It can just be a minor discomfort for some or it can cause us to despair.
Guilt is something that I have struggled with throughout my life. It’s a weight that I carried around until I learned how to get free from it.
I don’t think it ever goes away completely…But there’s a lot to learn about it, what you can do about it, and how you can get past it. There’s no magic mantra. But today, if you struggle with guilt or have ever struggled with guilt, then I want to tell you how I learned to grow from it so you can too.
Learn how to let go of guilt:
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding the two kinds of guilt that we struggle with [4:28]
- What is guilt? How you define it changes how you overcome it [10:25]
- How to discover where guilt is coming from [13:33]
- How to get freedom from guilt [38:22]
Resources:
If you want to get free from guilt. If you desire to get free from anger, or from the decision making that’s holding you back…
Maybe you’ve never experienced anything bad in life at all and you just know that there’s still stuff holding you back and keeping you from you being your authentic self and being the person that you know you can be.
Then it’s simple. Go to chrislocurto.com/discover to learn more and take the next step toward peace, freedom, and a better life, or click below:
Download the transcript | Download the episode
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Chris LoCurto: Something that held me back for years in my life and I still struggle with that is coming up next.
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.
Welcome to the show folks. Today we’re talking about a weight that so many of us carry around. It can just be a minor discomfort for some or it can cause us to despair. This is something that a lot of people struggle with. Me included. This is something that played a big part of my life. So that’s what I wanted to talk about that today is to kind of help you to see where I’ve come from and have overcome a lot of it.
I don’t know if you’ve ever overcome it all, but that it may be something that’s in your life that you need to overcome as well. And what am I talking about? I’m talking about guilt. Henry Fielding says “Guilt has very quick ears to an accusation” and I completely agree with him. Guilt is something that I have struggled with throughout my life. it’s a weight that I carried around until I learned how to get free from it.
Now, as I say that, this is something that we help people with a ton in Next-Level Life. This is something that I’ve been through. I don’t think it ever goes away completely. However, there’s a lot of fabulous stuff to learn about it, what you can do about it, and how you can get past it. It’s not a one and done process. There’s no magic mantra. There’s no magic wand. But today, if you struggle with guilt or have ever struggled with guilt, then I want to tell you how I learned to grow from it so you can too.
So let’s kind of talk about this. Let’s kind of unpack this now for me. If you’re following me, then you realize I’m a teacher. I’m a teacher at heart. That is, that is something that God has gifted me with. That is something I love. I love helping people, teaching people, guiding people, developing people, which is why I’m talking about
something that is not a fun topic. It’s not a fun subject. It’s something that is buried down in what we call the root system. It’s buried down in my root system. It’s something that I’ve had a lot of training on. Where when I mean by that is is that there’s been a lot of influence in my life that has pushed me to believe that I’m the problem with somebody else’s problem, even if I have absolutely nothing to do with the problem and it didn’t just come from one spot. It came from actually a few different places where I was the problem of other people.
Give you an example of somebody who was struggling with something that they were dealing with. Then I was a great place to dump on and make it about me. A lot of you probably experienced that in relationships. A lot of you probably experienced that in growing up where if somebody else is struggling or somebody is is not feeling good about themselves or whatever, then they may have turned to you and you all of a sudden became the problem even though you had absolutely zero nothing to do with it.
That’s. That is something that I experienced in a lot of my life and unfortunately it really helped me to believe that I was everybody else’s problem, that I was not everybody else’s, but at least specific people in my life that if I pushed back, all of a sudden I became a horrible, horrible person. Nobody does that. I can’t believe you would do that. You’re a terrible person. You’re just like this person over here, and it was something that really caused me to become very cognizant about anything that I do because the last thing I wanted was to hurt somebody. The last thing I wanted was to do something that would cause somebody pain or cause somebody to feel like I was their problem. Now keep in mind, like I said, this is not focused on things that I was doing wrong. This is focused on things that somebody else was struggling with.
I’ve done plenty of wrong in my life. I’ve done tons of wrong in my life, so for me there is two kinds of guilt that we live with or that we struggle through. One is the guilt of you’ve done something and actually hurt somebody, and for some of us we may come from a background that the guilt that you struggle with has absolutely nothing to do with you. It was somebody else training you to believe that you’re the problem.
So I started believing the lie that I was a terrible person. I started believing the lie, that it was my fault if somebody was struggling even to the point that later on in my earlier years or so into my twenties and so that if somebody was struggling with something that because I believed so many times somebody else’s hurts, pains, struggles were my fault, then there’s would become mine as well.
I would start lying to myself and tell myself, well, that’s probably my fault as well. That’s probably because of me. Now, this wasn’t something that was debilitating. It’s something that crept up from time to time, but it did cause me to fear situations. It did cause me anxiety in situations. There were times that depending upon the person, if they came down on me hard enough, it would cause depression.
Definitely stresses is an absolute part of this process. The guilt that I was feeling actually kept me from making certain decisions in my life. It kept me from taking certain risks, certain chances, it held me back. The lies that I was believing caused me to have what we would call surface level responses. Something that is I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know why it exists.
I don’t get it. And back in those days I didn’t get it. And so because of that, I have these responses over here. I make these decisions just like procrastination. Well I don’t want to go after that because what if that hurts somebody, you know. Not taking the risk. Well, what if I take that risk and it hurts somebody? To where there are many decisions in my younger years that I would not make.
I would keep myself from making decisions if it could possibly hurt you. Now, I’m not talking about just making a decision that you don’t like, but I’m talking about something that if I made this decision, you might come back at me and yell and scream and tell me how horrible of a person I was because it didn’t work out. You got to understand that that process does not come from hurting people intentionally or even hurting people.
It comes from believing that you are hurting people. The person who is hurting people knows it. The person who sets out to hurt people, person who doesn’t care whether or not the other person gets hurt because they need to do it for themselves to feel better about themselves. They’re already aware of it. They know that the things that are hurting people, they just make decisions to hurt people because it makes them feel better about themselves, but as a controlling aspect and even into an abusive aspect of somebody who hurts people.
That is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the fear that I might do it and it would cause somebody else to dump all over me and telling me how horrible of a person I was. Guys, that’s the kind of thing that at the right time and the right place and the right situation can shut you down.
Like I say, it didn’t happen all the time. We’ve had plenty of folks that have that have come through the processes that have dealt with stuff every single day. This happened for me on and off for, I don’t know, probably a couple of decades. It was something that controlled my younger years of my life to an extent, but when somebody might deal with something every day, this probably probably at a time or two a week, maybe a few times a week…It depends on what my life was like, so it also caused me to isolate myself. So as I’m explaining this, I’m realizing why it was sometimes it was less than others because also chose to isolate myself because if I isolated myself, I could keep myself away from putting myself in a bad situation. Doesn’t that sound terrible?
Some of you are going, that cannot be Chris Locurto. It’s not today and it hasn’t been for a long time, but it was me. I was that person. The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because I’m positive that there is something that you’re dealing with that is holding you back. How do I know? There is not a single person who enters this building into the programs that we do into the events that we do into Next-Level Life, StratPlan, Next-Level Mastermind, any of that kind of stuff that doesn’t have stuff that’s holding them back.
I have yet to meet a person on the planet that doesn’t have something that’s holding them back and we’ve actually had a couple people that have come through our events that had seemingly no problems in their whole life, only to discover that there was still something that was holding them back.
So they had phenomenal lives. I mean just the kind of life you’re like, gosh, that’s, that’s pretty fantastic. So if you’re listening to this, there’s a really good chance that not only is there something that’s holding you back, but I will guarantee that there is something that you’re lying to yourself about, that you have surface level responses that are affecting you. These are the things that shut people down.
Now, what is guilt? Guilt is an emotion. It’s a response. Again, like I said, it’s a surface level response. It’s a signal trying to tell you something about your actions are what’s beneath that surface level response. Gretchen Rubin says it this way, “Negative emotions like loneliness, envy and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life. They’re big, they’re big flashing signs that something needs to change.” So folks, it’s important to know how to respond to guilt and what it means.
That’s where you find how to let go or to grow from it. That’s where you find freedom. For me, that was a must in my life to get to a place of understanding that if I continued to hold on to guilt, that doesn’t even exist. Once again, let me be very clear. I’ve done tons of stupid in my life. I am somebody who is incredibly aware of his sin. I’m incredibly aware of doing stupid stuff in my life. Why? Because it is something that has brought me so much closer to my relationship with God.
David King David was somebody who was incredibly aware of his sins and he made some big ones. He had a couple of the big ones on the, uh, on the roster there on the list of things that he screwed up, right? But because of his awareness that caused him to do a couple of things, grow closer to God, but also to discover forgiveness, to discover letting go.
So you may have one of those two in your life or you may have both. I’ve had both sides, right? The stuff. Because Oh man, I really did actually hurt that person over there. I shouldn’t have said that thing. I shouldn’t have done that thing and then the stacked up on top of stacked up on top of, stacked up of guilt that is actually not for me at all. Today. Folks. This episode is brought to you by next level life.
Next level life is our two day intensive personal discovery experience. It’s a one on one personalized event where we guide you through a process to help you discover your root system, to get unstuck in life, and discover what’s holding you back from freedom and peace. What if you could wake up every morning with a clear purpose? What would it look like to have healthier relationships with less conflict?
Where would you be in a few months, a year, five years if you had clarity, purpose, and peace. Now I know it’s possible because I’ve been where you are. Just like today what I’m talking about today, I’ve been where you are and I’ve asked myself, is there more than this? There is and there is a better way and it starts with next level life. So you can go to chrislocurto.com/discover to take the next step.
Again, like I’ve shared before, we have folks that have come through Next-Level Life that have had zero problems whatsoever growing up or in their life and they just wanted a better life and we have had folks that have been through the most horrific things you can possibly imagine and they have come through to get a better life. Now to let go of guilt, you have to understand where it’s coming from and if it’s good guilt or bad guilt.
I know that sounds kind of silly. Is there such a thing as good guilt and you know if I’ve done something wrong, is there such a thing as bad guilt? Guilt can be helpful to let you know that you’ve done something wrong. God uses guilt. God uses shame. Now this is one thing that we do not understand in a western culture, right? My leadership team just came back from a two week Bible study in Israel and it’s interesting the difference in the cultures and the things that we don’t recognize, which is a Middle Eastern culture is much more about an honor and shame culture, honor and shame society.
And the reason why is because it helps you not to do shameful things. It’s something that helps you to live honorably, right? So understanding that sometimes guilt can be a good thing when I have done something stupid or I have hurt somebody or I have, you know, whatever, then it helps me to realize, oh crap, I really did just hurt that person.
If I’ve done something that did hurt somebody and it was because of me. In other words, getting my worth from the situation or feeling better about myself. Then that guilt is a fantastic tool to go, hey, dork look what you just did. Get your butt in there, apologize for that. Take responsibility. That was stupid. So there is a good side to guilt. There is a good side to shame if you’ve done something that’s really, really wrecked somebody, right? It’s the tool to help you to not do that.
Again, the bad guilt side of this is the side where you are receiving something that doesn’t exist. You’re receiving something that doesn’t belong to you. It’s not your responsibility. You’re receiving something and continuing to pound yourself over this, over and over and over and over again and on the other side of that maybe you did do something.
You have gone to God for forgiveness and he has forgiven you and you continue to beat yourself up over it. That’s not good. If you being obedient to God. If you’re following God and you’ve taken your thing to him and worked through it and process through it, all that kind of fun stuff, guess what he’s done with it. Why aren’t you? So guilt can be helpful to let you know when you’ve done something wrong, but that’s not always the case. So if you feel guilt often or it’s something that you’ve struggled with, then don’t miss this.
All right, so what does it look like when guilt isn’t something you should receive? Well, it looks like this. People setting your reality. Now there is a world of difference if you have done something to hurt somebody, done something that was rude or wrong or whatever, and somebody says, “Hey, here’s how I just experienced that situation.
You just called me a jerk.” That’s a considerably different story than somebody who comes along and says, you’re a horrible person. Look at what you just did. You’re just like this person over here. I can’t believe you just did that. Nobody does that kind of stuff. Those are the kinds of things when somebody sets your reality that you should not receive.
So I’ve got a team member that for many years in their life had not just one person, not just two people, but many people in their family who constantly set their reality to tell that person how horrible they were. When you go through the person’s life and you go through the person’s family and the situations, what you begin to see is this person was surrounded by controlling and abusive people that were choosing to attack this person because they could. Because setting this person’s reality to tell them that they are the problem with
how the other person feels, they are the problem with the other person’s jealousy, how they are experiencing people or situations or what ever it is. Some people are surrounded by controlling and abusive people and family members and it’s not surprising that if you have one controlling or abusive family member that you have many. The anointing falls from the beard, right?
It’s the same thing in the families. Families teach families how to respond. I have another team member who was just sharing with me the other day that because of their one parent would constantly berate one child. It caused the other parent to do the same thing and it caused the younger child to do the same thing and it wasn’t until that person got older to realize what the crud were we doing? Why in the world where we beaten up on this, you know, sibling of mine that didn’t deserve that should not have been treated that way.
So folks, when somebody is setting your reality and it’s all your fault and you’re the whole problem and all of this and it all points back to that person and how it’s making them feel better about themselves and the control that they’re getting and and all of that junk. Then guess what? That’s not the kind of guilt you should be receiving. You should not receive that guilt.
So for my team member who had multiple family members that would constantly come at that person, I’ve actually watched it happen and help them in the moment to go, do you hear what this person is saying about you? Are you going to put any boundaries in place? Are you going to receive this and allow this? And it was one of the things that was amazing to watch the person who was being abusive to stop because the stuff that was being said was wrong.
It wasn’t accurate. It was being used to control and set this person’s reality so the other person can get their way so they could feel good about themselves. And the last thing they cared about was how much they were hurting the other person in their family. Guys, that is not the kind of stuff you should receive. I’ve experienced that many, many times, many times in my life. Uncountable how many times I’ve experienced that. That is not the kind of reality setting that you should receive. That’s not the kind of guilt that you receive.
That’s the kind of thing that will cause you so much anxiety. That’s the kind of thing that will cause you to dump so much cortisol and so much stress into your body and cause you to get sick. I had a client one time, the whole family could not figure out why this person was always sick and I’m like, send them to me.
Brought that person through next level life. I showed them how much their family was being abusive to that person and I knew the family, so I knew what was actually happening. Helped that person. That person never got sick again. Didn’t happen. Why? Because they started putting in healthy boundaries to shut that crap down. Yep you’re gonna hear the word crap many times. Because that’s exactly what it is. We see it all the time in next level life. I’m just talking about guilt today.
We see it in all types of situations, so now what is the process to not receive it? The first thing that you have to do, this is the toughest part. The first thing that you have to do is you have to listen to what the person is saying. Now folks, if you’re the person who people have set your reality, have guilted, you have treated you like crap, all that stuff.
Then guess what? You have a built in defense mechanism. The moment you know somebody is about to attack you, all defenses go up, you freak and then you freeze and so all you can think of is trying to come up with something to fight back with, but usually the person that is doing this to you, it was already on a roll and they probably process considerably faster than you and they can come up with other things faster than you and they can blame me with stuff faster than than you can even come up with a defense.
Don’t try to defend, don’t defend. Instead, the most important thing you can do and this takes a lot of practice. Unfortunately, you’re probably going to experience this once or twice more in your life, but what it takes is you need to listen to what’s actually being said is what they are saying actually truth, there’s times somebody say, well, excuse me for hurting you because I showed up late because I was trying to make sure that, uh, I got a good parking spot.
I’ll try next time to make sure that I get a parking spot that is okay with you so that your feelings aren’t hurt. All of that crap that was just said is total victim mentality. Everything that has just said is meant to make you feel bad because the other person is doing something wrong. Well, it’s your fault that I’m drinking.
It’s your fault that I’m having to do drugs or it’s your fault that I went out and cheated on you and it’s your fault that I… whatever the thing is, right? Well, it’s your fault that I can’t hold a job down. It’s your fault that I can’t stop screaming and yelling at you. Whatever that is. Some of you I know, I know it breaks my heart that some of you are hearing this right now and you’re wincing like crazy because you’ve heard it one too many times.
I’m sorry, but what you’ve got to listen to is what the person is saying and ask the question, is that truth? Well, it’s your fault that I’m drinking really? So let’s just take that one piece. How can it be your fault that somebody chooses to pour alcohol in their body? How can that be your fault? It’s not, so what’s the truth? That is not the truth. I am not going to receive that.
You’re choosing to drink and blame me for your problem. Now I know that sounds like something that would be very difficult to do, but guess what? It’s doable, but it has to start with actually hearing what they’re saying and find out if they’re telling the truth. Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re void of responsibility, right? It doesn’t mean that you’re not doing something that is affecting that person in a negative way.
You may be. If so, then really what you need to discover is not the thing that they’re saying by pushing guilt on you that you’re the problem or the fault for what they’re doing, which is negative, but let’s talk about if let’s say, if you truly do believe that you’re drinking because of me, why? You know, let’s. Let’s try and find out what it is that you’re really trying to get to.
What you’ll usually find out is, is that you’re being used as an excuse. Again, I’m not saying that you aren’t doing something wrong. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be taking responsibility. You need to be seeking what the thing is that you’re doing. How are you contributing to this process? Get in discover what they’re actually saying. If what they’re saying is truth, and it’s something like, Hey, you know,
I experience you as being really rude when you make this comment about this thing over here. If that’s truth, you take responsibility. You suck it up. You know what? You’re absolutely right. I was being rude, but if they’re like you’re a total jerk, that’s not the same thing, right? That is setting your reality that you’re a horrible person or you’re a whatever.
Fill in the blank. Instead of saying, here’s how I just experienced you in the moment, somebody who’s not trying to hurt you, somebody who’s not trying to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad is somebody who’s going to not talk about how horrible you are, but instead they’re going to talk about how they experienced you. One of the things we teach in next level life. Hey, I experienced this from you. Why? Because when I say I feel or you are this, then we’re not talking about actual things that have to do with me.
We’re talking about you. I’m putting that on you. I feel like you’re being a jerk right now. You are being a jerk because you said such and such. When I say I experienced you, that’s about me. It’s not setting your reality as being something. Instead of saying, Hey, this is what I just experienced from you in the moment. Totally different conversation comes out of that, so keep in mind.
The stuff that I’m talking about is not when somebody’s being healthy and somebody is having a good healthy conversation. I’m talking about when somebody is choosing to be controlling, manipulative, even abusive and set your reality in a way about how horrible you are, so looking at responsibility. You’ve got to discover what your personal responsibility in the situation is. Recently we had somebody, we put out an advertisement for our next level leadership live event.
Somebody came and put just really mean stuff and root stuff as a comment and made some comments about some stuff. It was absolutely untrue, like literally piece by piece by piece, the stuff that the person was saying. I’m like, are they talking about somebody else? Because that’s not even us. That doesn’t even sound like us, and so it could just be that somebody decided to be a Dork, but they’re calling out stuff in a way that it’s like, that’s not truth. That’s not true. That’s not true.
That’s not truth. It’s possible that he’s talking about this thing over here on that, but he didn’t say it. He said it about this thing over here, so that’s not even truth. In my response, believe it or not, the guy who teaches this stuff, sometimes my response is, I want to go. Let me tell you what the truth is about the things that you said.
Let me lay out the truth. Of course, deep down inside, a part of me wants to go, Hey, what is wrong with you? Why are you deciding to lash out and try and hurt me in this process? Right? But that doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t help anything. So instead, my response in my brain is this, here’s the thing you’re saying, here’s the truth. Here’s the thing. You’re saying, here’s the truth. Here’s this thing you’re saying, I think you mean this over here, and if you do, then it’s completely out of context. So let me help you with this context.
Here’s this thing you’re saying that’s absolutely untrue as well. Problem is it’s not going to change the person. It’s not going to help the person. It’s not going to get the person to go over a response on a, you know, social media post. It’s not going to get the person to go, oh yeah, no, totally.
I get it. Why? Because this is somebody who has decided that it is perfectly okay to lash out at somebody else, make outlandish statements knowing that the things that they’re saying are not correct and not true at all. So the intent is to hurt. So what good would it possibly do for me to try and set that person straight with truths? There isn’t one. It’s pointless. So instead we chose not to.
We just yanked it because there’s no point. I’m not going to get in a discussion over social media trying convince somebody how wrong they are by giving the truths. Instead I’ve got to take a look at my personal responsibility, which is don’t respond and continue to don’t put fuel on a teeny tiny fire and make it into a big one. Don’t respond and defend something that you don’t need to defend. Let God be your
defender. Don’t respond and lash out back and and you know, say anything mean or bad or whatever. Take responsibility and go, you know what? Take the high road. Go a different direction. Do something different. Get rid of it, move on. There’s too many people that need their lives changed that you can help focus on helping people. So discover what your personal responsibility is in the situation.
If you’re doing something that’s wrong you’ve got to face that. If you are about to do something in a response, that’s only going to add fuel to the fire. You know, if you’ve had a controlling person who is beating you up and you start to try and defend back, all you’re doing is giving them more fuel. It just makes it worse. So do not get in that process. Set healthy boundaries. I am not going to receive that.
I’m not going to let you talk to me like that. I am going to remove myself from this situation. I’ve had situations where very close people to me. I have put in very strong healthy boundaries and I’m like, you’re not setting my reality that way. I’m not going to receive that, and they got shocked and were like, what do you mean you’re not going to receive? And I’m like, well, it’s an absolute lie so I’m not going to receive that, and they didn’t know what to say. They’re like, I don’t know where to go right now.
He’s supposed to receive. He’s always received this stuff in the past. Why isn’t that receiving it now? So make sure you’re putting in healthy boundaries by not receiving the crap. Make sure that you’re not adding fuel to the fire by continuing to defend or or challenging them. Just don’t receive it if it’s not truth.
Listen to what they’re saying, process through whether or not what they’re saying is actual truth. If it is not truth, put in healthy boundaries and say, that’s unacceptable. I’m not going to receive that. I’m not going to let you talk to me that way and you may have to leave. You may have to get out of the conversation. You may have to remove yourself from the situation. It’s very possible. That doesn’t mean that you go get a divorce from your spouse or don’t talk to your mom or dad for 17 years.
The point that I’m making is is that you have to do what you need to do to keep you healthy and help the other person know without fighting against the thing they’re doing. I’m not going to allow that to happen anymore. Now, let’s take a look at it from you being the person beating you up, so maybe you’re the one who’s beating you up.
Maybe you’re the one who’s setting your reality. Maybe you’re the one who’s telling you that you’re a horrible person. Folks, the guilt that we’ve talked about, get that junk out so it’s not holding you back. This is something we help people walk through in next level life and get freedom from, but you’ve got to learn what is causing this. You’ve got to learn why you’re making decisions to beat yourself up over this.
You’ve got to learn why you’re holding onto the guilt and you need the tools to get past it. That’s the thing, it’s not enough just to learn that you have the struggle in your life. I had to learn the tools to get past the guilt. I had to learn how to solve guilt in my life and again, it’s not a hundred percent gone, but my gosh, you know, it’s, I mean, we live in a fallen world.
We’re going to continue to do stupid stuff, but it has been amazing. The amount of stuff I’ve been able to eliminate from my life when it comes to guilt, by learning what’s truth and by learning tools to solve the problem. So get some freedom from this. Now there is guilt. That’s not bad. Again, guilt can be very important if it convicts us and when we’ve messed up, but you know, it keeps our relationships healthy sometimes and it keeps us from making or continuing to make really dumb decisions.
You know, if you’re the one who’s doing the stuff, so maybe you’re the one who’s controlling, or maybe you’re the one who is setting other people’s realities, or maybe you’re the victim who’s blaming other people for what’s happening in your life and you know, creating villains out of people. Maybe you’re that person. Then guess what?
The guilts actually a good thing. Why? Because it helps you to realize that you’ve done something wrong. You’ve screwed up, you’ve messed up, and sometimes it’s our fault, sometimes it, it may be our fault, way more than we think we mess up. Get over it, right? The key is to understanding that if you’ve done something wrong and you can take responsibility and you can choose to be healthy and you can choose to seek forgiveness and you can choose to fix the problem, so guilt should lead if this is something that you’ve done that’s wrong and it’s accurate guilt, it should lead to conviction. Hey, I really did hurt that person. I really did screw something up. I really did say something I should not have said, and I really shouldn’t have guilted that person in that situation. I really shouldn’t have blamed them.
I really shouldn’t have whatever. Fill in the blank. Guilt of something that you’ve done wrong, should lead to conviction of something which should lead to repentance of that thing. If you’re doing something and you’re screwing up, then allow that guilt to drive you towards that repentance. Hey, you know what, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have said that.
I shouldn’t have made that happen. I had something recently where I said something and it came out and I went, probably should not have said that and had to apologize. The key is to be very aware of your own faults. I’m very aware of my own sin. We hide from it. We run from it. We try not to acknowledge it. We try not to admit it. Guys, I got to tell you, that is something that God worked through with me to go be aware because the more you are aware of what you’re doing wrong.
Now again, this is the difference between something that somebody tries to blame me for and something I’ve actually done. The more aware I am of my faults and my sin, I bring it to God and it is so freeing for me. Why? Because of who God is and what he’s done for me and allows me to experience his grace and it allows me to experience freedom in Christ. When you try to hide your guilt and do everything you can to not look at what you’ve done wrong, you’re still being controlled by it. You’re not free from it. You’re not free from it. You need to get control of what’s controlling you. If you’re struggling to look at the things you’re doing wrong, then there’s a reason for it. I can tell you one of my heroes biblically when it comes to stuff like this
is David. David screwed up in big, big ways, big ways. He sent a man to get killed. He, you know he’s had. He had an affair, had a child. That child died because of his sin. There’s all kinds of crap that he did. There’s a ton of great stuff that King David did as well, but David made mistakes in life. He did, not just one, multiples, but when he screwed up, he went to God, not man.
He went to God so he could shed the guilt. This guy made serious mistakes and he went to God. So I want to read to you some commentary on David’s life. David, more than anything else, had an unchangeable belief in the faithful and forgiving nature of God. He was a man who lived with great zest. He sinned, but he was quick to confess his sins. His confessions were from the heart and his repentance was genuine.
David never took God’s forgiveness lightly or his blessings for granted. In return, God never held back from David either his forgiveness or the consequences of his actions. David experienced the joy of forgiveness. Even when he had to suffer the consequences of his sins. We tend to get those two reversed. Too often we would rather avoid the consequences than experience forgiveness.
Let me say that again, too often we would rather avoid the consequences than experience the forgiveness. That’s another big difference between David and us is that while he sinned greatly, he did not sin repeatedly. He learned from his mistakes. Folks, there is forgiveness for what you’ve done. If you have done stupid, there is one person who can help with that. There’s one person who can take that away. Doesn’t mean that the consequences aren’t going to still happen, but when you’re forgiven by God and you know it, then you feel it and you experience it.
There is an amazing freedom that comes with it, so if it is something you are doing wrong, if you are doing stupid, if you are making mistakes, then keep in mind the holding onto it in the beating yourself up is not going to solve anything. It’s not going to help you. It’s only going to delay you. It’s only going to keep you stuck in it. It’s only going to keep continuing to stress. It’s only going to keep you continually filled with anxiety. It’s only going to cause you to die younger. It’s only gonna make you older quicker. It’s not helping you.
You’ve got to get rid of it, and there’s only one person who can take care of that. That’s God. 1 John 3:20 says this, “even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings and he knows everything.” Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings and he knows everything, so it doesn’t matter if you feel guilty. God already understands it. He already knows it. He knows why you’re guilty. He knows why you’re feeling guilty. He knows what you’re experiencing. He already knows it all. So continuing to beat yourself up is not helping. Now, you may have been raised…One of the things that I’ve struggled with a lot in life is you know our God is both a righteous and just God and a loving God.
And you may come from a background where all you know is the justice side. Justice is not an issue for me when it comes to God. Justice is not an issue for me when it comes to my life. In fact, unfortunately that’s where I’ve spent most of my life is in the justice side of things and not really experiencing the love side. I got to tell you, I missed out for a lot of time, for a long period of my life I missed out. You have to understand that while God is a just God, while he is a righteous God, he’s also an incredibly loving God. He is the one who chooses to forgive you.
So if you feel guilty. Let’s say you’ve done something and you’ve repented of it and you’re still feeling guilty, God’s forgiven, God is forgiving. It doesn’t mean that the consequences aren’t going to happen if they haven’t already, but God forgives you for that, so go to him. It doesn’t matter that you feel guilty. He’s greater than your feelings. He’s greater than what you’re feeling inside, so bring it to him.
Now, the stuff that we have created in this process, in this event is all about what people struggle with. It’s discovering what they struggle with. It’s discovering the things that are holding them back. It’s giving them the tools to get unstuck. It’s giving them the tools to get healing. It’s not about the surface level. Our goal is not to teach you how to cope with it. We blow past that stuff and we get to the why it exists in the first place and help you find freedom.
There are many other things to discover first before you can solve the struggle or pain that you’re experiencing right now, so you need someone who has the tools to help you to solve it. That is Next-Level Life. Do yourself a favor right now. If you would like to get free from guilt. If you would like to get free from anger, if you would like to get free from the decision making that’s holding you back, the lies you tell yourself. Maybe you’ve never experienced anything bad in life at all and you just know that there’s still stuff holding you back and keeping you from you being your authentic self and being the person that you know you can be. Then it’s simple. Go to chrislocurto.com/discover to learn more and take the next step toward peace, freedom, and a better life.
As always, we hope this has helped you today, and if you’re anything like me and you’ve struggled with the things I’ve talked about today, hopefully this has given you some peace. Hopefully this has given you some freedom. Hopefully this has pointed you in a direction of getting rid of some of that stuff. Hopefully this has helped you today. As always, take this information, change your leadership, Change Your Business, change your life, make this the year that you change your life and join us on the next episode.
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