595 | Face the Facts: Stop Avoiding Tough Conversations in Business – Part 2

Introduction (00:00:00)

On today's episode. It is part two of our series on overcoming avoiding conflict, being able to have tough conversations, diving in and gaining tools on exactly how we can handle this. All of that is coming up next.

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto Show, where we discuss leadership and life, discover that business is what you do, not who you are. Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day. Wherever you are.

I hope you're dealing with no conflict right now as we jump into part two of this deep, big dive into this topic of avoiding conflict.

Now, if you did not listen to the first part, episode 594, go back and listen to that first. Trust me, you want to hear all of that first.

We are digging in. We covered a bunch and we jumped into the first parts of this by understanding how you face conflict.

What are your own tendencies when it comes to facing conflict? We worked on developing skills to address conflict. We focused on using effective conversation templates and scripts.

All kinds of stuff, lots and lots and lots of stuff. So today we're going to start by focusing on building confidence through positive outcomes. Whenever we think of conflict, what's the first thing you think of? There's no way this is going to end well.

There's no way that this is going to have a positive outcome. So that's what we want to focus on.

You know, a lot of the stuff that we. A lot of the tools on the first episode will help you to move in that direction. But the thing I want to hit next, and again, if you haven't started on 594, stop this and go there.

Cause this will seem like we've jumped way ahead.

Building Confidence Through Positive Outcomes (00:02:05)

The thing I want to start on is helping you to understand that repeated successful conflict resolution will absolutely help you to build momentum. It will make future conversations a thousand times easier.

This is one of those things that people just don't understand. The truth is, momentum is everything when it comes to handling conflict, right?

The more you step up, the more you successfully resolve tough conversations, the easier it gets to jump into the next one.

Success Creates Confidence (00:02:38)

Now, hopefully, you don't have them coming at you back to back, but here's the thing. Success breeds confidence. Confidence builds momentum.

These are things you have to understand when it comes to dealing with conflict, when it comes to dealing with tough conversations.

So this isn't just some, you know, one and done. You know, I did this one time. I had this. I dealt with this tough conversation. Whoo. Praise God, it's over.

I probably won't have any other conflict for the rest of my life. That's not, that's just not the way that life is going to go. Right. You are going to have something else pop up.

It might be small, it might be huge. The key is the momentum of handling these situations is going to make it easier.

It's not going to make everything perfect, but it is going to make it where you can handle a tough conversation and start building this foundation of repetitiveness. Right.

Of being able to go, okay, I do this, I do this, I do this. This is working. This is working. Right. So success creates confidence. That's the key.

Every time you resolve a conflict in a positive way, hopefully it's, you know, if you follow stuff in the first episode, it should end decently positive to some level.

But every time you resolve conflict in a positive way, you're giving yourself a little confidence boost.

It's helping you to say, especially those of us that, you know, come from a personality style that makes this difficult. Right. It's helping you to walk out of that conversation thinking, oh, my gosh, I. I handled that. I didn't fall apart.

I, you know, the world didn't end. Um, I can do this. That confidence carries over. I did it once. It's kind of stretching you out of your- Your mold, your comfort zone, right.

It's, It's stretching you beyond where you are and getting you to a place where you don't return to that place. You don't return to the way that you were.

You don't return to the same concerns of not being able to do it. The truth is, the next time a difficult conversation comes up, you're not feeling the same fear, hesitation, because you've already done it.

You've already been there. You've proven it to yourself that you can actually do it. And that's the big piece here. That's what makes momentum so huge, because fear is what keeps us stuck in conflict avoidance.

Why else would we avoid conflict if not for fear? It happens all the time. But the more you see yourself handling conversations, the more you. You realize you can do it. You have the tools.

You were able to work through one. It may have not been the best thing on the planet, but it was a thousand times better than the last conflict conversation you had.

Then by doing that, you're actively leaning into having those types of conversations. You're able to tackle them sooner before they blow out of proportion.

You're able to handle them earlier, before you know you're ruining relationships. You're able to handle them before projects get jacked up by waiting too long.

Right. You're not just shoving it under a rug. You're learning that you can handle it.

Success Reinforces Positive Behavior (00:05:46)

Now, the next thing is, is understanding that success reinforces positive behavior. So when you experience success in conflict resolution, the great thing is, is that your brain starts connecting the dots.

When I approach this with clarity, when I approach this with structure, when I'm calm, when things turn out okay, when I don't lose my mind, when the other person doesn't just, you know, go orbital, that's when your brain starts saying, okay, I can do this again.

That wasn't so bad. That wasn't so difficult. It's like a, it's like a workout.

You know, the first few times you do it, it's tough. We all know that. You know, you're sore, you know you're uncomfortable, but the more you stick with it, the stronger you get.

Every successful conversation is like adding another rep to your workout. It builds your emotional muscles, and next thing you know, the conversations that used to feel like you couldn't manage them, that they were impossible, you couldn't do it.

All of a sudden, you're recognizing that you can. Now, I am not saying in any way, shape, or form that all of a sudden, having one good conversation, you're like, all right, I know how to handle all of these.

None of these are going to be difficult. No, that's a, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's going to start building that confidence, right?

You're going to start gaining a more positive behavior towards having these types of conversations.

You Learn from Every Conversation (00:07:09)

So another great thing is, if you are somebody who likes to learn, this is the big caveat.

If you're somebody who pays attention, if you're somebody who takes down notes, if you're somebody who files that in your, in your cranium, there of like, hey, this is what went well.

This is what didn't have then you will learn from every conversation. So this is what I love about momentum.

It's not just about building confidence. It's about learning, I'm somebody who loves to learn. What did I do well? What did I suck at?

You know, how do I fix the things I sucked? How do I enhance the things I did well?

So every time you have a tough conversation, you're learning more about you, you're learning more about how you communicate, you're learning more about how other people communicate.

You're learning more about how you receive information, how they receive information. You're learning more how to lean in their directions and how to get them to lean in your direction as well.

You're also learning something super important, and that's how to handle emotions. And I'm not just talking about yours. If you follow the things that we've talked about so far, then you also can set the other person up for success.

That they don't go ballistic, that they don't lose control, that they don't get crazy emotional.

So the great thing is, as you end up being able to handle both sides of emotions, you know, you start changing the way and kind of refining your approach to how you handle every single tough conversation.

Again, how do you do that? Well, you've got to know what worked. You've got to be able to really be self aware of the things you did well and really be aware of the things you didn't do well.

Where did you fail? Where did you fall backwards? Don't look at those things and go, oh, great, I failed. I'm a failure. That is, gosh darn, that is not the point.

That is not going to help you. Instead, look at them as opportunities for you to learn and grow. What didn't I do well? Okay, how do I change that next time?

I remember in my early days of leadership, of having this legal size pad, the biggest pad that I could have to write down notes, and when I would screw something up, I would literally write down what I screwed up.

And then I would write how I could have handled it differently. You know, the more that I could see that I had options, the less I was like, oh, man, I failed at that. I screwed that up.

So the more opportunity you take to learn, the more opportunity you take to recognize what worked, what didn't work, the more you're going to see things differently, the more you're going to start changing the way you approach every tough conversation.

In fact, the great thing is, it's not just tough conversations. It's every conversation. You'll start realizing how you can lead a conversation incredibly well, even when there's no conflict. Right.

So every successful resolution, you're putting more tools in your toolbox. Just think about it that way. You know, you're, you're. You're coming to each conversation equipped more.

You know, whether it's a regular conversation or it's a conflict, you're going to have more tools. That is power, my friend. That helps you.

That helps you to recognize that you can go into a conversation and become that you don't have to build yourself up to prepare yourself.

It's going to make you incredibly more aware. And my gosh, it's going to increase your emotional intelligence.

Momentum Breaks the Cycle of Avoidance (00:10:32)

Another great thing is momentum breaks down the cycle of avoidance. So let's be absolutely honest. Let's be, let's be aware, let's be real here.

Conflict avoidance is a cycle. You know that it's a cycle. You avoid the conversation, the issue gets worse, you feel worse, uh, you feel even more pressure, uh, to avoid it because all of a sudden, you know it's grown out of control.

You don't want to face that thing. But once you start experiencing success in this, you break that cycle. You don't start looking at every possible conflict and going, oh my gosh, this is going to end the same way every single time.

Big, negative, big blow ups, you know, hurt feelings. You start realizing you can tackle it correctly, you can handle it better, right. Success gives you the courage to face the next conflict before it spirals out of control. Right.

And even if it does spiral out of control, you still have better tools. But my gosh, you start jumping on it so much faster. You realize that by addressing the issues early, it makes it so much easier in the long run.

You heard me talk about this, that when I started and made the decision I was going to tackle things right away, all of a sudden I realized these aren't so difficult, this isn't so tough.

And then I didn't have to deal with not only that thing blowing up down the road, but the other five things that I avoided, you know, coming to a head all at the same time.

So the more you jump on it, the more you, you continue with this momentum, the more you're breaking that cycle of avoidance.

Each Success Builds a Stronger Foundation (00:12:09)

Another great thing is each success builds a stronger foundation.

So here's the big picture.

With every successful conflict resolution, you are building a reputation for being somebody who can handle tough conversations and somebody who handles it with grace and somebody who handles it with effectiveness and treats people with dignity.

Right. When people see that you consistently resolve conflict, well, they begin to trust you more. Yes. They start seeing that you're not going to shy away from the hard stuff with somebody. Right?

Now, if you're somebody who avoids conflict, you have a handful of people who know you're not going to do something about this.

You also possibly have a handful of people who know that if you try to address the conflict with them, all they have to do is bow up or misdirect or deflect, you know, get emotional and then you're going to back down or they will be able to take you off track.

And then they really don't get blamed with the issue.

So the more that you focus on this, them, each time you have a successful conflict conversation in a healthy way, your reputation starts to build.

People start realizing you're not going to shy away, you're going to stick to this, you're going to jump in, you're going to solve things, you're going to fix problems, you're going to guide people, you're going to lead, you're going to direct them.

And all of that is going to build a stronger team, it's going to build stronger relationships, and by gosh, it is going to build a stronger leadership in you.

And if you have other leaders and you're helping them to walk through this process as well, it's going to build stronger leadership in them.

So here's the bottom line. Success builds momentum. Success builds momentum. Success builds momentum. Momentum breaks fear.

What you need to remember is momentum is your friend. The more you lean into these tough conversations, the easier they get. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Before you know it, you're not just resolving conflict, you're actually mastering it. You've heard me say God has made it. Where I am good at dealing with conflict.

I'm not perfect. I'm not the greatest on the planet. I just happen to be really good at dealing with it, even though I hate it.

I don't like conflict. But it is so much easier for me to deal with conflict now than it was 30 years ago when I just was so afraid of it.

Now I tackle conflict, I jump in, I solve problems. That is how you grow as a leader.

That is how you create a culture where tough conversations lead to progress, not to fear, where they lead to productivity, not to people shutting down and putting things on the back burner.

Overcoming the Fear of Failure or Rejection (00:15:08)

All right, next thing we need to hit is overcoming the fear of failure or rejection. Fear, by far plays the biggest role in avoiding conflict.

It is the biggest thing, um, that keeps you from pushing through it. So let's get real for a second. Fear, hands down, is one of the biggest reasons why you avoid tough conversations.

I mean, who actually even enjoys walking into a conversation knowing that it's going to get uncomfortable or it's going to get awkward or even tense?

Now I know, doing what I do for a living, I've actually met some of those folks that do enjoy it. They're super controlling. They tend to be very narcissistic. Those aren't fun. I doubt that.

There's an incredible number of those folks listening to the show right now, right. The people that are listening to this. You don't love it. You don't want to step into something uncomfortable or awkward.

You don't love stepping into something tense. You probably just hate it, just like the rest of us do. The problem is, is that fear has this way of convincing us that avoiding conflict is actually the safer route.

How many times have you told yourself, if I just avoid this, then everything will go away? If I avoid this, then, you know, somebody else is going to take care of it.

If I avoid this, then, you know, maybe nobody will notice the problem. Come on, we all know that that is an absolute life. Fear is a liar. When it comes to leadership and conflict, fear is a big liar.

The longer you avoid it, the bigger the problem gets. It doesn't go away. Instead, it grows.

So let's kind of unpack a little bit about how fear works, how it holds us back, but most importantly, how we can actually push through it and start handling conflict like a leader, like we need to.

Fear Amplifies What Might Go Wrong (00:17:06)

So let's start with the fact that fear amplifies what might go wrong. So the first thing you need to know is that fear loves to exaggerate. Right?

It's like, it's like a really bad movie trailer. It shows you all the worst case scenarios over and over and over again inside of your head.

The more that you listen to it, the more that you allow that negative self talk, the more you're going to start thinking, man, what if I'm the one who makes things worse?

What if, what if they get angry? What if, what if it damages this relationship? You know, all of those things start cropping up in your head.

And that fear has a way of taking something that can be resolved, you know, with one tough conversation and turning it into this massive, giant issue, you know, this mountain of an issue.

But most of the time, the worst case scenarios, I ask people all the time, hey, this, this lie that you're telling yourself, or this negative self talk you have in your head, if you were to rank it, you know, you're, you're telling yourself, oh, what if this happens?

I'll say, if, you know, what's the worst case? Rank it on a scale of zero to ten, what's the worst case scenario? How bad is it going to be? Oh, it's probably a seven or eight.

Then as we work through stuff, I'll say, what is the likelihood that it's actually going to be a seven or eight? And they're like, oh, it's actually not, it's not that bad. It's probably maybe a two or three on the worst case scenario.

But the crazy thing is this fear lives inside of our brains, and we build up how horrible things are gonna be. The worst case scenario almost never happens.

Almost never happens. But fear plays games with your minds, right? It tries to keep you in this place of avoiding discomfort.

The thing is, the discomfort is going to be ten times worse later on when you actually do have to handle it.

When it doesn't go away and the problem doesn't go away, discomfort gets way worse. So understand that fear is going to keep you from tackling this stuff.

You've got to overcome that fear.

Fear Makes You Forget the Long-Term Benefit (00:19:14)

Now, the thing is, fear makes you forget the long term benefit of handling the situation. It kind of tricks you into thinking only about the short term pain.

If you don't really get focused on how this is going to work out in the long run, then what you'll do is you'll keep avoiding the short term pain.

I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to deal with it. For the love, rip the band aid off. Rip it off and deal with it, right. Oh, my gosh, this is going to be so hard.

You know, what if it doesn't go well? What if they get mad at me? What if, what if, what if fear wants you to stay in that place? Let me tell you something, leader.

The growth that comes from having tough conversations far outweighs the temporary discomfort. When you push through fear and deal with conflict head on, then you're setting your team up for success.

You're setting your relationships up for success. You're setting you up for success. You're setting your family up for success in the long run.

If you address it early, all of the benefits, you know, getting rid of the drama, getting rid of confusion, getting rid of frustration, that's going to build.

The longer you don't handle it, the longer fear continues to convince you not to do anything about it. Those things diminish, they drop massively.

But fear wants you to stay right in the moment. Discomfort, struggle, pain, all of that. A joke that I share a lot in events is something I learned decades ago. I wish I remember where I heard this, but it was so long ago, I've forgotten.

But a guy goes into a hardware store and he asked the owner at the cash register, says, hey, I need a hammer. Where do you have hammers? He's like, oh, it's down on aisle three.

And the guy goes, what is that sound? And the owner goes, oh, that's my dog. He's back there laying on a nail and the guy's like, okay, whatever.

So he goes down, finds all three, he's looking through all the hammers, finally decides the one that he wants, and he brings it back up to the register and he goes, is that dog still laying on that nail?

He goes, yep. He goes, well, why? He goes, because it doesn't hurt enough yet. That is something that has stuck with me for decades.

How many times can we stay in pain because it doesn't hurt enough for us to do something about it? How many times do you allow things to fester and grow and become bigger issues because currently it's not hurting enough?

The thing is, is if you will look at the long term effect, you will gladly, you will gladly jump into that conflict now to solve it.

While it's considerably smaller to get the long term outcome than waiting for this thing to blow up.

Folks, if you've been listening to me for any length of time, then you know the number one issue when it comes to business, when it comes to family, when it comes to friendships, is having a lack of high quality communication to make sure that you are absolutely winning in every aspect of your life.

It all starts with having great communication.

The best way to get that communication is to understand your personality style and to understand the personality style of the folks that you're spending the most time with, whether it be at work, whether it be at home.

The best way to do that is to go to chrislocurto.com/store and get your personality profile and personality profiles for your team today. Get it for your family members today.

As you go through that profile, you will begin to see the greatest ways to communicate. Go to chrislocurto.com/store today.

Fear Keeps You Stuck in a Cycle of Avoidance (00:23:23)

All right, another big piece here. Fear keeps you stuck. It keeps you stuck in the cycle of avoidance. We talked about the cycle of avoidance.

Fear loves patterns. If it can get you to avoid one tough conversation, it's going to keep doing it. That's going to keep you stuck.

You're going to avoid the next one, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one until you're completely stuck in this cycle.

You gotta break that. You know that you have the potential to do so, but what is it gonna take? Like I said on the last episode, practice, practice, practice. The more that you do this and like I just shared, the more momentum you get.

You can start breaking that cycle. Think about it for a second. Every single time you avoid conflict, you're allowing fear to win.

Every time fear wins, your problems get bigger. They don't get smaller, they get bigger. You're not just stuck, you're actually sinking deeper into all of that crap, right?

It's like that quicksand that those of us who are older, we thought was going to be a bigger issue in our life as we saw it on so many movies and tv shows.

For some reason we thought quicksand was going to be a thing. Never actually experienced it. But I sure have experienced it in my mind.

I sure have experienced in the quicksand of fear that I just keep sinking into it deeper and deeper and deeper. The only way out of that cycle is you have to do something.

You have to take action. You have to recognize that the fear is holding you back, and you have to make a decision to push through it.

Pushing Through Fear Starts with Small Steps (00:24:55)

Which takes us to the next thing. Pushing through fear starts with small steps. How are we going to beat this fear? You don't have to go to zero to hero overnight, right?

The way you push through fear is by starting small. You don't need to handle the biggest, most intimidating conflict first. Start with something small.

The smaller the issue, the faster you're going to be able to solve it, get through it, learn, grow, and the less it's going to have you overwhelmed as well, which is super important.

So use the structured approach we talked about in the first episode. You know, getting to this observation, awareness, expressing concern, asking open minded questions, collaborating on solutions.

Do all of these pieces to overcome that fear so that you jump on the next one a heck of a lot faster. When you start with those smaller pieces, the smaller conversations, you begin to build confidence.

Confidence chips away at the fear and you start seeing, oh, my gosh, I totally can do this.

The world didn't fall apart. I actually helped in this conversation. I'm solving things.

Fear is Temporary, But Avoiding Conflict Has Long-Term Consequences (00:26:05)

So let me give you something else to remember. Fear may be temporary, but the consequences, avoiding conflict, wow, they can be long term.

You might feel a knot in your stomach or some anxiety going through a tough conversation, but once it's done, the fear disappears. On the other hand, avoiding the conversation leads to big problems.

You know, this miscommunication, tension, resentment, fractured relationships that you did not want to fracture, you didn't want to ruin these things, right?

When you push through and you face fear head on, you face conflict head on. You're dealing with the issue before it goes into something unmanageable.

Then the short term discomfort gives away to the long term trust, better communication, stronger teams, all of that. So ask yourself, is it more important to have a little discomfort now or take the chance at a major discomfort down the road?

Courage is Acting in Spite of Fear (00:27:07)

Next piece. Courage is acting in spite of fear. So the truth is, courage isn't the absence of fear. I think people think all the time that if somebody's courageous, it means that fear does not exist. Nope.

Courage is actually doing something in spite of the fear. Every single leader feels fear. Every one of us does. Right?

When you step into conflict, it doesn't matter if you're a leader, doesn't matter if you're a parent child, it doesn't matter who you are.

You're going to feel fear when you step into a conflict. That's normal. But great leaders don't let that fear dictate their actions.

They recognize it, they acknowledge it, they push through it, because they know what's on the other side of that fear is actually worth getting to the other side.

So it really means saying, yeah, this might hurt, this might suck, this might be uncomfortable, but I'm going to do it anyways because it's the right thing to do.

I think I could be totally wrong on this, but I think John Wayne actually had a quote about that. I should.

I should have looked that up, but I believe John Wayne had a quote about that about, you know, being courageous doesn't mean that there isn't fear.

It means that you, you do, you actually step into it. You actually do something about it.

So the more you are courageous, the more you start to see the conflict is actually not something to be afraid of, but it's an opportunity for you to progress and to grow.

So, bottom line is, folks, on fear, fear is going to show up. It'll be there. Anytime there's conflict, you're going to find fear. It's going to be there. It's going to be on the table.

But it doesn't have to control you. Push through it. Start small. Focus on the long term benefits. Remind yourself that this fear is temporary. It's actually going to be gone once we solve this thing.

But if I avoid the conflict, then I'm going to have lasting consequences. So face it. Punch it right in the face. Give it. Give fear a throat punch and move on.

Practical Steps to Get Started (00:29:09)

Next thing, practical steps to getting started.

Acknowledge your Avoidance (00:29:14)

Number one, you must acknowledge your avoidance. The first step. The first step and all of this stuff is getting to a place where you recognize you do avoid conflict. Just figure out how.

What situations do you avoid conflict in? What are your tendencies? All of that stuff, we can fix it, but we can't fix things that we don't admit to if we do not acknowledge where we are and what we do, we can't fix it.

The sooner we can be honest with ourselves and go, yep, I avoid it. I struggle with it. This is how I do it. Whatever it is, the sooner we do that, the sooner we can solve it.

If we recognize that we tend to sweep things under the rug because we don't want to feel uncomfortable, well, then that's the thing that we need to recognize.

This is how I avoid conflict. Seriously, make a list. Write down areas where, you know, you need to step up and handle a situation.

You know, make it simple. Just acknowledge, just make yourself aware. The more you face reality, the easier it's going to be to take action.

So that's number one.

Start with Small, Manageable Conflicts (00:30:25)

Number two, start with small, manageable conflicts. You don't have to dive into the biggest, most complex conflict right away. In fact, it's better if you start small. Get that practice in.

You know, it could be something simple. Jump in, solve the thing.

Use a Structured Approach (00:30:38)

Number three, use a structured approach. Go back to 594, the episode before. You know, one of the main reasons of leaders avoid conflict is because they don't have a clear plan of how to handle the actual conflict, to handle the situation.

But when you get a structured approach, you know, we talked about a template and scripts and the last episode actually, there's a download for it.

Then you actually remove the guesswork. The fear starts to fade.

Recommended Structure: (00:31:10)

So what are the things that I say? Start with fact based, non emotional observation, right? Make sure that it's okay that you're expressing your concerns. You're not blaming, you're not blowing up. Make sure that you're asking open ended questions.

Make sure that you collaborate on solutions. If you stick to these types of things, then you will be amazed at how productive the conversation is.

Prepare Mentally and Emotionally (00:31:36)

Next thing you need to do, you need to prepare mentally and emotionally. So before you step into a tough conversation, take some time mentally and emotionally to prepare.

Get clear on your objective. This is something that I have always done, and I really, really, really spent time in the early days while I was practicing.

This is, I would spend time running through, not the negative self talk, not the tape of going, oh, here's how bad it's gonna be, here's how it's gonna go wrong, and here's how you're gonna screw up.

Getting myself in a place of saying, listen, I don't have to get upset, I don't have to respond in a bad way. I don't have to build myself up. I can be the solution to this.

I can ask quality questions. I can watch it like a movie. Help yourself. Spend time managing your emotions before you get into this conflict.

Right before you get into a conversation, because you know what's going to happen. Conflict does have a tendency to stir up anxiety and frustration.

But if you're staying calm, if you're prepared, if you're watching it like a movie, if you're not in there just pointing fingers and laying down blame, then you will be blown away at how well you handle the conflict.

Focus on Understanding, Not Winning (00:32:51)

Number five, focus on understanding, not on winning. Here is where so many leaders and so many people just go wrong. They walk into conflict thinking it's about winning the conflict or winning the conversation. It is not.

Conflict resolution is about understanding the other person's perspective. It's about finding common ground. That's about leading you them into a place of solving the problems, getting to solution right. You're not going to get there.

If your focus is on proving yourself right or proving them wrong. You're never going to get to a solid fix of the problem.

You're definitely not going to get to any level of buy in from the other person. The goal has to be how can I get to understanding?

How can I help the other person get to understanding? And then how do we get to the best solutions?

That's when the conversation becomes more of a collaborative conversation instead of a combative conversation. So work together to solve the issues.

Follow Up and Maintain Accountability (00:33:55)

Number six, follow up and maintain accountability. Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge. Don't just walk through this.

Have a good conversation, getting to good solution and then you don't follow up and you don't hold the person accountable. You know, make sure you're holding you accountable by holding the other person accountable.

So once it's over, you've agreed on solutions and talked to this stuff on the last episode. Make sure that you follow up. Don't just have a conversation and move on. Don't just check the box.

Don't just assume that because you guys discussed this once, that, and we even agreed on things, that everything is happening the absolute correct way.

It's as simple as stepping in and say, hey, just want to check in on the, the changes we discussed or, you know, hey, how's everything going on your end?

Follow up absolutely reinforces that you are taking the conversation seriously and it really helps them to recognize that they better have taken it seriously as well because you're coming along and making sure that the things you discussed are getting done.

Celebrate Small Wins (00:34:59)

So number seven, celebrate small wins. Celebrate when you handle a tough conversation well. Celebrate it.

Acknowledge that you stepped into discomfort and that you, you faced the issue head on and that you came out with a better understanding, a clear path of how you're gonna handle this in the future or a clear path on just the one conflict.

You know, acknowledge that, celebrate that. That's good to do. It's not gonna be perfect. You're not gonna, you're never going to be perfect, but you're gonna get better every single time.

And here's the deal. If you don't celebrate it, then you will help that fear cycle to kick back in. By celebrating it, you build a more positive behavior for yourself. You build a more positive outcome every single time.

You will be better for it. Your team will be better for it. Help them to celebrate when they've faced conflict and worked through it.

You know, help the person who maybe you're having that conflict conversation with when they do a good job on the solutions and all that. Celebrate it.

Shift Your Mindset: Conflict Equals Opportunity (00:36:06)

Number eight, shift your mindset. Understand. And this is so tough. This is so tough.

Conflict equals opportunity for the person who's looking for it, for the person who recognizes it, for the person who's willing to learn and grow, it's the biggest step you can take. Shifting your mindset.

You start seeing it as an opportunity for you to grow, for you to become better at communicating, for you to build stronger relationships, for the team member or the team to grow in all those areas as well, for your leadership to grow, for your parenting to grow, whatever it is.

If you will look at conflict as that opportunity and you're not just looking at it as, oh, I got to be right, I have to battle.

I have to whatever or fear is not shutting you down, then you can allow yourself to grow. You can take notes, even if they're mental notes.

What I do well, what I not do well, what do I need to change? What do I need to fix? How can I do this better?

The more you do this, the less damage in relationships you're going to experience. But the less you do it, the more unresolved conflict is going to create damage.

So recognize it's an opportunity, work on it, bust your butt, solve this stuff. So the bottom line is, with all of this information, I'm telling you, take action step by step.

If you will do this, you will be blown away at how well you are going to do at overcoming, avoiding conflict conflicts, not your enemy. It's your opportunity to lead better.

It's your opportunity to communicate clear. It's your opportunity to build stronger teams. And folks, you do have what it takes. Just follow these steps and become more confident every single time.

Conclusion (00:38:02)

Well, folks, when you break down conflict resolution into manageable steps and you encourage practicing it, you know, I highly encourage you do role playing with your leaders.

Help your leaders to get better at this. Help your leaders to grow and develop the skills that they need so that they can address conflict head on.

Then what you're going to discover is it's going to reduce the stress, it's going to reduce the conflict, it's going to reduce the fear. It's going to build more confidence.

All the things that we've discussed, you need to do this, but you don't just need to do it for yourself. Help other leaders grow, help your family grow. Help people, your spouse, whoever it is, your kids. Learn how to deal with conflict.

The more you do this, by gosh, the better your business will become. I can promise you this. So I also want to encourage you to right now, write down potential conflicts that you are avoiding.

I want you to think through what are some things that are happening right now? What team member have you not talked to that they screwed something up or they failed on something?

Or maybe you are assuming they're doing something wrong and you haven't gotten in there and discussed it and, you know, discovered and communicated well with it.

Right. Write down the things that you need to go address and then pick the smallest one and get after it. Start this process. Start practicing now.

Additional Resources (00:39:25)

We have more resources. I know, surprise, surprise, we have additional episodes that I would love for you to go and listen to, episode 420, which is confrontation, conflict and control.

This is where we discuss boundaries with confrontation and when to engage in a healthy way and when to hold your peace.

All that kind of fun stuff. That's episode 420.

Episode 312. Kill Conflict without killing your relationship this is where we talk about how conflict is in every relationship, how to deal with it, how to keep it from damaging relationships, and how to grow through it.

So, folks, hopefully this has been a powerful couple of episodes, a powerful series for you.

I really hope that you are taking these things using these tools, download the template and the scripts and use these things.

Put these things into place so that you can grow as a leader, so that you can grow as a parent, as a friend, as a family member, whatever it is, as a business owner.

Take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.