Enemy (n): a person who hates or opposes another person and tries to harm that person.
Can you think of somebody that is trying to make your life difficult? Maybe it’s somebody who’s not trying to make your life difficult, but they’re still making your life difficult. Can you think of that person? Can you think of the person who really affects your happiness in a negative way? Someone that hurts you?
You probably have a number of people you can think in your mind right now… how about that person who tries to keep you from succeeding? Is that a relative? Is that a person at work? Is that somebody that you grew up with? Is that your leader?
The thing about enemies is…they can keep you from achieving your potential and they can be a massive distraction. It’s easy to point out other enemies in life.
Here’s the question I want you to ask: “Am I my own worst enemy? Am I the one who steals my happiness?”
We see enemies almost everywhere and point fingers, but are blind to our greatest enemy: ourselves.
Here are 6 ways we become our own worst enemies:
- Procrastination is a CHOICE to hurt ourselves and to not deal with something well. It’s fueled by false beliefs that keep us from success
- Believing lies is one of our greatest blindspots and the fuel for the other 5 areas in this episode. So many of our bad decisions can be traced back to the lies we’ve been told, or we tell ourselves.
- Lacking healthy boundaries is allowing negativity and destruction (you may not even see) into your life. There are boundaries, walls, and healthy boundaries – it’s important to know the difference.
- Not feeling good enough is not about self-esteem, it’s about understanding your worth. This is a belief system passed onto us that will never be sustainable, and continue to hold you back.
- Isolation is where some of our worst decisions are made.
- Blaming others instead of taking responsibility gives you an unrealistic view of yourself which hurts any attempt at personal growth. Have you ever told your boss, “Sorry I was late, but I was stuck in traffic – I couldn’t have gotten here on time!” ? Blaming circumstances like traffic keeps us stuck. It’s one of the ways we become our own worst enemies.
Key Action Items:
- Learn the 6 ways you may be your own worst enemy [6:10]
- Uncover the false beliefs hiding under procrastination [7:07]
- Hear the most common ‘lies we believe’ [10:37]
- Set the right healthy boundaries [15:02]
- Discover the signs you struggle with self-worth [19:14]
- Learn how to stop seeking self-worth from man [20:46]
- How the blame game holds us back…[24:38]
[accordion clicktoclose=true tag=h2][accordion-item title=”Transcript” state=closed]
Chris LoCurto: Our worst enemy. Yep. I get your worst enemy on the show. That is coming up next.
Welcome to the Chris Locurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.
Enemies In Life
Welcome to the show folks. Today we’re talking about our own worst enemy. Now I can tell you this at work, in politics and in pretty much every single movie you’ve ever seen, we see enemies. Yes, it’s easy to see them in the movies because, well, they’re supposed to be there, right? It’s easy to see them in politics and even we will see them at work. Sometimes we even see them in our own families, right?
It’s a person who’s easy to dislike, someone that’s easy to blame, especially in movies. We root for the good guys and it’s easy to spot the bad guys. The dictionary defines an enemy as a person who hates or opposes another person and tries to harm that person. Let me say that again. A person who hates or opposes another person and tries to harm that person. Now you may have people or circumstances in your life that you feel holds you back.
Sometimes we see that enemies steal our happiness or sometimes we see that enemies obviously hurt us or try to keep us from succeeding or oppose you in some way or even just trying to make life difficult.
Who Are Your Enemies?
Now, as I’m saying that my question for you is who specifically and how many people are going through your mind that you’re thinking of that you know? Maybe there’s somebody that is constantly trying to make your life difficult. Maybe it’s somebody who’s not trying to make your life difficult, but they are making your life difficult.
Can you think of that person? Can you think of the person who steals your happiness? Can you think of the person and now here’s the deal. We would say, well, you can’t actually steal somebody’s happiness. True, but can you think of the person who really affects your happiness in a negative way?
Can you think of the person who hurts you? You probably have a number of people you can think in your mind right now, and how about that person who tries to keep you from succeeding? Is that a relative? Is that a person at work? Is that somebody that you grew up with? Is that your leader? Gosh, I hope not, but it’s very possible, right? Is there somebody that you can think of that’s trying to keep you from succeeding?
The thing about enemies is, enemies can keep you from achieving your potential and they can be a massive distraction. It’s easy to point out other enemies in life. I’ve been leading you up to a specific question that I want you to ask…dun dun dun… so as you’ve thought through all of this, here’s the question I want you to ask. Am I my own worst enemy? Am I the one who steals my happiness?
Am I the one who hurts me? Am I the one who’s trying to keep me from succeeding? Now, some of you would think, well, of course not, Chris. Nobody does that. Um, all day long. Every day. Many people self sabotage in a consistent way to constantly keep themselves from succeeding because what would happen when they do succeed, right?
How many times do you oppose yourself and how many times do you make your own life difficult. So today we’re going to dig into are you your own worst enemy? I know I am right? Besides Satan, he’s definitely my worst enemy, but after him, I think I’m definitely my own worst enemy, right?
We’re going to dig into discovering if you are your own worst enemy and just how much you are affecting you, so stick around to the end because we have a resource that will help you take action this week so that you’re not holding you back.
Now, today’s episode is brought to you by Next Level Life. Now, some of you folks don’t even know that we help people with more than just their business and leadership. Some folks will come to us and they do business stuff and they find out we have this life thing. They’re like, I’ve been following you for years. I never knew you did something on the life side. Of course we do, we do business and life: leadership, business life.
It all melds together, so for those of you who don’t know, next level life is our two day personal discovery experience. It’s a one on one personalized event where we guide you through a process to help you get unstuck in life, improve relationships, and discover what’s holding you back from freedom and peace. Do you ever find yourself asking in life? Is this it? Or find yourself feeling unfulfilled, stuck in the same old stuff, but never moving forward? And it’s not just you, it’s affecting your relationships as well.
It’s just frustrating. What if you could wake up every morning with a clear purpose? What would it look like to have healthier relationships with less conflict? Where would you be in five years if you had clarity, purpose, and peace? Probably a big difference from where you stand right now. I know it’s possible because I’ve been where you are standing right there and asking myself, is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? There is a better way and it starts with next level life. You can go to chrislocurto.com/discover to take the next step. If you’re struggling with discontentment, regret or not feeling good enough, if you’re filled with anxiety or your relationships are lacking, don’t keep going through the motions every day. Learn how to move past the things robbing you of peace. Go to chrislocurto.com/discover and take the next step.
Stop Your Worst Enemy
And today we’re talking about the steps you can take to stop being your own worst enemy.
Now there’s six areas that you may be your own worst enemy and there’s there’s a lot more than this I just talked to you about next level life. There’s a ton of things that we discover in next level life where people are their own worst enemy. You know there’s things that we’re doing to affect us, to hurt ourselves, to hold us back, to keep us from being successful, but I’m going to go through six of the big ones today.
Six ways that you may be your own worst enemy and as you hear these, if you immediately say, no, that’s not me. Stop. Have an open mind on this because you may discover it actually is you. Now, I don’t know if everybody has all six of these, but there are some that do. I would say probably most people have five of these for sure, but there’s plenty of people that probably have six.
How You Become Your Own Worst Enemy…
The first one, we’re going to start with is procrastination. It’s common for so many people to procrastinate when it comes to hard or difficult decisions. The thinking behind it usually comes down to two ways of thinking, so the first way is I don’t make a decision, maybe the whole problem situation, scary opportunity will just go away. Sound familiar?
Obviously this is a false belief. Instead, what tends to happen is that more problems stack up on top of the one we’re currently avoiding and make it even tougher to handle. All the time I help people with this process where they keep thinking, if I just avoid the decision, if I just don’t do anything about it, then surely it’s going to go away. Folks, if this is resonating with you right now, let me tell you, this is a huge piece that’s holding you back from success.
All of these are huge pieces, but you don’t realize some of the other ones are actually a little bit more obvious. Oh, well, yeah, I could totally see how much that’s affecting me. This one, people don’t think is hurting them as much as it is. They don’t realize that by avoiding the problem, avoiding the situation, avoiding the scary opportunity that can be a positive thing in your life.
Avoiding the conflict that what you’re literally doing is shoving something under a rug with all the other things you’re avoiding. It doesn’t actually go away and you high d’s that are listening to this. You think that you have dealt with something. I get that all the time with a high d through next level. Like, Oh, I dealt with that. No, you didn’t. All you did was block it out of your mind. You compartmentalized it and convinced yourself that you’re done with it.
No, you’re not. It’s still there. You’ve got to solve the underlying problem. You got to get to the root of why that’s there. Once you do, then you can truly deal with it, but shoving something in a box, shoving something under a rug, choosing not to deal with it or even convincing yourself that you have and still not dealing with it does not solve the problem.
The second thing we think when it comes to procrastination is we believe that it might just work itself out on its own, like it’s just gonna all of a sudden fix itself. You know, the while there’s a small chance that’ll happen that I mean minute chance, it’s definitely not the likely one right? Chances of something working its way out because you avoided it slim to none.
Now many times a conflict or a problem or an opportunity will work its way into a different situation because you didn’t deal with it, but it almost is never it working its way to a better situation. So procrastination tends to be something that we all, even people who say I don’t procrastinate, don’t have a problem with procrastination.
You will find that many times in their decision making is procrastination. It’s the choice to not deal with something well, if I just let that go, it’s gonna work its way out. So number one area that is holding you back and keeping you from being successful and hurting you.
Number two, believing lies. A foundational piece of next level life. Foundational, is believing lies. One of the greatest breakthrough tools we have in the next level life process is discovering the lies that people believe, currently. Lies that they tell themselves lies, that they’ve been told by family member or friends, but there are lies that they are currently believing right now. Let’s see if you believe any of these: you’re not good enough. You’re never going to succeed like you should.
You’re a failure. You don’t deserve ________. You’re never right. You’re not worthy. Hey, it’s all your fault you know that, right? These are just a few of the lies that people believe. I say people, Ross Perot, now, now you people.
These are lies that we believe. Yes, there’s lies I tell myself. I’ve just gotten really good at battling the lies with the truths, so you may not realize you’re believing a lie. There’s a process that we have them write down lies and it is a phenomenal revelation to them to actually see what they’re telling themselves every day.
And it’s tough. It’s really tough. They struggle in that process and it’s usually only after we’ve spent a whole day going through a whole bunch of other things that have pointed out the lies that they’re telling themselves, because it comes out naturally, right? So it’s a shocker to people that they actually are lying to themselves, but there has never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever been a person that has come through next level life, that did not have lies that they tell themselves, not a one.
So if you’re somebody who’s listening to this and you’re going, “oh, Chris, I don’t lie to myself, you’re lying to yourself.” You’re lying to yourself right now. They’re in there. Come, let me get them out. Let me help you see them. Let me show them to you. You may not realize you’re believing a lie.
If you find yourself getting offended, insecure, hurt, whatever, then that lie is a thing that is fueling your response. Now, unfortunately, so many bad decisions can absolutely be traced back to the lies that we’ve been told or that we tell ourselves, and we choose to believe. A big part of next level life is helping people to see their decision making process. Oh, I know how I make decisions, Chris, okay, come prove me wrong. But everybody who comes through really discovers, really discovers how they make decisions and unfortunately the lies that they believe is a big part of that process.
That’s why we help them to discover the truths. And like I always say the truth are almost never the opposite, mean just so rare that it’s actually just the opposite, right? The truth is usually something else. So if you can imagine how much believing lies is holding you back right now, it’s considerably more than what you’re imagining.
It’s more than you believe, right? That’s why it’s so important to discover that you are your own worst enemy when it comes to this.
Healthy Boundaries (not just “boundaries”)
The third thing that holds you back is a lack of healthy boundaries. Notice I didn’t just say boundaries. Many people have boundaries. I believe there are walls, boundaries, and healthy boundaries, walls are those things that you wall people out with that nobody can get to you. That’s terrible because then you’re isolated and that’s a terrible place to be. Boundaries are those things people think are healthy.
They put these boundaries in place, but then somebody can just destroy it. Healthy boundaries are the things that keep the unhealthy people or situations from getting to you. It can allow all kinds of other people to get to you, but it doesn’t allow the really unhealthy things or the things that you need to have healthy boundary, in place for it doesn’t allow that thing to get you, even if you have to remove yourself from the situation.
So, many people have boundaries, but since they aren’t healthy, they tend to be destructive. And I can tell you in so many next level life events that I’ve done, I have suggested that the participant read the book boundaries, a great book Dr Henry Cloud. It’s kind of become chicken soup for the soul. I give them the updated version of just the boundaries, the original book to go through and there’s all kinds of great stuff, but that’s usually a place that I will help them to really gain some great information.
It is by far one of the biggest issues that we have in our lives, and again, it’s from a lack of proper leading in this area. When you don’t have healthy boundaries, you allow people to manipulate you. You allow people to take advantage of you. You allow people to abuse you. Now keep in mind as I’m saying those things, you’re not a victim. You are not a victim. You are allowing that stuff.
Nobody has taught you how to not allow it. That’s why our folks are so successful after coming through the event because we teach them how to put in healthy boundaries, not continue to allow people to manipulate them, to control them, to take advantage of them, to abuse them. Instead, once you put a healthy boundary in place, then you can start healing you. It does not mean that boundary stays there. In my early days, I had to put in just, you know, huge healthy boundaries on some folks so that I could get stronger and I could heal as time went on, that person didn’t change, but the boundary didn’t have to be so far out.
I could move it in, move it in, move it in and allow people who are unhealthy and especially to me to be closer to me because I had healed and I had worked on the things that got me to a place that I didn’t have to have this huge healthy boundary because I didn’t receive the crap. You know, I don’t allow people to manipulate me like crazy.
I don’t allow people to take advantage. I mean, I really don’t allow people to abuse me. Right? I’m done with that crap. Getting those healthy boundaries in place is huge. So we’re going to talk about the other three areas that are holding you back, but let me talk to you right now about something that you must have for great quality communication.
If you’ve been listening to me for any length of time, then you know the number one issue when it comes to business and family when it comes to friendships is having a lack of high quality communication.
It all starts with having great communication and the best way to get that communication is to understand personality styles, yours, your family members, your team members, those people that you’re dealing with on a daily basis and those folks that you are spending the most time with at work or at home, and the best way to do that is go to chrislocurto.com/store and get personality profiles for you, for your family, for your team. Get the video, take the profiles, sit down, watch the video, discuss it.
You will be stunned at how much it’s going to change your communication, so get it for your family members today. Get it for your team members today. As you go through that profile, you will begin to see the greatest ways to communicate. Go to Chrislocurto.com/store today, and get your personality profiles. Now, back to the other three things that are holding you back, which communication that would make that a seventh thing because it’s something that we so struggle with.
Not Feeling Good Enough
Number four is feeling not good enough. Folks, lack of self worth destroys us when we don’t have a strong sense that we are good enough. Now, don’t hear me incorrectly on this. I could care less about your self esteem. Self esteem is something that was created like in the nineties by, I think teachers, if I remember that correctly, and the focus was on you feel good about you. No matter what you do.
Guys, listen, if I do stupid and I hurt you, I should not have good quality self esteem. If I’m doing stupid, I should not have. I should not be focused on having quality, self esteem, right? So I could care less about your self esteem. I do care about your self worth and I do care about your self respect. Those are the things that are really important to you, right?
If you have an awareness of when you’re doing good and when you’re doing bad, then you could care less about yourself esteem as well. You will focus more on your self worth and your self respect, so examples, maybe you’re always striving at work or maybe you’re always feeling like you’re not a good enough parent.
Maybe you’re trying to put up a front or look put together so people are impressed with you or you’re afraid people will think you’re a fraud or an imposter. Hey, welcome to life, right? This belief system is usually passed onto us by parents who struggled with the same exact feelings or by controlling or abusive parents or people in our life. There’s one thing that you must must must know and that is you are good enough for God.
Hear me when I say this. God loves you right where you are. He just doesn’t want to keep you there, but where you are doesn’t change his love for you. He loves you. he’s loved you and your worst times. He’s loved you in your best times. His love for you cannot change. It just can’t. He loves you as much as he’s going to love you and it’ll never be any less. It’ll never be any more.
but understand for him, you’re good enough. If you don’t believe that, look at the cross that my friend was for you so that you have the chance of spending eternity with the person who loves you more than you’ve ever experienced from any human being. Now, I’m not saying that you’re not going to get self worth from people. I’m telling you that almost all of it, if not all of your self worth right now is coming from people and it’s not sustainable.
It’s not sustainable as a parent, it’s not sustainable as a team member, a leader, it’s not sustainable as somebody who’s a people pleaser, it’s not sustainable. When you get worth from somebody, it lasts for about how long? Five minutes at best. Then you’ve got to go do something else to get people to make you feel good. Your God loves you exactly where you are. Just understand he has a much greater plan for your life, so when you are feeling not good enough, you have to ask the question for who?
For who and some people will lie about this to themselves and they’ll say, well, to me, well then that’s just ridiculous. What does that even mean? You’re not good enough for you. What does that mean? The truth is you’re not good enough for man and you may never be good enough for man, but you will always be good enough for God. He loves you right where you are. He just doesn’t want to keep you there.
The fifth thing that we do that causes us to be our own worst enemy and this and this one is one that a lot of folks don’t realize how bad this is. The fifth one is isolation. One of the ways we’re our own worst enemy is when we isolate our selves. Now in my mind, being isolated with your own thoughts can absolutely destroy you, right? Because a lot of times, most of the time our thoughts suck.
If you’re dealing with self hate or negative self talk, then being isolated alone is a terrible place to be. If you have a good portion of your life that is filled with bad influence or lack of healthy boundaries, low self worth, that I can promise you that being alone with your own thoughts, which happened to be greatly affected by all of that crap, is a surefire way to cause some serious damage to you. In isolation is where some of your worst decisions are made and some of your worst belief systems, broken belief systems are created.
We were not made for isolation. We were created to have community. Yeah, but Chris, my community sucks. Get another one, get another one. Take a look at all the things we’re talking about today. You may be the one that’s causing your community to suck, or maybe you’ve just chosen a really bad community and you don’t have healthy people.
One of the things we focus on the next level life is the relationship evaluations. We take a look at the people you spend the most time with that influence you and we see if they’re healthy or toxic. Some people choose toxic people.
You need to change that community. You should start your community first with God, then with other people that order done continuously keeps you safer from self sabotage in your own thoughts, spending time with God and then spending time with healthy people, so don’t be surprised you’re making bad decisions if you’re isolated and not seeking the help of healthy individuals.
The six thing, and we’re going to talk about some action items and something you can do to help yourself this week. The sixth thing is blaming others. Many times, instead of taking responsibility for our own actions, we try like crazy to shift the blame to other people or even situations. Guys. Many times we will become victims and blame people or the situation. Well, I couldn’t make that happen because… An easy example of this is, “hey, you’ve been late three days this week.” “Well, I can’t control the traffic.”
Okay, little victim. Let me ask you a question. Do you know that there’s going to be traffic when you leave the house? Is there any possibility that other people will get in their cars and go out on the road today? Yes. Okay. Prepare yourself for it. Think ahead, be smart, don’t blame the situations or other people because of something that you have done or something that you’re experiencing, right?
I’m not saying that other people aren’t trying very hard to make your life difficult, but you have choices. You have choices, so for example, it’s not uncommon for people who are terrible at relationships to not take responsibility themselves. No matter how much information shows them how they are struggling. Instead they find every possible reason, no matter how untrue, to blame someone else for the reason they are struggling. This only results in an unrealistic view of one’s self which hurts any attempt at personal growth.
So you may be that person who everybody else in your life has something wrong with them. You know, you might look at yourself and go, why can’t I have a quality relationship with somebody? Why can’t I have a quality spouse? Why can’t I have quality relationship with family members? Why can’t I have quality friendships? You might start by looking at you.
Now, the people that are listening to this right now and going, “oh, I know who that is” and you’re thinking of somebody else. It’s you. You’re the one who needs to focus on this. You should focus on it. Don’t worry about anybody else. Focus on you. Why do you not have healthy friendships? What do you not have healthy relationships with your family? What do you not have healthy relationships with a spouse or even have a spouse? If you’re wanting one.
It could be you. It could be the community that you surround yourself with. If you have not chosen healthy people to be around you and you’re choosing to be unhealthy in relationships, then guess what? It doesn’t matter what or who you blame. It’s not going to change your circumstance.
Get out of that thought process. Get out of that mentality, solve this for you today. What am I doing that’s causing me not to have great relationships? What am I doing that’s causing me to affect me so negatively by blaming other people or other situations? So there you go. There’s six different ways that we absolutely self sabotage ourselves.
Now we have a great resource. We’ve created a resource so you can take action on this information. It will help you to determine how much you are affecting you. There are six questions and some extra information that will help you to determine how you are holding yourself back. It’s free and you can download it. Go to chrislocurto.com/291. That’s today’s episode number Chrislocurto.com/291 and get today’s download and do it.
Listen, actually sit down, book some time to sit down and answer the questions. They’re very simple questions, it’s going to be tough with your answers, but do not avoid this.
If you want to see how much you’re affecting you, if you want to see how much you are your own worst enemy. Think about this, the guy who’s teaching this. This is what I do for a living. My goal has been to fix myself, to solve these problems, to not blame people in situations, to not isolate myself, to make sure I’m surrounded with healthy people, to understand God’s love for me so that I know that I’m good enough even though I make stupid decisions in my life and will until I die, to make sure that I have healthy boundaries with people, to not believe the dang lies.
Instead battle with the truths and to make sure that I’m not procrastinating in decision making. When I do those things, I’m not my worst enemy. So are you being your own worst enemy? Are you letting bad habits, fears, blame lies, procrastination. All of this stuff keep you stuck? Don’t stay there.
Don’t keep holding you back. Start taking action today. Get your download at chrislocurto.com/291 and answer those questions today. Get that done and start helping you to overcome you as being your own worst enemy.
Well folks, hopefully this has helped you today. As always, take this information, change your leadership, Change Your Business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.