626 | The Role of Self-Awareness in Becoming a Transformational Leader

Ever wonder why some leaders inspire deep trust, loyalty and growth, while others stall out, burnout or struggle to connect? The difference is almost always self awareness.

Today we're unpacking what it looks like to lead from a deep understanding of who you are so you can lead others with clarity, confidence and real transformation. All of that is coming up next.

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto Show, where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.

Welcome to the show folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are. Today we're diving into one of the most important qualities of effective leadership and that is self awareness.

You hear me say this all the time. The more self aware you are, the better you will be able to lead people.

The more self aware you are, the more you'll be able to lean in others directions, the more you'll be able to give information through that sets people up for success.

So today you're gonna learn why self awareness is the foundation of transformational leadership. How hidden beliefs and emotional triggers may be sabotaging your influence on your team or your family or whoever else.

And what it takes to build the kind of presence that earns trust and drives real growth.

So we'll walk through how to identify the subtle ways you're impacting your team, how to respond instead of react, and how to become the kind of leader people actually want to follow.

And hopefully by the end of this episode, you'll have practical, actionable steps to grow in self awareness, lead with greater clarity and make a lasting impact. So let's dive in.

Self-Awareness Is the Foundation of All Great Leadership (00:02:05)

First thing we need to know, self awareness is the foundation of all great leaders leadership.

Now by definition, self awareness is, you know, the ability to understand your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviors and your beliefs, which is huge.

And how they your thoughts, your emotions, behaviors, your beliefs, how they impact other people.

So you know, take a high performing leader who's constantly over explaining tasks, who's always jumping into help, who's thinking they're being supportive.

But their team feels micromanaged and undermined once this leader slows down and recognizes their need to control outcomes, which is usually driven by fear of failure, right? Fear of rejection, all this.

Then they're able to delegate clearly, they're able to give space, they're able to watch their team rise.

So there's all kinds of things that can happen here. It could be fear of failure, it could be worth. Either way, everything's going to come down to worth.

But it could be that I'm gaining worth by Jumping in. I'll give you some examples. The difference between moms and dads. Moms can't stand to see their kids struggle.

Now I'm saying that there's probably a handful of you out there that are like, I'm good with it. I'm okay with that. But most moms hear the word suffer or struggle and it's like it sends chills up their spine.

Now, good dads, there's a lot of dads that don't really give a rip. There's a lot of dads that are just too passive. But if you're a good father, then you understand that suffer and struggle grows your child.

If you look at God and you look at His Word and how much he allows us, God's goal is to prune us so that we can be better, we can produce more fruit.

This is something that he's continuously working on with us, right?

God knows, and I don't know the mind of God, but I have enough from His Word to know that he is very aware that the more he allows us to struggle and suffer and he gives us breaks from time to time in the process.

But if we understand what's going on and we're seeking him instead of seeking relief, then one of the things we will be seeking is the fast way to learn what God is trying to teach us and the recognition that he's trying to prune us so that we have better fruit, right?

Peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, meekness, you know, self control, love, all of these things, these fruits of the spirit, all that's not.

I just listed out a handful of them. But all of the fruits of the spirit are the things that God's trying to grow in us, right? How do we operate with our fruit?

Are we somebody who doesn't bear much fruit? Then we're probably going to get a lot of pruning. But if we're moving in God's direction, then he's looking for the opportunities to make us stronger and better.

A good dad will look at their child and allow them to suffer to an extent, to struggle to an extent. Don't go over the top here, people. You didn't hear Chris LoCurto just say, hey, dads abuse their kids.

That is not what I'm talking about. But there are times, many, many times that I allow my youngest to suffer and to struggle because she learns rapidly. She learns so quickly.

Our grandkids, when we have our grandkids, if, if something, if one of them falls down and it's not something bad, they didn't scrape themselves up or hurt themselves, but they go straight to crying then instead we will shift the narrative with them.

Hey, good job, buddy. All right? You got to get up on your own. Come on, you can do it. And we will do things to encourage them to overcome so they can see that the fall wasn't horrible.

It's something that they can overcome. Now, I'm just using those two examples, but I've given many examples in the past of, you know, our six year old of being able to help her to overcome fears.

And that's one of the conversations I used to have. I don't even have that conversation with her much anymore. But in the early, you know, when she was 4, going into 5, many times I'm like, baby, let's face your fears.

I know you're afraid of this and I get it. I understand this is scary, but I know that it's something that is not that scary.

It's not to her it's scary, but it's not that big of a deal like jumping off a, a two foot tree stump, which is something when she was four years old, she was so scared to do. And I had to point out, baby, the ground is soft.

I'm going to take care of you. If anything happens, you're going to be okay. And the moment she did it and she jumped off by herself, she was empowered. She was filled with self worth, right?

So things to understand. If you're the kind of leader who's always jumping in because it's identity for you, you're, you're always jumping in because it gives you.

And listen, if you're the kind of parent, mom or dad, if you're the kind of grandparent, grandma, grandpa, it doesn't matter if you're the kind of person who's always going to fix things for other people because in your mind it's the right thing to do and you're not allowing them to suffer and struggle through something, then guess what?

I heard this fantastic phrase years ago. I think I may have shared this in the last month or two.

Or a psychologist said we grow our self esteem by stealing it from other people. Now what he was saying was specifically to parents, to kids, but think about this. So I've adjusted it there.

You can grow your self esteem by stealing it from somebody else. But the amazing thing is you can empower somebody with self worth and if you guide and direct them along the journey and you don't do it for them.

So lots of stuff there when it comes to self awareness.

Self-Awareness Reveals What’s Beneath the Surface (00:08:07)

Key point number two, self awareness reveals what's beneath the surface. So many leaders will react without realizing why they might have. Anger, frustration, anxiety, insecurity.

These all come from deeper beliefs. So until you know why you respond the way you do, you'll keep repeating the patterns that sabotage your leadership. Now in, inside the limbic system is the amygdala.

In the amygdala, that's where you have fight, flight, freeze, response, reaction. So I believe so inside that amygdala is where you have how you're going to react to a situation.

Now I will tell you, I believe you set how much of a reaction, whether it's a little bit stressed out or going postal, right? Are you going to be kind of frustrated or are you going to just be flat angry?

And here's the deal about the amygdala, it will tag that. And when that situation comes up, your brain tells you this is how you're supposed to respond right now, until you change it, until you fix it, until you do something different about it.

So it's important to understand if you are aware of your reactions and how you react in certain situations, you can change that because it's very possible your reactions are sabotaging your leadership right now.

So think of a leader who explodes in a meeting, you know, when, when, I don't know, an idea is challenged, right? They think it's because it's, you know, disrespect.

But after reflection they begin to realize, crap, I've been doing that maybe since I was a kid, you know, around feeling not heard or feeling not valued or feeling like I'm not smart enough or feeling like, you know, my ideas don't have value, whatever it is.

When you realize that, that's when you can start to change the way you react. This is stuff we talk about in next level life all the time, right?

So understand that your reactions are rooted in beliefs, things that you believe, things that you've told yourself. And they can be absolute lies. You can be lying to yourself, it can be nothing but negative self talk, but it's created a belief.

So self awareness helps you slow down, kind of trace, you know, the emotion.

Where is this coming from? What source is this coming from?

And it can help you to lead from truth, not insecurity. But you got to be aware and you got to do the work.

Self-Awareness Is a Trust Builder (00:10:40)

Key point number three, self awareness is a trust builder. The truth is people do not want perfect leaders, they want authentic ones.

So when you're self aware, you admit your mistakes, you course correct and you communicate with humility, then that creates this kind of psychological safety inside of your team where people feel safe to speak up.

They, they can own their mistakes, they can contribute more freely. This is something that, you know, for me, whenever I do something, I had a conversation with somebody the other day, I asked them a question about something and they said, well, it's this.

And I said, oh, it's close. It's actually this. And what I was saying, I knew I was right. And they're like, oh gosh, I thought for sure it was this. And I went, huh, maybe I'm only half right.

And I went and looked, pulled this thing up and I was like, they're, they're right, we're both right. Came back to that person and said, hey, you were correct about that.

Absolutely. That is something, you know, what you were saying is right. Both of the things that we were saying was correct. What most people will do is hide from that.

They don't want to know, they don't want to admit it. They're afraid that, you know, saying that they were wrong to something is such a big tank in worth. The truth is, if I didn't do something, then I look like an idiot.

I look like somebody who's unwilling to learn. I look like somebody who has to be right and can't be wrong. What does that do for my influence on anybody, especially as a leader?

But if I admit my mistakes, you know what I was wrong about that. If I could admit my mistake, it causes the person to go, oh, well, that's good to see. He doesn't have a problem saying he's wrong.

That's fantastic. And it builds trust, it builds loyalty, right? So that is something for me, like the moment I find out I'm just wrong on something, I'm like, hey, let me wave the flag.

I'm wrong, screwed up, and it allows me to get over me quickly, allows me to not be stuck on me and my feelings. Instead, I'm able to just go, hey, screw that up, wrong on that and move on.

And if I think one of the things people are usually concerned about is that, you know, somebody's going to be using that as power against them.

Oh, for the love, if somebody does move on, remove yourself from that situation, but don't lose respect, don't lose trust because you can't be vulnerable and you can't be wrong.

Speak up, say you're wrong, correct yourself, do something about it. Right. The more self aware leaders are, the more they're going to lead with vulnerability.

The more they're going to lead with humility. The more they're going to build trust faster, you know, than any type of perfect image or polished image would ever build. That doesn't.

People don't follow images, right? They follow what they believe about you, what they see inside of you. And you know, if people see that you're unwilling to be wrong, then they're not going to lean, you know, in your direction much.

They're not going to lend a lot of weight to you. They're definitely not going to trust you because they see you can't tell the truth.

So be smart. Be very aware of when you make mistakes. Do something about it. It will build trust.

Self-Awareness Leads to Better Decision-Making and Leadership Presence (00:14:13)

Key point number four. Self awareness leads to better decision making and leadership presence. So leaders who know themselves can better regulate their emotions. Hello people.

They can slow down under pressure. They can think strategically. They don't get all hijacked by urgency and emotion.

They don't allow their emotions to be the focus of the decision making. You've got to learn how to become emotionally intelligent.

You've got to learn how not to allow your emotions to destroy what you're trying to accomplish. And by the way, most of the time your emotions are based on negative self talk and lies.

So the more attuned you can be to what you're saying in your brain and what you're telling yourself and the lies you're telling yourself and fixing those lies and getting over those lies, the better experience people will have with you.

It makes you more effective communicator. It makes you better at listening. It makes you better at shaping your culture. All of these pieces are vitally important if you are going to be a great leader.

Right? Self awareness gives you presence and presence gives you influence.

If people can see you and anticipate you and understand you and know that you are very in tune with yourself and that you're not blowing your head off and ripping other people's heads off.

And you're not always emotional, but you actually deal with emotional intelligence. You will influence people.

If people see you losing your crap. If people see you becoming too emotional, if people see that, then they will back off of receiving your influence.

Why is that? Because usually people don't want to be influenced by overly emotional people.

Self-Awareness Fuels Personal Growth That Inspires Others to Grow (00:16:09)

Key point number five. Self awareness fuels personal growth that inspires others to grow.

So the more aware you are and the more you are growing, the more you're going to be influencing the and inspiring other people to grow as well.

So people don't rise because they're commanded to you need to get better, you need to rise to the occasion.

No, they rise because they see what's possible through your example. Leader or dad or mom or grandma or grandpa, whoever, right? They look at you and they see what's possible.

So when you own your growth journey, other people are invited to do the same thing. But here's what I will tell you.

If they see you're not doing anything to grow you, if they see you don't have mentors in your life, if they see that you don't have quality leaders surrounding you in your life, then you're going to be the last person they look to for leadership.

Right? A great leader is somebody who's constantly growing, always growing, always adding to themselves, right? So if a leader who used to be defensive learns to like receive feedback openly, then over time the team starts doing the same thing.

They're going to do the same thing as you. If, if you can take feedback well. If you don't respond defensively, they will learn to not do the same thing.

Or what they'll recognize is that they look really silly sitting around people who aren't becoming defensive and they're the ones who are becoming super defensive.

So if, if you're shifting from, let's say blame to ownership, right?

If you're somebody who used to blame people, blame, shift, throw people under the bus, whatever, and instead you're taking that ownership of screw ups and things going wrong, people will see that and go, I can do that too.

They will see the healthy dialogue that you're having and they will want to have the same thing. The crazy thing is culture always reflects the leader, right?

Now I'm not saying that you haven't brought people in from a bad culture that are bringing bad culture into your culture. But what's allowed to stay always reflects the leader. So think of it this way. Your personal growth is your team's ceiling.

Or think of it as it being their launchpad as well. Right?

Self awareness keeps raising the bar over and over and over again in teaching the team that they can do the same exact thing.

Action Items (00:18:49)

So here's some action steps that I have for you today. And again, all this stuff is in the notes. Please jump in there. If you can take these down right now, that's fantastic. If not, go to the notes on the episode and pull these out.

So first thing is I want you to ask yourself three reflection questions this week. Number one, what's one emotion I felt strongly this week and what triggered it?

That could be any kind of emotion. Now I'm going to say, I'm going to suggest that you look for like maybe a negative one and, you know, some level of insecurity in there because these are the ones that we want to fix.

We're probably not wanting to shut down happiness or joy, right? So take a look at a negative emotion that you felt strongly this week and ask yourself what triggered it.

Second question to ask there is where did I feel insecure? And what belief was underneath it?

Folks, there's about 4,000 potential answers here. I shut down an opportunity for growth in an area. I shut down a discussion about changing a process or a system.

I did whatever and then digging in going, oh my gosh, I was afraid of change. I was afraid this was going to make me look stupid. I was afraid that I wouldn't be as good as everybody else.

I was afraid whatever. The thing is, that's just a couple of possible answers. There's thousands of possible answers to whatever you're experiencing or whatever you're feeling insecure about.

Understand the negative response most likely is coming from some level of insecurity.

But why? What is the thing that you're feeling? The third reflection question here is how did my behavior affect my team? So some of you, possibly a lot of you, want to believe that your behavior didn't have any effect on your team.

I'm going to caution you on this. Please don't convince yourself that people didn't see it, didn't experience it, didn't feel anything about it. Instead, I want you to really think about this.

Most likely it had some level of effect even if your team is not showing it to you. So the first thing I want you to do is ask those three reflection questions.

The second thing I want you to do, and this is really tough. This takes a lot of vulnerability. This takes trust. It takes finding somebody who has your best interest at heart, not somebody who wants to take you down a notch or two.

The second thing I want you to do is gain quality honest feedback from someone you trust. And by trust I mean that you do not believe that they're going to take a couple of shots at you, right?

So ask this question, what's it like to be led by me? Then just listen, don't defend, don't jump in, don't cut them off, don't explain anything.

If this is somebody who can give honest feedback, then this is something you need to hear.

Because even if they are wrong somewhere, it's their perception. Chances are they're not wrong, but it is their perception of you. And how it feels to be led by you.

So this is important for you to get. Just take it in, soak it up, process on it, meditate on it, go to God and ask how you can adjust this. What does it look like? What does it look like to lean in their direction?

What does it look like to not come across this way? Whatever it is, anything. You know. Again, this is assuming that we're asking them to, you know, what is it like to be led by me.

You can get the positive feedback, but also make sure that they're giving you some negative feedback as well. So don't defend, just reflect. Number three, practice self awareness.

Before your next tough conversation, you might be sitting there going, I've got to have a tough conversation.

Be building yourself up. Pause, slow down, ask yourself, what am I bringing into this conversation? Am I reacting from fear? Am I reacting from pride?

Am I reacting from pressure? What am I bringing to this table? Right? What am I bringing to this discussion?

Check and see what you are already thinking, feeling, experiencing, and what you're going to bring to that tough conversation. And then do everything you can to back out of that.

Not the conversation, still have the tough conversation, but to back out of that feeling, that fear that, that whatever, that pressure, whatever you're feeling, and try and move towards a mode of gentleness.

Now, if you look at the fruits of the spirit, gentleness is one of those things where you're helping somebody to understand themselves, helping somebody to understand what they're experiencing or what they've done.

And when you look at it through definition, through scripture, the gentleness really isn't about somebody who's choosing to continually sin or go against, you know, God.

Go, you know, think of a team member who's consistently violating culture. That's not necessarily the person you are going to have to be gentle with.

I'm going to tell you, please, try to be gentle with them anyways. But think of the person who's going against culture and doesn't realize it or hasn't realized it. Or think of the person who made a mistake and didn't know they were going to make that mistake.

Choose gentleness. Don't be harsh, don't be prideful. Choose gentleness. Same thing. When you're having this tough conversation, think about what's needed for the other person, not just what you're feeling or experiencing.

If you can do that, you can be gentle through the whole entire conversation, even if they become defensive, prideful, whatever, right? You can still be gentle.

So you may have to be more stern. You may have to be more tough in the conversation, but it doesn't mean you have to, you know, blow your head off and rip theirs off.

Number four, Lead with vulnerability. Find one moment this week to share something that you're working on with your team, right? Something that you can be vulnerable about.

Model what growth looks like. Help them to see that vulnerability is okay, right? Talk about something that you're working on about you personally with your team and let them see that it's okay to be vulnerable.

Number five, commit. And folks, this is such a small amount of time.

15 minutes a week, 15 for self reflection, journal, pray, process. Talk to a spouse, talk to a loved one, talk to somebody you trust, a friend. Build the habit of looking inward before you lead outward.

Make sure you're focusing on the inside before taking what's inside and leading outward. Right? Make sure it's the right stuff now.

Additional Resource (00:26:15)

Additional Resource Go listen to episode 621 Bold Leadership vs Resistance, which is breaking down cycles and leading effectively.

This is where I walk through what resistance really looks like and how to break the why even try concept that mindset and how to kind of reignite boldness and how to communicate it in a way that fosters real collaboration.

Conclusion (00:26:40)

Now things to understand. You can't lead others well until you know yourself well. And here's the truth. The most transformational leaders are not, are not the loudest, the boldest or the most visionary.

They're the ones who are the most aware. They've done the work, they've faced the mirror, they've dealt with their own planks, if you will, so that they can guide others with wisdom and plank some.

What I mean is taking the plank out of their eye before pointing out a sliver in somebody else's right. You know, that way they could guide others. They could guide them with wisdom, humility, clarity, all that kind of fun stuff.

So ask yourself today, what's in me that needs to be seen and what could change for me and my team if I saw it clearly.

So leader, whether it's at business, whether it's at home, whether it's in a friend group, transformation starts with you. Well folks, that's all the time that we have for today.

Again, I hope this is helping you immensely. This is as we hit all of this tough stuff, this is all good but very difficult stuff to do.

We hope that you are putting this in place. If you would do me a favor, help us to help others go like this. Go leave a comment. Go share this with somebody you know that needs to hear it.

That helps us to change our lives. Folks, as always, take this information. Change your leadership. Change your business, change your life. And join us on the next episode.