Self-sabotage is one of the greatest limiting factors to how successful you can be in business and life! And the crazy thing is, most people have absolutely no clue that they do it.
Self-sabotage is one of the most destructive patterns I see in Next-Level Life no matter who the person is, where they come from, what their background is, or what their work position is.
While so many people define self-sabotage as alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and over-eating, there are a bunch of other ways we self-sabotage.
Some are socially recognizable and judged according to a social scale, but others aren’t as easily understood.
We all do it sometimes…
This weekend I will be racing at Daytona for the first time… Daytona I tell you! And while that’s incredibly exciting, I can tell you that I started to self-sabotage myself with some pretty cruddy thinking.
You see, this is only my second time back in the car this year. While you would think the old adage, “It’s like riding a bike…” would work here, it doesn’t. So let me update the adage for you – “It’s like riding a bike really crazy fast while fighting off other riders with 3 g-force turns and braking at 140 miles an hour…” yeah, that sounds about right.
So where did the self-sabotage come in? Well, I’m just a little competitive, and I know that everyone else has been to Daytona before, and they’ve all had a ton more seat time than me this year. Thus, I started in on myself with the, “You need to prepare yourself because these guys are all gonna be faster than you.”
I let that junk go on for about 15 minutes until I yelled at myself, “STOP IT!! You will do the best you can, and if you don’t place well, so what?! There will be many more after this.” And that folks, is what goes on inside so many of us day after day.
So here are a few ways that we tend to hurt ourselves by self-sabotage:
- Procrastination – It is quite common for so many people to procrastinate when it comes to hard or difficult decisions. The thinking behind it usually comes down to two ways of thinking. First, if I don’t make a decision, maybe the whole problem/situation/scary opportunity will just go away. Obviously this is a false belief. Instead, what tends to happen is more problems stack up on top of the one we’re currently avoiding, and make it even tougher to handle. Second, We believe that it might just work itself out on its own. While there is a small chance that will happen, it’s definitely not the likely one.
- Believing the lies – One of the greatest breakthrough tools I use in Next-Level Life is discovering the lies people have believed, that they’ve been told by family, friends, and even themselves. “You’re not good enough!” You’ll never succeed!” “You are a failure!” You don’t deserve…!” “You’re never right!” “You’re not worthy!” “It’s all your fault!” These are just a few lies that we believe. Unfortunately, so many horrible decisions can absolutely be traced back to the lies that we’ve been told, and told ourselves, that we chose to believe.
- Blame shifting – Many times instead of taking responsibility for our own actions, we tried like crazy to shift the blame to other people or situations. For example, it’s not uncommon for people who are terrible at relationships, (Due to a lack of quality leading in relationships) to not take responsibility themselves no matter how much information shows them how they are struggling. Instead, they find every possible reason, no matter how untrue, to blame someone else for the reason they are struggling. This only results in an unrealistic view of one’s self, which hurts any attempt at personal growth.
- Lack of HEALTHY boundaries – Notice I didn’t just say boundaries. Many people have boundaries, but since they aren’t healthy, they tend to be destructive. And I can tell you that in so many Next-Level Life I’ve done, I have suggested that the participant read the book Boundaries. It is by far one of the biggest issues we have in our lives, and again, it’s from a lack of proper leading in this area. When you don’t have healthy boundaries, you allow people to manipulate you, take advantage of you, and abuse you.
- Feelings of not being “Good enough” – Lack of self-worth and self-esteem destroy us when we don’t have a strong sense that we ARE good enough. This belief system is usually passed on to us by parents who struggled with the same feelings, or by controlling / abusive parents. There’s one thing you MUST know: you are good enough for God!!! You should NEVER try to get your self-worth or self-esteem from ANY person on this planet! Find it in the Father who knit you together. As I said in 10 Signs You’re Not Emotionally Strong, God loves you EXACTLY where you are, He just doesn’t want to keep you there. He has a much greater plan for your life!
- Taking care of you last – One of the fastest ways for us to be destructive is to think that we have to put everyone else first. If you aren’t taking care of you first, then you will certainly become no good to anyone else… if you’re not finding ways to replenish you, then you’re going to wear yourself down… if you’re not finding ways to make yourself strong, then you’re going to cave in weak moments. Putting you last will only lead to greater weakness and bad decision-making.
- Isolation – If you ask me what the greatest self-sabotage is, it’s isolation. In my mind, there is no greater destroyer to one’s self than to isolate with one’s own thoughts! If you have a good portion of your life filled with bad influence, lack of healthy boundaries, low self-esteem, then I can promise you that being alone with your own thoughts, which happen to be greatly effected by all of that crap, is a sure fire way to cause some serious damage to you! In isolation is where some of your worst decisions are made and beliefs are created. We weren’t made for isolation, we were created to commune. First with God, then with others. That order done continuously keeps us safe-er from self-sabotage in our own thoughts.
Question: How do you self-sabotage?
Do you ever find yourself…
- Feeling like crap about yourself?
- Feeling rejected?
- Feeling not smart enough?
- Making poor decisions you know you shouldn’t?
- Responding in defensiveness or anger?
- Upset or hurt by your spouse or close friend and blaming them?
How do we get to that place?
So often we feel rejected, not good enough, stupid, wronged…but are we really?
These are just a few ways we can be destructive to ourselves. And being free from the self-sabotaging behavior is one of the greatest testimonies we receive from our Next-Level Life attendees.
Click here now and get started on your way to the greatest freedom and strength that you’ve known!
18 thoughts on “7 Signs You Self-Sabotage”
Procrastination and not feeling “good enough”.
At least you were the first to answer. 🙂
3 years ago I qualified under all of the above. Today, I would have to say only the procrastination and to some extent, boundaries. I realized that God may not be through with me, but I’m not what I was.
Great job Steve! And you’re right, He’s so not through with you. Praise God it’s a process that happens until we see Him!
Isolation (but maybe not as severely as you describe it). I get energized and motivated spending time with positive, healthy people, but I don’t intentionally schedule enough of that time.
P.S. Daytona…sah-weet! Good luck!
Thank you sir! I am getting pretty excited about it. And I’m totally with you. The more I hang out with positive people, the greater I feel about myself!
I’m dealing with aging parents (and it’s not the graceful variety) and a special needs daughter who has crossed that “I’m an adult now” barrier. For me, it’s taking care of me last. Thanks for the kick in the pants. It’s back to the gym with me first thing tomorrow. Best wished for success at Daytona! How exciting (for YOU)!
So glad to hear that Dale. It’s a step towards a stronger you!
I am the worst procrastinator; even with simple things like putting laundry away. I think the most interesting thing about procrastination is the fact that once you do the thing you put off, it turns out to not be that bad after all. You usually harm yourself even more by waiting. Thank you for reminding me Chris!
So so true Jamie! And putting it off just means a larger stack of things to tackle!
thanks for the post – many hit home for me personally and it also made me wonder how often my words/actions may contribute to fueling the self sabotage amongst those who report to me at work and with my wife/kids. And, enjoy the experience of racing at Daytona!
Powerful Brad! It absolutely can have a negative effect on those around us!
Let me count the ways….
Isn’t it amazing how many people this happens to Lily?
LifePlan is truly the way to stop the madness. We must turn this around by helping parents break the cycle of guilt, shame, control and emotional abuse. And you can’t break it if you don’t know it’s there.
Chris this really hit home with me today! The battles are endless in these areas. I felt the need to share this with everyone I know on my blog and twitter and Facebook. Thanks for pouring your wisdom into the rest of us. Keep rockin’ it!
You are awesome Steve!! Thank you so much!!