Have you ever found yourself building up a case against another person silently in your head?
Usually, what happens next is you lash out or attack the person you’ve built a case against.
On the other side of the coin, perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of an attack, having absolutely no idea why it happened.
To you, it feels like it came out of nowhere, and it’s confusing and frustrating. If it happens enough, it can leave you feeling hopeless in the relationship.
Here are 7 factors that contribute to these attacks and lash outs.
1. A trigger event
Before the attack or lash out, a conversation or event triggers the person to start thinking negative thoughts about the other person.
It’s usually tied to how they were treated by a parent or someone significant in their life in the past.
They negative thoughts cause them to shutdown to protect and distance themselves from the “bad person” because, after all, “you” are becoming a “bad” or “unsafe” person now in their mind.
Part of the case against the other person is full of assumptions about them, their intent, and what they think about “me”.
4. Believing lies
Lies are things people have told us, and we believe, or things we tell ourselves, and we believe.
Lies fuel fear, worry, stress, and anger.
Some examples of lies that show up in an “attack” situation are “I’m not worthy or good enough for them,” “He/she is judging me,” or “He/she’s just like my dad/mom and is going to hurt me”.
6. A need for control
At the root of this entire issue is a person’s struggle with control. They feel they need to control “you” to gain control of the situation.
They’ve been controlled by someone in the past, usually a parent, so they’ve been trained to control others to gain control.
7. False realities
It’s the combination of assumptions, lies, and struggle with control that combine to create a false reality, which fuels the attack.
All of this comes from the person’s Root System.
Now, if you’re on the receiving end of attacks, the best way to respond is with prayer, a healthy boundary, and loving the other person as well as possible.
Is this easy? No, but it’s absolutely doable.
If you’re the person who attacks or lashes out, I encourage you to pray and seek God’s wisdom, and dig into the information in this post to overcome what’s holding you back.
Regardless of which side of the coin (attacker or recipient) you’re on, if you’re going through this situation, check out Next-Level Life to gain greater perspective that’s unique to your life and situation, and get a plan to overcome this silent relationship killer.