686 | Feedback Isn’t the Finish Line

Feedback names the gap. Development builds the bridge. Accountability helps the person cross it. All of that is coming up next.

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto Show, where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.

Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are.

Today we are talking about what happens when you have clearly addressed a problem with someone on your team.

But the problem keeps coming back because at some point, repeating the same feedback is not helping them change. It's only frustrating both of you.

The Feedback Loop That Won't Break (00:00:53)

Now, you've had the same conversation with the same person four times this year. Maybe it's been five times this year, right?

You explain what needs to change. They appear to be listening, they agree, they try, and maybe for a few weeks they get better.

But then slowly the old behavior comes back. You've probably experienced this. I know many of us absolutely have.

And for example, you know, a leader that you've asked to really lead people and get them to do their work starts doing everybody's work again, takes it all back.

Or maybe you've got a team member who you've asked to communicate really well with people. I know you've never had this before, but they do for a little bit of time, and then they leave people in the dark, right?

Or maybe you've got a leader that you've empowered to make decisions and they start bringing everything back to you, every single decision, over and over and over again.

And now you're frustrated because you've told them, you've been clear, you've been patient. You started wondering, do they just not care?

Are they not listening? Did I put the wrong person in the role? And sometimes the answer may be yes.

I mean, that is something we do have to face, right? Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes you're dealing with the unwillingness or the poor fit or someone who refuses to take ownership.

The One Question to Ask Before Blaming the Person (00:02:16)

But before you decide the person is the problem, ask yourself one incredibly important question. Did I only tell them what needed to change, or did I actually help them learn to change? Ouch. I know that one can be very painful for a lot of us, right?

Because many of us, we don't realize that those are two completely different acts of leadership.

And for many of us, we believe, we convince ourselves that if I've told somebody, I've put somebody in the role, they're smart, they know what they're doing.

You know, they've got a resume that said that they know what they're doing. And now I've got them in this role. And for some reason, it's not going the way that I think it should.

I don't get that. They should be good at this. I mean, all these thoughts go through our heads, right? We hired this person, they seemed competent, yada, yada, yada.

The thing is, you have to understand that just because they have a resume, just because they've said they've done things before, just because they're smart or seemingly smart, just because all of these things doesn't mean that they understand what to do, how to solve.

So you have to look at telling somebody what to do or telling somebody what to fix and actually helping them to get.

There are two completely different situations. You know, one makes the problem visible. Hey, this is the thing I want you to focus on. And the other helps the person actually solve it.

So we really shouldn't have one without the other. Oh, but Chris, I don't understand. Why do I have to do this? I'm paying them to do this.

I get you. I understand. I know how much it sucks at times to be helping somebody or paying somebody that you expect to be able to solve a problem, and then they're not solving the problem.

But here's the deal. You either need to learn how to lead them to solving problems and helping them to make those decisions, or you've got to make a different decision with this person.

I'm always going to lean in the direction of me trying to help them solve before anything else.

So today I want to show you what needs to happen after the feedback conversation happens and why that may be the piece of, you know, the puzzle that your people are absolutely missing.

Why Feedback Alone Doesn't Change Behavior (00:04:43)

So feedback absolutely helps someone see the distance between what is happening as well as what should be happening.

Right. You may say something like, you know, you're solving too many problems on your team instead of developing the team, which we see that all the time. Right.

As leaders and as business owners, we see that all the time. Or. Or you're waiting too long to address issues. And not only do we have team members and leaders doing this, but we have many business owners that are waiting too long to address business issues.

Or you're not giving people enough context when you make decisions. Right.

Help them to understand why you're making the decision, what you're doing, all that stuff, or, you know, you keep asking me to approve decisions that are already yours to make.

You should be making these decisions. You shouldn't be coming to me with this. You know, all of that is stuff that you may be saying right now.

And all of it is definitely useful. All of it does identify an issue and it does explain why it matters. But feedback alone does not tell you why the pattern keeps returning.

Maybe the person lacks skill, maybe they lack confidence. Maybe they do not know what the new behavior looks like in the real situation, which is definitely a possibility. Know, hey, change this. Well, I've never known any other way, right?

So if they don't know what the new pattern, the new behavior looks like, well, then it would be realistic to believe that they're not going to be able to get there, right? I know you, you want them to.

They should be able to figure this out in a perfect world. Absolutely. And here is a caveat. As I'm saying this, I'm sitting here thinking, how many of us are that type of go getter that if somebody gave us that direction, hey, change this.

We would go out and bust it. We would figure it out, we'd change it, we'd do whatever. Keep in mind, not everybody is going to operate that same way. If you had a bunch of yous, multiples of you, not lambs.

If you had a bunch of you in each position, how would the business operate? Probably not the best, right? You're great at what you do because of how you're built to do what you do.

But I understand that I can't be the one. If I was the one who had to do all the administrative stuff in my business, oh my gosh, we'd never get anything done, right?

That's just not my role. That's not who I am. I can do those things, but it's going to take me four times the amount of time as Noelia who knocks things out like crazy. Right? I can't do that.

I can, but then there's not going to be a business, right? So you have to realize just because you can hear something and put that thing, you know, in place, in effect get it done, doesn't mean that everybody can do that.

So maybe they just don't have that skill set. Maybe they don't understand what the changed behavior looks like. Maybe their calendar or their responsibilities or you know, authority make the expectation almost impossible.

Their level of authority, right? Maybe the system around them or systems depending upon what they're all dealing with, maybe they reward the old behavior or even maybe they just understand exactly what to do and are choosing not to do it.

But you need to diagnose that rather than assume it. Right? In the situation that we're talking about today, let's assume that they're not just rebellious and defiant.

Let's assume that they don't know what to do or something is holding them back, and we've got to figure that out.

Right? So here's the deal. One of the reasons that leaders miss this is because the person agrees to the feedback. How many times have you sat there giving somebody feedback and they're like, yeah, okay, you're right.

Yeah, I need to do better. Yep, I'll work on that. And because they agree, you assume that, well, they know how to change. You're saying, yes, you're agreeing with me, that this needs to change.

So you must see it. And the agreement definitely does not prove that they actually have the ability to change. So a leader may completely agree that they need to stop solving every problem, you know, from the team.

Then on Tuesday morning, every problem that comes their way is something that they jump in and solve, you know, or an employee walks into their office and is like, hey, this customer's upset.

What in the world do I do? And. And every bit of their insecurity that says, oh, my gosh, I must solve this problem for that customer and not allow this team member to do it. And guess what?

That's gonna be a lot of you business owners as well that pops in their head. And it's like, don't try and lead them to solving this. Just go solve the problem as fast as you possibly can.

Right? The customer's waiting. The team member looks nervous. Just solve the problem. Well, guys, I'm going to tell you, that's not the best answer.

Unless this is a potentially, you know, fatal problem that this customer is dealing with. You actually need to help them to learn how to solve the problem.

Yeah, but, Chris, it's so much faster if I just jump in and do it. It feels safer if I just jump in and do it.

Okay, well, then you cannot be surprised that somebody is consistently coming to you or another leader to solve the problem. Right?

Stop Rescuing, Start Developing (00:10:11)

So it also may be that the urgency is causing you to not recognize that they're ignoring your feedback, you know, since it's urgent.

Well, surely you would want me to come to you with this so that you can solve this problem. And now you're there urgently solving the problem.

So what message are you sending then? Stop rescuing the team, folks. Stop rescuing them. It doesn't teach them anything. It doesn't teach them how to solve.

It doesn't teach them how to lead other people to solve. That's for sure. What they are going to learn is, is that in difficult situations come to you, Right? They're going to learn.

You're the one who's going to solve the problem. What they need to learn is what questions to ask.

They need to learn, you know, how long should they struggle through something trying to solve it before, you know, getting to you or getting to somebody else to get to the solution, right?

They need to know when to step back and when to step in. And they need to understand how to create enough margin so that every issue isn't an emergency. These are all skills. These are things that they need to learn and develop.

So when the same issue returns, one of the problems is, is that many leaders repeat the feedback with greater intensity, right?

The first time you might say something like, I don't know, you know, I would like for you to work on this. Or maybe second time it's like, you know, hey, we've talked about this before.

Then the third time it's like, I really need you to take this seriously.

And by the time you get to the fourth time, it's like, what the heck is the problem? The pattern keeps returning, you know, and you keep treating it as it's just information.

Just tell them with more intensity, you know, go change this, go fix this, whatever. But what you're not asking is, hey, where is this breaking down? Why is this expectation not clear enough? Or is it clear?

Is it even clear at all? Does a person know what to do in the actual moment? Do they have the authority, the time, the tools?

Do they have the support that's required? Have we practiced this before, right? Have we practiced the behavior, the change that I'm expecting from them?

And I know a lot of you are going, oh my gosh, don't tell me, I've got a role play with Frank over here, right?

Neither one of us wants to do that. Well, guess what, guys, sometimes that's exactly what you need. I have a new team member that recently have been walking through certain processes.

And as those processes weren't being executed exactly the way I was thinking, one of the things I realized is I'm not making sure that person knows what I've said. So because of their personality style, I've started asking them to repeat it back to me.

Hey, because of how, you know, this is a job that has a ton of brand new information. And so what I've started doing is saying, hey, here's the thing that I would like for you to go do. Can you repeat back to me what I'm saying?

And, I tell you, she doesn't love that, but she gets it and she understands and then she'll repeat back to me.

And then I can see where, okay, I should have said that more clearly or somehow that, you know, maybe I gave too much information at that time and it sets her up for success, which by default, people sets me up for success.

This is what you have to understand. So I am responsible for clearly equipping the people that I lead. So are you, right? You are responsible for making sure that they are clearly equipped.

They are responsible for applying what they've been taught. So I want you to stop rescuing people, and I want you to start developing people. Right? It's making sure that somebody has actually been prepared to carry the responsibility that you're asking them to own.

That's the thing you're really looking for. Now think about your team. Who have you given the same feedback to more than once? Right? Choose one person and one recurring pattern.

Maybe a leader will not delegate, or maybe someone waits too long to communicate, or maybe a leader avoids difficult conversations, or maybe a team member keeps bringing you decisions that they should be making.

Then ask yourself, have I only named what needs to change, or have I helped this person build the ability to change it?

The Build Conversation: Diagnose, Build, Hold Accountable (00:15:04)

This week have what I call a build conversation. It has three parts. The first thing is diagnose the gap. Here's what I want you to say to whoever it is, right?

Hey, we've talked about this before, and I know you understand why it matters since it keeps happening. I don't want to just simply repeat myself. I want us to understand where it's breaking down and then ask what happens in this moment.

Obviously, you have to have the specific situation, right? What happens in this moment? What feels difficult about handling it differently?

What are you unsure about when it comes to the execution? Ask them to walk through the last time it happened.

You know, speak it out, talk through, process out loud, right? And find the moment where the old behavior took over.

Second thing I want you to do, I want you to build the skill, right? Make new behavior specific.

Don't just tell them they need to communicate better. Right? Don't settle for, you know, saying, hey, you got to take ownership or you got to be proactive. I want you to ask things like, hey, what should you do next time?

Make sure that you're asking them to come up with this information. Get their brain processing, get their. Get them thinking about what they need to do next time, right?

So what should you do next time? What could you have said in this situation? Or what decision should you be making? You're not looking for the perfect answers.

You're Looking for answers that you could work with. You know, ask the question, what would success in this situation look like? Then practice solving the problem. Practice giving them the skill, helping them to develop the skill. Role play the conversation.

I know you think it's silly, but I promise you, when you just get past thinking it's silly and you just start putting it in place, you will be blown away at how easy it is to just go, all right, hey, you be you in this situation, I'll be the client. Here we go.

And just start walking through it. Once you've done it a time or two, people get over feeling silly about role playing, right?

I know I've done this 10,000 times with people, so just do it. Right? So role play the situation and then solve. Clarify the the authority that they have, right?

Help them to make adjustments to calendars and timelines so that they don't make things emergencies and you know, help them to create a checklist in this process.

Show them what good looks like. Yes, it's going to take more time than simply giving feedback. I'm completely aware of this. But let me ask you, if feedback hasn't been working, don't you think you should shift?

Don't you think we should change at this point? Right? Because you're doing the same thing. You have the patterns of not fixing the problem.

So our goal is to help you get to a place where you don't have to continuously do this. So here's the deal. You're either gonna spend time developing the person or spend time continuing to deal with the problem.

You pick, right? So those are the first two things. The third thing I want you to do is create accountability.

Do not end with okay, you know, just go work on that or not give them time to go solve and realize that they still have the work on their plate to accomplish, you know, so that this becomes an emergency.

Make sure, sure you define how the progress will be measured. Make sure that you schedule a follow up before the conversation ends, then coach them along the way.

When there's improvement for the love, recognize it. People will repeat what they're recognized for. So recognize the improvement. If there is problems, address it quickly.

If there's breakdown, address it quickly. Quickly.

And after someone has been clearly equipped and supported and held accountable, you're going to have way better information about whether or not the issue is the ability of the person or the willingness of the person.

That's when you can really start to make decisions on where you go from here. Right? Development doesn't remove consequences.

It just simply makes sure that you're truly preparing someone before deciding that they're not going to meet the expectation.

So, one move this week. Here's the one move I want you to do. Identify the feedback you have repeated most often with one person and do not repeat it again.

Instead, sit them down. Say, hey, we've talked about what needs to change today. I want us to build what changing actually looks like. So diagnose the gap, build the skill, create the accountability.

Because remember that feedback is not the finish line. Feedback names the gap, development builds the bridge, and accountability helps the person to cross it.

And that is how people begin carrying real responsibility. And that is how you stop carrying everything alone.

Now, next week in episode 687, we are talking about something that. That has its own completely different problem underneath it. What happens when you promote your best person and they start to struggle?

That's not a feedback issue or development gap in the traditional sense. It's transition nobody prepared them for. And it needs a different conversation entirely. That is next week.

Also, before we wrap up, I want to speak directly to the business owner who is tired of being being the answer to everything.

Your team may be full of good people. You may have leaders with strong titles and real potential. But when something goes wrong, it still finds its way back to you.

The difficult customer, the employee conflict, the operational problem, the decision that nobody wants to make. You step away. But you never completely disconnect because part of you is waiting for the call, the text, or the next emergency.

And maybe you keep telling yourself, you know what, once we hire one more person, or, you know, once the busy season ends, or, you know, when my leaders finally step up, then things are going to get easier.

But a business does not become less dependent on its owner simply because more time passes. Your leaders have to be developed to think, decide, communicate, and take ownership without everything flowing back through you.

That's why on August 6th at 11 Central, I'm hosting a free live workshop called 4 Steps to Build a Business that Runs without you. This is not about abandoning your business. It's about building a healthier one.

A business where your team knows what winning looks like. A business where leaders make strong decisions without constantly waiting for your approval.

A business where you can focus on the work that truly requires you and trust your team to carry the rest. Because you did not start a business so you could become the most exhausted employee in it.

And you should not have to choose between building a successful company and having a healthy life.

So during this live workshop, I will walk you through the four steps that move a business away from owner dependence and toward genuine team ownership.

So if today's episode felt familiar, if the same problems, decisions and feedback keep coming back to you, do not simply finish this episode and tell yourself, well, I'll work on that later. Go to chrislocurto.com/build and register for the free workshop.

It's August 6th at 11:00am Central Time.

And bring the problems you're carrying, bring the places where your team is still too dependent on you and let's begin building a business that is strong because you lead it, not one that only functions because you are personally holding every piece together.

Again, go to chrislocurto.com/build and save your seat. I would love to to see you there.

Well folks, that's all the time that we have for today. I hope this has been truly helpful for you. As always, take this information. Change your leadership, change your business, change your life and join us on the next episode.