put that sign up like right when you're cutting a cutting a podcast with us is Brian Alex. Brian, welcome back to the show.
Brian A 1:05
It's always a pleasure. Haven't seen you in a while, in fact, the last couple episodes, I had the distinct pleasure of having as my guest on the show. Our president of the point main group, I'll specify Joe, Joe, Joe Biden, Joe, what's his last name? Father
Chris LoCurto 1:30
been fork and fork for something.
Brian A 1:34
Anyway, it's good to have you back is my point.
Chris LoCurto 1:37
It is good to be back on the show. It's, it's it's been a few episodes. That's correct. Yes. It's actually nice to be back on the show had a couple of emergency things I had to take care of. And but it's good to be back.
Brian A 1:52
Yay. So what are we doing today, Chris?
Chris LoCurto 1:56
Well, Brian, I was gonna ask you that question. Because you have a brand new style, or a new type of show that we're going to be talking about today, which is really diving heavily into boundaries and the boundary of setting the word no. And how important that is. So let me turn that over to you. So you can introduce it?
Brian A 2:17
Well, it is it is a little bit of a spin. And the idea here is, you know, we've been doing these episodes, how to blah, blah, blah. And I wanted to go a little bit deeper, though, because those episodes typically come off 1520 minutes, I'd love to get a little bit deeper into this. And we talk about boundaries all the time on this show and how important they are to life and leadership being healthy. All of that kind of stuff. And so I want to get really practical before we get there. I want to talk about driving. And yeah, so what is driving have to do with with no rules, just Uber freedom, and not having boundaries or barriers. I mean, if you know, for those that are kind of like me, maybe we don't like being told no, I kind of grit my teeth when there are restrictions. You know, I'm I live in Sicily, but I'm an American. I love my freedom. And my mind immediately goes to the autobahn. I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure. Well, pleasure. Maybe it's hell for others to go. So fast. thinking, thinking about Heather, when she first started driving with you and how she She gripped the sides of the car. It's yeah, because you like to go fast, too. I mean, this is not a new concept. Yeah.
Chris LoCurto 3:38
So obviously, you know, I say obviously, maybe there's a lot of people that don't know this, but I raced Formula cars for many years, I still have my car probably going to sell it though, just because God is just moving in so many different ways. But you know, having raced for so many years and done pretty darn well for myself. When I drive on the road. It's funny because driving speed is considerably different to me than it is to other people. And so when we got married and we're driving to work, there's this big long, sweeping on ramp from the parkway that we were on to the freeway heading north. And I don't know I'm doing 90 around this thing not thinking I mean, of course I should not say 90 Surely I was doing the speed
Brian A 4:25
limits. Wink wink whatever that was.
Chris LoCurto 4:28
Yeah, so she's grabbed it off to the side go oh my gosh, and and I'm like, Oh, I'm so sorry. Was that too fast? I mean, the the car holds it really well. Everything is just very smooth, right? So I would slow down a little bit. Interestingly, within like a month, you know, I'm driving this thing and she's texting. She's over there and she doesn't even notice she's used doesn't even notice anything. You're just like, oh wow. Times have changed.
Brian A 4:56
He get used to it. Yeah, well your car has a great center of gravity. wide tires, all of that. Like, it's like you're in a racing car. And yeah, I mean, I think about something like the autobahn. And there are there are limited sections on that in Germany where there are no restrictions. And that's, that's kind of the point. In fact, just a little fun fact, I went back and looked at the record made on the Autobahn was back in the 1930s. Back in the 1930s, there was this really futuristic looking car. In fact, I put a picture in the notes there for you to see, called this record wagon. And it got up to 268 miles per hour. And it was it still looks very futuristic from the 1930s, almost 100 years ago. And anyway, yeah, the idea is, you know, there there is a limited amount of freedom on that section or in sections of the autobahn, where you can go as fast as you want as fast as you can. And nobody's going to tell you, No, well, on the other side of that coin, there are, you know, things in life that if we don't have no if we don't have restrictions, if we don't have limits, it can be a little bit perilous, I mean, I live in a, in a country, in really Southern, we call it the deep south of Italy. And there are plenty of areas on the road, plenty of roads here that have no guide rails, the paint has worn off, and there's rarely lights on the streets at night, it's dangerous. And add to that you're not alone. These little little roads that were really built for farmers with their horses and wagons now have two, three, even four cars trying to get through the same area, the same space, you can't two material objects cannot occupy the same space and time. It's just impossible. This is what I'm discovering here. It's also dangerous.
Chris LoCurto 6:59
So little projectiles.
Brian A 7:03
Pile up is what they do. But the idea is that boundaries are necessary. And so, you know, I'm just I'm addressing this because I want to assess a disclaimer to help disarm the idea that, you know, hearing No, is necessarily a bad thing. In fact, this episode, this podcast episode is really about the positive benefits of saying no. And so we want to talk today about the power of saying no. And the power is that it makes it really clear where a boundary exists. And that's what I want to dig in with you today.
Chris LoCurto 7:40
Yeah, it's so funny, you know, to continue on with the driving analogy. Well, let me just say this, alright, so there are some times that when we go out to a track, it's just us the same guys who are racing are out there warming up, we're doing time trials, we're doing all this kind of stuff. And you're running with guys like yourself, and it's, it's great. Because there's no, there's your child down there doing. Yeah, if there is somebody who's new earth, you know it immediately and you know, it's it's not hard to avoid them. But there have been plenty of times that because a race was compressed timewise that you went out with guys classes below you, and slower cars as well. And you could be flying around the track and all of a sudden, you're on top of somebody, that it's just like, a I can't continue my speed that just really affected my whole my time that I'm trying to set. But if they move, you know, so even there's, there's a benefit of if they just hold their line, you can at least get around them and nothing happens. But sometimes they know that they're really slow compared to you. And so they try and take care of you. And it's like, listen, you're gonna kill us both. Just stay where you are. It's interesting to know that like driving on a track, the ability to go as fast as you want, the ability to push yourself is incredible. But then there's times like when I drive out on the freeway, obviously, I'm able to drive my car considerably faster. But it doesn't mean I should write it there's, there's times where somebody doesn't recognize a speed that you could be driving that they might move into your lane. And again, I'm not condoning speeding and although I'm such a good rule follower.
Brian A 9:35
No. This is a great episode for you, Chris. I'm so looking forward to getting into some of these points.
Chris LoCurto 9:43
Well, you know, it's so funny because I had to put boundaries on myself and just go because I don't recognize if it's a 60 or 70 mile an hour speed limit. It feels like I'm riding a bicycle. You know, sometimes I mean, it's just because it's a diff Front, it's a different ability to to handle the car. Right where it doesn't seem fast. So it's like interesting when you're talking about the 268 miles an hour, I'm like, crap, that's fast. Right? Where 145 for me is fast and nice and great. On a track, I'm talking about not out there on the roads. You know, that's fun. But like, I would love to have been able to do like the autobahn and see how how much further I can go like, what could I push you to? But at what point am I gonna go, this is ridiculous I got that's, I feel so out of control. So it's interesting to know that there's times you have to put boundaries, I look forward to talking about the boundaries we're gonna put on other people. But how many times you recognize, you know, you got to put boundaries on you and say, Hey, listen, you're the one affecting, you know, if I was to go out there and drive on the freeway, the way I drive on a racetrack, I'm going to mess up a whole lot of people. And that's just not that's not acceptable. So
Brian A 10:58
I don't think I've ever asked you how fast Have you been on when you've been in your race car on a track and it's approved and legal to do so how, what's your top speed that you you can talk about going?
Chris LoCurto 11:11
Yeah, so legal top speed, I will share with you. I won't, I won't share any other speeds. My legal speed is 145. Because so down at Daytona, so what we do in Formula cars, is we race road tracks. So whenever we get out to something like an oval or a trial oval, unfortunately, we never get to just run the trial, it's so in other words, instead of us being able to get up to speed as fast as we could, and continue to go, we run half the track, come off the wall at 145 miles an hour diving down into the inner track, slamming the brakes, dropping gears turning so and then we come go through the inner track come back out, and we're only a little bit further past where we just came off the wall. And then we run to the other side as fast as we can about 130 miles an hour, drop gears come into what's called a bus stop, it's a little left, right, right, left back out onto the main street main drag. Well, I've had the benefit. And so there I can normally get up to about 140. Before I have to break off the wall. But I had the benefit of a what's considered to be the same as like an IndyCar being out there with us that came by and I got into his his, his wash and his drag behind him the draft. And it literally pulled me five miles an hour faster to like it allowed my car to go five miles an hour faster to the start finish, which was just fabulous. So that was that was my fastest on track. But I mean, we would do well over 200 and some odd if we were able to just stay on the oval all night not actually stop. Yeah, that's fast. I will not talk about the show patients like I will not talk about the Shelby that was sent to me 825 horsepower, that I was allowed to drive by one of our amazing clients. And I got that too. So we'll just leave legal only folks were legally legally talking about.
Chris LoCurto 13:19
I mean, it was maybe 72 miles an hour in that 825 horsepower, maybe 70. Alright, so with all that, folks, when we come back how to use no as a boundary marker, and how it can benefit you, that's coming up next. Box, if you've been listening to me for any length of time, then you know the number one issue when it comes to business, when it comes to family, when it comes to friendships, is having a lack of high quality communication, to make sure that you are absolutely winning in every aspect of your life. It all starts with having great communication, the best way to get that communication is to understand your personality style, and to understand the personality style of the folks that you're spending the most time with, whether it be at work, whether it be at home, the best way to do that is to go to Chris accredo.com/store and get your personality profile and personality profiles for your team to day. Get it for your family members. Today. As you go through that profile, you will begin to see the greatest ways to communicate. Go to Chris ducker.com/store today. All right, we are back and we're talking about boundaries while we're talking about racing and needed boundaries. But Brian, take it away from here. Let's dive into some great information that we need to know.
Brian A 14:51
Well, just like you said a minute ago. It's great when we're talking about boundaries and other people and we are going to talk about that in fact If you're one of those kinds of people that find it difficult to say no to others, my hope is, you've got a little bit of, you know, you're going to be encouraged to place healthy boundaries. And what I love about what we're going to do here is we're gonna get super, super practical. But, you know, as you mentioned, some of those boundaries that are healthy and where we're getting stuck. And where we've lacked freedom in our own lives is where we're not telling ourselves no enough and, and just like these guide rails that we were just talking about, and speed limits, and, you know, clearly marked areas on road and where there's safety, and there's expectations, and all of that, all of that comes into play here on these boundaries. So today, we're going to talk about five powerful benefits of saying no, whether that's to yourself to others that you know, or to others that you don't know, how do we in a healthy way with the right spirit? How do we say that, and, and not feel, you know, guilty for saying no, at times? Because we're saying yes to something else. And so that's what I hope we're able to get into if you want to read the first one. I'll just kind of comment here or there, but I'm gonna let you steal the show it is your show anyway.
Chris LoCurto 16:20
Well, you know, I love that we're hitting this because I think you just mentioned something that is powerful when it comes to setting boundaries. And that's the, the guilt side of it. So as we go through this, you know, so many times as we hit a topic like this, there needs to be a caveat or disclaimer, the concept of what we're talking about when it comes to setting healthy boundaries needs to be that they are healthy boundaries. So it is not the I'm setting a boundary because I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm being a jerk about this, I'm going to be controlling or manipulative. That is not the aspect of what we're talking about. Instead, what we're saying is that there is a need for a boundary, you know, just like I was saying, I could go drive on the freeway, the way that I know how to drive a vehicle. But that's not healthy for, you know, could end up really bad for me if somebody else doesn't know what's going on and enters my lane. But it's also not healthy for other people to scare the crap out of somebody else, you know, because you're acting like an idiot on the on the freeway, right? So as we go through this, it's got to be the big caveat is that it's that it's healthy. So the first powerful benefit of saying no, is that saying no, is an exercise of our will. So it's a choice. It amplifies discernment, saying no helps me examine and discern my values, it helps me to exert choice, it helps me to determine limits. So the thing that we have to understand is that just like you said, if I say no to something that I may very well be saying yes to something else, right? Like yes to health, yes to I don't want this manipulation, yes to I don't want this, this control in my life, right. So a key thing to understand is that it is okay for me to exercise my will, if something is happening in an unhealthy way to meet. So let's say, I've had a lot lately, whether it's just random people that you're experiencing, or working through something with a conversation, I've had an interesting number of situations lately, where somebody is feeling very out of control. And in the moment of feeling out of control, they guilt me, you know, it's there's a guilt transfer, there's a, you know, a controlling statement about what I'm doing, or what I am going to do or whatever else. And this is not uncommon with what we do for a living, right. We experienced this when people feel out of control, they respond, they usually have what we would call a surface level response. And sometimes that is to try and blame the other person for something that's happening.
And if it's happening, this is always my thing. Always ask yourself, did I just do that thing that they said? Is this really happening? Did I suggest that whatever? If the answer is yes, then man, I need to take responsibility immediately. The thing is, with what we do for a living, rarely ever, rarely ever, ever, is it legit, right? Because usually it's we're trying to guide somebody or we're having a tough conversation with something. Or even maybe, you know, maybe you're having a conversation with a team member and they're feeling out of control in their way to respond is to push something back at you. Well, it's your fault because well, you didn't do or you did this. And the question in that moment is Is that accurate? If it's is not accurate, then this is a time that I can ask myself, how important is it for me to put in a healthy boundary. Now, my level of of healthy boundary is considerably different than a lot of folks, because I've been doing this for a very long time. So for some people, the suggestion of, well, you just did this or you're trying to control this or you, you you whatever it is that the accusation, the attack that comes out. For some people, it's an immediate huge Wallop, which that's not healthy. We don't want to wall up, we don't want to close ourselves in, we don't want to keep healthy people out. The goal is what do I do with the situation so many times for somebody who has not been very experienced at setting healthy boundaries, sometimes they need to put a very hard, healthy boundary in place. That is not acceptable. That is not truth, that is not what happened, I'm not going to receive that whatever it is, you know, there can be different levels of, here's the boundary I'm putting in place, the key is, it's their will, if they choose it, if they choose to protect themselves that they choose to put up a healthy boundary, then they can stop or at least attempt very hard to stop the situation currently to keep themselves healthy. It's their choice, they can do it. The problem is, is when we expand so for me, my my level of it might not be putting in any hard healthy boundary might be me pushing back with questions. Hey, help me to understand how I did that, hey, help me to understand where you experienced that, you know, for me, because I'm not going to receive it as a big attack, I'm expecting that the person is probably going to be struggling. So instead, I go for the well point this out to me helped me to understand this. And what you'll see is usually if it's somebody controlling or manipulative, they can't answer the question, they're gonna go somewhere else and deflect somewhere else, which again, this is what I do for a living. So it's not that difficult for me to guide them. The key here is, is recognizing that if you did not do anything wrong, if this is somebody who is trying to make you feel a specific way, I do use my air quotes, because nobody can make you feel anyway. All they can do is highly suggest that you feel something right. Well, it's your fault that this is happening. Well, you're screwing this up. Well, you did this thing over here. If none of that is actually true, but I receive it as truth, then now it is my reality. Right. So what we call this, as somebody is suggesting they're trying to set your reality, Brian, here's what you did. And it could be a complete and utter lie. But if you receive it, now it is your reality. So an important thing for us to understand. Number one is that it's an exercise of your will to say no, if no is accurate, right? If no is correct, and we're using no as the example for the boundary. But you know, you need to do this thing you need to make this happen. You're the problem with this. If all of that is somebody trying to suggest that you experience something really badly about yourself, then no is a perfectly good answer. Does all that make sense?
Brian A 23:22
Yeah, it really does. And I just I want to highlight the the freedom aspect here. Let me just chime in on that. Were saying no, as an exercise of the will, is a way that we're, we're showing what we don't want and where, you know, by exercising the will express also, yeah, we're by expressing that we're able to actually discern the things that are inside of us. And, and we're setting value. And that's what we're going to get to in the next statement. Because I think this is so important that we understand. And right now we're looking at that exterior, where we're saying no to things, you know, around us or other people trying to manipulate us and there's freedom there. There's also freedom to exercise our will, you know, no, I'm not going to have that third, Coca Cola. I'm not going to do this, that, you know, that's the second Big Mac is too much. And I need to say no to that, you know, there's there's freedom that we create, by exercising our will. But when we don't say no, it's like we're living in servitude. We're still a slave, or we become a slave either to ourselves, desires, the desires of others, and we're learning to set up those healthy boundaries in an effort to create that freedom space, that we can actually thrive as a human.
Chris LoCurto 24:52
Yeah. So just to kind of piggyback on that, the the concept of, you know, putting boundaries So myself, right? We're talking about this in two different aspects. One is the boundary of, do I put on a healthy boundary to somebody else by saying no, but as you just brought up, you know, it goes back to the car, driving too fast on the freeway type of comment. At what point? Do I look at myself and say, No, at what point? Do I look at myself and say, This is unacceptable? This isn't healthy for me. Right? I mean, I think everybody can point to alcohol, drugs, hanging out with bad people, bad relationships. I think every that's an easy one. I think it's also easy for somebody to say, you know, hey, Too Big Macs is too much. Hey, one big Mac is probably too much. No offense. Who does Big Mac? McDonald's? Sure. Like, is that a Burger King? And is that a McDonald's? I don't know. The key is, is where are you in your health journey? Is this a smart choice? And what is the boundary say to that? I am I know, for a fact, there are things that I you know, I'm still I've been on this journey to get led out of my body for years. And that's a it's I think we're over four years now. And people always say, how did that ever happened? You look paint chips. No, I did not like paint chips. But I do believe that there was a couple year period that I lived in a house that had led pipes in my early 20s.
And I think that probably is what made a huge impact on this. The key that I'm saying here is that I am completely aware that there are things I can eat, unless I want to feel sick for the next four days, you know, there are certain things that I cannot do, unless I want to feel sick, right. And so there's boundaries that I've got to put on myself to say, hey, that's just not only is it not acceptable, just get past any type of desire for it, because it's just going to hurt you in the long run. So definitely saying no, is an exercise of our will. And it also helps us to understand our values, it helps us to understand our limits. And you know, it determines our limits, it defines our limits, it doesn't mean that we don't screw things up, you know, my wife, and I, you know, she's got Lyme disease and has had that for a while. So what probably once a year, we're like, we're gonna go eat this one meal and know that we're going to pay for it. But you know, it's once a year, we're alright, we're going to be fine. So it also, you know, it also shows, hey, we can have a limit here. And you know, if it's acceptable, great, it's just not something that we do twice a year. So number two, saying no helps us to define to express and to reinforce what's valuable to us. So this is important, I'm going to say yes to it. And in turn NO to these other things. This is something that's not hard for people to understand, right? You know, the old saying, Every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else? Well, as you pointed out, Brian, there's the converse of that as well. Right? Every time I say no to something, it's very possible. I'm saying yes to something else. It may be me saying, Hey, this is something that, you know, saying no to that is saying that I need to value myself better. I need to, you know, express what's important to me, I need to make decisions to myself, what's okay and what's not. Okay, we had a fabulous, my wife had a fabulous conversation with one of our granddaughters about a situation where she was getting a lot of peer pressure on this one decision to make and she's just like, I don't understand why it's not okay, everybody else is doing this. And why is it not okay for me, and she was able to talk to her through the lens of God. You know, do you know that God is your Father? Yes. Do you know that he is a king? Yes. Do you know that being his daughter that makes you a princess? Yes. So if you're his daughter is this what you're in just this phenomenal, incredible conversation with a young girl that as she walked through it, the I don't understand why I don't get to do this turn to Oh my gosh, I get to do this other thing. Wow, that's so great. I can do this in a gay for a different choice, right? And then also allowing her to recognize so when you feel that peer pressure from other people, from other kids, from other adults, whatever it is, then the know is defining what's valuable to you know, you know, I understand that that's something that you want to do understand that something you want to experience but that's not something I want that's not something I want in my life. So it's interesting teaching a nine year old this it can be an incredibly powerful moment teaching a 39 year old this sometimes can be incredibly difficult. You know that you can you need to make choices on what your what you truly do value and then say yes or no accordingly.
Brian A 29:56
Yeah, no, I love that and what comes to mind as you're talking you know, we We both met at Dave Ramsey's place in financial peace. And, you know, I remember showing up having said yes, to a lot of credit card debt before, you know, and interestingly getting there and renewing my mind and purging from a lot of the bad, just emotionally driven habits that I had, you know, saying no, created, you know, the ability to place value somewhere that was really valuable. And instead of saying yes to spending my money on things that did not help me at all, but instead, it said yes to the savings. In my bank account, it said yes to paying my bills, it said yes to no debt, it said, Yes. You know, in saying no, we're automatically a lot of times saying yes to things that are more valuable. And so I love the idea that, keeping it in my mind, you know, because we've we're only too deep so far in this is that no, is an exercise of my will. And it helps me create freedom. No, is showing me where my values are. And it's allowing those things to become even more valuable. And I love this heart of the the positive spin on saying no to things, I think it's super important.
Chris LoCurto 31:33
Absolutely, it is just one you realize, the freedom that it does give you, you know, there have been things in my life that I have been trained throughout my life to believe that I have to consistently do you know, that I have to work a specific way that I have to, you know, run my businesses a specific way or whatever, when you get to this place of discovering, just because that's the way that somebody else doesn't doesn't mean it's the right way for you, that you can adjust things, then all of a sudden, you start to discover a level of free, you may you may not recognize it as freedom at first, and I'm not talking about, Hey, you don't have to go work, just go sit around and wait for stuff to come to you. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about making right choices, oh, gosh, it doesn't have to look this way. You know, buddy mind, Mike Hyatt, the way that he's able to do his business on the amount of hours that his team works works for him. Now our company, unfortunately, we have yet to discover how to do it the way that he's doing it. But it doesn't mean that we're not looking for it. But for him to be able to go you know what I'm going against the norm. I'm not doing it this way. You know, it was just a fantastic thing to see that he's not only been able to pull it off successfully, but with continued growth. So sometimes discovering freedom in just because everybody else does it this way doesn't mean that you have to do it this way. It's very powerful and very free. All right, number three, saying no creates space, whether it's geographic borders or borders in time. So think of that, you know, quote, do not enter effectively illustrates the property line, which inside of which we find freedom. So there's a saying from Albert Caymus, that is your freedom effectively ends where mind begins. Think about that, right? So if my freedom is infringing on yours, then we have a problem, right? We have to recognize that we both should have a level of freedom as long as my freedom doesn't impact or affect your freedom. So in fact, absolute freedom, the absence of rules or restrictions is a recipe for chaos. And the great thing is, is that no, create space around time, as well.
So for example, for us, we honor the Sabbath. Sabbath says no, in order to create space, to create freedom, it brings in into the work in the fatigue so that there can be rest for us. We believe it that that is a great blessing from God. That saying no, we stopped working, when we're supposed to now a lot of people would say oh my gosh, Chris, you're living this legalistic life. Now that is not actually accurate. That is not there's no salvation that comes from following God's ways of doing things. Salvation is a faith issue. Not a works issue. However, many people don't realize because of the advent of a pagan emperor, on our belief system, that there's a lot of things that they're staying away from that is keeping them from God, a closer relationship with God and I will tell you, when I was back in, in ministry back in the day, back in the late 90s, I used to teach that stuff to praise God. He's helped me in a whole lot of people to recognize that the impact of a pagan Emperor needs to get ripped out. And we need to follow God, the way that we're supposed to follow God, once again, doesn't mean anything about salvation from doing the right things or salvation from any aspect of work. Instead, it means recognizing the blessings of God, and how he wants to love us and take care of us. With that being said, that's one of the things that my wife and I do. We say no to work one day a week. We say no to work does not exist on this time, we don't work. We have six days that God has given us to just do whatever we want to. And we busted those six days. We do a lot, we get a lot accomplished. We work through our pointment group, the business, we do work from the ridge when we can, which is fabulous, right? We're able to get a bunch of stuff done. But by saying no, when it comes to Sabbath, what happens is we're able to say yes to us, we're able to create this parameter in our work time, that says work stops here, every single week, we're done. And we go Friday night, to Saturday night sundown to sundown now if you realize the day is not actually midnight to midnight, we say it is here in the US and a lot of countries. But when you look biblically, God says the night and a day is a day. So there you go. So for us, we follow this, and we you know, we make sure that we're giving ourselves time to focus on Him, time to rest and each other, I will tell you, I'm a guy who's never been able to take naps in my life. I know, there's a lot of you out there that I've suggested it, you think it's fabulous. It's great. I've got FOMO fear of missing out my whole life, if it came to, if I was tired. And I wanted to take a nap on the you know, the middle of a day on a weekend or something I was like, Nope, because then I'm going to lose time. And man, I'll tell you what, I have actually started taking naps, if I'm tired, it's fun to get to the Sabbath day and go, I ain't got nothing else going on. I'm gonna go, you know, pop in bed and take it out for a little while it is amazing. It's incredible. The blessing physically. But I will tell you on top of creating these parameters, these these times these breaks in space, whether it's a physical space, you know, or, or a spiritual one, I will tell you that it has had incredible spiritual implications on me, my wife, family members, where we have started to recognize that when we do recognize the blessing of God that he's put in place, and he has he didn't take it out, man, check it out. When we start recognizing these things, all of a sudden, we start seeing the blessings that come with it, you know, as a as a loving father.
So I think for us, one of the things that we have really focused on is where else is it okay for us to say no. You know, where else is it? Okay, we're trying we have this, this, this mission from God, we believe on the rich, you know, of setting things up, and it's taking a long time. But things are moving, we're finally got the beginnings of the small building. They're literally working on it right now. Praise God, hallelujah. But we've had to look at our ability to pull things off and say, You know what, we're going to trust God, we're gonna say no to ourselves, we're going to say no to pushing and forcing things to happen. Now, I've had a lot of clients that have asked me, How are you able to be so patient with this process. And I'm like, because when I take control, it's only as good as I can do it. But if I don't take control, and I trust God, and that doesn't mean that I'm not incredibly diligent, I'm always move, move, move, push buttons, push buttons, see what I can get to move. But when I see that it's not moving, I back up, I spend time in prayer, I spend time putting it back in God's hands, hey, this is obviously not going and I can make it happen. I can do a run around and make something happen over here. But when I do that, then I'm actually taking away from what God was planning to do. So by saying no to control, don't, don't control this thing. Don't make this don't force this thing to happen. Because you know, you could do it instead. Trust God, trust that he's going to do it just he's going to do it right. Every single time I do that, it comes out not just a little better, but considerably better. So the third thing is that we have to recognize is that whether it is geographic, whether it's spiritual, whether it's personal, whether it's emotional, no creates spaces as well.
Brian A 39:36
Yeah, I love that. You know, just like you're saying about how Sabbath will create space in that space is freedom is rest. I think it was Dennis Prager talking about Sabbath. He talks about how it reminded Israel that they were no longer slaves but free. And it was for freedom that that Christ has set us free. Right. And so we're actually able to enjoy freedom, experience, freedom, the depths of freedom, when we create the space for, you know, geographically I shut my doors, this habit of walking around at night, before I go to bed and I, I make sure all the doors are shut and locked. So why do I do that? I don't do that out of fear necessarily. I do that to create a space where I'm, I'm safe, I'm secure. I'm content. You know, I live alone. But I have two, two little animals in my house. I don't want them to wander out. Why? Oh, well, you're just restricting their freedom. No, they're, they're not used to being outside and they could walk into the street and die. And so I'm creating a place where freedom can actually be enjoyed. And you know, whether it's that geographic or the temporal, the time element, you know, you can work seven days a week, and you can be a slave. But creating that space with the word no sets, limits and boundaries, you know, just like we're, you know, in our car, there are guide rails, there are lines, there are rules. And when we follow that, we experience the freedom that can only come by following those things.
Chris LoCurto 41:19
Yeah, it's, yeah, I'm so glad you mentioned that. Because also when we look at Sabbath Sabbath was not given at Mount Sinai. Sabbath was given that creation. On the seventh day, God set that day apart as holy, we're supposed to follow that. If you look at the Israelites and the mixed multitude, it wasn't just Israelites that came out of Egypt after the Exodus, or during the Exodus. But there was a mixed multitude of, of Gentile believers that came to trust in the God of Israel, that coming out, Moses reminded them to keep the Sabbath holy. It wasn't until I got to Mount Sinai, that God gave it as one of his 10 commandments, right. So there's a lot of folks that are listening to this going, Chris, you're just wrong. Please listen to me. If you're somebody who's hearing this, and you're getting stuck on this, I used to teach what you believe. I used to teach it, I we've went through and about a year ago found some of my preaching notes from back in the 90s. I used to teach that as well. Here's my one high, high suggestion with an open mind. And there's plenty of books out there plenty of stuff, you can actually go to discover this. But there's one fantastic one done by George Barna, which is from the research and Frank Viola from the research aspect, which is called Pagan Christianity. Go read the book, don't do the audio, you'll miss a whole lot of stuff. Just read the book, I will tell you, you're probably not ready for it. But if you feel God calling on your heart to go and do so go do so. A big piece of what we're talking about here is discovering a freedom that you're not even aware exists yet. until you experience it, you don't even know that it exists. And that's just one aspect. And it has been a powerful thing in all of our lives, to see the blessings that have come from experiencing those freedoms. So Pagan Christianity, make sure you go get it, feel free to ask me any questions you want. I'm not up for debates on stuff until you actually know stuff. So if it's to debate something, because you want to yell at me and all that kind of crap, that's pointless. If you want to ask genuine sincere questions, please, please, please, please hit me up with that. [email protected] No problem. I'll talk to you about this. No problem. All right. When we come back, getting unstuck and finding the freedom that comes from the word freedom,
Unknown Speaker 43:42
it's so powerful, I felt rejuvenated, almost renewed, I just felt so welcomed and loved and accepted for who I am, and not an ounce of judgment. So I was very comfortable there that had a really big impact on me, that's going to be worth it. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be even better. On the other side. For me, it was just, it was just very refreshing. And I'm gonna say life giving, for me, it really was, you know, I would go to the next level life again, and probably again, and probably again, because it's so powerful.
Chris LoCurto 44:17
If you want to experience the same kind of life transformation, the same kind of self awareness and freedom that they have. Or maybe you're just curious what the process would look like for you. Then head on over to Chris liccardo.com/next level life.
Chris LoCurto 44:36
We are back and speaking of creating space and finding freedom and all that let me pause here to mention that we are coming up on our 500th episode of the Chris Accardo show, which is crazy excited he has over nine years, nine years of helping people get unstuck in life and in business and in relationship And, and, and and, and it has been an absolute blast guys, we do this, because our hope is to change your lives. Our hope is to change the way you lead people lead family members, how you experience your spouse and your kids. So to celebrate the fact that we keep growing, we keep helping people. And we keep seeing them embrace the Life and Leadership the way that they really want. We're giving away free stuff, because why wouldn't we, of course, we're gonna give away free stuff. So for the month of November, you can go to Chris a crypto.com/ 505 00? And answer a few questions. This is going to help us to bring even more amazing content to you. And you can sign up for your chance to win some really great prizes. So just go to Chris accredo.com/ 500 today, and sign up so that you can win some free stuff. Brian, have you done it yet? Have you signed up? I need to pause.
Brian A 45:54
I'm still I'm still building the site. But it's almost done. Yes. And I'll be the first in line for free stuff. I want my swag. I don't have any Ridge stuff yet. So
Chris LoCurto 46:06
Alright, we're back and talking about no using no in the context of setting boundaries. And we're up to number four. Number four is saying no generates respect for oneself. For others, as well as protects the heart saying no, reminds myself and others that I'm not a slave. And I value true freedom, whether it be from addictions, whether it be from work hours, whether it be from relationships now, right before we got to the break, we talked about that God wants us to recognize you know, we honor Sabbath, God wants us to recognize that we're not slaves. If you look at the time, you know, God gave the Hey, follow this honor this set this day aside and honor this from creation from the very beginning. However, multiple times, there's at least two recorded times that we know of during the Exodus. Now what what are the Israelites in Egypt during this time, their slaves? What is their workload? It is so immense, they have put this incredible workload on him that they couldn't actually accomplish it. So what was their worth to the Egyptians during that time? Right to that Pharaoh? Let me say that to that Pharaoh during that time, they're only worth was productivity. Yeah, they're only worth was productivity. I'm speaking to a lot of you out there right now, I hope your ears have just kind of lifted up a little bit. I hope you're paying attention to what I say. Because for a whole lot of business leaders, business owners, people, productivity is your greatest worth. And I'm gonna tell you, the King of the universe disagrees with you, the One who created you, disagrees with you. So if you think about it, here are these people coming out of the slavery, this bondage, where their worth is being in bondage being a slave, what they can actually produce. And here's what God says, I'll allow you six days to go and bust it. But you've got to recognize that your worth is not your productivity to me. I want you to spend time with me, I want you to spend time and rest. Because your productivity is not your worth. What do we say at the beginning of the show, every single week, business is what you do, not who you are. And folks, many of you have got to really, really, really, really get number four. Business is what you do. Work is what you do. Your career is what you do. It's one aspect of who you are. And if you don't respect yourself to recognize that, then you will be a slave to work, you'll be a slave to business, I've got to produce more, I've got to do more. I've got to make more money, I've got to get more clients, I've got it whatever it is, you will consistently pour out into the thing that you keep telling yourself is your greatest worth. And by doing so by not respecting you, guess who you don't respect.
Everybody else around you? Well, those who are winning from you doing this are probably feeling pretty respected. But how does your spouse feel? How do your kids feel? Do they even remember your name anymore? Do they know who you are? Have you been so busy doing things that they don't get to spend quality time on top of that? So the disrespect that goes to your family because performing is way more important than they are? What's the message you're telling them? That performing is more important than they are? What other messages could you possibly be sending that their worth is in performance. So if they don't provide what's the old song, the cat in the cradle that song for decades, you know, I don't know if that thing came out probably in what the 60s maybe the 70s but That song of this, this son who keeps trying to spend time with his father and his father is always too busy, too busy, too busy, too busy. And then later on in life, the father's trying to spend time with the son and the sons, like, I'm too busy, I'm too busy, I'm too busy. And the whole time as the sons growing up, all he could think of is, gosh, I want to be just like my dad. Folks, you got to get this number four, you got to understand this. If you don't say no, it may be a great indicator that you don't respect you. If you don't need on the first one we mentioned there was addictions, right? It can be anything. Addictions can be alcohol, drugs, pornography, food, slavery, laziness, it could be, you know, procrastination, it could be anything, right. If you don't respect yourself enough to go, I'm worth more than this addiction, I'm worth more than this slavery, I'm worth more than this, whatever it is, then you will stay in it. You'll stay in it, and you'll stay in it and stay in it. One of the things we help people to discover during next level life is what your true worth is. And we look at it through the lens of your Creator. Because until you get that a lot of times you can't figure out why you're doing the the continual addiction no matter what it is. So a big piece of this is being able to say no to yourself, so that you can respect you.
Brian A 51:21
Yeah, I love that, Chris. And, you know, just looking at two of those things that you mentioned together, where you talked about work hours and relationships, you know, when I say no, to working, you know, 15 hour days, and I limit myself, I'm saying, I respect myself, I could be you know, if I'm married, I'm saying I respect my partner. I respect my children. I respect my family, because I'm, I'm purposefully exercising my will like that, that point number one, we talked about the freedom that comes from exercising the will we discern where true value is, we discern we create space around the freedom that it brings us. And so I remind myself, I'm not a slave. But you know, there's simple things to win. When I get up in the morning. You know, if I'm if my eyes open before my alarm does, and I don't reach for my phone first. But I do some amazing addiction for so many people.
Brian A 52:27
Oh, I can't tell you is one of the most difficult things to master is, you know what I don't need to see my messages, or read through emails sitting in bed before I've spent time with the Lord or I've even gotten up to, you know, go to the bathroom, get a cup of water, do something for my own heart and sanity. And, and I think that's where that protecting the heart comes in. We realize that we're violating ourselves so much, because we're refusing to say no to things and we become subservient to them. And, and they master us. And that can be, you know, the simple addiction of a cell phone. But you know, I respect myself and I respect the Lord, when I place those little boundaries there. And, and it shows me Wow, there's value here. It creates space, there's freedom. And I get to exercise my will to do that. And so again, this is where no, as an exercise of the will is one way that I find freedom and assign value and respect to myself and others.
Chris LoCurto 53:37
Yeah, you know, we talked about I think, for you and I were believers, we understand the concept of protecting the heart. And sometimes I think a lot of people even Christians don't really get what that means. And you know, so for me, I think in its most basic form as you bring that up, I think it's important for people to recognize protecting your heart is keeping things from leading you in the wrong directions. It's protecting you from going astray. It's protecting you from from choosing the wrong relationships, the wrong people to hang out with the wrong career, the wrong controlling manipulative people in your life not putting healthy boundaries. So everything that we're talking about, really does a phenomenal job of helping you to not make those decisions. And I love that you brought that up because how many times do we not think about you know, we might think about it in the oh gosh, I'm gonna put this healthy boundary in place because this person needs it. And then yet what we miss out on is oh my gosh, my heart needs for me to respect myself enough to put in the healthy boundary. I need to be good enough to me and one of the things a lot of people who, okay, there's probably going to hurt a few people out there not hurt but you know, emotionally affect. How many people out there have not said I'm sorry too much have, you know have not forgiven themselves for things that they've experienced or things that they've done and have not spent time protecting their own hearts? Right? So as we go through that, I love that you brought that up. Because it's such a powerful piece of when we say protecting your heart, just think of what all that encompasses, how do I protect me from the negativity from the crap from the junk that control the manipulation, my own bad choices, my own addictions? My own, you know, getting worth from man? How do I protect me from all of that? So saying no, is a fantastic way to do so.
Brian A 55:38
Let me just chime in on that last part real quick about the heart, you know, because as you're talking about that, it just comes to mind that, you know, Scripture tells us what to think on it says think on things that are good, honorable, pure, true. And, and when I'm, when I'm saying no, to just what you were saying that negativity, I'm saying no to the bitterness, I'm saying no to reliving moments of, you know, stress and trauma and all of this kind of thing, instead of ruminating on that, and meditating on that I choose by an exercise of my will. And I come into a place where I'm creating this space, of freedom, of discernment, of understanding of placing value and respect in in all of that, and I'm choosing the right things instead, man, we start living a different kind of life, we start getting unstuck from things that have been holding us back. And that's one thing, you know, on this podcast, I believe, and I've known you for a long time. Now, you know, part of your heart is helping people to get unstuck in life and business. And, and sometimes it's painful, you know, the guardrails and the lines and the boundaries and shining light down on situations and learning to say no to things can be difficult, but it's an to a greater health, it's unto greater freedom, it's unto living the life that you are really meant to live. And even if it's just something small and petty, like, Alright, I'm not going to pick up my phone, for the first hour, I'm going to do things that, you know, really serve me and respect me and give me life so that for the rest of the day, I can pour out to other people. That's so worth it. It's so worth it.
Chris LoCurto 57:35
Well, it also, another great thing you just mentioned in there as the thought process, right? One of the big things that we help people to do is to battle the lies, or slash negative self talk with the truths. If you don't respect you enough, many times, you won't even battle the own crap that's in your own head. The junk that you tell yourself the lies that you tell yourself, if you don't respect you enough and put no in place. You know, I tell people, again, I'm a high s, right, that's my, my highest personality style. And there's times when I have negative self talk, that I have learned to shut it down so fast, and one of the ways I do it is just knock it off. Stop it, you know, say something in my brain to shock it. And then I can't stop there, after start pounding truth in there to get that crap out of my brain. And it's amazing how you know, and I do this for a living, and I tried to convince people, if you will spend time battling that negative self talk, battling those lines, you can make so much better decisions, you can see your worth so much better, because you have to replace it with the truths. What does God say about you? What do you see in his word, what do you see from a loving father. And when you can backfill, the, you know, the hole that's being made from the burning, negative self talk or the lies, and you can start filling that up with truth. And all of a sudden, I say all of a sudden, it's not like it happens in two seconds, it's a process, you can start going to that positive stuff a heck of a lot faster. And it just becomes a powerful piece of being again, as you pointed out, respecting you enough to exercise your will to solve this in your own mind when you are the one who's not telling you the negative self talk anymore. It's amazing the choices that you can make going forward. Powerful stuff, good stuff. All right. Number five, saying no illustrates our boundaries to others, who we know and even those that we don't know So think about this.
When we say no, it illustrates our identity. It illustrates our our limitations and illustrates our our own responsibility to us to others. When we put boundaries in place in other people's See it and experience it. It helps them to recognize who we are. Right? It expresses to them. This is who I am I shared about, you know, my wife having the most phenomenal conversation with our granddaughter on making smart choices as a daughter of the Most High King, right? What would that look like? What would those choices be? And part of that was okay, when you're out among other people. So making the choice here with Nona is great. But what about when you're out there on your own? You know, what about when you're out there among your peers? How do you say no, to illustrate to everybody else, this is who I am. And if they can't accept you for who you are, that's the wrong group. That's not who you need to be with. You know, there are people in my life, I have circles in my life, my closest circle, are the people who are the healthiest influencers in my life. Right? Those are people that influence me in a healthy way, but call my butt out. If I'm not doing good stuff, healthy stuff. These are people I listen to, when they tell me something that's about me. I'm able to go, wow, what are they saying? Is this truth? What do I experience? Great, I need to work on that I need to adjust any whatever. And as my circles go out the influence lessons, right? So there are people that were great friends of mine, decades ago that, you know, I spent time with and loved on. But about a decade ago, I started making choices, saying, I can't have that person as an as in the circle of influence, right? I love that person to death, I will go help them, I will speak into the lives I will do whatever. But this person is making these choices. This person is doing this over here. It's not sitting there in judgment going oh, Chris, your perfect. Absolutely the opposite. It's me protecting my heart going, Hey, dummy, you go in that direction, you might make those same decisions to you follow that person, you allow that person to influence you, you may be making really bad decisions as well. And not enough people recognize that. It's not saying I'm holier than thou, I'm better than it's saying, I'm a weak person, deep inside, you know, scripture tells me, you know, one of the things I praise God for is that he remembers I'm weak, you know that I'm not all powerful. And I'm not all strong that I screw up. And I have incredible moments of weakness. And I, I look at the Messiah, the the, the person I'm supposed to try to be like, and I see things that you should did that. Oh, my gosh, how did he even pull that off? You know, do the best I possibly can. But I'm not getting there. You know, that's the reason why we needed him, right? But I look at some of the apostles, and I'm like, how did they make it through that? Gosh, I struggle with a small amount of people, you know, struggling with me, you know, or attacking me. And man, they went through things a bajillion times worse than I did. But here's the deal. If I will keep focusing on making right decisions, then I can continue to stand. When you've done everything you can to stand, stand, keep on standing, right. And as you do, it makes you stronger. And it makes you make better decisions. It doesn't cause you to not love people who are making bad decisions, it doesn't cause you to not include them in your life. It causes you to be an influencer to them. Instead, let me try and influence you with my right decisions. Let me try and influence you, by me doing you know trying to live a more holy life a a better life. Hopefully, I can influence you to make better decisions as well as all of that. It's all that makes sense. It's all clear in my head.
Brian A 1:03:46
Yeah, no, that's it's coming through really clear. And let me go back to that first one that you mentioned about identity, because I'm thinking about leaders, and I'm thinking about parents at home, leaders in the workplace in something that we've done, and I've seen you guys model in the workplace. We don't do this around here. Or this isn't how we do things. We do things like this, that's creating culture, when we're able to, you know, as I said, saying no illustrates or illuminates our boundaries. It that that defines that identity piece, which is a cultural aspect. And so we're able to say that in the home, hey, you know, little one, we don't do this here. We don't tell lies. We don't you know, act this way. We don't treat each other disrespectfully. We love you know. And so we're creating that identity by placing that know as a boundary there. We do that in the workplace. We do that in somebody spheres of life, where we have some ability to speak when we have a platform when we have authority to exercise that and it's beautiful how it shows Where, where were spaces created for that freedom, once again, the freedom is to operate inside of those those lines and you know, still be with this analogy, this metaphor of this car driving on the road, you know, when there's limitations, especially for children and the home employees and the workplace. So as a leader, when you're saying no, and you're creating that cultural identity, that value, you're creating a place where they understand how things work, and where space has been provided to be free. And, and in that freedom, there's life, and there's harmony, and there's thriving.
Chris LoCurto 1:05:44
You know, you're, we've been talking about this so much as an individual. And I love that you just pointed out, what is my responsibility for Brian, Alex? What is my responsibility? From for Noelia Marino? For for all of my team members, for Joel Fortner, what is my responsibility for them to feel freedom in our space? You know, what is my responsibility to show them that we have the kind of culture that that you guys can trust that you guys can believe in that you can feel the ability to take risks, one of the things I can't stand is when people don't allow their team members, you know, there's so much control and manipulation and crap going on. That team members won't take risks, you know, I want risks. I love the episodes that you've pulled together and the different directions that we've gone, I think have been so powerful, because, you know, you could take risks. You know, this wasn't a thing of like, Hey, can I maybe convince you it was a, Hey, I think this is the right way to go. And it's like, Yep, let's do this. People need to hear this information. So I think that's such a powerful piece as a leader, as a business owner. You know, as a CEO of our, of our company, what does it look like, for me my responsibility, and the great thing is, you know, we've just elevated recently, very much deserving roll for Joel Fortner. He's now the president of our company and Aaron West is vice president and the leadership development and just super powerful stuff, fun stuff. But part of that is not it's the title is not the important thing. Right? It didn't change. I'm still CEO of the business. It doesn't change my title. It doesn't make me not responsible. But one of the things that we're doing is creating more responsibility for other leaders to continue to press this down into the rest of the team so that they feel safe, secure, they understand what does it mean, for these guys to take on the responsibility for the rest of the team members to be able to take risks, to feel freedom to be able to put boundaries back in place if they did something wrong? Right. So I think that's such a powerful piece again, gosh, I just love this episode. So good. So good. It's so much important stuff that as we've talked so much about this as the individual you know, me the individual one things we have to recognize is me the leader, whether it's in business or a parent, if I'm a dad or a mom or grandma or grandpa What responsibility do I have to help those I'm influencing or leading to feel the freedom to say no, to feel the freedom to say no, I'll throw this out. I love it. One of our clients is a friend of ours and you know, become family as well. He'll fly down and once a month, once every other month and we just go and spend hours together. Coach we talk family we talk all kinds of stuff, but his daughter's want to come down from time to time. And I'm a hugger. I was not a hugger until I got saved and nama hug. Hug everybody. Everybody coming in nose up.
Brian A 1:08:56
Yeah, I used to love your hugs. I mean, because I just your back. Exactly. But I'm saying I grew to love your hugs for my own reasons. And you know that they are what they are, but I love your hugs. And I looked forward to it even though I'm not a hugger.
Chris LoCurto 1:09:15
Yeah, it's a good It's okay. I remember I'll never forget a time. So I'm going to come back to that story. But another time I had literal roughnecks, coming in for strapline literal roughnecks guys that worked on the oil rigs and everything and rigs, and they came in and I always tell people, hey, when I meet you for the first time, I'll shake your hand, but I'm gonna hug you when you're leaving. And they're like, Oh, is that what this is about? Oh my gosh, I can't believe this. This is ridiculous. And so when they left that night, I gave them hugs. The next day gave them hugs. The third day they came in I was on the phone and they walked in the door in something amazing happened. They were lining up for their hugs. full grown man working on oil rigs. You know these guys come from our roof. For half life, and they realize this is good. And this is okay. Well, so but they, you still have to have boundaries, right? I tell people listen, if you don't want it, just tell me no. Well, so my buddy comes down. And you know, he brings his daughters from time to time and he brings his one daughter down. And so I just immediately give her a hug. I've known her for a long time. And then I thought to myself, Oh, I should ask her if that's okay. And so when we were leaving, I said, Hey, I would love to give you a hug, but it's okay. If you say no. Would you like a hug? And she goes, No, I'm like, okay, great. Fantastic, right? And it gave her that ability to say, no, now, of course, the next time I see her, she wants a hug, but it's okay. In that moment. I don't think it was more about not wanting a hug. I think it was more about messing around with me. Either way, it's still the ability to have that boundary of No, and that is healthy. And that is okay. And that's because a healthy resume. That's great. Yeah. And when do we recognize that our own team members, our spouses, our kids, our grandkids need that ability, that that place to be able to put in a healthy boundary, not victim mentality, not now not going to do anything, but a healthy boundary. So
Brian A 1:11:14
yeah, I love it. And that kind of brings us to the end to the introspection part of the show. I love this quote, I just want to read this by Henry Cloud. He's one of the co authors of the book boundaries that years ago, really changed my life because there was some situations and relationships that were unhealthy. Where there was this codependence and, and yeah, things get muddy, things get unclear where there are no clear boundaries, and you're talking about elevating members inside of the business. And, and it just kind of goes right along with this where Henry Cloud says getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind. And moving on. In fact, growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things people stay stuck, never becoming who they're meant to be never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them. And that's exactly you know, whether it's we're talking about people being elevated in a position to have more responsibility, take on a role where they're responsible for others, they're able to grow into something, become who they're meant to be, you know, whether we're talking about that in the workplace, or we're talking about you. And I mean, you know, who's listening right now, what is something that you need to and that you need to leave behind? That you're thinking, as you're been listening over the last hour, I need to be moving on here, so that I can grow, we're talking about health, we're talking about freedom, we're talking about value and respect, we're talking about very, very healthy things. So where are you stuck, and you're being held back from becoming what you were meant to be? This word, so small, and so insignificant gets such a bad rap. But here's so many positive powerful things about this little word know, that could be your key to going to the next level.
Chris LoCurto 1:13:28
Yeah, well, Warren Buffett said, one time the difference between successful people and very successful people, is that very successful people say no, to almost everything. Now, you really have to ruminate on that for a little bit to get that you can be successful in business in life. But if you're not saying no to a lot of things that are important that you say no to, if you say yes to way too many things, then that success is not going to be, you know, a great amount of success. Now, I want to let me throw the caveat on there. This is through the lens of Warren Buffett. Right? So his lens of success is not the same lens as my second success, not most likely not the same lenses God's success. But take that into what does it mean to be very successful in your relationship with God? What does it mean to be very successful in your relationship with your spouse, your kids, you know, your team members, and so on and so forth. Right? If I'm going to be very successful, you know, one of the we talked about productivity, let me tell you, parents, leaders who believe your worth is in productivity when your kids don't know who you are. Because you spend so much time working or you you come home and you're on your phone or your computer, whatever, then you have to understand your level of success is what you produce, not what you have been given. You know, how you take care of what you've been given. When we stand before God I say this all the time, whatever. doesn't strap plan, you know, are we next level of mastermind retreat, we just had a great retreat. People always laugh because they know it's true. None of us are getting to heaven and God's gonna go, I am so impressed with how much money you made. Gosh, you're, you're amazing. That's not going to happen. Right? He's going to ask you, what did you do with a daughter, I gave you what the son I gave you, what you do with the spouse I gave you what you do with the grandkids would you do with the, the opportunities I gave you? Right. And I think that's the important thing for us to recognize. If you want to be very successful in the eyes of God, there's a whole lot of crap, you got to say no to maybe, you know, grabbing your phone first thing in the morning, or it may be TV, it may be bad influences and bad friends, it may be healthier physical situations, you know, choosing better food options, and so on and so forth. Whatever it is, recognize that if you want to be very successful, you can find the life and business that you really want. The key is that it's located on the other side of No. Healthy No. So thank you for a great discussion, Brian. I mean, wow, I know this is really long, folks. I know this is a super, super long episode. I think we're, you know, close to an hour 15 or something like that. But wow, just such good stuff. So powerful. really needed to happen. And really glad we got to talk through this great job, brother. I appreciate it.
Brian A 1:16:23
No, I enjoyed it. And I'm taking away a lot from the conversation as well. I think, you know, we talked so much about boundaries. And it was really good to dive in deep dive on what healthy boundaries could actually look like and the freedom that's waiting for you on the other side of that little word. No.
Chris LoCurto 1:16:42
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, folks, hopefully this has helped you today. That is our goal. Our goal is to get you the information that changes your life changes your leadership, all that fun stuff changes your relationships. So hopefully this has helped you today. You know plenty of people that need to hear this episode, go share it with them. You can help other people you don't know go like and respond on iTunes about this that would help us to reach more people in India this message. As always, we want you to take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life. And join us on the next episode.