519 | The Dangers of Self-Pursuit

Chris LoCurto 0:10
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks, I hope you're having a fabulous day, wherever you are. I want to start today with a quote. And I will tell you upfront that it's kind of a bitter pill to swallow. So we're going to hit a topic that could be holding you back from health and growth. So we're not going, to let the fact that it's painful keep us from gaining the perspective that we need. So here's the quote, and it's from Robert Greene, who's an author, I'm going to tell you the quote first, and then I'll tell you, we're probably it's coming from, we humans are self-absorbed by nature, and spend most of our time focusing inwardly on our emotions, on our wounds on our fantasies. Who so true, so powerful if you get it so helpful if you focus on how not to be so self-absorbed, I have not read any of Roberts's books at some of the titles, and I'm probably not going to either, but I'm just saying that he's got a great quote there. And it is pointing to the self-absorbed nature. We do focus inwardly on our emotions. You've heard us talk about all of this a tonne. When we're looking inside, what does that do to us? And by the way, isn't this a really honest look at modern society? If it isn't, then I don't know what it is. This is why people are so focused on being self-absorbed, isn't anything new. It's been around since the beginning of time. You're probably familiar with the term narcissism. Well, it's based on ancient Greek mythology, someone named Narcis, Soos, if I'm saying that correctly, was known for his good looks, he was so good-looking, he's He is said to have been so self-absorbed that he rejected many romantic advances and eventually fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, staring at it for the rest of his life. Well, I can tell you not much has changed for 1000 years, right? For a few 1000 years. So I don't want to go too deep on this point. But look at what narcissism is, if we look at it, by definition, it is the excessive interest in or admiration of oneself, and one's physical appearance.

Now, I will tell you and I agree with the definition that narcissism is so focusing on oneself, even to the detriment of others. That is usually what we see a lot more of, in what we do is that if we find narcissism, whether it being a controlling family member or controlling person in somebody's life, or, you know, it's not difficult to take that definition and look at society and see that there are so many people that are so focused on themselves, that many times it's to the detriment of others. Right? What does it look like? Vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-obsession, right? Being so obsessed, and conceited, I look at these people who are, what are they called? Instagram stars, or whatever. All these people that are so focused on themselves, that they are making this life of people following them and talking about themselves. Not even really great. quality content. Maybe I'm wrong. I mean, maybe they're putting out amazing pieces of information that are changing other people's lives. But what is it about? It's about that person? Take a look at my vacation spot, and take a look at my wardrobe. Take a look at my makeup, take a look at all these things. Let me show you me. Let me show you what I do. Look at me looking at me. I mean, it is. It's amazing to me that this is something that people are so focused on. And then I've got to ask the question, I mean, please understand, I maybe I'm Miss speaking about this because I, I actually don't even focus on that stuff. I don't see that I see bits and pieces of that. So I don't really know. But what I have seen has been nothing but self-obsession with very little, if any, at all qualified for the person who's watching it. Right. I'm not saying that you can't learn how to put makeup on better. That's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about the incredible focus On the person, the self-absorption of the person, right? It is just beyond me. And we are seeing it more and more and more and more and more. It is incredible to me how many times people will post pictures of themselves, somebody could be going through a tragic situation or painful situation.

And people will jump to social media to talk about their pain or that other person's pain. how much they're hurting, because of the pain that somebody else has gone through. So focused on yourself. Right, one of the things that just drives me nuts is posting pictures of, you know, if it's if it well, I'm just not even I shouldn't even get into that. I think you get the point. In psychology, it's characterized by selfishness involving a sense of entitlement a, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration I need to be admired now. While not much has changed with man's heart. Today, we've got tonnes of more tools to help us admire ourselves. To help us pursue our validating self-interest and to become more self-obsessed. It is incredible how many tools are out there to do this. You might even be listening to this podcast on your iPhone, which is a huge culprit, I mean tool when it comes to sitting and staring at ourselves, right? Think about what we call this device. We call it an eye phone. Now if I were Scottish, I'd probably say I'd be looking from the phone. Where's my phone? All right, well, you get the point. There's my greatest Scottish accent right there. But look at how many things are focused on me this and that. So we're gonna hit some truths today that is hopefully going to help us to not be so self-absorbed or so self-focused Truth Number One. Here's the truth. One, your world consists of just you. It's an incredibly small world to live in. Folks, God did not put you on this earth, give you a calling, give you hope and a future, and send his son to rescue you from yourself. Just to have you pursue your own self-interests. I'm sorry. It's not That's not why you're here. Nope. This is where we have to push back on society and oppose the direction of the culture we're swimming in. How many times do you hear people shouting, the best thing you can do to help other people takes really good care of yourself.

When you look at their suggestions of how to take care of yourself, it's self-obsession. It's self-focus. Taking care of the self-care movement is rarely about the actual definition of self-care. It's really about putting your own self on a pedestal and looking after yourself. Very few people are actually out there talking about taking care of you in a true legitimate self-care way that's not focusing on you and making you self-obsessed again. Right? It's just ridiculous. These, these teachings that are out there that are telling you, you're the important one, it's all about you. It's just abundant, and toxic. So would you really want it all that way? Anyways? Think about it. What kind of existence is that? If you are the center of your own world, your own attention your own vain pursuits, then what kind of life is it? Is it a life that's even worth living? Today's Show may be a wake-up call for someone out there. Hey, what are you pursuing today? The fact is, it's a lonely existence if you are the object and goal of your own pursuits.

Now you follow this show. So my assumption is many of you are out there. If you're relating to this, it's in a smaller percentage. You're probably not the self-absorbed person, you're probably not the self-obsessed person. But I'm pretty sure everybody out there can at least relate to this in some aspect. If you are a self-obsessed person, fantastic. This is gonna be a great show as well. It might be nothing but painful. But for all of us who have some level of this in our lives, it's a fantastic wake-up call. It's a fantastic thing for us to say what am I doing? Am I focused on me? Am I focused on God? By pursuing my own self-interest, am I pursuing the things that he wants me to go after? Right? So stick with me on this, if you're hearing this and going, Oh, I know who that is.

Well, make sure that you're doing a really hard search inside. Okay? So we're talking today mostly about what happens to you, when you pursue yourself, you become inward, focused, isolated, and untethered from reality. But it doesn't stop there. So before I unpack Truth Number Two, let me say that another part of the danger of self-pursuit is how you put others at risk around you. Now, what do I mean by that? If your objective in life is self-love, if it's self-focus, if it's personal gain, then you will see people, other people, as objects to be used towards your goals. It is not difficult to look around our society. And see folks who do not have a relationship with God or even believe in God, that see people as tools that see people as a means to their ends. Right, we see it in some of the most powerful business people on the planet. There are a lot of people who in the business leadership space, are telling you how important you are. Well, if the focus is you going after all these goals, and making all this money and doing all these things, and growth, growth, growth, growth, growth, and you know, constant work, you know, four o'clock in the morning until, you know, 12 o'clock at night. The pursuit you pursue you say that three times fast pursue you, then what kind of life is it? Are those the people you should be following? How are you going to see other people, you're gonna see them as goals, you will end up using those you love, and those who love you, and you will end up damaging the relationships that you've been given. And you will end up isolating yourself from healthy input. And good perspective, this is one of the most painful things that I see and what we do for a living. Unfortunately, people who put goals in themselves above other things, cannot stick to reality. They live in a state of denial. They live in a state of what I'm doing everything is okay with what I'm doing. It's so right, it's so good. And many times they cannot see how their bad decision making is affecting their lives and how it's affecting other people. Now, somebody might push back on that by saying, Well, what about me and my needs, and all of this, right? Oh, I get it. You've got to address that in a healthy and reasonable way. But right now I'm pushing back on the culture that says it's all about you. Because it's just not.

And unfortunately, some of those folks who are all about themselves, truly believe that they're all about other people. Here's the deceptive part about it. There are folks that are going ballistic to fulfill their own personal goals and interests in life and tell themselves that they're doing it for other people. When deep down inside, other people are part of them reaching their own goals. It's not saying that other people won't be blessed. It's not saying that other people won't be impacted. But what they're telling themselves doesn't align with their actions. Crazy thing. I love what Zig said. And you guys know me. I've got tonnes of zig quotes in my head that may not be exact quotes, but it's pretty darn close. If you help enough people get what they want. You'll get what you want. If you help other people get what they want. You'll get what you want. What does that mean? If you go after getting what you want? Well, other people are going to probably end up being a tool in that process. If you care about other people, and you pour yourself out to help other people get what they want. Think about what we do. This is a free show that we have had tonnes of responses from people that run successful businesses, starting with and using the tools that we teach and the lessons that we teach. We're constantly teaching people how to better themselves, right in healthy ways. Well, because we do that great thing it puts food on our table. It helps us as well. Right? So I truly believe in that. If it was about us going after our goals if it was about me going after my goals, man, life would look so different for me. Life would be considerably different, I would be sitting in a vineyard in Sonoma, maybe Napa somewhere with a restaurant on the property, doing something completely different. But that's not the life God's called me to. I enjoy that fantasy in my mind. But that's not the life God's called me to. And that's not the life I'm going after.

So Truth Number Two. Here's the truth until you pursue something higher, bigger than yourself. You'll never discover who you really are. Or maybe a better way to say that is who you were meant to be. So we live in a world right now that tells you things like you do you don't worry about others go after what you really want. After all, you deserve to be happy. There are so many women in the thought leader world that are telling all these other women to go to the mountaintop and scream to the world who they are. Why? Why? What is that going to do for you? Right? It's just crazy what the world is telling us and these suppose it thought leaders, men, and women that are you know, there's in the men thought leader world, there are so many guys telling you to sacrifice so much so that you can accomplish your goals. You know, the whole working from four o'clock in the morning until midnight. You know, it's just beyond ridiculous. It's only for a short period of time. No, it's not. That level of hustle that they call it destroys families. I'm not saying there's not a period of time, you can go and do things but you have to understand what you do for a living is not your most important value. And it's definitely not to God. Go read Ephesians four, five, and six and see how God relates, you know, lays out relationships, he's supposed to be the most important thing. Your spouse is supposed to be the most important human being your kids are supposed to be the next most important human beings, not the other way around. No kids should go before spouse, and then your work should be focused on. So if you're listening to these guys out there screaming that, you know, you're not hustling enough. If your family is falling apart because of your hustle, then you should be changing who influences you. It's not about you, guys.

You are not hearing me say don't bust your butt. You hear me say all the time on here, Buster, but Go do your work, go put food on the table, go fight for success on things, but not at the expense of your family. Definitely not at the expense of your relationship with God. Nothing is more important than that. Right? So for me, my team, we bust it. We bust it hard. I mean, we work our butts off. But we don't overdo it. We work hard. We love God. We love our families. And we work hard. We love you guys. We bust our butts to take care of people. That's what you should be focusing on. And the other aspects you do you don't worry about others go get what you really want, you know, go do you know do the things you deserve to be happy, all that crap. Those are dead end goals. They're worthless pursuits, they're vain tasks. You don't deserve to be happy. Sorry. If you don't like that, I'm sorry. Happiness isn't something you deserve. Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy, hey, all my people pleasers out there, listen to me. You can't make anybody happy. Because they can always choose not to be happy. So understand happiness is a choice. You don't deserve it. Go make it. Go choose to be happy goat, and recognize all the blessings that you do have. I've got a good friend of mine who's going through a horrible situation in his life right now. It's one of those that I'm praying for. I just keep telling man, I'm sorry, trying to guide and direct. And you know what he keeps saying, Chris, there's a million people who would rather be in my shoes right now.

And he is so right. Is difficult as his situation is there's a tonne of people who are in worse situations. They'd rather be in his situation than the situation they're in. So just a great perspective, right? So even if you're not a believer, you've got to admit that this is doing you more harm than good by being focused on yourself. Right. So let me read you an excerpt from a Forbes article that came out not too terribly long ago. Research shows that people who have connected to a purpose that is greater than themselves are happier, more contented, enjoy richer relationships, and are more resilient in the face of adversity than Those who haven't. They're also far more inspiring leaders. And here's where we segue into the next truth. They're also far more inspiring leaders.

Listen, it's about loving, serving, helping, and leading other people. You can't do those things, well, you're sure not going to do it happily, you're sure not going to be content, you're definitely not going to have richer relationships, if what you're focusing on, is you and by the way, you're definitely not going to be more resilient in the face of adversity. You know, I shared this, quote, probably about 10, episodes back or so on resilience, that the way that you become more resilient is by adding more of the positive aspects. So that when the negative aspects come, you have so many positive aspects that the negative aspects bounce off of you. I know that's a simplified way of saying it but think about it. How do you become resilient to negative things? You don't have a tonne of negative things in your life in the first place. If you're focusing solely on yourself, if you're focusing even to a smaller percentage, if it's about you, then guess what, you're going to have a lot more negativity, which means that you're not going to be as resilient as the negative aspects. Come on. All right, Truth Number Three. Here's the truth. Self-sacrifice, not self-pursuit, is the way to a healthier, more contented life. Let me say it again, self-sacrifice, not self-pursuit, is the way to a healthier, more contented life. The fact is, that today, depression and suicide are on the rise, despite the fact that we're able to pursue ourselves more than ever by looking at our own self-interests. Think about that for a second. As humans, we're not designed to function this way.

Isolate isolated alone in a corner with a cell phone. We're meant to love to enjoy life serve others and to pursue God's plan and purpose for our lives. We're not meant to be isolated, focusing on getting every bit of you into you. It's, it's just, it's so detrimental. It's so detrimental to get off your phone, by the way. Spend less time on it, spend less time on TV, spend more time with family, spend more time around a dinner table. Spend more time getting out in nature. Get your feet grounded, you know, it's something I love a fantastic perspective on when Moses came upon the burning bush and the angel said, take off your sandals, you're on holy ground is a fantastic perspective. And I hold on to this because I love it. Why was the ground holy? Interestingly enough, if you think about it, believers, those of us who are believers, and even if you're not a believer, wow, I don't know how you would connect to this. But anyways, what were we made from? What was Adam made from? The ground, the dirt, the dust of the earth? Interestingly, what if the angel was saying to Moses take off your sandals so you become more connected to where you come from?

Isn't it interesting that a popular thing that's going around now is what's called grounding? Where people are spending time at you know, we've had these rubber soles on our shoes for so long, we're not grounding to the earth. And now a big thing that people are discovering is how much inflammation comes out of your body by grounding. Just interesting stuff. What if you spent less time on electronics on fake images of stuff that's entering your mind on being selfish and self-centered, and instead, go lay on a picnic blanket and spend time with your family by a pond somewhere? I don't care. Do something. All right, Viktor Frankl who I love to, quote, who survived the Nazi concentration camps remembers what it was like. He says this. We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, and giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few a number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man. But one thing the last of the human freedoms and that is to choose Use one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. So powerful. Instead, what we see in our comparatively easy generation is more like this Frankl continues when a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure. Folks, is any of this resonating with you today? We see, so many people come through the Next-Level Life who struggled with their worth, it's not something to be embarrassed about. It's part of this broken world that we live in everybody, everybody deals with it. It's also not something that will just go away if we ignore it. So if you're struggling with your worth, if you're struggling with the lies that are on repeat inside of your head, then we want to help. We've got a tonne of free material on our website to check out, just search the keywords like worth, lies, root system, you can start at episode 455. Why worth really matters, that's a really powerful episode. But if you're really serious, and you're ready to face the obstacles that you've been tripping over for years, then get yourself into a Next-Level Life event. I'm telling you make the choice, make the decision, just get the information about it. Go to ChrisLoCurto.com/next level life. Today. It's time to take the next step. It's time to get unstuck. It's time to move forward in a very healthy life, a much healthier life, even if your life is great. And you just know that maybe you're plateaued or stuck. Make the decision ChrisLoCurto.com/next level life do it today. All right, I want to leave you with some words from your shuaa as recorded in Matthew chapter six, let this sink in.

Wherever you are today, your shoe and may be speaking to you now. We call him his shoe that's his name. Jesus is a translation of it. It's not even the correct translation. It's a translation. Not to get into that debate here. But let me just tell you, if your name is Peter, and people call you, George, and that's not the exact translation, well, you probably want to be called Peter. Your shoe I may be speaking to you with these very words. Today, I tell you Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body. What you will wear Isn't life more than food, body more than clothes. Instead, underscore highlight circle star this. Instead, Seek first God's kingdom and God's righteousness. And all these things will be given to you. In addition. He's not saying go pursue yourselves. He's not saying what the other suppose thought leaders in this space are saying to you. Go focus on you go do you. Go make your name known and go shout who you are from the mountaintops. It's not what our God is saying to us. He's saying seek Him first seek His kingdom first. Seek His righteous pneus first, what is righteousness? In a simple form? Being right? Doing what is right. If you've never read the book, Pagan Christianity, I highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly suggest you physically read it. Don't do the audible. Unless you're reading it with the book. physically read the book, the audible. This is the one book I tell people about. You need to read the words.

seek God's kingdom and his righteousness. If you do those things, guess what he's going to do? He's going to take care of every aspect of your life. You won't have to. He'll do it. Here are the dangerous guys. If all you focus on is where you're going to eat lunch next and what new jacket or track shoes you're gonna wear, then you're missing out on so much of life. Yeshua says life is more than these things. It's not bad to have a good meal. It's not bad to wear good clothes. But if that's your pursuit, then that's all your life will consist of. For you business owners if your purse suit is making the most successful business you possibly can. Guess what you're gonna miss out on how amazing your family is. How amazing your kids are. Don't do it, bust your butt with the time you have. Make your business as successful as you possibly can, but not by sacrificing your family. So once again, you're not hearing me contradict myself. I'm telling you, I'm giving you the tools to make the most successful business and leadership team you possibly can. But it's never going to be more important. What we say at the beginning of the show business is what you do. It's not who you are. It's never going to be more important than your family. And please don't make it be more important than your relationship with God. God is calling you. He's calling me He's calling us to pursue something bigger than ourselves. That is a life worth living. So here are some questions I want you to meditate on right now. Really focus on this, I want you to spend time thinking about this. What are you pursuing? What are you seeking? Answers, answer those questions in your mind. Be honest with yourself don't, please don't convince yourself that, you know, you're doing all the greatest, amazing things if you're not, if you are fantastic. But here's what I want you to know. Whatever those answers are, that's what you're going to find. Whatever those answers are, whatever you're pursuing, whatever you're seeking, that's what you're going to find. Well, folks, that's all the time we have for today. I hope this is impactful for you. I hope this has helped you today. You know a lot of folks that need to hear this. You know a lot of folks that need to come to an understanding on this. Please help them to understand it. As always, take this information, change your leadership, change your business, and change your life. And join us on the next episode.