Transcript:
8 Negative People You Should Avoid (Part II)
00:00 The eight negative people you should avoid. That is coming up next.
00:14 Welcome to the Chris Locurto show where we discuss leadership and life, and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.
00:28 Welcome to the show folks. Today we’re talking about the other four negative people you should avoid Now, we talked about the first four on last week’s episode and just a ton of great information in there, so we’re continuing with that today. If you’ve not listened to that first episode, go listen to it. Just pause this and go jump on that and run through that first before you go through this one. Trust me, it will help you. It’ll be incredibly beneficial because there’s so much information that you will gain from that. But today we’re jumping in with the rest of the eight people that you should avoid. So kicking that off with the impossible to please. Now, some people refuse to give a kind word to anything you do. If you have something that you were proud of, uh, they will find 700 reasons why it’s not good enough.
01:19 In turn, you hear every time that it is you who are not good enough. Now, I want to make sure that we understand that there’s two different types here. One, the impossible to please is the person where it doesn’t matter what you have that’s good… It’s something that they start to lose worth in and so they start to attack your thing. It’s not good enough. Here’s all these different reasons. That is considerably different than the person who is healthier, but thinking logistically. Even that person is going to have kind words from time to time, right? But there are some times you may come to somebody if they’re a super high C, they may be in high C mode and you’re like, Hey, look, if you’re a high I, Hey, look at this thing I did.
02:08 Many times a high I child will turn to a high c parent and say, look at what I did and they will start pulling, picking it apart. The parent needs to learn not to do that, but that doesn’t mean that they’re impossible to please. It means that they’re most likely in a task mode and you’re a high I, you just built this little bridge out in the driveway and chances are there’s some pieces missing. It looks beautiful and it was fun, but this thing may crash on the cat. So you know that person might actually be picking things apart just knowing…let’s make sure that you’ve got all the bolts in place. That’s different than the person that thinks, it doesn’t matter how great it is, whatever you do, I’m never pleased.
02:52 They’re impossible to please. You can do 100 different things, different ways, have tons of attaboys from people around you that think that what you’ve done is incredible and this person’s just going to think, “Meh, you, why do you think that you’re so great?” A buddy of mine, Jon Acuff calls it the hater rule. You can get a thousand attaboys online and get one “Oh Darn” and how do you respond? The “Oh darn” destroys your day because we look at that person that impossible to please person and we think, oh gosh, I’ve done something wrong. Maybe I’m not good enough. If that’s you, if you’re going to that place immediately, that’s because you have some impossible to please people in your life. Now when you get healthier and you actually get your worth from the right place and you learn what tools and all that kind of fun stuff, that’s stuff that just rolls off your back.
03:50 But until then, when, you know, again, like we say, we need to put in some healthy boundaries. I’ll never forget the time it was probably 2007, 2008, something like that. I was not on social media long and I get this tweet that says something like, “Chris LoCurto is a moron.” Something like that, I was so frustrated. I was like, how dare you say that? You’re not pointing to anything, you’re not referencing anything. What did I do? Tell me what I did, help me to see. And I was just so frustrated that somebody would just put something out there that was so inconsiderate and unloving, you know, to say something like I would never put something like that out there.
04:37 And so I started typing seven different responses and each time I’m like, no, that’s not very nice. Don’t, don’t put that out there. Just, stop. And so I finally, I couldn’t come up with a response that I felt loving about that still was kind of like, you know, I needed to say something…because I didn’t realize back in those days I didn’t need to say something. And as I’m sitting there and felt like the Holy Spirit says, you know, he probably just doesn’t have that many followers. I was like, you’re right. He probably doesn’t. You should probably look at his twitter page to see. It was like, I will do that, and so I clicked on over to his twitter page and all of a sudden my heart broke. He had all these pictures of his baby…never can tell the story.
05:26 He had all these pictures of his baby in the ICU with all these tubes coming out of it, and it was as if God was saying, do you see why he’s responding this way? He’s hurting and it just broke my heart and any desire to defend myself was gone. It was like, Oh, here’s somebody who’s struggling with something. What am I struggling with? I’m struggling with somebody who attacked me for what appears to be no reason online…I’m not experiencing anything like is experiencing right now in this moment. And so instead of trying to defend myself, I just sent a reply to his tweet and I just said, I’m praying for your baby. And about 30 minutes later he responded back, “Thank you. I believe it’s working.” Oh Gosh.
06:26 Okay. That story’s out. Okay. So understand that sometimes people are difficult to please because of what they’re experiencing in their life right now. Sometimes it’s just something that they’re struggling with. Sometimes they’re experiencing pain beyond anything you can understand in the moment. And sometimes, they’re just trying so hard not to lose worth or trying to gain worth. Put your distance in between those that are trying to just get worth from you and go and surround yourself or put yourself in the place where you can help those that are hurting. Because even if they fire on you, you’re tough enough, you’re strong enough, you can handle that, right? You can take it. If somebody’s hurting that they say something stupid. Say they say something painful, right? Those aren’t the people you want to put some distance in, but those, the haters are. So next person number 6, the manipulator.
07:32 This is the, “I really need you to help me with…” type of person. And again, this is a lot like the taker, this is somebody who will manipulate you and situations. The “I really need you to help me with this” is a common sentence used by the manipulator. They do a great job discovering who around them can get things done for them. If you push back, then they will push harder to make you feel guilty. The manipulation process, they understand that the manipulator usually is not manipulating stronger personality styles like other D’s, if they do, they do it with competition. They do it with challenges. They do it with, “oh, apparently you’re not good enough” type of stuff. They usually will pick on the high Is, the high Ss, and they will go in and they will manipulate, especially the Ss with the comment of, “I need you to help me with this” because now you’re being needed.
08:27 The high altruistic folk…if you’re, if you’re somebody who’s got a high levels of altruism, high levels, like it’s loaded up in your system…if you’re a high altruist, then there’s a really good chance that somebody says that they need you and you want to jump on this situation. You’ll put other things aside to go help this person. Well, this is a person who tends to see that if they can manipulate you into doing things for them, they will continue to do so under the guise of it being a need or urgency. And then if you ever push back, they start to push more on you and help you to feel guilty, right? They can’t make you feel guilty. That can suggest that you feel guilty. Another person you want to put some distance between you and the manipulator.
09:13 If somebody is trying to manipulate you in any situation, doesn’t matter what it is, that’s not somebody who’s caring about you, that somebody is caring about themselves and choosing to try and hurt you in a situation so that they gain from it. Put some distance between you and the manipulator and focus on being healthy and put healthy boundaries in place in the future. So again, it’s not like the person who’s needing your help because they are struggling with something that is legit. This is somebody who’s coming along and going, “oh, I can manipulate this person into getting this done quicker and easier and I don’t have to do it. I can go and do something else.” Put some distance or some healthy boundaries in place with that person.
09:54 Welcome back and we were talking about the eight negative people you should avoid or at least put some distance and again, as we said at the top of the show, make sure that you’re putting healthy boundaries in place until you get healthier that you can handle these situations. Number seven would be the judge. It is vitally important to the judge to look good, so much so that they will do what they can to make you look less than or insignificant compared to them. No matter what you’ve done, they’ve done it better. This is the kind of person who is always going to try and make them look better than you, no matter what the situation is. And I’m not talking about, you know, friendly banter
09:54 This is somebody who every single time, the thing you did is really insignificant to what they’ve done. They’ve done it better. They’ve done it more. They’ve experienced it better. They were better at it. They judge you on any of your accomplishments and your accolades, any of the things that you’re doing in life, they will judge it and compare it to what they’ve done and how much better they’ve done it. Once again, another person will want to put some serious distance between us and them, until we can get some healthy boundaries. How would I respond to the judge as a healthier person with a much healthier boundaries? I just don’t have the conversation, right? There are some people in my life, people that come to me and it doesn’t matter what, they will even come to me to try and gain significance by proving to me something amazing about themselves or something that they’ve done and even ask for input.
12:45 And if I give coaching input then my input is always wrong. It’s never the right input. It’s never good enough. It’s always…what they’re doing is the right thing. Why did you even come and ask me a question then? Why did you seek my help if no matter what I tell you, it’s always going to be wrong and insignificant. Well, no, no, that’s not right because of this, this, this. Oh for the love. Okay. And so when I see these people coming, and it’s not often, it’s very few people and I only get to see them once in a great while, but when I do see that person coming, I tend to not give any information whatsoever. Even if they ask for input, I will choose not to give input. You know, so and so? you might want to speak to so and so.
13:30 What’s the struggle? They’re wanting so badly to gain worth by being right by being better, by trying to make me look insignificant that they’re better than me, but feel free. Everybody’s better than me. I don’t care. I don’t need to get somebody to feel good about the information I’m giving, I’m giving so I can help. So that type of person: just don’t have the conversation. Don’t share things that you’ve done. Don’t go to them. Now, if you’re going because you’re trying to get worth yourself, you’re wasting your time anyways because you can’t get worth from another human being’s opinion of you. You can definitely lose it, right? You can, you can get worth if you tell yourself that they think you’re amazing, therefore you’re much more worthy. But there is a god who already tells you how worthy you are.
14:28 So it’s a waste of time. You can definitely lose worth by this type of person who constantly makes you look insignificant. The last person, the eighth negative person that you should avoid is the self critic. This is probably the worst negative person of all. This is the person inside of you who believes the lies that you were told and has a tendency to tell quite a few lies to you as well. This negative person must be avoided at all costs. This one is definitely you self critic, the one who always tells you, and a lot of the lies may have come from the previous seven people. If you had any of the seven negative that the characteristics that we talked about. If any of those people where parents are influencers in your life, then there’s a good chance that they convinced you or highly suggested, and maybe still do, so that you believe lies about you, but the self critic is the one who believes the lies and the self critic is the one who tells themselves the lies.
15:40 You must avoid this as much as you possibly can. Now, it’s very, very difficult to do. You need to understand a bunch of stuff. You need to understand why you believe the lies. You need to understand what we call surface level responses. Every person who comes through next level life has a long list of them that they didn’t even realize. They realized some of them exist, but for the most part, they don’t see most of them. They have root systems that we discover what, Why, how, when, how did all this stuff come about? What am I making decisions based on? …and when they see that, they go, oh gosh, I never even realized that, but in the meantime, not knowing all this stuff that you learn the next level life, they have a tendency to tell themselves the lies.
16:28 We have a whole sheet that we go through, a whole process that we go through of discovering what the lies are and those lies of those things that either people have told you when you believe currently still or you tell yourself and you believe, currently. “I’m not good enough. I’ll never be smart enough. I’ll never be attractive enough. I’ll never be good enough to be at a higher level in my business. I’ll never. I’ll always have to prove myself to so and so. I’ll never be good enough for a great relationship. I’ll never be worthy to this person, this family member, all the people in my family, my friends” All those lies that you tell yourself. “I’ll never make enough money. I’ll never be good enough to make money.” All of those things that you tell yourself, all of those lines that you tell yourself, those are absolutely self-destructive.
17:25 Those are absolutely self sabotaging. The self critic is the most damaging person to you of all, because it is you. You can damage you like nobody else can. All of the things before all the other seven. Now, technically as a child, you’re going to be more manipulated by parents being parents. Many times they’re doing the absolute right stuff and you’re being a victim. And many times they’re not. They’re being very destructive. And, unfortunately you are a victim to that. But as adults, we make our own decisions, right? We have to be responsible for us. So the things that are suggested by the previous seven negative people, no matter how heavily they suggest it, you don’t have to receive any of it, you don’t have to receive any bit of it. Now, one thing I always tell people or trying to help people to see when they become a victim of “Oh, I’m just not going to receive them.” well, is that truth?
18:35 There may be times that you have to realize that you’re doing something wrong. If you’re being a total jerk to somebody else and somebody says, hey, you’re being a total jerk to that person, ask yourself the question, am I? If you are, then guess what? Suck it up buttercup. You got to take responsibility for you being a jerk and you’ve got to solve you. You can’t blame that on somebody else. But if somebody is coming along in the way that we described the previous seven, doing it to hurt you, to affect you, to try and gain worth themselves or try to not lose worth than these are people you need to put some distance between. The tough part is putting distance between you and the self critic. You gotta kick that guy to the curb. You gotta kick that gal to the curb.
19:20 The only way you can do that is to discover the truths. As we talk about through next level life, the truths are rarely ever the opposite of the lie. The lie is based on things that are directly correlated to your root system that we have to discover. Once we do, then seeing the truths is much easier. Here’s what I want you to understand. When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the desert, for those of you that that know this story, and if you don’t know it, Jesus was. He had fasted for 40 days. He was the weakest physically he had ever been, and he was tempted by Satan in the desert. He never battled Satan. Now this is somebody who could call down all of heaven and destroy Satan in a heartbeat, but then that would absolutely take away the purpose of while he was on this planet.
20:15 He never battled Satan. All he did was battled the lies with truths, so having those truths in place will help you. The truth is, is that until you discover those truths, until you discover why you’re lying to yourself or what the lies are, or you know what the surface level responses are, it’s going to be very difficult for you to get away from negative people like this, especially those of you that are staying around negative people like this to affirm how bad you really are and that you’re not worthy and that you’re not good enough. Folks, it’s just a lie. It is just a lie. So do something that gets you away from all of that negativity. And understand this, all people need the next level life. All people. There is nobody on this planet. I’ve had folks that have come through that have had the most amazing childhoods, no problems whatsoever, and they had powerful events.
21:13 Everybody needs to have a next level life. Everyone on the list above most likely doesn’t understand why they do what they do. Even if they have an idea, they don’t know how to deal with it. So if you’re one of any of the eight …and we all are, right? We all have aspects of all of this until we get healthier, right? So if you’re one of the eight, then guess what? You don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing. If you haven’t listened to the episode, understanding your root system, it will help to explain it more and we’ll put a link in the show notes so you can listen to that. Or if you’re listening on Itunes, just click my head because I believe all the links are right there. But listen, if you’re one of the eight, get your butt in here.
22:00 Get in here for a next level life. If you’re somebody being affected by any of the eight , get your butt in here because you need the next level of life, it’s just that important. It will change the way you see life, period. It will give you tools to help you to get through life way better than you’ve ever experienced. Now, I’m not asking you to kick people out of your life, although some people you might need to. I would never say that on a show and very rarely, but once in a while through next level life, we say, hey, listen, this is just toxicity. You’ve got to do something about this person. I’m asking you to set healthy boundaries and remove the authority that negative people have in your life. Do not let them set your reality. Do not let them tell you how horrible you are. Come discover the truth about yourself.
22:53 Spend time in God’s word. Spend time seeking him. Seek the truth about how worthy you are. Now, I’m not saying that you’re a perfect person because none of us are. What I am saying is is that you are worthy in God’s eyes and what I mean by that is that you are worthy for him to come and do the very thing you need to spend eternity with him. That’s the important piece. So, notice the behavior of the people around you and see how you’re being influenced by these eight types. Look for these qualities in yourself. If you want to learn how to get to a better place, then go to chrislocurto.com/nextlevellife and click take the next step. There are steps you can take to get healthy, to have freedom, to have joy, to have peace, to have healthy relationships, and something that’s incredibly important, is to learn how to be your authentic self.
23:46 So folks, hopefully this has helped you today. As always, take this information, change your leadership, Change Your Business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.
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