496 | Lies Victims Tell Themselves

Chris LoCurto 0:00
On today's episode, part two of examining our lives to find the lies that we tell ourselves that is coming up next.

Chris LoCurto 0:17
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks, I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are. On the previous episode, I mentioned a quote that said, The unexamined life is not worth living. Well, today is an invitation to do just that, to examine your life to make sure that it's worth living once again, not living is not an option. That's not what I'm saying. But examining your life to say, what life is worth living, right? What should it look like? The life filled with worry, doubt, fear, strife, complaining, blame shifting isn't really a great life. So when I say it's not worth living, I'm not saying don't live, I'm saying, change, do something different, you do not have to live that way. Right? We need to examine what needs to be enhanced and what needs to be edited out, as this can be an incredible boost to personal growth, to longevity and to health. So for more on that check out episode 49 on developing your personal growth plan. Now here's the deal. without examining our lives, our thoughts, our actions, our reactions, we tend to get stuck in harmful and distorted thinking patterns. Alright, so let's pick up kind of where we left off on the last episode. By the way, if you if you didn't tune into that, then you'll want to go back to Episode 495. As it sets up the context for what we're getting into today. Now, reading again, from Genesis three, when God is approaching Adam and Eve after they have eaten up the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the man says to God, I heard you approaching and I was afraid. And there's the fear. We talked about that last time there's the fear jumps out, immediately, you know, some version say I was ashamed, which that's fine, too. But we can see how he's responding when he knows that something is wrong, that he has done something wrong against God, the man continues, and he blames them both the woman that you put here with me, the woman that you gave me, shared some fruit from the tree, and I ate it. So he blamed chefs very quickly to the woman. And he blames shifts very quickly to God.

In just one sentence, we think that that's again, a smart move. But as we go through this episode, and we do know that Eve's in the same boat, she does the same thing. She says, Then the Lord said to the woman, You know what? What is this you have done and the woman said, The serpent deceived me and I ate. So again, we see the same concept instead of taking personal responsibility. Oh, my gosh, I did exactly the opposite of what you told me to do. I screwed this thing up. Now you are so right. Now I you know that I wish I didn't know all the things I know now. But here's where I am. I'm so sorry. Instead of doing that, immediately blame shifting. It's not my fault. It's somebody else's fault. So what were they both doing self protecting, as we talked about in the last episode, this was a whole bunch of shame, a whole bunch of loss of worth. And if you look at the reason why they got there in the first place, it was not trusting and believing that God had their best interest at heart. It was listening to lies from the serpent. So here's what we've got to see. Because if Adam and Eve did it, then guess what? We're going to do it too. Right? If the first human beings were able to sin, self protect, lie. The victims, pretty darn sure we're going to experience that as well. So when we come back, getting perspective and getting power over the lies of victim mentality. Folks, if you've been listening to me for any length of time, then you know the number one issue when it comes to business, when it comes to family, when it comes to friendships, is having a lack of high quality communication, to make sure that you are absolutely winning in every aspect of your life. It all starts with having great communication. The best way to get that communication is to understand your personality style and to understand the personality style of the folks that you're spending the most time with, whether it be at work, whether it be at home, the best way to do that is to go to Chris a crypto.com/store and get your personality profile and personality profiles for your team. aim to day get for your family members. Today. As you go through that profile, you will begin to see the greatest ways to communicate, go to Chris ducker.com/store today.

Chris LoCurto 5:17
So what do we learn from these first humans while and trying to get out of a mess, in essence sin, they end up making a bigger mess. You know, what's what I said? It's so funny growing up. My mom used to tell me if you just tell me what you did wrong before I go find out or have to dig and find more information. If you just tell me it's going to be so much easier on you than if I find out about it. And you hadn't told me man that that was something for me a high s personality style. Man, I just stayed away from a lot of trouble. But if I did do trouble or something or got caught or something, it wasn't hard for me to say exactly what happened because I knew a worst punishment is not something I want it right. So here's a funny thing. What does Adam and Eve do? And we've all done this, you know, immediately. I'm a victim. You know, it wasn't my fault. I didn't do it. It wasn't. We've seen this before. It wasn't my job. I'm not responsible for what happened there. It was someone else. I'm just the victim to this situation, right? Nothing to see here. God, we're all just victims Move along, move along. Right? Well, that didn't work out so well for them. And it's probably not working out. So great for us, either.

It's time to get unstuck from victim mentality, because it's holding you back. It's holding you back from the life and possibility the business career, you really, really want, right? So it's time to get unstuck from victim mentality. You know, because it's holding you back from the life and possibly the business career that you really, really want. And speaking of getting unstuck from victim mentality, making progress and moving forward in life and business, let me pause and mention that we are coming up on our 500th episode of the crystal crystal show, which is so exciting, right? It's been over nine years of helping people to get unstuck in life in business, to create greater leadership to create greater relationship, all kinds of fantastic stuff. And to celebrate the fact that we keep growing, we keep helping people, and we keep seeing them embrace the life and leadership that they really want. We're giving away free stuff. Yep, that is right for the month of November, you can go to Crystal crypto.com/ 500. That's Chris socrative.com/ 500, and answer a few questions that will help us bring you even more amazing content, and sign up for your chance to win some really great prizes. So today, go to Chris accredo.com/ 500. Answer some questions, we enter you in for some amazing free stuff. And thank you for helping us to get to 500 episodes. Thank you for being a massive part of that. Now. Let's get back to the garden. If we're honest about our situation, we're not so different about Adam and Eve. blame shifting only serves to perpetuate victim mentality to keep us emotionally immature, right. So, faults, failures, mistakes, they have to be dealt with in the garden, we know that they sinned, we can see that Claire's day now obviously, we've got, you know, 6000 years of hindsight, but they tried to cover themselves up but it only served as a mask for their shame. Right, nothing can remove our sin, but God himself which he offers to each and every one of us through Jesus Christ in His kingdom of forgiveness. However, we can take responsibility for ourselves and we can stop playing the role of a victim. Now, now that we're ready to examine the lies, let's take a break. When we come back, uncovering the lies that you may be telling yourself about your own victimhood.

Unknown Speaker 9:20
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Chris LoCurto 9:55
If you want to experience the same kind of life transformation, the same kind to self awareness and freedom that they have, or maybe you're just curious what the process would look like for you, then head on over to Chris liccardo.com/next level life.

Chris LoCurto 10:15
So let's be honest, let's examine our lives. Let's self assess, and let's make changes where necessary, I want you to live a better life. So here's my top 10 list of you might be a victim, if now fun little take on Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a victim if you feel like life, and others are out to get you. Folks, I do want to as I hit some of this stuff with a little bit of humor, and I push on you to make good solid decisions. I do want you to understand, we understand. We know that there are a lot of folks who literally believe that the lies have been so compounded in their brain for so long, that they actually do believe people are out to get them. We see that often. And when we see it, it is something that it breaks our hearts and we want to do everything we possibly can to help people overcome it. But to overcome it, it doesn't do any good just to tell people nope, that's not true. Right? You have to find out where that came from. How did that become a, what we call a surface level response? How did that become a response that happens on a continual basis, right? So when we say that, you know, you might be a victim, if you feel like life, and others are out to get you, we understand many of you and where you've come from. The key is we want you to see it. We want you to get to a place of recognizing as well. You might be a victim if you attract people who complain about their lives.

Folks, folks, folks, if you are surrounded by complaining people, people who complain about their lives, guess what? You're complaining about your life as well. You do not find healthy people, self aware people hanging around with people who complain about their lives. You don't see Healthy People, attracting people who complain about their lives who stay very long. Right? It's not uncommon for somebody to be attracted to a healthy person, but the healthy person doesn't keep the complaining people around very long, right? The healthy person is probably going to try and help them do something. But after a while, they're going to be done with that, that toxicity right? You might be a victim if feeling bad for yourself gives you pleasure, or relief. How many times have you experienced that? Feeling bad, makes you feel good. Feeling bad, gives you relief. Feeling bad, helps you to not feel bad about some other situation right? You might be a victim you might be a victim if you feel attacked when others offer you helpful, underlying score highlight helpful insight. If your tendency is when somebody is trying to help you, not take you down, not be unhealthy, you know, in their critique, but somebody who's trying to be helpful give you some helpful insight is to feel attacked, you're probably a victim. You might be a victim if you refuse to self examine for fear of what's really there. If you're afraid to dig deep, and find out what's really there might be a victim. You might be a victim if you don't feel like you measure up to objective standards lesson. You may not but it doesn't mean that you're a victim. Many times people look at objective standards in life and they see that maybe they aren't measuring up right or maybe they absolutely do but they don't feel like they are and so instead of just being objective about where they are, you know setting a correct reality about where they are they become a victim. You might be a victim of your knee jerk reaction is to get defensive and self protect Oh goodness gracious. Listen, this should actually be be my number one. When you find that your knee jerk reaction is defensiveness. Especially self protection.

Chris LoCurto 14:51
When you find that your knee jerk reaction is self protection or defensiveness. You have got victim mentality or Right. Anybody who has a modicum of healthiness to themself will actually stop for a second, before having a knee jerk reaction and start gaining quality perspective. Is this thing that's happening happening to me? Do I have any options here? Do I have any control? Is this thing this person just said about me? Is any of it true? You know, maybe they said it, and I really mean way, but are they? Are they right? You know, a healthy person will self examine very quickly, an unhealthy person. And, to certain extents, a very toxic person will knee jerk into defensiveness, and especially self protection, you might be a victim, if you see yourself as lacking. You see yourself as empty, you see yourself as insufficient, or you see yourself as, as unable or you see yourself as all of those things. Right? If you find that you're constantly self assessing, that you're lacking, that you're empty, that you're insufficient, well, then you're probably got victim mentality and your self awareness meter is not working well. Right. Your self assessment is not working very well. Right? If you're always experiencing that, how are you living? How are you making it? How are you still breathing? Right? If you can't be sufficient for anything, if you're always unable, right, if you're always lacking, so most likely, you're experiencing victim mentality, you might be a victim, if you don't feel like you have any choices, or any control in your life. This is always a immediate clue to victim mentality. Whenever somebody is like, there was absolutely nothing I could do.

And the thing that they're talking about that they're pointing to, you can immediately point out five different things that they could have done differently. Well, that's victim mentality. And finally, you might be a victim if your knee jerk reaction is to shift blame, and responsibility to others. So listen, if you are suffering needlessly in any of these ways, then it's time for you to get out of that rut, there are things that you can do. So I'm going to give you five things that you can do right now, to start working your way out of that rut. Number one is, get healthy people healthy people who love and respect you to speak into your life. Now, if you are a colossal victim, there may not be a whole lot of healthy people around you right now. You may know some healthy people, but they may be keeping you at a distance right now. So it's probably going to blow their mind if you go to them and say, I need you to speak into my life. And I promise, I'm gonna do everything I can not to self protect, to be defensive and attack you back. Right? The thing is, it's a funny thing. If people want my help, I am so here to help. The interesting thing is, is only the people who are willing to get help come and seek our help. Right? Only the people who are willing to say, Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I do have some things I need to change about myself. And that's okay. Here's the deal. Never ever, ever, ever, ever. Do we treat people in a way of just going well, you're just stupid. This is ridiculous. You're the problem. That doesn't help anybody. Instead, we help them to see what what's going on the what the surface level responses, the lies, the decisions in life, the choices these things. In then we help them to see why those things exist.

Chris LoCurto 19:08
We blow past the what, so we can get to the why. So that people can go, Oh my gosh, now I see it. I've never seen it like that before. Now I can see it. And now I can make different decisions. One of the things we tell people all the time and next level life is we will help you to see this information. You can choose to stay the same. The problem is once you see the information, that's the last thing you want. Nobody wants to stay that the way that you know if they're making and this is the assumption that they're making bad decisions in life or they're in a bad place. We have tons of people that come through that have never had any bad problems aren't making terrible decisions, all that kind of stuff. But it's there's a spectrum from people with no issues in life and great childhoods and great careers and great families and they just want a better life. I have two people that have been through the worst crap you could possibly experience. So it's not just one aspect, right? But when they come in, and what do they experience healthy people who want to love on them, who want to teach them and grow them and speak into their lives, you've got to get healthy people around you who love and respect you, so that they can speak into your life.

Number two, get yourself into a faith community, where they teach you to love God, I can tell you, I'm somebody who grew up not having any problem with the justice side of God, the way I was I was raised and the things I've experienced in life, understanding the justice side of God was never a problem. If I screwed up, I was able to understand very quickly that consequences were coming my way. Right? That is not an issue for me, understanding the nurturing side of God, that's a different story that has been taking me a lifetime to come to understand and learn and grow in and praise God, hallelujah, it's happening, right? You need to have people who help you possibly teach you how you need to love God. And one of the biggest ways you can learn to love God is to discover how the King of the universe loves you is to discover how the King of the universe applies worth to you, the King of the universe, who knows that you are living in this life, that you're a part of this life that this is not easy to get through that there's a lot of issues and a lot of struggles, a lot of pain, a lot of evil, but he still pursues your heart every single day, when you can see how he sees you. And what your worth to him is, the last thing you will seek is worth from other people, especially through a victim mentality. Number three, get your butt into next level life so that we can root out these lies. It is one of the most powerful pieces when people are able to recognize that the negative self talk is fixable, that there's something that we have tools for them to overcome that. That is so crazy powerful. When people first off recognize the lines. I mean, we've had people go, What do you mean the lies I tell myself, and then 15 minutes later, they've got a list of 20 or 30 things that they're just like, oh my gosh, I tell myself this stuff all the time. And then we give them tools of how to overcome those things, get your button to next level life. Number four, get yourself into counseling, if you are experiencing any depression or grief, listen, everybody should have somebody to talk through. Especially if you're experiencing depression or grief. Some of you don't even know that you're grieving.

Chris LoCurto 23:02
Some of you aren't aware that you're depressed. So it's good to be able to get with somebody and actually walk through how to overcome that or even experience, a lot of folks get stuck in grief. And they don't walk through all the stages of grief, because they don't realize that they're in it. Some people believe it or not, have been trained, that they're not allowed to experience those things. And that, you know, that's that's bunk, or they shouldn't be experiencing those things. And so they're not able to walk through it, get through it. Grief is a real thing. Sorry. Grief is a real thing. Great thing is, praise God, there's a process of getting through the grief. You just gotta walk through it. Number five, get your personal growth, plan out, dust it off, and get to work, do it. Now. Where's your personal growth plan? If you haven't gone back and listen to that episode, go back and listen to it. Sit yourself down and create what am I going to do to grow personally? What am I going to do in my life? What am I going to change? What am I going to accelerate? What am I going to decelerate? What am I going to edit out? What am I going to add to it? What does it look like to have healthy people surrounding me or me trying to go get around healthy people? What does that look like? Right? What is my plan for my marriage for my career for my finances, my spirituality, my relationship with God. If you don't have that plan, you gotta get we got to sit down and put one together. If you do, get it out, dusted off. It's probably a little if you're experiencing victim mentality.

It's probably a little dusty right now. So get that thing going and get to work right now. Well, folks, hopefully this has helped you today. I know this is a tough subject, especially for those who may have been listening to this and going oh my gosh, I think that's actually me. I can tell you of the people that sit down I'm in a chair in next level life or experience something in strapline or anytime you know, any of the processes that we do have the people who come to find out that they have victim mentality, which is a good 60% or more, probably almost every time it's a surprise. There are times it's not. But those are the few and far between. We always appreciate that self examination, but almost always, it's a surprise. I never thought that I had victim mentality. I always thought I knew who did and I never thought it was me and then a good portion of the time, people are upset and they're ready to get over it. I'm done. I don't want that in my life anymore. So hopefully this has helped you today. Keep digging, keep seeking get your button next level life. focus heavily on your worth from God that's gonna be a big piece as well. Let's get you some some growth, some personal growth. As always take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life. And join us on the next episode.