553 | Expecting The Best From Others In Life and In Your Workplace

Chris LoCurto 0:00
On today's episode, we are talking about extending the benefit of the doubt to people, which is assuming the best in people like you know, when your friend is late for lunch, and instead of, you know, going all Rage Mode in your head, you start thinking like, hey, traffic must be insane today. How do we get there? Why is it important? All of that is coming up next.

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks, I hope you're having a fabulous day, wherever you are. Today, we are talking about extending the benefit of the doubt to people why we should do that, what that kind of looks like why it's important, and all that kind of fun stuff. The truth is, if we assume the worst in people all the time, we'd be living in a constant state of frustration and cynicism. And there's just no doubt about it. Right? If we just always assumed the worst, the negativity in our brains would just continue to control us. And the truth is, there's a lot of people who do spend a lot of time thinking the worst about other people. Now, I will say that I love I believe Jim Collins, who gave the, uh, his definition of what a cynic is. And a cynic is a person

Unknown Speaker 1:34
who has a lot of hope that's been let down too many times. Right. They're no longer hopeful, they're no longer trusting they, they've been disappointed so many times, they used to have a lot of hope. And now they just are cynical about everything. And I think we all can say that we've got a level of cynicism in our lives. Unfortunately, some folks have a heck of a lot of cynicism. So if we just always assume the worst in people, well, then what is that going to do to you?

Chris LoCurto 2:05
So as we go through this process, there's probably a lot of folks out there going, man, you're gonna have to convince me to start thinking better about other people, you know, or giving them the benefit of the doubt, I can hear it right now. And I get it, I understand. I'm with you, I know where you're coming from. So let me start by not discussing them. There's no doubt, you know if you're following this show, then there's no doubt that you have at least a decent understanding of what holds you back emotionally, you have at least a decent understanding that negative thoughts can control you, they can control your decision-making process, they control your feelings, and they can control how you treat other people. So as we talk about this subject of, you know, assuming the best and others, believe it or not, it's 1000 times more about us, you the individual, than it is the person that you're thinking the best of. So when you are constantly thinking negatively about others, you're constantly responding chemically inside of your body in a way that destroys you.

Chris LoCurto 3:20
When you have a lot of negativity, you have a lot of cortisol that is dumping into your stomach. When you have a lot of cortisol in your stomach, it destroys a lot of your good bacteria. It's destroying a lot of your happy hormones. You know, the serotonin that ends up in your brain 80 to 90% of that comes from your stomach. And so when you are battling the good stuff that makes you happier, helps you to, to choose to be happier helps you to choose to have happier thoughts. When you're battling that with a bunch of negativity, then it's affecting you in a way that is causing you to think differently. It's affecting you in a way that's causing you to feel differently. So when we talk about this subject, this is way more about you than it is about them. It's important to understand when we immediately go to a negative thought about somebody, we're already in it, you may be correct. You may be right about the person, you know what's funny on the package, we talked about you know, the person that shows up like, you know, coming in and it's the umpteenth time that they've shown up late to lunch, you're frustrated, right, you know that this is a person who's probably chosen not to leave on time to get there. But instead of sitting there and thinking, cred, why can't this person just treat me with some respect and some dignity and show up on time? What if you did start to think positively? You know what, maybe traffic is just horrible.

Chris LoCurto 4:59
Here's the thing. saying, that when they get there, you may still find out that they have no good reason to be late. Or they will use a common excuse that they probably use every time that they are late. But here's what happens inside of you. When you assume, maybe I'm wrong, maybe everything is, you know, maybe they're not treating me with disrespect, maybe there, there is something wrong, that happened, maybe they weren't able to get off a call with a client or whatever it is, then you start to change the way you feel about you. Inside, you're taking a positive tone, a positive stance. And as you do that, then you don't dump a bunch of negative chemicals into your body or force a bunch of cortisol into your stomach. You don't start destroying serotonin and dopamine.

Chris LoCurto 6:01
Instead, you choose a positive outlook, which changes your current posture, and your emotional posture. We've talked about the physical, you know, benefits. But then what do we start doing? We know that if we create any habit, in the concept of a habit being done in 21 days, that's been, you know, decently blown out of the water, it takes about 90 days to create a habit, but not saying that you're assuming the worst in people every single day. But maybe you are, when we start to do this, we start to create a force of habit, if we can think positively if we can assume that somebody we know, is not being the way that we think that they are not being the way that we have experienced them in the past, but instead assume positive aspects about them, then it changes how we approach the subject when we find out that they are doing something wrong. Now, with that being said there are a lot of folks, especially a lot of cynics out there, and I will tell you, I've been cynical in my life. There are times that I am cynical now. But I would never consider myself at this stage in my life to be a cynic. I think when I was in my, early teens, and late 20s, with everything that I had experienced up to that point, in through era, I became incredibly cynical, I got so sick and tired, of being taken advantage of by people being hurt by people, and praise God, that He allowed me to understand that I allowed it, I could have done something differently, I could have changed my you know, the people that I was around and the people that I accepted into my life and, and I could change those things. That began a path for me to go back to loving people caring for people being very altruistic, and trying to help develop teach guide direct. But it also allowed me to have a healthy boundary with those who showed up and looked a lot like the people in the past that I had been hurt by, for people who have taken advantage of me. Right, it allowed me to recognize I'm the one allowing it to happen if I don't have quality, healthy boundaries, didn't have to have those healthy boundaries with everybody. Just those folks that can see inside of you and see, this is somebody that I could take advantage of right? I experienced those folks to this day, I still experienced that. The difference is, is that I take more of a stance of what we're talking about today. I either assume the best or I recognize that a person is a specific way and I'm not surprised by it. I just don't allow it to affect me the way that I did when I was younger. So the benefits outweigh the being right.

Chris LoCurto 9:06
If you're right, that somebody is treating you with disrespect, choosing not to leave on time to get to your lunch, choosing to you know not care about you in specific ways. Whatever it is, if you're right and you're negative, then you're just right and negative. You're negatively affecting yourself. There's an old saying that I think is just so powerful if you get it. Bitterness is like taking a cyanide pill hoping that the other person dies. That's what bitterness is.

Chris LoCurto 9:45
So continue that thought in cynicism. Continue that thought in. If you're constantly thinking the worst in people, then you are becoming bitter. You are becoming poisoned inside. At the same time, you're hoping that this other person feels the effects of it experiences it, I don't know, and realizes that they're treating you this way. Does it ever happen? No, of course not. Well, it's a rarity. If the person does praise God, there's somebody who's moving in the right direction.

Chris LoCurto 10:22
What's the point I'm making, when you immediately go into thinking the worst of others, you immediately begin affecting yourself, you immediately become unhealthy, and you immediately start to become toxic. So if we just stopped right there, the show's over this is I'm done. Hey, let's wrap it up. Let's move on. And all you got was that that would change you. It could change your health, it could change your happiness, it could change your decision-making processes. It could change your surface-level responses. It could change how you respond to your root system. It could change so very much. So that's why I wanted to start by talking about us as individuals. Instead of focusing on whether or not I'm right about somebody who's disrespectful.

Unknown Speaker 11:23
What if I just focused on taking care of me in that moment? I'm not talking about being selfish and self-centered. That's not what I'm saying. I'm the only important one. What I'm saying is, is what if I chose a different thought process? If I chose to assume the best or give the benefit of the doubt, then that allows me to shift my mind into a different place. I can have a considerably different conversation in my head the whole time. Now, I'm gonna give you an example of something an interview I saw. A long time ago. It was Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt. They were in a movie. I can't remember the name of it. On the last day, I don't know something. I can't remember what it is the Edge of Tomorrow, something like that. And apparently, Tom Now listen, I enjoy Tom Cruise movies. I really would love to give him a Next-Level Life. So if that explains to you my thoughts on him and his acting in his personal life I wish he would come through that would be great.

Unknown Speaker 12:34
He's up in there's one thing that you cannot deny about Tom Cruise and that's his what appears to be an incredibly long-suffering attitude towards positivity. And apparently, he's hanging from this harness, which is if you can imagine, I don't want your brains to go there too much. But you know, it's it's affecting the most important parts region. And Emily Blunt says, Oh my gosh, and he's hanging up there for the longest time and I can't get they can't start the recording, I guess because something's not ready. And Emily just looks at me and goes Tom, I am so sorry. He goes, it's fine. It's okay. And she goes, come on, Tom. This sucks. And he goes, it's all gonna be okay. And she goes, Tom, this sucks. And here is this eternal positive attitude, no matter what the rest of his life is like. And he looks at her and it goes. It's challenging. And she just laughed. And I gotta tell you, I was super impressed. Please do not get me wrong. I do not in any way, shape, or form. Look up or have Tom Cruise on a pedestal or anybody in Hollywood or anybody for that matter, except for Yeshua, he's, he's the only one who belongs on a pedestal. But I am always impressed in how people can control their minds in a good way to make right decisions. Instead of losing his ever-loving mind in that moment, which a lot of guys probably would have freaked out. A lot of guys would have started yelling, you know, hey, I'm in pain in a very important spot. Could you please just start rolling the cameras?

Chris LoCurto 14:23
He continued to just think through and stay positive. Stay, yes, this does suck. But even he wouldn't acknowledge that it sucked. He said it was challenging. Yes, this is a challenge for me to overcome. So where was his mindset in that place? How do I overcome this challenge? So not to say that he is ever your example for anything in life? What I am saying is is that the thought process is when you're in a struggling place of thinking something positive about somebody else, what if you looked at it as a challenge for you? It's a challenge for me to assume the best. It's a challenge for me to just assume good intent. It's a challenge, but I'm going to tackle it, I'm going to try and overcome it. So if we can do that, it changes us. It changes our thought processes, it changes our, our emotions, it changes our health. Think about this. What about if we're giving the benefit of the doubt in relationships? What does it look like to give the benefit of the doubt to your family? What does it look like to build trust? What if somebody, you know, we assume the worst? And the worst thing is, is that we've not done a good job? Listening? What if they don't feel heard? What if we're not building connections, but instead destroying relationships, because we're choosing to assume the worst in this person? Now, again, I get it. Many of you have plenty of family members out there and you have a good reason. You've experienced a lot of junk in your life. And it gives you a good reason to not trust. But what if and again, by doing so I don't have to go through all the negativity, but it negatively affects you. But what if we took a different tact?

Chris LoCurto 16:30
What if instead of assuming the worst, we did everything we could to gain quality perspective? What if we just asked questions? What if we tried to discover why they're responding the way they are? Are they feeling the way that they are? What if we spent time trying to build a better version of trust? What if we tried to understand what they're going through? Not, please do not hear me justifying somebody's bad actions. But I'm also not going to justify our bad actions if we think the worst right? What would it be like for us to spend time understanding what somebody else is going through?  How would that benefit us? How would it benefit our family? You know, what if if my wife is having a bad day? And I don't know what's going on, but she responds to me. harshly? I don't know.

Chris LoCurto 17:26
I get a disrespectful response. But what if I just respond in a very harsh way, if I don't take into consideration that perhaps she's struggling with something that she's going through something that maybe something bad has happened, or she experienced a bad conversation with somebody or she experienced another family member not being, you know, so great to her, then what I end up doing is assuming the worst, this is how my wife is right now she is just whatever, she's being harsh. She's being rude. If I don't stop and go, Hey, what's going on? What are you experiencing? What's happened today? What happened right before this conversation, if I don't spend time gaining quality perspective, and digging in to discover what she's experiencing, then not only am I negatively affecting me, but I may compound this situation by responding in like kind. If I do the same thing that I'm experiencing, then I can only expect it to continue to grow and get worse. That's not going to build trust. It's not going to help any situation. But I can tell you what will. If I spend time trying to gain quality perspective, then I may just help the other person, spouse, kid, parent, brother, sister, whatever it is, I may just help them to understand that their response wasn't that great in the first place. They may recognize their choice in change. Probably, there's also the opposite, which is that some people may just choose to be stuck in a victim state and continue to pound things home. So if they do, what do you do? Walk away, get away from it, step away from it. Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from that situation so that you can focus on yourself right now. That's, hopefully, that's the worst-case scenario. Hopefully, if we spend time focused on relationships, and we're benefiting our spouse, our parents, or whoever the relationship with the person who's struggling in the moment, but if it causes you to struggle. Let me rephrase that. If you choose to struggle because they are struggling, then what does that say about you?

Chris LoCurto 20:09
Folks, it's the same exact thing when it comes to business. Assuming the worst and people do not build trust, people don't feel honored or respected.  Again, there are many of you out there saying, Well, why they shouldn't. The way that they're responding is not good. It's not quality. Okay? But how are you responding? If you want people to trust you, help them to see that you can take the high road at a time when they are struggling, you might be blown away at the trust and vulnerability you can get from somebody who experiences you as being a great person in that timeframe.

Unknown Speaker 20:53
If you want respect, if you want to feel honored, if you want to have strong relationships with your team members assume the best. I assume that most of us have had that leader at some point in their lives, who always assumed the worst, I had a leader a long time ago, who would just come in yelling, yelling with assumptions of things that weren't accurate.

Chris LoCurto 21:24
And what didn't have anything to do with me or the people he was yelling at. But he assumed something happened. And so he would just come in yelling, come in just like a tornado. And, you know, yelling out accusations, talking about how angry he was, and how frustrated and all this kind of stuff. And unfortunately, most people wouldn't push back. If it was something that I had done wrong, I had no problem taking responsibility. But if I hadn't done I would say, Do you want to ask any questions, which would really, in the beginning, make him even more upset. And he would press it hard. And I'm like, if you just want to ask a question, I would let you know, I had nothing to do with that. I don't know what you're talking about. That's not me. Yada, yada, yada. After a couple of times of saying, Do you want to ask any questions, you could see him settle down and recognize he's flying off the handle on something and he doesn't have accurate information. I think we've all experienced that. So here's my question for you. Are you that person?

Unknown Speaker 22:27
Are you the person who assumes the worst comes in ripping people's heads off yelling and screaming, you know, struggling like crazy, assuming things, and then implying that people have done wrong things? And then walking out without finding out the truth about it? Or when you do find out the truth? How do you respond? How do you act?  In business, that is only going to cause you to lose trust, to lose loyalty, to lose respect, to lose honor. If on the other hand, you spend time assuming the best in people, having perspective-gathering conversations, what does that look like? Instead of coming in like a tornado, you ask a lot of questions. Hey, guys, help me to understand this. Here's something that just happened. I need to understand this. And this and this. What about this? Did we do anything about this? Have we tried to solve anything? Is it even you? Is anybody in here part of that? If you came in and assumed the best of people, then what you might discover is that people can trust you more. Why? Because they can anticipate the way that you're going to handle a bad situation. On top of that, it keeps it more positive.

Unknown Speaker 23:45
Our process at work is, you know, we've had so many team members over the years who are afraid to fail. And when we say why are you afraid like well, you know, I don't want to disappoint you or get you man. It's like have you ever seen that? Well, no. Okay, well, how do we handle problems? Well, you always ask the same questions. What happened? How did it happen? Why did it happen? What are we going to do about it, how we're going to make sure it never happens again? And then what happens after that nothing, we just get back to work. Great, then don't fear having your head ripped off. That allows a team member to be positive. That allows a team member to recognize grace that allows a team member to recognize kindness, and goodness, and goodwill. Those are the values that your team members, your family members, whoever your friends will experience if you assume the best. So let's talk about some of the challenges in extending the benefit of the doubt to others. Like it is very probable that many of you I know I have experienced this incredible amounts of times in my life. That trust has been broken by somebody that you're now considering, do I think the best of them? Do I assume the best in them? Do I assume that the worst isn't at hand?

Chris LoCurto 25:13
So your root system will probably have an impact on how you respond. If you are used to people who are not honorable, that are disrespectful, that don't keep their promises who might be controlling might be manipulative, then I can tell you, this is probably going to be incredibly difficult for you to do. This will probably be very tough for you to look at somebody and assume the best. Well, no, duh, Chris, you just laid out all the reasons not to. Yep, I get it. But here's what I need you to think about. And once again, let's go back to that. How does it affect you? How does it affect you when all you do is focus on the negativity, but what they're doing is negative? Yep, I get it. But how are you going to choose to handle it. So let's talk about the root system, your root system, what you've come out of what you've experienced, can cause you to have what we call the surface level responses, these responses that you have because it's the only way you know how to respond to a given situation,  it may not be a great response, it's most likely a negative response.

Chris LoCurto 26:32
It could be a response of fear of failure, it could be a response of protecting yourself, it could be control, it could be submissiveness, it could be one of hundreds of different responses. Here's the deal. When you tend to respond to that way, you continue to make bad decisions for you. So if you go into a situation, knowing that somebody has broken trust before, and they have probably doing it again right now, then what's going to happen most likely is your choice, and how you respond to that situation is not going to be positive. It's definitely not going to be healthy for you, it's definitely not going to be healthy for the other person. It's not going to set healthy boundaries, it's not going to create the opportunity for somebody to take responsibility. Instead, what's going to happen is, is you're going to choose the toxic route of bad decision-making.

Unknown Speaker 27:37
Why? Because you've experienced it so many times in the past. So let me again, refer you to the first part of this. How do we keep you healthy in these situations? Right? Yes, somebody's broken trust, yes, you're expecting that they're going to do it again. But instead of just assuming the worst? What if you assumed this might be the time that they change. And you did that for the next 400 times? That sounds virtually impossible. But I can tell you, I have been pleasantly surprised in the past, when I don't assume the worst about somebody. Instead, I respond as if they had the opportunity to do good stuff. Or maybe they will at some point. And when I don't treat them like they are somebody who just breaks trust or continues to do make bad decisions about choices, then an amazing thing happens. Sometimes they're allowing themselves to be vulnerable in those moments. Sometimes they see my response and go, Oh, crud. He's not super surprised. He's not being rude. He's not being whatever. Cred I really did make a bad decision here. I should go ahead and take responsibility. Now. You can't count on that happening all the time. But what are your options? What are your options if you know somebody has broken trust before, you could think negatively, you could think positively.

Chris LoCurto 29:15
It's as basic as that, folks. You could also set healthy boundaries and remove yourself from situations where they're gonna break your trust in the future. I highly suggest that unless you're trying to create or build a relationship, I highly suggest you put that in. Well, what if it's my leader? Well, the the healthy boundary for you is going to be perspective gathering. Hey, can you help me to understand why this happened? Can you help me to understand what you want me to do in this situation? Can you guide and direct me on how I should process this? Right? If somebody's paying you and they're the ones that are struggling like crazy, well then you either go

Unknown Speaker 30:00
Gotta find a better way of handling the situation for yourself and a healthy way or choose to leave. Right? Now, if you have a leader, you can push back on great. We happen to be leaders, we tell our people to push back, always ask, questions, thoughts, comments, pushback, because I'm looking for somebody to push back and go, Oh, I completely disagree with this. I don't agree with this, I think you're wrong. I think whatever, yada yada, yada, well, that helps me if I'm not struggling, like so many people do. If I can hear a quality pushback and speak into it, then I might be able to educate somebody else, or I might even be able to educate myself. So you need to think about if it's in a business situation, and your leaders, the one who has broken trust many times in the past. Now, how do we look at the different personality styles, and how they, they tend to respond to somebody breaking trust or somebody, you know, breaking promises, it's not hard. If you've been following us for any period, you know, what your Heidi's going to respond to, they're probably going to be frustrated short-tempered, and they will probably call the person out. The hi i is going to try and treat it with as much personal interaction as possible, we'll probably switch to pointing out, hey, you know, you did do this, right, this is where we are. And that's probably how the high is going to respond, the highest is going to avoid the conflict as much as they possibly can. And it's probably going to be the 40th time that the person breaks stress that the high s is going to respond to it. And then even at that point, it's still going to be decently on the conflict-free side, or it's going to be the exact opposite. What we talked about with is is is if you push them into the corner too many times, then eventually they respond harshly, they come back, and after so many times being backed into a corner, they will come out like a rowing line. So they may respond that way, as well, I see is just going to probably, you know, they will let you know what you've done, very detailed, here's the thing that you've done, and I don't like it. And then they will probably remove themselves from the situation very quickly. So as you look at the different personality styles, that's usually how they would respond, if it's going to be responding in a negative mindset. So again, an option is always trying to understand what the other person is going through. Trying to help them to explain their decisions, you know, your perspective gathering questions, if they are not leading if they are not harsh if they're not sarcastic, cynical, if you are truly being curious, what you may do is you may help them to be able to explain themselves, which can ultimately change the whole situation and allow you both to move on in a positive life.

Chris LoCurto 33:13
Many people today aren't living well, because they're stuck in painful patterns of anxiety, fear, and negative self-talk in other struggles that keep happening, that maybe you when you wish you would stop, you may lash out at people, you may shut down in conversations, you may feel like you always have to defend yourself and just not feel good enough. You may even be losing trust in yourself. seeking counseling, advice from friends or tons of self-help books aren't helping, and not much about you is changing for the better. The thing is, we're blind to what's causing these patterns and struggles. And that's why we carry them with us wherever we go. But when we get clarity on the why, and grow awareness of our emotions in thinking, that's when great change happens. And that is why we created Next-Level Life. If you feel stuck in patterns, you can't change go to Chris LoCurto.com/Next-Level Life. That's Chris LoCurto.com/Next-Level Life

Unknown Speaker 34:31
So, practical ways you can apply this principle first thing is check yourself first always, always always check if you're the one who's struggling with it. What if you're the one who's breaking the trust of other people? What if you're the one who shows up late for the umpteenth time? What if you're the one who has lame excuses, and as self-protective and as defensive? Well check you. What are you going to do about you? What if you're the one who's doing this? How are you going to stop yourself in the moment and go, I must take responsibility. Well, the other person has responsibility to may be. But you can only control you. You can't control that other person. So check you first. Also know your personality style tendencies. If you're somebody who tends to become a victim very quickly, when somebody approaches you, or points out the fact that you are late again, for lunch, then understand how you respond.

Unknown Speaker 35:31
Understand your personality style and what your tendency is. Are you going to fight back? Are you going to become a victim? Are you going to blame shift and dump it all on them? What is the thing that you tend to experience? On the same token, recognize the other person's tendencies, and watch it like a movie, you know, it's coming, that will help you to stay in a more positive light. Another thing you can do is stop. Assuming, don't assume, don't assume don't assume, don't assume. Stop assuming be curious, change assumption? With curiosity? Hey, I'd like to find out the answer to this, Hey, I'd like to understand gain quality perspective. And that will help you to understand what's going on. Assume and you've already got the answer in your head. What if you find out you're wrong. You know, it's like the yelling boss who comes into, you know, the office or cubicle area, or whatever yelling and screaming and all these assumptions, only to find out that they're wrong. If you stop assuming things, before you approach a situation, then you can actually gain quality perspective. Another thing you can do, again, is consider what the other person may be going through. What are they experiencing today? What are they experiencing something difficult this week, this month,

Unknown Speaker 37:02
I can tell you over the last year, plus, it's been some of the most stressful time in my life, not the worst times in my life, just a lot of stress and a lot of stuff going on. And so sometimes that's affected decisions that I've made, sometimes I've had to make a decision that I have to just stop doing something and focus on, you know, resting or, you know, shut certain things down. So I could focus on the most important things. That's why my brain works, right? So if in that moment, somebody's going, man, you haven't responded to my question about going for a bike ride out? That's just so lame. But you haven't responded to that? Why not? Well, then I have to respond, take responsibility, and say I am so sorry. Right now I am in a lot of stress and in a lot of stuff going on. And so I'm slowing down on the activities that I'm doing so I can focus on the most important things. If somebody can understand what somebody else is going through like that, if I said that to somebody, the people around me would be like, Oh, totally, dude, I get it. No problem. Sorry, for bothering you. Is there any way I can help? They would understand that immediately. Well, a good number of people would consider that and think, okay, what can I do? Or, Hey, I completely understand what if you do the same thing? Find out what somebody is experiencing.

Chris LoCurto 38:28
Find out what somebody's going through. Some people will tell you right up front, and other people will hold on to it. Be curious. And again, don't dive into somebody too much personal stuff that somebody doesn't want to be vulnerable about. But consider that they may be going through something that you don't understand. All right, I'll never forget. I was moving into a new house 20, almost 25 years ago, 24 years ago. And it was on Thanksgiving Day. So no food, no nothing. And we went to the only place open was an IHOP. And if you're a fan of that, good okay, more power to you. It's not the place that I would normally go for breakfast. I'm I'm not a huge fill me up with sugar type of person, but it was open. And as we walked in the door, the the mood was just low. Nobody was looking at anybody. Nobody was talking. It was very quiet. Our waitress did not look at us. She just came by but she wasn't rude. She just you could tell the last place she wanted to be was working breakfast, you know, on Thanksgiving Day.

Unknown Speaker 39:45
And as she came along, and I started just looking through the room and paying attention, it was just a handful people maybe 1012 people in there. And I recognize she's got to be feeling terrible like she would so much rather be home with her family than be here. And so she came by the table. And this is my fault. I don't have food, I don't have stuff I don't have, you know, this is the day I'm moving in. And it's my choice, right? So here I am, I'm this is the situation I'm in. I take responsibility. So I look up at her. And I say, Hey, thank you so much for spending your Thanksgiving serving us. And her eyes came up, and they were huge. And she said, nobody had said that. Thank you so much. And then I watched her bounce from table to table to table with this great attitude. Can I get you some coffee? Can I get some of those are you doing right over here? And her whole attitude changed everything. She was so happy. She was so on fire at that point. Now, she probably still didn't want to work there. But her whole demeanor changed because somebody appreciated and considered what she was going through a changed the way she operated. All I'm suggesting is what if we do the same. Another thing you can do, don't let yourself be walked all over. Right? Don't let yourself be a doormat to somebody's bad situation, set healthy boundaries.

Chris LoCurto 41:23
You know, apply them when you discover that there is a problem or that something is going on, set healthy boundaries. You don't have to stay and participate in somebody's terrible day if they want to stay terrible. If they want their day to be horrible, you don't have to put up with that. You can change that. You can exit, right? So don't allow yourself to be walked all over right? On top of all of this, the thing you could do is give it time. For those of you who remember Yeshua, his Hebrew name, Jesus, Yeshua telling John to give the tree another year when John wanted to was asking about do we cut the tree down. And his response was nope, dig a ditch, fertilize it, put some water in it, give it another year.

Unknown Speaker 42:20
Assume that it has the opportunity to become a good tree, assume that it has a it's tree that has an opportunity to bear good fruit. If you can do all of these things, even if you find out that the person is just being exactly what you assumed in the first place. If you do all of these things, you will find your attitude will be in a considerably different place, you'll find that your happiness will be something that you can choose, you can choose to be happy, you will find that you will have healthier boundaries, you will find that you will have much safer ways to approach situations like this. And as a leader, not only will it make your leadership better, not only will it guide you to greater respect, trust, and loyalty, but it will help you to be a phenomenal example to your team. Now listen, many leaders are frustrated because they don't have the time and tools to lead well. Your day gets filled up with fires, people drama meetings that are simply a waste of time, and you never seem to get to what's important, and what moves the business forward. Reading books and listening to podcasts aren't helping, and not much about your work life is changing for the better. The thing is, most leaders don't know how to implement what they've learned. Assuming it was good information to start with. You know, maybe it wasn't. And this is why we created the Next-Level Leadership Live Event. If you feel frustrated or stuck about work these days, go to Chris LoCurto.com/events. That's Chris LoCurto.com/events. registration opens December 1 with $500 off every ticket you buy, but that's for a short period. You'll learn lessons we practice daily in our business, that are only taught at this event are inside one of our coaching programs. And you'll have hours of workshop time and access to our coaches to implement. So go to Chris LoCurto.com/events Before this limited-time offer slips away. Well, there you have it, folks, giving people the benefit of the doubt it's like a superpower that can make the world a little bit brighter. I hope this encourages you to build bridges instead of walls. So let's encourage each other to assume the best in people

Chris LoCurto 45:00
Even when it feels like a stretch. Now we'd love to hear from you. We'd love to hear your stories, your insights, your questions, your comments, your pushback. We'd love to hear it. So feel free to share them with us at podcast at Chris LoCurto.com. Well, that's all the time that we have for today. I hope this information has helped you. As always, take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.