Your best team member probably didn't leave the day they handed you their resignation.
They may have left months earlier.
They kept showing up, they kept doing good work, maybe even stopped complaining, so you thought everything was fine.
The resignation letter tells you when they're leaving.
It doesn't necessarily tell you when you lost them.
Not Every Resignation Is a Leadership Failure (00:28)
Welcome to the Chris LoCurto Show, where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.
Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are.
Today we are talking about why some of your best team members may be leaving.
And as it happens, most of the time, a business owner or a leader, when they lose somebody good, usually has the thought, I had no idea that they were unhappy.
You know, it is typically after a good team member resigns that a leader will say, Man, I didn't see this coming.
They never said anything. I thought they were happy.
They must have gotten a better offer. Why didn't they tell me?
And the important nuance here is that not every resignation is a leadership failure.
People leave for legitimate reasons, better opportunities, more money, life changes, a role that they feel like they've outgrown, maybe a company that's no longer the right fit.
There have been many conversations that I've had with leaders and business owners that assumed one thing only to find out that the reason that somebody resigned was a completely different reason.
I can tell you we had a situation decades ago where we had folks that were getting paid more through a profit sharing program, and their personality style was one that was a super high detail, super analytical, somebody who loves consistency.
And there were people leaving for better pay, but they actually weren't getting better pay. It was actually less money in a year's time.
But they didn't calculate the profit sharing as being something that they could count on because it may show up, it may not, it might be more this month, it might be less next month.
So the consistency of a higher monthly pay became more in line with what they believed or what they needed for their life, even though they were making more money with the profit sharing.
Listen, people have reasons.
How a Good Team Member Slowly Disengages (02:54)
People have reasons. Good employees rarely go from fully committed to gone overnight.
There's always going to be something that is driving their leaving.
So let's think of how a good team member gets here. They usually start out engaged, they care, they want the company to succeed.
They're probably loyal to the company, the leader, the mission statement.
They see a problem, they bring it up, nothing changes. They see the same thing is happening, they bring it up again, still nothing is changing, nothing is happening.
And then eventually something shifts with the team member. They probably stop thinking, how do we fix this?
And they start thinking, Okay, I get it. We don't fix this. This isn't going to change.
And the "I get it" can mean many things. It can mean, again, nothing's changing here.
It can mean my voice doesn't matter. It can mean leadership isn't going to deal with this.
It can mean it doesn't matter how hard I work. I don't see a future here.
It can mean I'm done fighting with this. I can tell you I've had that in my life. I'm sure many of you have as well.
Where you get to a point where you're like, I'm done fighting this process, this problem, this leader, this whatever, and get to a place of forget it. It's not worth it.
I'm somebody who's very loyal to. I'm somebody who's very passionate about life change, but I can tell you this: if something doesn't change and is not going to change, eventually I'm just going to stop beating that drum because it's a waste of time.
This can definitely be something that a team member has been experiencing inside of your team.
So the turning point doesn't have to be dramatic. It doesn't have to look dramatic.
You know, it can be something so simple as another broken promise.
It can be another issue that leadership refuses to address. It can be another conversation where they don't feel heard, right?
They don't have to be right many times, they just need to be heard.
It can be being passed over for a raise, a better role, whatever.
It can be watching poor behavior get tolerated again and again and again. And they keep doing the right behavior, but somebody is getting away with doing the wrong behavior.
It could be any of these things.
The final incident may not even be objectively huge, but it is huge because it confirms a pattern.
Sometimes the thing that causes someone to leave isn't the biggest thing that happened. It's the thing that finally confirmed what they already feared was true.
And that again, we go back to whatever it is. This isn't going to change. I don't have a future here. I'm done fighting this, whatever it is.
So we need to kind of take a look at some of the warning signs that leaders get backwards.
Leaders can get frustrated with a team member who challenges them.
Many times you might see somebody, a good team member or a strong team member that's challenging you on something or challenging one of your leaders, and it becomes a struggle point for that leader.
Why are you challenging me? You know, it might be that there's an ego issue. It might be that they have to be right. It could be anything.
It could be that they just truly believe that what the person is challenging them on is not an issue.
Right? It could be that the good team member raises concerns, asks questions, points out problems, pushes for improvement.
These are all things that a good team member should be doing, right? I mean, you agree with that, correct?
As I lead you with that. Do you agree that they should be doing this? Or do you think they should just, you know, not push back on leadership?
Or not ask questions or not point out problems. If you're listening to this show, then I think you definitely agree with me.
But here's the reframe of this situation. That team member may be communicating to that leader, I still care.
You know, they probably still believe that the conversation can make a difference. They probably still see themselves as part of the solution.
They probably still believe that that leader might actually listen.
So, what in all of this should actually get your attention? Well, it's when the person goes quiet.
It could be that they used to say, What if we did this? Or I don't think this is working, or can we talk about this? Or I think there's a problem.
And now they say, Well, whatever you think, or that's fine. Sounds good. No problem. Whatever you ask.
Don't Mistake Silence for Buy-In (07:37)
Don't confuse silence from a good team member with buy-in. This is especially true with great team members, responsible, high integrity, people who care about the clients.
They don't want to let their team members down. They may be emotionally disengaged and continue performing well.
And that's why you miss it. Their performance may be the last thing to leave, but their voice got quiet.
So here's what I want you to ask yourself: who on your team has gotten quieter.
Well, I hear you, Chris, but they never told me. Why didn't they tell me? If I'd have known, then I would have fixed it. Or my door was always open.
All right, let's challenge that for a second. Maybe they did tell you. Maybe they just didn't say, hey, I'm thinking about quitting.
Maybe they said something like, I'm overwhelmed or I need help. Or we've talked about this before, or why do we keep allowing this thing?
Or I'd like more responsibility in my role, or I don't feel like I'm growing, or I'm frustrated, or this isn't working.
So here's the question I want you to ask. If you've heard any of those from a great team member, what happened when they said it?
Did you listen? Did you ask questions? Did you get defensive? Did you explain why the decision made sense?
Did you minimize it? Did you tell them why they shouldn't feel that way?
Did you promise you'd come back to it? Did you actually come back to it?
The big distinction is that leader remembers, they mentioned that once. The team member remembers, I've tried to tell them four times, 10 times, 20 times, right?
You experienced that as one conversation. They experienced it as a pattern.
Sometimes people tell us they're thinking about leaving long before they ever use the word leave.
And the truth is, so many leaders believe the concept of my door is always open means that it is a safe place for somebody to walk through.
And yet, to many team members, good and great team members, that's not a safe place to walk through. They've tried it, they've talked to that leader.
They've expressed their feelings to that leader. And what did that leader do who? Maybe turned it around on them, maybe minimized it. All those things that we just talked about.
And that makes it where the person just doesn't want to go talk to that leader.
So do yourself a favor. Have the conversation before the resignation. Don't wait for an annual review. Don't wait.
And by the way, we don't even do annual reviews because we're so consistently reviewing our team members.
We work so closely with our team members, we don't even actually do a technical annual review. That review is happening all year long.
So when we do get to their anniversary, the annual review is anything that we've already been talking about. It's very short and it's very sweet, and well it may be sweet.
It may, you know, maybe somebody is messing up. Maybe it's not sweet. But the point is that there's no surprises. Nobody gets to their anniversary and not know how they're doing.
Right. So don't wait for an annual review. Don't wait for a performance issue or a resignation letter for the love. Talk to your good people while things are still good.
Ask your team what's frustrating you right now that I may not know about, or maybe I'm not responding to it.
Ask them what's gotten harder about working here over the last six months.
Ask them, is there anything you've stopped bringing to me because you don't think anything will change?
Ask that question. Be prepared. Be prepared because that may hurt.
Have the Conversation Before the Resignation (11:43)
That may be something that somebody has told you and you have not realized how impactful it's been.
Ask them questions like, what could eventually cause you to leave?
I know that's, in your mind, you're like, well, if I say that, does that set them up? No, it doesn't.
It gives you the ability to discover what might cause them to leave and then decide if you're going to dig in and fix it.
Ask them, do you feel like you're still growing here at this business, on this team, with this leader, with me?
Then when they answer, do yourself and them a massive favor. Don't defend, don't explain, don't correct their experiences, don't panic and offer more money, don't promise on something you can't deliver.
Instead get curious. Say things like tell me more, or help me to understand that, or how long have you felt that way? What am I personally missing? What would better look like?
And caveat here: this isn't about keeping every single person on your team. Some people should move on. Some people outgrow the company. Some people need opportunities that you can't even provide.
The goal isn't zero turnover. The goal isn't to keep everybody. It's to stop unnecessarily losing great people because you weren't paying attention.
Knowing somebody is frustrated doesn't create the problem. It gives you an opportunity to lead it. So lead it.
And while we're talking about taking an honest look at what's happening on your team, I want you to take an honest look at something else. How dependent is your business on you?
Are you still the person everybody comes to for the answers? Are you solving problems your team should be able to solve?
Are decisions consistently coming back to you? And if you stepped away for a week, would your team know how to move forward without you?
We have created a free owner dependency assessment that'll help you see where your business is still relying too heavily on you and where you may need to develop more ownership in your team.
It only takes a few minutes. The link is in the description. Take the assessment, see where you score, and use that as a starting point for what you need to work on next.
The goal isn't to build a business where you're needed for every decision. The goal is to build people who know how to lead when you're not in the room.
So back to this concept of who's gotten quiet. The last thing I want you to be thinking is, crud, who's about to quit? That's fear. That's not where we should live.
What I do want you asking is who on my team have I stopped being curious about?
Look around your team, who's gotten quieter, who stopped bringing ideas, who stopped challenging you, who used to care deeply about something and doesn't seem to anymore.
Who raised an issue you never came back to? And who haven't you had a real conversation with lately?
Pick one person. Not, hey, are you planning on quitting? Have a normal conversation and ask, how are you doing here, really?
And listen, maybe everything is great. Maybe everything is good. But maybe you hear something you didn't know. Maybe there's still some time to lead it. Maybe there's still some time to repair something.
And maybe there's still time to help that person grow. And maybe instead of learning what happened in an exit interview, you learn it while they're still sitting at your table.
Once again, the resignation letter tells you when they're leaving the company. It doesn't necessarily tell you when you lost them.
So stay curious. Pay attention when good people change. Listen when they're still willing to talk. Don't mistake frustration for disloyalty.
And do not mistake silence for happiness.
When a good team member brings you something difficult, don't just hear the complaint. Recognize what it may actually mean. They still care enough to tell you.
Well, folks, that's all the time that we have for today. I hope this helps you make great decisions on engaging your team and making sure that your good and great team members are thriving and not surviving.
As always, take this information, change your leadership, change your business, change your life. And join us on the next episode.
