638 | Turning a Complainer into a Contributor: Leading Through Attitude Shifts

Got a team member who always seems to find what's wrong, but never what's right. In today's episode, we're talking about how to lead through attitude problems and shift a complainer into someone who lifts your team up. That is coming up next.

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto Show, where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.

Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are.

Today we are tackling a topic that every leader eventually faces. What do you do with someone who just won't stop complaining? This is going to be a very short episode.

You fire them, okay? Not literally. Maybe you will. We're actually going to try and fix it. How about that? Instead, you know the type. You know the type of person.

They point out everything that is broken. They bring down the entire room and energy and meetings. They never seem to have a solution, but they've always got an opinion. Here's the deal.

That person isn't just annoying. They are dangerous to your culture. If they are left unchecked, they can spread frustration.

They can lower morale. They can even influence your best people to disengage or worse, even leave.

But here's the good news. Complainers can change. I know, I know. You're like, I don't believe you. Chris, I get it. I understand. We've all experienced it, right?

But with the right leadership, you can actually help them to see their own behavior. You can actually help them to own it, help them to grow beyond it. Now, caveat is not everybody is going to be able to get there. But what are your other options, right?

Do you either work on this and try and fix it, or you live with it. And you can't live with it. Your team can't live with it. You have to do something about this.

So I have seen this happen again and again with clients leaders who used to literally dread certain team members. Now tell me, hey, they've completely turned around. They are actually one of our strongest in helping point out problems and solve problems.

They're actually helping us to build the culture now. So how do we do that? Well, today we're walking through five key steps to lead through attitude problems and shift a complainer into a contributor.

Separate the Person from the Behavior (00:02:52)

So first thing, separate the person from the behavior. The goal isn't to label a person. It's to lead them. Yes, I know. It's so quick and easy. It's so easy to label somebody. But what you will find is labeling them doesn't solve, doesn't fix it.

It's not helping. You're not changing anything by labeling them a complainer. Yes, they're complaining. But, folks, you've been listening to the show long enough, or if you've just found us.

Our goal isn't to focus on that surface. Our goal is to dig in and find out what's going on. So a lot of leaders fall into two traps.

They're either ignoring the problem and they hope it goes away, which it never does, or they get super frustrated and they start seeing the person only through the lens of negativity.

We've all been there. You've got to step back and you have to ask the question, is this a behavioral issue instead of a person issue? Is it possible there's something deeper that's driving this behavior? Or is this just who the person is?

And I will tell you, people don't want to be complainers. They don't want that to be their life. And a lot of people don't recognize that they are complainers.

I mean, a lot. Think of yourself. I mean, how many times do we complain about something and then realize, oh, my gosh, I didn't even realize I was just complaining about that. Gosh, that's terrible. I hate how I sound right now.

Well, there's some folks that, they don't recognize it, and some folks believe that complaining, or they probably wouldn't call it complaining, but their style of response is actually needed in situations.

So think about this. If you've got somebody who is toxic and you dig in and you start asking questions and you start helping them to see through maybe the curiosity lens...

You know, maybe you start, instead of condemning them, you start asking questions like, hey, I've noticed this, this pattern. Can you know that?

I've noticed this in meetings that you tend to shoot holes in things or you shoot things down, but I don't hear you solving anything.

Can we kind of talk about that process that you have? Do you recognize it? Do you see it? What you may discover is they're clueless. They have no clue that they've been doing that.

Or what you may find is the pride, ego comes out and says, well, yeah, of course, I was the wrong thing. That was a terrible thing. And they don't recognize how they're coming across.

So start the conversation with care and concern and try and help them get to seeing themselves.

Don't just, you know, pummel them. Hey, you're being a total jerk in meetings. You're being a jerk. Anytime we try to brainstorm something.

Name the Impact, Not Just the Complaint (00:05:49)

Help them to see what's going on, show them care, concern, curiosity, not condemnation, and try and get them to a place where they recognize, number two, name the impact, not just the complaint.

So most complainers are terribly blind to the ripple effects of what they're saying, of their own words.

They don't see how they're affecting team morale. They don't see how they're affecting productivity. They don't, you know, they don't see any of that. They only focus. And they also don't.

They don't realize what's happening to their own reputation, that they are creating a reputation of being somebody who's so negative or toxic or, you know, a complainer, whatever.

So make sure that you help them to see what the impact is from the way they're going about their responses, the way they're going about shooting holes in things, the way they're going about, you know, the way that they come across.

People experience their comments as being demeaning or tearing something down or tearing a person down. Whatever it is, to whatever extent that is, help them to see the impact.

Help them to see that people struggle with, you know, bringing things to this person because they're going to be so negative. If these things are true, obviously don't do anything that's not true. Right? Help them to see what their specific impact is.

You will find that some people are impacting to such a great extent that nobody wants to work with them.

Nobody likes them, you know, nobody's going to spend time with them, nobody's going to get on the same page with them, nobody's going to try and accomplish goals with them.

So to whatever extent, and if you've caught this early enough, you probably don't have that level of, of impact.

So show the impact that you do have. And maybe, you know, sometimes I've done this in the past because again, I've been doing this a long time. I've shared, hey, if this continues, here's what it's probably going to look like.

Here's what people are probably going to experience. And that also helps them to go, oh, gosh, that's the last thing that I want, right? So clearly name how the behavior impacts others.

Don't just say, hey, you're negative. People don't like you. When you speak like this, it just ticks everybody off. Don't do that.

Hey, when you speak this way, it's very discouraging to the rest of the team from bringing ideas, you know, when, when, when any idea just gets shot down or it appears as though it's getting shot down, then it's very discouraging. So help them to see the impact.

Shift Their Identity From Problem-Spotter to Problem-Solver (00:08:24)

Number three shift their identity from problem spotter to problem solver.

So the great thing about complainers is, is that they're incredibly observant. The issue is they need to be redirected.

So a phenomenal thing is sometimes complainers, or a lot of times, believe it or not, if they're shooting down something and they're actually giving good reasons why not just shooting it down for shooting down sake, there is that as well.

What you may discover is they're incredibly observant and the things that they're pointing out aren't horrible.

It's actually good information. It's just the way that it's being delivered. You know, many people complain a lot and they're actually trying to be helpful or they believe that they're being helpful.

They just don't have the maturity or the training or even the vision to be solution oriented. So in their minds, by saying that's not going to work because of this, this and this, they've just helped you, they've just helped you to understand the problems that you have.

The issue is, is the way that they just delivered that information is terrible because it's consistent, it's always happening. And it just sounds like they're unhappy.

They don't like people and they sure as heck don't like anybody's ideas.

If you help them to see how they're coming across and you shift their identity from just spotting problems into, into actually solving problems by challenging them, by asking them, hey, you, you obviously, you clearly see a lot.

What would it look like to be the kind of person who brings answers, not just the problem?

So one of the things I say whenever I find somebody continuously shooting holes and stuff, I say, hey, I want you to shoot holes, but for every hole that you shoot, I want you to plug that hole.

So if you're going to shoot a hole in this, if you're going to say that there's something wrong with this, it's not going to work.

And I want that, I want that information. I want that, I want to hear it. I want you to come with a solution too.

You know, how would you fix this? What would you do to fix this? How could you lead others through solving this issue? You see the problem, how could you help others to see the problem but see a solution as well?

Can you bring a solution or two solutions for every single time you find a problem?

How would you fix this? What would you do? By doing that, you're inviting them into their own ownership of the solutions, right?

You're inviting them to not just come across as somebody who complains, but as somebody who is a problem solver as well.

Build a Culture That Rewards Contribution, Not Criticism (00:11:14)

Number four, build a culture that rewards contribution, not criticism. The truth is that people repeat what's rewarded. You do, I do. If there's something that's rewarded, feels good, it feels nice.

I want to keep doing that thing. If this is working out, we keep doing this show to help people. There's a time I was thinking, forget it. Years ago, I was like, ugh, why am I doing this?

I talked, reached out to a buddy, Mike Hyatt, and said, hey, I think I'm done. And he's like, don't stop. Just keep going. Keep going. You'll find, you know, you're, you're right there.

You'll find that people are going to receive this really well. And sure enough, Bamboo, it was great to see that it was having a good impact, a great impact on a lot of people's lives.

I mean, we've had messages from people over the years that are like, I've built an entire business by listening to this show and doing the things you say. The first time I heard that, I was like, ah, maybe, maybe not.

And then I started hearing it over and over again. And we've heard that for 12, 13 years now of people saying, I've listened to the show and started a business and built it according to what you teach and it's become successful.

You need to know those things people need to hear they're doing. I, as much as I, help people to make right decisions and not get stuck in worth and things.

One of the loneliest things is not hearing that what you're doing is working. Not hearing that what you're doing, that the passion that you have is not having an impact, right?

So if you want people to repeat the things that you want them to do, reward them for it. So if you've got somebody who's a problem pointer outer who's becoming a problem solver, then reward them.

You know, if you let chronic complainers vent without accountability, they then you're training the behavior that you can vent and there's not going to be any accountability.

You can get away with this. But if you recognize contributors who bring solutions, believe it or not, other people will follow because they will see that they can be rewarded for that.

Now, again, I'm not saying all of their entire worth is going to get in, you know, is going to come from you telling them that they did a great job on something.

What I'm saying is, is that when you see that's the right thing to do and it creates a certain outcome and that outcome creates a reward, boom, people are going to do it.

You know, one of the things you could do is start calling out the wins of the week in every team meeting that you have or every public meeting that you have, publicly praising people for solving problems, right?

If you start a culture where you're recognizing how people solve problems, then people are going to want to solve problems because they want to be recognized as a problem solver. They want to be recognized for the thing that they're doing, right?

The thing that they're doing correctly. So make sure that you're setting aside time in a meeting to set a tone. You know, do it in your team meetings.

Do it in one on ones. Do it where you can. And again, you're. This is how you're creating culture, right? You're teaching the culture that you want. You're. You're modeling the culture that you want. Make sure that you celebrate contribution.

Make sure that you model how great it is when people are helping others to solve problems, right? If you will recognize it and point it out and, you know, celebrate that, then it will train people to go, aha. That's what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm supposed to be helping out. Another thing you could do is redirect negativity in real time with questions like, hey, what's a productive next step?

When you experience the negativity in real time, instead of just pointing out negativity, ask the question, hey, what is a positive next step? What's a productive next step?

What's something that we can do to. To solve this right now? Now, I will tell you this. There's a really good chance you're going to get, oh, I don't know. And that, I don't know, drives me nuts.

Everybody has enough brains to figure out something, but when people don't want to or they don't want to put their head on the chopping block or they don't want to look stupid or sound stupid, then what happens is you get the I don't know.

Drives me nuts. Absolutely drives me nuts. What you need to do is give people the time to come up with an answer.

If you find somebody just shooting down ideas and not giving solutions and their only answer is, I don't know, then help them to overcome that with, hey, do me a favor. I want you to go take 20 minutes and come up with an idea on this.

What are you talking about? Just go take 20 minutes, spend some time thinking about it, and come back to me with a solid solution for this. I don't have a solution. I know.

That's why I want you to go take 20 minutes, go think about this, and what you'll find is that you start training them. You trade them one of two things. If they're a champion, they're going to come back with solutions.

If they're not a champion, they're going to avoid pointing out negative stuff. So somehow it's a win in each situation.

But really you're hoping that they're not somebody who doesn't come back with a solution and just stops being negative because you want people to get beyond that. You want people to recognize the struggle and get beyond.

Coach Progress, Not Perfection (00:17:20)

Number five, coach progress, not perfection. Do not expect instant transformation. Let me say it again.

Especially if you're somebody who goes, well, I told them once they should already have this. Do not expect instant transformation. You've got to lead this process patiently. You've got to spend time.

You've got to come back. You're probably going to have to mention it multiple times before it takes hold.

And if you think about it, how many times in your life did you need somebody to teach you multiple times before you got something and it stuck really well?

Right? Especially when it comes to changing an attitude, changing a behavior. Behavior change takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. Even if somebody wants to improve, there's a really good chance they're going to backslide on this. Right?

They're going to do it again. It's going to happen again. So it's going to take some time and they're going to need you there. What really matters is that you keep coaching the vision of who they can become.

If you will spend time continuously coaching them and helping them to see that they can become a better version of themselves and a more positive version of themselves, they're going to get there.

It'll happen. So spend time doing that. Right? Don't just tell them once and expect them to change. And then when they screw up, you rip their heads off. That's not going to help anybody tackle it.

With the concept that this is a growth path. Sit down. Define the struggle that they're experiencing. Line out a growth path, give ideas and have them give ideas.

As a matter of fact, I would start with, hey, what do you think are some things that you can do to grow in this area?

How do you think you can change in a, in a more positive way in this area and then take their ideas and then give some that they haven't come up with.

If you've got some ideas that they haven't thought about, give some more ideas. Here's some things I think you can do.

Why don't we decide on this, why don't we agree on this, we'll put this down and then over the next three weeks, month, two months, whatever it is, you know, if they, if they are habitual, then this may take a little bit more time.

But set up a, an amount of time where you need to see some adjustments, some change and then do your yourself and them a favor.

Celebrate small wins. Make sure that you're recognizing whether it's one on one or in public. Make sure that you're recognizing when they're doing a good job.

Now don't do it fake and don't, you know, go ballistic to, you know, over the top celebration in front of other people. Mentioning it is a celebration.

Hey, Jody, great job on solving that problem over there. I appreciate that. Thank you. It can be something so simple as that, right?

Make sure that you're giving regular feedback. Make sure that you're reminding them of the progress. Hey, look at where you are.

You know, one of the fun things I love about doing things like Stratplan or Next Level Life, especially when folks have come back for two, three times, multiple times, is helping them to see as we're going through and finding new things to work on is pointing back to where they were when they started.

Hey, do you remember three years ago when communication was like this and we had no accountability and, and, and, and it is such a great thing for people to stop and recognize the progress.

Oh my gosh, I do remember that. Geez, we did a terrible job with such and such or communication or whatever. And look at where we are now. Yep, absolutely. We have grown, right? We've stepped it up now we're going to step it up again in a few years.

We'll look back on this time frame and we will see that we have grown immensely. So make sure that you're reminding them of the progress.

And most of all, keep pointing them toward helping them to see that this is a greater version of themselves. Help them to see that this is personal growth. Help them to see that they're becoming a newer version, you know, a better version of them.

Right. It's amazing when you help somebody shift mindset into something that's more positive or, and again, they may, they still may not see the pointing out issues, you know, shooting holes and things as an issue.

They may see that as, yeah, but I'm still trying to help. Okay, but our goal, remember, it's not about you just shooting holes. It's about setting everybody else up for success.

It's about communicating to the team in a way that allows them to go, oh my gosh, I totally see that we need to fix that.

So make sure that you keep pointing them back to that this is a progress of growth, that this is a process that's helping them to become a better person, a better leader, a better family member, better spouse, whatever, any of those things.

If they can see that this is a process that's helping them get better, then that in itself will be a reward.

Action Items (00:22:37)

All right, here's some action items for you.

First, identify the complainer. Who's the voice of negativity on your team. Identify that person or persons.

Number two, have the conversation. Separate the person from the behavior and talk about the impact of what the negative responses, comments, anything that they're doing, the impact of what that's having.

Number three, invite ownership. Ask them for solutions, not just complaints. How do you solve this stuff? How would you fix that? What would you do over here?

Number four, reinforce the right behaviors. People repeat what gets rewarded. So create public and private moments to affirm confidence. Contribution. Contribution is what we want. Problem solving is what we want.

Number five, coach consistently. Do not quit on them. Lead them with vision and belief and then be greatly, happily surprised when you see their growth.

Additional Resources (00:23:39)

Additional resources for you:

A blog post, Unhealthy Attitudes: How Your Leadership Mindset Impacts Your Team

As a leader, your mindset and attitude don't just affect you, they ripple through your entire team. So whether you realize it or not, your team mirrors your outlook.

Conclusion (00:23:57)

Folks, attitude is contagious. So as a leader, you've got to protect your culture from negativity and pursue the potential in people who are struggling. Complainers can change.

I promise you they can. I've seen it a hundred times. I've seen a few times when they don't, but I've seen way more times when they do.

You just have to lead them with clarity, with consistency, and with care. So if you want help creating a culture that brings out the best in people, where high standards and heart come together, we'd love to talk to you, reach out to our team.

Until next time, keep leading with vision, truth and grace. Well, folks, that's all the time that we have for today. I hope this has helped you immensely.

As always, take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life. And join us on the next episode.