613 | Taking Back Control from Controlling Team members

Introduction (00:00:00)

In today's episode, we're diving into a challenge that many leaders face but don't always recognize immediately. Controlling behavior in the workplace. That is coming up next.

Welcome to the Chris LoCurto show, where we discuss leadership and life and discover that business is what you do, not who you are.

Welcome to the show, folks. I hope you're having a fabulous day wherever you are.

Today, we're diving into something that I cannot tell you how many leaders, over the decades I've helped to resolve this issue or help them to recognize it and recognize that something needs to be done.

Sometimes it's something that goes on for years, unfortunately, and sometimes people see it quickly and realize, I have to do something, but I don't know what to do.

What are we talking about? We're talking about controlling behavior in the workplace. Even to the extent of manipulative behavior in the workplace.

Those are things that we're going to dig in. So whether it's coming from a team member, whether it's coming from a peer, you know, whether it's coming from leaders themselves, it could be people on your leadership team.

It could be you. So take this into stride as well. Maybe you're doing this.

But no matter where the controlling behavior is coming from, it can absolutely not only damage, but destroy your culture, it can destroy any unity, it can destroy a healthy work environment.

So we're going to explore how to identify it.

We're going to discuss why it's crucial to address it properly and how to lead those, you know, difficult conversations that you're going to have to have, but also setting clear boundaries so that you do this with a leadership mindset, so that you save your culture, you save the health of your work environment, or absolutely increase the health of your work environment.

So let's jump in. So first, key points that we are going to go through, or all the key points that we're going to go through.

Recognizing Controlling Behavior (00:02:09)

The first key point that we're going to discuss is recognizing controlling behavior.

Now, as I talk about this, some of you might only think of extreme things, you know, but what I want you to think about is anything from micromanaging that can absolutely be controlling behavior.

Now, a caveat here, as I usually have caveats, you know, in a team member's first 90 days, I'm wanting that team member to be successful.

So there's a good chance, depending upon the role, that I might have a leader micromanage the process for a while to make sure that they're getting everything that they need.

Now, that micromanaging is not the same thing as what we're talking about here. The negative micromanaging. Did you get that done? What are you doing with that over there? Why are you working on that thing?

Are you sure that that's going to work out the way you think it's going to? You know, all that kind of stuff is not what I'm talking about.

So that is the negative aspect of micromanaging, but that is a very controlling and potentially manipulative behavior. Right?

What about undermining others, you know, or undermining other people's decisions? Man, I'm not so sure. You know, I hear what you're saying, but I don't think that's going to work.

In fact, I think that's going to fail. I think that's a bad idea. I think fill in the blank. Undermining someone's decisions can absolutely be a controlling maneuver. Right?

Because if somebody is making decisions and what, you know, depends on who this is, it could be a peer, it could be a leader, it could be whoever.

Shouldn't we gain perspective about the decision first? Right.

And if we gain quality perspective about the decision and we are being a healthy individual, shouldn't we lead and guide this person to maybe better decisions or maybe they made a great decision?

But when you see that negative undermining, that just consistently shows you that somebody is trying to affect somebody in a negative way. Well, that's control. That's control.

That could be manipulation. It is something that we need to be aware of. What about folks who absolutely monopolize conversations and are always trying to make their decisions? Be the one that, that we go with. Right?

You probably have seen this often where somebody can constantly override in a conversation or constantly cut people off, give their opinions, make their statements, all that kind of junk.

And the whole time you're sitting there going, wow, you should just give this a rest, man. Back off. This is a little too much. But what happens with the leader?

When the leader fails to recognize these controlling habits, and those are just a couple of controlling behaviors, when a leader fails to recognize and do something about it, what happens to your team?

What happens to your culture?

If you're not recognizing and jumping in to solve this, then I can promise you your culture is going to start tanking, at least in the area where this person is affecting things, I can promise you morale is dropping.

Not only is morale dropping because people don't like this person. They don't like being around this type of control.

You know, you might have a decent number of people on on your team that have been affected by this kind of control in their life, it's not okay, right?

So if we don't stop it, if we don't recognize it, if we don't do something, if we don't put in healthy boundaries, then what happens?

It starts affecting everybody around this person. Now, like I said in the beginning, I have had an incredible number of leaders and business owners who have had controlling people like this on their teams, just being ridiculous.

And the leader took way too long to solve it because at first, you know, maybe they're thinking, well, you know, they're being a little rough right now, or maybe there's some struggles, but surely they'll fix this and, you know, yada, yada, yada.

Or another thing that happens a lot of times with leaders is, gosh, this person is so important and vital to me. I don't want to rock the boat.

Or the leader or owner does not recognize the control because they're so busy or. Or they're stuck in the Leadership Crazy Cycle that they don't actually see the control.

Any one of these options, I promise you, is causing the team to lose morale.

Every single time we bust up in one of these situations, I'm talking to the leader saying, you have to do something.

You have to recognize if this person is saying this and this person is doing this, then, then here's what's happening with the team members around that person.

And a lot of times I'll get a leader say, man, I just. I haven't seen that. And I'm like, you're right, you haven't seen it.

Why don't you go start talking to some of the team members, just gaining perspective, you know, not trying to throw this person under the bus, but just go gain some perspective.

You know, that's why I tell people, make sure that you have that meeting where you're talking to everybody on your team to make sure, hey, how am I doing as a leader?

And if you're a leader above a leader, talk to that leader's people and, you know, let that leader know.

I've always told my leaders, at any time, I'm going to talk to your people and ask them, hey, how is, you know, Joe doing here as a leader? How's Frank or Sarah, whatever, how are they doing as a leader?

Because I want to know the truth. I want them to feel confident that they could share. Here's what I'm running into. Here's some struggles I'm having. Right? That's vitally important to your team members.

And it's vitally important to you to make sure that you're keeping your culture safe, that people can feel safe. If they don't feel safe, they will shut down.

You think morale will tank? What about creativity? What about productivity?

You allow somebody to be controlling and manipulative on your team, and what you're going to start to see is you're paying a heck of a lot more money for the productivity that you're getting because it's going to start shutting people down.

Now, what does it look like when somebody does recognize this? Right. What does it look like when a leader does see that something's going on and does something early?

Well, amazingly, you shut down the control. That. That's great. But what you do to your culture, your people. And again, for me, culture comes down to actions and attitudes, right?

That's what makes up a culture. So if I shut down a controlling, manipulative person ahead of time, then what does that communicate to my team?

What does that communicate to my culture? Chris actually cares. Chris is willing to shut down a person to save the culture. Chris is willing to protect us on the team and shut down that controlling behavior.

So where does my morale go? It goes up. Where does my productivity go? It goes up, right? Where does my creativity go? It goes up because they're now not having to deal with this controlling person.

So first thing you have to do, you've got to recognize it. You've got to think about what is controlling behavior, what does it look like, and how do you jump on it as fast as you possibly can.

The Impact of Not Addressing It (00:09:48)

Number two, what happens when you do not address it? What's that impact? Well, many times, and I just shared a little bit about the, you know, the, the morale and the productivity, everything.

But when it goes unchecked, controlling behavior can actually cause an incredible amount of friction, conflict on the team. When you get that type of friction, that type of conflict on a team, what happens to those team members?

Now, if they're just there for a paycheck, which hopefully you don't have that inside of your business. If you do, we gotta talk a lot more. We gotta get to the bottom of that.

If you have people that are just there for a paycheck, they'll probably just stay. They'll just keep doing 50% of what they have to. They'll do the bare minimum to get that paycheck.

But if you have any good people, if you have any champions, if you have quality folks on your team, what you're going to find is that friction and that conflict is going to lead to high turnover because good people, quality people, champions, do not want to stay around that control.

They don't want that in their life.

And they sure as heck don't want to work for a leader who doesn't do anything about it.

So one of the things you're going to find heavy impact is high turnover. Another thing that you can find is that people stay on the team but they burn out.

So you thought they were doing the minimum amount before. Well, now they're barely getting anything done.

They're burnt out, they're frustrated. You know, they're becoming toxic now because they have been, you know, they feel like they haven't been protected.

They feel like they're being treated horribly. No dignity whatsoever with this controlling, potentially manipulative person. And so they end up burning out. They may stay.

So think about this. You don't solve the problem, you don't find out what's going on.

You could end up with a team of people who are just living in conflict, a lot of unresolved conflict, a lot of turnover, or a lot of people staying that just get completely burnt out.

And on top of this, if that's all not enough, and I know a lot of leaders, as I say this, you're going to go, yep, I have done exactly that.

There's a lot of leaders who may even recognize it, but they don't do anything about it because they're afraid. They're afraid if I do something and I lose this person, this person is worth so much to my business.

This person is in a management role. This person is over this thing that's so important. This person is. Fill in the blank. Please listen to me. Trust me on this, okay?

Every single time I have helped a leader get that person out of their business, guess what? The leader discovered that person wasn't doing squat. Every single time.

Every single time I've helped a leader, their big fear on the front side is, Chris, how am I going to take care of all the work that this person is doing?

There's so much I'm going to have to fix. There's so much I'm going to have to do. There's so much. And I go, I promise you, they're not doing anything like you think they're doing.

It's not even remotely close to as much work as you think they're doing. And you're probably going to find out there's a lot of mistakes.

And you're probably going to find out that you know they're doing work somewhere else, you know, they're doing something else while they're on your dime, trust me.

Dig in and find out. Every single time a leader has not avoided it, but actually faced it, what they discovered is that that person wasn't doing squat.

So if you don't do something about it, if you don't confront this, if you're. You're convincing yourself that this person is so incredibly important, then what you're going to find is you're going to allow this toxicity to breed toxicity.

You're going to allow this toxicity to cause you to lose champions. You're going to allow this toxicity to affect your reputation.

If people start talking about man, you're not going to believe how much of a pain in the butt it is to work over there. I know this.

I have team members from companies that have come, you know, they might. They're part of a company now, and they're like, man, I left this other company because of this, this, and this.

It's like, well, why are you in this one? Because they treat people well, they have a great culture, they're nice.

And when you hear that, you know that unfortunately at the other business that this person came from, it's either a really crappy, controlling leader themselves or it's a leader who's afraid to address stuff, a leader who's not doing something about it.

Addressing Controlling Behavior with Boundaries and Tough Conversations (00:14:39)

So number three, addressing controlling behavior with boundaries and with tough conversations, which is so incredibly important. Right? So it is very important that you learn how and you set healthy boundaries. Not just boundaries.

I say there's walls, boundaries and healthy boundaries. Walls are the things that you put up to protect yourself, and then nobody gets in,

Nobody healthy gets in, and you're stuck there by yourself, which is very toxic in itself, right? It's not good for us to just be alone with our own thoughts for any decent period of time. Right?

We need healthy people in our lives. We need healthy interaction. So walls don't work. They don't work. You think they're saving you, they're actually not saving you.

Boundaries are things that people try to put up, but they're not healthy. So toxic people just destroy them and get to them anyways. Healthy boundaries are, I will put you at a distance.

And if I have to move, I will leave, I will move, I will go somewhere else. But this boundary is with this unhealthy person. It's not with all the healthy people around me.

So these folks can get to me, but this person or these toxic peoples cannot. You have got to learn how to put in Healthy boundaries, especially to correct controlling behavior.

You've got to do this whether you're a peer, if you're just a team member in your mind. But Chris, I'm just a team member.

So what? You're a human being. You deserve to be treated with dignity. You deserve to have healthy boundaries. Right?

So if you're a team member, if you're a leader, if you're an owner, you've got to make sure that you're putting healthy boundaries in place to stop the toxic controlling behavior.

So how do you, as a leader approach these types of conversations? Well, you do it with clarity, you do it with confidence.

You do it with focusing on the behavior rather than the content or attacking the person. What am I saying?

So often when somebody tries to have a tough conversation with a controlling person, realize that they're experts at this.

They've done this a bajillion times before. So many times when a leader tries to have a tough conversation with a controlling person, they get caught up in the content of the discussion.

So what happens is a controlling person understands they can run you ragged with their words. And if you are emotionally handcuffed to what they're saying, then you're going to consistently defend and respond to what they're saying.

Don't do that. We have a saying here around our place. Watch it like a movie. You know what this person's going to do. You know what they're going to say. You know what they're going to, how they're going to act.

You know how they're going to try and control things. Remove yourself and don't get emotionally handcuffed to what they say. Instead of focusing on the content, focus on what they're doing.

What are they trying to do? What are they trying to accomplish?

So, you know, for example, if you're. If you're talking to somebody and. And they start throwing somebody under the bus, they might throw you under the bus.

Right? You're pushing back on them. Hey, I've noticed that you often overstep when decisions are made. You know, you're. You overstep when, you know, people are trying to give input and you put your input in there, right.

That you don't allow people to be able to make decisions or you don't allow people to, you know, share their thoughts on stuff or whatever. Right?

Let's say that somebody's doing that and you're, you're trying to say, hey, let's talk about how we can create space for everyone to contribute. So that's a great way to lead that person.

If they can receive that fantastic. Then you did something that was fantastic. You didn't battle something they're saying. You're saying, hey, this is something I'm recognizing you doing. How about we do this?

That's fantastic. That's a great way of addressing it. But what happens when they fire back on that?

What happens when they don't receive that? Well, I would totally do that, except the problem is, is Tony over here never allows that to happen. And then you start responding to what they're saying instead.

Don't respond to, well, Tony is the problem. Right. Once you do that, you're now going to go on a rabbit trail 500 miles the other direction. Their goal is to get you away from getting them to take responsibility.

Let me say that again. Their goal is to get you to not get them to take responsibility. So instead, you've got to listen to what they're saying, but recognize what they're doing.

Don't stay only focused on the content. Recognize what they're trying to do. You just ask them, hey, how can we create space for everybody to contribute to this conversation or this decision or whatever?

Obviously, I'm not talking about, you know, decisions by consensus.

I'm just saying how do we allow room for people to speak into things, help out with decision making, all that kind of fun stuff? And then they go, well, it's Tony's fault.

What you need to do is see that what they totally did is say, sidestepped your attempt at getting them to take responsibility, stop talking in certain situations and allow people to talk. And they sidestepped it by throwing somebody else under the bus.

If you go after the Tony conversation, you're lost. You will go, 30 minutes, you will end the meeting and go, I don't even think we got to the things that I wanted to talk about.

That's where you have to recognize it is important for you to pull them back. Hey, I noticed that, you know, it appears as though you're throwing Tony under the bus. And, you know, if there's a situation with Tony, we can get to that later.

But right now, we're talking about you. We're talking about you overstepping. We're talking about you cutting in when people are trying to make decisions and only giving your input.

So once again, how can we create that space for everybody to contribute? And what you've done at this point is you've pulled them back to the main thing.

Now, a expert manipulator is not going to stay there long. They're going to try another attempt and another attempt and another attempt to get you away from them taking responsibility.

They already know you, they've studied you, they study people and they're realizing what they can do to get you to, you know, go after the battle, right, have to defend yourself.

They might throw you under the bus, you know, to get you to have to fight for this thing. And as long as you keep responding, then you're in that specific battle that they want. And now you're just frustrated and you're feeling like you can't think clearly.

Why is this even a discussion? Why is this happening? Because you allowed it. Don't get stuck on the content. Don't get emotionally handcuffed to what they're saying.

Focus on what they're trying to do and then start setting clear boundaries. Hey, here's what we need to do in this conversation. I'm trying to discuss you right now. I'm trying to discuss options of things that you can do. So let me be very clear about this.

What I'm telling you is I don't want you overriding people's decisions anymore. That is not your role. Your role is to do this. Your job is to do this.

If you have an issue, then you can ask quality perspective gathering questions. Not demean somebody through question asking, but ask quality questions. You can be a part of the process.

But I'm telling you right now and I'm letting you know that this is a warning. Setting clear boundaries, healthy boundaries, putting everything in place.

I'm letting you know and this is a warning. If you continue this action, then I'm going to have to write you up. I'm going to have to do consequence, fill in the consequence, whatever it is.

So what am I saying to you? I want you to repeat back to me what you're hearing, get them to repeat back, get them to tell you what you're expecting of them.

You can even say, so what are my expectations of you when it comes to these situations? Do whatever you need to to set the healthy boundary and get clarity.

And then after you've done all of this, you have to hold them accountable when they cross the boundaries. If they cross a boundary, you have to be done with it. You have to jump on it, solve the problem, give them a consequence.

You have to. And by the way, for me, what I will do a lot of times is I will send an email after a meeting like that to say in summary, here's what we discussed. This, this, this and this. Do you agree?

And have them respond back because what's going to happen is two weeks from now, when they go back to their old ways and you jump in, they're going to say, well, you didn't say that.

That's not what you said. Well, I didn't hear that. Well, I don't remember that. They're going to do everything they can to shirk responsibility, make them take responsibility.

Next-Level Leadership LIVE Event 2025 (00:24:20)

Folks, as we go through this, and I know that this is a lot of you are absolutely relating to this. You've experienced this before, you may be experiencing it right now.

A lot of this stuff just feels like, you know, and your role feels like a heavy weight on your shoulders that you're, you're overwhelmed, you love what you're doing, you love your business, you love your team.

If you're a leader or business owner, you enjoy this stuff. But right now it can feel really overwhelming with all the responsibilities that you have. Here's what I need you to know.

The Next-Level Leadership LIVE Event is coming up and it is absolutely built for you.

It's happening April 2nd through the 4th, 2025, and it is absolutely packed with tools, with strategies and things that you need to lead your business with confidence and most importantly, get your life back.

Listen, leading a business or leading a team shouldn't mean that you're the busiest person in the room, right? You deserve to step back and trust your team and still see the business thrive.

At this event, we're going to show you exactly how to make that happen. You're going to learn how to lead smarter, not harder. You're going to learn how to give your team the tools to step up so you don't have to do everything.

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You don't need to sacrifice your personal life to lead your team or lead a business. On top of this with a bajillion other things that we're gonna teach you.

A lot of stuff that we're gonna teach you that's just gonna help you as a leader and grow you as a leader and help you to lead your team or business to success.

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Responding as a Leader, Not Reacting as an Individual (00:27:50)

All right, moving on to number four. Respond as a leader. Don't react as an individual.

So once again, as I talked about being emotionally handcuffed, right? Or think about it as being defensive to something that's going on.

Well, then you're acting as an individual. If you respond as a leader, you stay calm, you stay composed, you have an objective mindset. Then you can start responding with tools instead of your emotion.

So many times leaders have responded with emotion. I've had so many leaders that are like, man, so and so did this, and, you know, it's messing this up or it's affecting this over here. And I'm like, well, what did you do about it?

Well, I just got pissed off because I couldn't believe they were doing that. And I said this, and then they fired back on me with this thing over here. I just couldn't believe they had the gall to do that.

And what I hear is a lot of leaders, and we've all done it. We're all guilty of it, right? A lot of leaders get so emotionally attached to the response that they're blown away that the person responded that way.

How could they even respond this way, Right? And then they get defensive, and all you've done is you've emboldened this person.

Because the truth is, a truly controlling and manipulative person, maybe even narcissistic person, gains power from you being out of control.

In their mind, they have gained power because you're now out of control. So instead, you need to stay in control.

Use the tools I just shared with you about, you know, making sure that you're, you know, watching it like a movie, making sure that you're not focusing on the content.

When you can do this, you can offer, you know, contrasting scenarios to what they've experienced so many times. You don't want to respond the way that causes them to believe that they are in control.

So if you can use the tools, stay calm, stay collected, respond clearly, respond with responsibility, all these things. Then they see that you're keeping in control.

They only have two options. They're either gonna double down, which may happen, but if you're doing a good job staying in control, just let them.

Let them double down. And what you're gonna find is they're gonna put themselves in a really horrible situation at this point. They're gonna start saying things that they're really going to regret, right?

So if they double down, that's just gonna actually. Believe it or not. I know that sounds like conflict. Oh, my gosh, it's going to get worse. Allow it to happen. And you stay calm. Keep your voice low, stay calm.

And then respond to the. Okay, this has now become so unacceptable. Your attitude is now so unacceptable that I'm going to warn you to take caution.

You should take caution right now with your attitude, because you're about to get fired.

The way that you're acting right now, obviously make sure that they're in that place where they've put themselves in a position where they can get fired, because they have just gone above and beyond with their, their attitude. Right?

So make sure if you're staying calm, then you can watch that happen. You can see it happen, and then you can resolve the issue because you get a chance to put them back, back in their place.

I'm-- I'm going to caution you right now. Take caution with your attitude. Take caution with your words, because you're getting dangerously close to being fired. So I just want to give you a second to take a breath.

I want to give you a second to calm down. You choose where we go from here, and you will be amazed at how somebody will settle down immediately. So that's one route they could go.

They could double down. But if they see you being calm and they see you being collected and clear, putting healthy boundaries in place. There's also a really good chance that they're going to go, oh, crud, I may step over the line.

That's not a good place to be. And then they back down, which allows you to resolve the issue, right?

So once you get them in that place, they're either going to be in a place where they're about to get fired, let them know that they will calm down, or, though, I mean, an extreme person might just quit, problem solved, right?

Anybody who's willing to ratchet it up to that point, that they just quit, you don't want that person on your team anyways.

I'm not saying you want this person on your team, period. But what you're doing is you're building this case and you're building this situation where you're not the one losing your head.

And it allows you to stay calm and clear, put in healthy boundaries, and then put in healthy consequences so that they know if they continue this stuff, bad stuff's going to happen. Right?

When you do this, you can resolve the issue in a way that not only benefits that person, benefits you, but it benefits the team, it benefits the organization.

It will start to shut that. It should hopefully start to shut that person down. If they are reasonable at all, it'll start to shut them down. And then again, what do you have to do?

You have to hold them accountable. You have to be watching. And if they respond badly, hold them accountable. Shut it down.

Developing the Skill Set to Lead Difficult Conversations (00:33:18)

Number five, you have to develop a skill set to lead difficult conversations.

This is tough because so many leaders, we have a lot of folks who just hate conflict, right? But truthfully, there's practical steps that help you to build confidence and, and help you to build the skill that you need to lead the tough conversations effectively.

So what are some things that you can do? This sounds silly and it drives. I get it. I understand. Because the first time I did this, you know, decades ago, I'm with you, I was like, this is really silly.

But I'm over that. I'm well over that. Role playing, difficult conversations with people can absolutely set you up for success.

Seek feedback, practice what it's like to also have, you know, an assertive communication technique as well, where you need to put in strong, healthy boundaries or shut something down.

But role play, get over your fear of looking stupid, sounding stupid, any of that stuff. Put yourself in a situation with somebody you feel very comfortable with that can also act like the person that's being out of control or the person that's being controlling, right?

For those of you that have come to the next level leadership Live event, you've seen us do this stuff on stage, and then all of a sudden you have this confidence where you're like, I could totally do that.

Now I know. Now I can see that's what I need to be doing. So listen, I know it sounds goofy. It's gonna feel awkward the first maybe two, three times you do this, but you will get to a point where you're like, oh, wow, I'm getting tools.

I'm getting skills here. Wow. Now I know how to say, you know what to say to this. Wow, I know how to respond to this.

And a great thing is, is if you can have somebody who can respond pretty harshly, you know, that's one of the things that we've had, we have practiced over the years.

How do we respond? Like that, super controlling person. So now we know this is what they do, this is what they say.

So if we're role playing with a leader or something like that, or even a team member, then we're able to be that for them. We're able to be that person for them, which really strengthens the other person.

So if you can get out of your fear, embarrassment, concern for looking and sounding stupid and have a growth mindset, then you can help yourself understand how to have these types of tough conversations or even confrontations.

When you learn that, or let's say you're even on the front side, you've done it maybe once, maybe twice. Start looking at every single potential tough conversation as an opportunity to strengthen your leadership.

Instead of it being an obstacle or instead of it being something that's going to affect your pride, right? Leaders with leaders.

Take a look at this role playing as an opportunity for your team members to have a growth mindset and overcome, you know, obstacles and conversations for them to be strong, for them to grow, utilize it.

Yes, it may seem silly, but when somebody starts to respond as, oh, this is silly, or whatever, just say, knock it off, Jump in here and do this. Let's go. We can do this. It's not. We're all doing it. It's not silly.

This is actually gonna help us get it done a couple of times and you'll be blown away at how much people actually really enjoy it, because what they've learned in the process.

Developing the Skill Set to Lead Difficult Conversations (00:37:02)

Number six, you have to establish a culture that reduces controlling behavior.

This one is a tough one. All of these are tough, obviously. But listen, if any of these things were easy, everybody'd be Doing it right. That's why you're following this show, because you realize that you have the strength to do these things, right?

You realize that you want things to change. So here's something you have to do. If you want a healthy workplace, if you want a healthy culture, then you need a culture, actions and attitudes that discourage controlling behavior.

You need a culture that promotes collaboration, promotes trust, mutual respect. These are things that need to be promoted in a culture, right?

So one of the things you have to do is you have to work within your culture to create open communication where everybody's input is valid.

Get in the meetings, get in the discussions, talk about how important it is to have everybody heard. If you see somebody being controlling, shut it down in the meeting.

You know, don't be a jerk, don't steamroll them. But instead say, hey, I hear your input there. Thank you for giving that. Let's do this. Let's give everybody an opportunity to jump in.

Because I want to hear. I want to tax the collective intelligence here, and I want to hear everybody's input. I want to hear what you have to say, right? And get everybody to speak up, who wants to speak up.

And you might have to push some people, right? The key is that if you're not working hard on showing people that they can trust, that there's open communication, that they can trust that their input is valid, then they'll just shut down.

But if you can help them to see that it is, then you can naturally reduce the tendency for any one person to be out of control or try to control the situations, right?

But you've got to practice it. You've got to be in there, You've got to be with your team having these types of conversations. When you do this, what tends to happen is that controlling person realizes that they're not going to be able to get away with this.

When the controlling person starts to back down, then what you'll find is the other team members can feel safe enough to speak up.

Now, ultimately, would it be great to get the controlling person off of your team if they stay controlling? Abso-stinking-lutely, yeah. You need to. Right?

This is why we work the process. This is why we put in healthy boundaries. This is why we give them consequences if they continue. But you also might be able to save that person.

You might be able to save them, though. They might turn into a champion and you might have a great culture because of it.

It might impact the overall team dynamics in a very healthy and positive way. So we've got to Be leaders. Leader, you gotta lead. Leaders gotta lead. You gotta step up.

You gotta do the right things on the front side. Shut control down, shut manipulation down. Right?

And again, make sure that it's actually somebody being controlling, not just somebody who's given an opinion. Not everybody who's given an opinion is trying to be controlling.

Make sure it's somebody who's, you know, definitely being controlling. Go by the signs and then shut it down.

As you lead this, you will protect your culture and you can show your team that they can feel valued and that it's okay to be vulnerable in certain situations. Right?

That they can share their input and give ideas. And that's going to help you to get to the best decision making possible with your team.

So be reaffirming. Make sure that you're addressing controlling behavior. Make sure that you understand that it's, you know, get it in your head that this is essential for thriving.

This is essential for a collaborative workplace. Recognize the behavior early. Recognize it often. Set clear boundaries. Lead through tough conversations.

Lead your team to have growth mindset. Do everything you can to resolve the situations effectively. So here's what I want you to do.

I want you to spend some time reflecting on controlling behaviors that you've noticed within your own team. And then I want you to, you know, write those down things that you truly believe.

Man, these are controlling situations that have happened. Take some time, guys. This is growth mindset. This is going to grow your leadership right now.

Take some time to do that and then take some time to write down what some proactive steps would be and addressing those situations. Right?

When you do that, you may find out that you have some people that need to be addressed, even right now that you can go and practice literally what I'm saying on this episode right now.

Additional Resources (00:42:03)

So some things I'd love for you to do as well is I want you to go back on a couple of episodes with related topics like managing toxic relationships so that you can get some deeper insights.

So Episode 97 - Signs of a Controlling Leader, which is where you're going to see whether or not you might be a controlling leader or not. Right?

It also helps you to recognize other controlling leaders on your team, people who work under you, all that kind of fun stuff. So it's a powerful episode to help you recognize control in leadership.

Also, Episode 531 - 3 Rules For “Control Freak” Leaders.

This is where we discuss how all of us wrestle with control, or at least, you know, on some level. And before you know it, we can start to lose control. So in this episode, we navigate the three rules for control freak leaders.

Well, folks, hopefully all of this has helped you today. This is all great stuff to help you get further along in your leadership. I'm telling you, you need to get yourself to the Next-Level Leadership LIVE Event.

It will blow you away.

There are so many things that are going to help you, literally right where you are, to overcome stressors, to overcome things that you may not understand how to handle, to help you get into a community that is supportive and helping you grow.

So get yourself to the Next Level Leadership LIVE Event. Well, folks, that's all the time we have for today. As always, take this information check.

Change your leadership, change your business, change your life, and join us on the next episode.