In Next-Level Life I share with people that we are the sum of our influencers and our past. Good or bad, how we’ve been influenced and how our past has impacted us, shapes our decisions to be who we are today.
Who are we influenced by? Our Family, friends, teachers, leaders, and co-workers.
For most people, their family makes up the majority of those two areas. We would all love for our family to have an incredible, positive, and loving impact on us. Unfortunately for a lot of folks, their family has had a lasting negative impact.
Keep in mind I said for a lot of folks. Not everyone’s family has had that effect. In fact, I just had a gentleman go through Next-Level Life who had the greatest loving parents I’ve seen. So yes, there are wonderful loving families out there.
I share with every Next-Level Life attendee who has had the negative impacts, we don’t make any monsters or any victims, we focus on discovering WHY. Understanding why you are where you are, and why you make the decisions you do, is the most powerful part of becoming your strongest self ever.
Until you go through Next-Level Life and discover for yourself how to best deal with any situation, you need to set up healthy boundaries between you and those who are constantly bringing you down.
Do you have any of these people in your life:
- The naysayer –Â This is the person who constantly says what ever you propose to do will not work. They have every reason and excuse in the book why you will fail at pretty much everything you try.
- The know-it-all –Â No matter how much you know from experience, learning, or God-given wisdom, the know-it-all always makes you feel like you’re an idiot, and none of your thoughts or ideas have merit.
- The drama queen –Â I do believe the old saying that misery loves company. Some will go out of their way to stir up as much drama as possible and suck others in. They tend to focus on folks whose heart cares for others, and tends to be too big to consciously protect themselves.
- The taker – This person is always interested in what you can do for them. They are quite often a victim, and always turning the focus back on to them and what they are dealing with. If you are struggling with something, they will tend to tell you that it’s not that big of a deal, and you she see what they are having to deal with.
- The impossible to please –Â Some people refuse to give a kind word to anything you do. If you have something that you are proud of, they will find 700 reasons why it’s not good enough. In turn, you hear every time that it is YOU who are not good enough.
- The Manipulator –Â “I really need you to help me with…” is a common sentence used by the manipulator. They do a great job discovering who around them they can get to do things for them. If you push back, they will push harder to make you feel guilty.
- The Judge –Â It is vitally important to The Judge to look good. So much so, they will do what they can to make you look less-than or insignificant. No matter what you’ve done, they’ve done it better.
- The Self Critic –Â This is probably the worst negative person of all! This is the person inside of you who believes the lies that you are told, and has a tendency to tell quite a few lies to you as well. This negative person must be avoided at all costs!
The truth is we see these people in what we call friends, co-workers, leaders, etc.
Understand this – ALL people need a Next-Level Life! Everyone on the list above most likely doesn’t understand why they do what they do. Even if they have an idea, they don’t know how to deal with it. If you didn’t listen to Understanding Your Root System on the podcast, it will help to explain more.
I’m not asking you to kick people out of your life, (although some people you might need to) I’m asking you to set healthy Boundaries and remove the authority the negative people have in your life.
Good post, Chris.
Love the list of negative characters! We all know some or all of them and of course, we all meet the Self-Critic everyday in the mirror.
What I have found to be most effective to ward off the negative people is to intentionally seek out and spend time with POSITIVE people.
The more time I spend with people who encourage and support me, the less time I have for the people who bring me down AND the less I believe what they say.
And it helps me recognize the lies of the Self-Critic.
P.S. Thanks for the new e-book. Can’t wait to dig in.
Powerful Ken!! I love it.
And let me know what you think of Avoiding Conflicts!
Focus. Be clear on the end and let it fill your mind. I find negative people want to tear you down in the areas on unknown or your current state. When you are clear on the end goal, you can allow your thoughts to rise above the negative arrows coming your way.
Wow. That’s so true Paul! I wonder how many more goals we could achieve if we weren’t yanked off course.
I know we would have more time to dedicate to them, if we didn’t have to take a pit stop to recover from allowing a negative person to get to us.
Load the shotgun.
Not really.
Well, maybe in Arkansas.
Find one person that is positive. One is all you need, at least to start.
Then for the others (the Negatives), learn and use two words/phrases:
1. No
2. I don’t care what you think
HAHAHA…we’ll say it’s a proverbial gun. 🙂
Its a double barreled proverbial shotgun. Words/phrases 1 and 2 for each barrel. I love the ammunition.
Don’t run away. I’m a high S, so it can be really easy for me to avoid conflict (loving the new eBook, btw Chris). But the worst thing I can do is avoid addressing conflict.
There are a few people I’ve done this with in my life and it’s only caused me problems. I’ve been learning to speak up assertively and communicate what’s going on inside of me, which is also key. If they don’t value it, then a boundary needs to be set.
It’s hard, but it’s necessary to be healthy!
FANTASTIC JUSTIN!!!! I can’t tell you how proud of you I am. That’s a very tough thing for a high S to realize and implement. And I’m so glad you’re loving the new eBook!
I always try to remember there has to be a balance. While I don’t want to be surrounded by people who put me down I also don’t want to be surrounded by “yes men.” I like having people that will support and encourage me and sometimes that means telling me my idea isn’t going to work. Luckily part of the support is that instead of just saying, that’s not going to work, this person will usually tell me my idea isn’t good but have an idea of a way to make it better. I don’t want cheerleaders, I want accountability partners.
You made the comment on Your Root System about “Honoring your father and mother”. I have long said, that doesn’t mean obey necessarily and sometimes that means you get them out of your life. You can bring honor to them and still be your own person, in fact you should strive to be better than they are and that means you can’t do things exactly like they did. When you are a child, they are to teach and instruct you, but as you enter teenage years and adulthood, you are responsible to become more than they were. You build upon what you have learned and as you do, the shift goes from parent to confidant and friend.Becoming better than your parents, should bring honor to them in turn.
Great post Chris as always! The types you mentioned above are spot and what do you know? I encounter these people everyday. My best advice is to get rid of negative people. Keep away from them as much as possible because negativity is contagious. Keep living positively and stay away from these energy vampires!